Divided Loyalties

by Patricia Scanlan

  Her heart began to race as the sea disappeared and fields, roads and houses came into clear focus. She could see lanes of traffic streaming in towards the city in the morning rush hour. To the drivers, hers was just another plane coming in to land, but she was coming home and her heart was singing.

  Chloe was asleep and she wanted badly to wake her and have her share her sense of excitement. But Ireland wasn’t home to Chloe, Shauna thought with a sudden jolt. Home to Chloe was a hot, humid country carved out of desert and Ireland was a place to go for a couple of months for the summer holidays. How awful! she thought in dismay and tried not to let the realization burst her bubble of excitement.

  Filomena was flicking through Hello! unaware of her employer’s mixed emotions. Poor Filomena, she was far from home too. Why would she be excited landing in a foreign country? She was going home to the Philippines for a month in August, and Shauna was going to make sure to give her an extra generous bonus, she decided, as the wings seemed to dip and waver and the ground got closer and closer. They landed in a blur of green, the wheels hitting the runway with a slight thud.

  I’m home, I’m home, she thought, exhilarated, and closed her eyes, savouring the moment as the brakes eventually slowed the airliner to a gradual crawl. The trees looked impossibly green, the fields and surrounding grassland lush and rich after the parched thin grass back in the Emirates.

  How ordinary everyone looked compared to the richly robed Arabs and veiled Muslim women who had thronged Abu Dhabi airport, she noted, as she emerged from the jetway and began the long walk to Passport Control followed by a yawning Filomena and a cross, tired Chloe.

  ‘It’s very cold here, Mom, I’m freezing,’ her daughter complained.

  ‘Put your cardigan on. Filomena, can you give her a hand, please?’ Shauna instructed as she keyed in her pin number and waited for her phone to connect to the network. A text message came up and she smiled, seeing that it was from Carrie. Welcome home c u in a few minutes, it said, and she knew that Carrie was outside in Arrivals.

  It was another twenty-five minutes before they cleared immigration and collected their luggage and she was in a fever of impatience as she manoeuvred her loaded trolley through the big glass doors out to the meeting area.

  ‘Shauna!’ She heard Carrie’s call and turned to see her sister at the barrier, waving madly and smiling broadly. Leaving the trolley where it was she ran to her and they hugged tightly.

  ‘Told you the time would fly.’ Carrie drew away from her and turned to cuddle Chloe.

  ‘Where are my cousins?’ she asked excitedly.

  ‘I came by myself,’ Carrie said lightly as she turned to hug Filomena.

  ‘Aw, I wanted to see them,’ pouted Chloe.

  ‘You will. You’ve the whole summer ahead of you.’ Shauna tried not to give in to irritability.

  ‘Right, let’s go. Follow me,’ Carrie instructed crisply as they emerged into a fresh, easterly breeze. Shauna stood inhaling the heavy, salty air. ‘Gorgeous,’ she breathed. ‘Gorgeous! It smells like home.’

  Filomena shivered and zipped up her fleece.

  ‘I slept for a week after I got home.’ Carrie laughed. ‘The air’s just so rich on the coast.’

  ‘I’ll probably sleep for a month. I’m knackered. I couldn’t sleep on the flight. I was sitting beside this fat lump who smelt of garlic and farted and snored his way through the flight. It was a nightmare.’ Shauna grimaced as they crossed to the pay machines and car park.

  ‘Yeah, it was gross.’ Chloe wrinkled her nose at the memory.

  ‘You’re here now and you’re going to have a good breakfast, have a shower and tumble into bed. The house is aired, the heating is on like you asked, the fridge and freezer are stocked, and you’ve nothing to do except fall into bed,’ Carrie said.

  ‘Thanks a million, Carrie.’ Shauna yawned so hard she nearly dislocated her jaw.

  ‘I brought the station wagon, I figured you’d have a load of luggage.’ Carrie grinned.

  ‘You know me, I can never travel light,’ Shauna reminded her. ‘And Miss Chloe’s as bad. We have five dolls in the case and their wardrobes.’

  ‘The bad news is that we’re in outer Siberia. I could only get parking in Block C. It’s crazy. So we’ve a bit of a trek, sorry about that.’

  ‘No problem, the walk will do us good. How’s everyone? How’s Dad?’

  ‘Good form; looking forward to seeing you,’ Carrie said as she led them to the lift. Ten minutes later they were through the exit barrier.

  ‘At least we’re going against the traffic,’ Carrie remarked as they slid into the lane heading for Malahide.

  ‘Look at the traffic jam on the other side. I wouldn’t like to be commuting into the city to work,’ Shauna observed, settling back for the journey home, glad that she didn’t have to negotiate the traffic and the roundabouts. It was great being picked up at the airport. Carrie was always really good about making sure to be there to welcome her home.

  ‘That’s Dad’s car,’ she exclaimed twenty minutes later as Carrie pulled into the drive.

  ‘He wanted to see you. But there wouldn’t have been enough room for all of us and the luggage so he’s got the kettle on,’ Carrie explained as she pulled up the handbrake. The front door opened and Olivia, Davey and Hannah shot out, followed by Noel, who stood squinting in the sunlight, a tea towel over his shoulder.

  ‘He’s got stooped,’ Shauna observed, taken aback by the first sight of her father. ‘When I was young he always seemed so . . . so imposing. Strange, isn’t it?’ she murmured, unable to quell the myriad emotions she felt at the sight of him. There were still resentments and hurts but she was conscious of a feeling akin to affection that certainly wouldn’t have been there before. The fact that he’d written a letter of reconciliation to Bobby had softened her feelings towards him and she was able to hold out her arms to him with a warmth that had been sadly lacking in their relationship over the years.

  ‘Hello, Dad. Thanks for coming out to the house,’ she said, kissing his wrinkled, liver-spotted cheek. He really was starting to show his age, she thought with a sense of dismay.

  ‘Welcome home, Shauna. I’ve a breakfast cooked for us all,’ Noel said proudly, patting her awkwardly on the arm.

  ‘A fry-up?’ she asked hopefully, smiling into his faded grey eyes.

  ‘What else for someone who hasn’t had a decent rasher and sausage in months?’ he chuckled. ‘Where’s my girl?’ He turned to Chloe, who was surrounded by her excited cousins.

  ‘Hello, Grandpa. We’ve got presents for you.’ She wrapped her arms round him.

  ‘Well, look at you. Haven’t you got big?’ Noel hugged her back, beaming down at her. ‘Thanks very much for the lovely shirt you sent home with Carrie. I was delighted with it. Come on in now, I’ve made your favourite thing.’

  ‘Fried brown bread?’ Her eyes lit up; she was starving.

  ‘Fried brown bread,’ her grandfather assured her. ‘Especially for you.’

  ‘Did you hear that, Mom? Grandpa made fried brown bread ’specially for me!’ Chloe was chuffed. She loved being centre stage.

  ‘We’re getting some too.’ Olivia was a tad miffed at the fuss Noel was making of Chloe.

  ‘There’s fried brown bread for everyone,’ Carrie said firmly, ushering her brood in before her.

  ‘Dad’s great at cooking breakfast but he certainly leaves a fine mess,’ Carrie murmured to Shauna an hour later as she filled the dishwasher.

  ‘I know, but it was so tasty. I really enjoyed it.’ Shauna handed her the greasy grill pan. ‘Those rashers and sausages were to die for.’

  ‘Well, I’ve left a lasagne in the fridge for you. You can have it with a side salad tonight, it will save you cooking.’ Carrie slotted in the last mug, closed the door and set the cycle.

  ‘You’re so good to me, Carrie,’ Shauna said gratefully.

  ‘It works both ways.’ Carrie shrugged. ‘I really enjoyed our holiday at Easter. It was
good for me. I was in a bit of a rut before I went out, to be honest. It made me get off my ass and do something different. You’ll find out what I’m up to tomorrow. I’ve a surprise for you.’ Her eyes danced in her tanned face.

  ‘Tell me. Come on, don’t be mean. What are you up to?’ Shauna demanded.

  ‘You’ll see when you come up to us. Patience,’ Carrie said tantalizingly.

  ‘Aw, Carrie,’ Shauna protested. ‘That’s not fair.’

  ‘Go to bed. Have a good sleep, drive over to us tomorrow and all will be revealed,’ her sister teased.

  ‘Meanie,’ Shauna retorted, intrigued. She yawned. ‘God, I’m bushed. I’m going to hit the sack.’

  ‘You do that. We’ll go now. Ring me when you wake up. Come on, you lot,’ she called to her gang, who were upstairs in the Aladdin’s cave of toys that was Chloe’s bedroom.

  ‘Dad, thanks for a great breakfast. I’m going to go to bed now. I’ll drive over to Whiteshells Bay tomorrow.’ Shauna went into the lounge where Noel was reading the paper and gave her father a peck on the cheek.

  ‘You have a good sleep for yourself. You look very tired,’ her father advised as he slipped into his jacket.

  Olivia, Chloe, Hannah and Davey clattered down the stairs, all talking at the same time. Noisy chaos ensued as goodbyes were said and then her family was gone and a sudden peace descended on the house.

  ‘Let’s have our showers and go to bed,’ Shauna said tiredly, her energy dipping all of a sudden.

  ‘Come on, Chloe,’ Filomena said firmly.

  ‘Do I have to get my hair washed?’ Chloe scowled.

  ‘No. Just have a little bath if you prefer, to freshen you up after travelling,’ Shauna urged.

  ‘OK, Mom.’ Her daughter was too tired to argue and she followed the au pair up the stairs. Twenty minutes later, clean and sweet-smelling, she was fast asleep. Shauna closed her bedroom door slightly to try to shut out the sunlight that was spilling in from the landing.

  It was a relief to stretch out in the big king-sized bed and feel the Egyptian cotton sheets cool against her skin. The ordeal of travelling home was over. She had three months to relax and wind down. Three months to share with Carrie and the family, a trip to Paris with Greg, and hopefully, with luck and the grace of God, she might even be pregnant by the time she was going back to Abu Dhabi.

  She sighed. This was the last time she’d get to spend three months of the summer at home. Chloe would be starting school in September; all holidays would revolve around her schooling in the future.

  Still, that was for another day. She was home, she was happy and she was very tired. Shauna turned onto her tummy and buried her head under her pillow. Filomena padded across the landing and closed the door to her room. Chloe was asleep. She’d sent Greg a text to let him know they were home, and that she’d call him later. She’d done all she had to do. Her eyelids drooped and she snuggled into her bed contentedly.

  The doorbell shrilled.

  Shauna jerked awake. ‘Bloody hell,’ she muttered, shooting up in the bed.

  ‘I’ll get it, ma’am.’ Filomena appeared at her door moments later, black hair tousled, tying a dressing gown round her.

  ‘Just tell whoever it is that I’m in bed. If they wake Chloe I’ll burst them,’ Shauna said crossly.

  She heard Filomena hurry down the stairs and open the front door. There was a low murmur of voices and then she heard the door close.

  ‘Who was it?’ She ran her fingers through her hair, annoyed at having been jerked out of her dozy lethargy.

  ‘Mrs next door, ma’am. I said you were asleep and she said that she would see you later.’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake! They wouldn’t give you a minute,’ Shauna snapped irritably. ‘She knows we’ve come in on the midnight flight. They’ll all be knocking at the door today and tomorrow. Well, I don’t care who else knocks, Filomena, don’t answer it. Let’s try and get some sleep. Thanks for all your help.’

  ‘You’re welcome, ma’am,’ Filomena said with her usual good humour and closed the bedroom door gently.

  Shauna lay back down. She liked her neighbours but sometimes they could be a little demanding. They’d all be wanting to talk to her and tell her the news and gossip and she’d spend the next two weeks making coffee for a stream of visitors. Sometimes she felt that she was their ‘summer entertainment’. When Greg was home there’d be barbecues every weekend, and dinners and lunches in between. It could all be slightly wearing, and of course Della and co. would be visiting constantly. Her heart sank. Della!

  She’d phoned, very put out when Carrie had arrived home without the silks and spices she’d ordered, and instructed Shauna to make sure to bring them home in the summer. Shauna had been raging at her cheek, and had determined that she wasn’t in any circumstances going to go out of her way to buy the required items for her sister-in-law.

  The week before she came home she’d chickened out and bought some material. She couldn’t find the shade Della was looking for so she’d bought some royal blue. If her detested sister-in-law didn’t like it she could lump it!

  Shauna’d forgotten all about these aspects of coming home in the excitement of actually arriving and seeing Carrie and the gang. Her feel-good bubble began to evaporate. She felt a surge of annoyance with her next-door neighbour for reminding her of the ‘arrival home negatives’ as she called them. Anyone with a bit of cop-on would know that she’d be exhausted after the long journey. And she certainly wasn’t going to entertain any visitors this evening, she decided drowsily as fatigue overtook her and she finally fell asleep.

  28

  Carrie hummed to herself as she drove along the M1, trying to block out the sounds of Britney, who was playing on the CD player. There’d been a row between Olivia and Davey about what to listen to, with Davey insisting on Green Day. She’d solved that one by letting Davey listen to his CD on the way out. It was now Olivia’s turn to listen to her absolute favourite. Britney was cool, according to her daughter. When the squabble had got particularly fraught she’d threatened them both with Hannah’s nursery rhyme CD.

  It was great having Shauna home. She was looking forward to a few girls’ nights out with her and Sadie. And she was really looking forward to seeing Shauna’s face when she showed off her new enterprise.

  Carrie’s face split in a broad grin. So much had happened since her holiday in the spring. She was now the proud owner of a small caravan park. It had been extremely hard not telling Shauna about it but she’d wanted to surprise her. It had all happened so quickly she was finding it hard to believe herself.

  This would be her first season; she was two-thirds booked out and had high hopes of having one hundred per cent occupancy for the high season. Was she mad, she wondered, going into a demanding business that would take over her whole summer? And saddling herself with a fairly hefty bank loan to boot?

  She’d give it a whirl for a year, she’d told Dan when he’d pointed out that her work load was going to be trebled and he’d be too tied up with his own business to give much help. She was used to hard work, she’d said dryly. The difference was, this time she’d be working for herself.

  She sighed, remembering how uncharacteristically depressed she’d become after the high of her holiday in the Gulf had dissipated. She’d found herself comparing her humdrum life to that of her sister. Shauna had done so much and seen so much, met so many people and travelled extensively with Greg. In comparison, Carrie felt her life seemed tame and uninspired.

  She had worked briefly in Dublin for two years as a legal secretary before she’d married. She’d shared a house in Fairview with two other girls. She’d enjoyed a good social life and living in the capital but had been happy enough to settle in Whiteshells Bay when she’d married Dan. Seeing Shauna’s fast-paced, social style of life, and comparing it to her own rather routine, day-in day-out stuff, had made her feel that middle age was creeping up fast and what had she to show for it? She wanted to get out of her comfort
able rut. Because she was in a rut, even if it was a nice rut, she’d told Dan moodily.

  ‘Look, you’re both different people, with different personalities and different ways of life. You can’t compare yourself with her,’ Dan pointed out, half sorry they’d gone out to Abu Dhabi. It was very unusual for his beloved to get down in the dumps for more than a couple of hours. Now all this questioning and angst and talk of middle age was extremely unsettling.

  ‘I’m boring,’ Carrie wailed. ‘All I do is cook and wash and shop and do homework and then I do the same thing the next day and the next.’

  ‘Carrie, you make a home. You’re the linchpin. Our children are happy, I’m happy—’

  ‘And I’m boring,’ she interrupted crossly.

  ‘You’re not, you’re gorgeous and sexy and interesting,’ Dan assured her. Then wondered whether he should have put interesting before gorgeous and sexy so that she wouldn’t feel like an airhead. He wasn’t used to walking on eggshells with Carrie. It was unnerving him.

  ‘What else would you say?’ She brushed his compliments aside irritably. ‘You’re hardly going to say that I’m fat and frumpy and dull. And that’s the way I feel right now. I’m serious, Dan. Life’s passing me by,’ she said frustratedly.

  ‘You only feel like that because you’ve a few extra pounds on you after the holiday,’ he said soothingly. ‘Once you get back into your routine it will fall off you.’

  ‘So now you’re telling me I am fat!’ She stared at him in horror.

  ‘No I’m not, Carrie. You said that you’d put on a few pounds. I think you’re fine,’ he exclaimed in exasperation. What had got into her? She wasn’t usually this illogical.

  ‘Make up your mind, Dan,’ she snapped.

  ‘Now stop it. Or we’ll end up having a full-scale row over nothing,’ he ordered, looking uncharacteristically stern.