Becoming the Whiskey Princess

by Toni Aleo

  Glancing at my mom’s stone, I fully expect to lose my mind crying, but I don’t.

  I smile.

  Ciara Lynn Reilly

  5-16-1970 to 5-25-2014

  The heart of Tomas.

  The best mom in the whole entire world to Amberlyn.

  Reading the words on the tombstone, my tears start to fall faster, but my grin remains. I’m drawing strength from Declan as he moves my hand into his other, while his hand moves up and down my back. Kissing my temple, he whispers, “That is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. When I die, do something like that for me, yes?”

  I shake my head, closing my eyes as I lean into him. “Please don’t leave me first. I couldn’t do it.”

  “Neither could I,” he says. “So let’s wait till we’re old and gray, yeah, and die together.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I say, even though I know that is the silliest thing we could ever plan for. Life is the most uncertain thing in the world. One day things are great, next day they aren’t. One day you’re alive, the next you’re dead. There is no promise for the next breath. It can be taken from you in a blink of an eye. There is no guarantee.

  But in this moment, maybe I can hope that Declan and I will go together.

  Content and ready.

  Kissing me again, he says, “Ya gonna say hi to them? Wanna put the flowers down?”

  I nod silently as I walk closer, dropping to my knees as I crawl onto their graves. I know that it’s silly, but I feel closer doing this. I used to lie on my dad, so did my mom. We’d lie for hours the first year of his death; it’s morbid and silly, but it was comforting to us. And it is now.

  To my surprise though, Declan drops to his knees beside me and we go to work, brushing off the little bits of leaves and other debris that has gotten on their graves. Since the flowers are fresh, we leave them but add in mine, making the front of their graves so bright and vibrant.

  The day is dreary. It’s about to get supercold here, but that didn’t stop me from getting bright pink and blue flowers for my mom and orange ones for my dad. When I was younger, they were the ones we brought my dad. My mom used to say that it would make him laugh to know we girlied up his grave. It always made me happy then, and it doesn’t fail to do it again.

  “Hi Mom, Dad,” I say as I wipe away some bird poop on my mom’s grave with the rag I brought just for that. “Came to visit. Sorry, I didn’t come sooner. As you both know, I’ve moved to Ireland like you wanted, Mom.” My voice breaks a bit, and I swallow my sob as I go to clean my dad’s. As I scrub, I blink back my tears as Declan’s hand rests on the middle of my back. “Things are great. I’m going to school, I work for Shelia, and I met someone. His name is Declan. He’s here too.” I swallow around the lump in my throat as I continue to scrub. “I love him so damn much and things are moving fast, but we are getting married in two weeks,” I say as his hand comes up into my hair, cupping my neck. “I’m happy, he makes me happy, but I do miss you guys. So much.”

  I don’t know what I am expecting. For them to come out of their graves and wrap their arms around me? I don’t know, but soon I am crying as I wait for some kind of response. A butterfly, a rainbow, shit, anything. When nothing happens, I stand up quickly, leaving Declan at my feet.

  “I forgot something in the car. Be right back,” I say, turning quickly and heading to the car. I need to be alone. I need to pull it together.

  But Declan being Declan, he says, “Do ya want me to come, love?”

  I shake my head. “I’ll be one minute,” I call back as I rush to the car.

  Getting there, I collapse against the car and just cry. I cry so hard my body is shaking and my heart feels as if it is coming out of my chest. This was supposed to help. This was supposed to make me feel better, but all I feel is agony. Wiping my face, I reach in the car for my purse. I wasn’t lying when I said I had to get something. I figured I’d get it later, but here I am, pulling out the picture of Declan and me at the engagement party and then a picture of Shelia, Michael, and Fiona with a message from my aunt to my dad on the back.

  Wiping my face once more, I look back at where Declan sits on my parents’ graves, his hand on my mom’s tombstone. He’s talking to it. My brows come up as my eyes fill with tears once more. What is he doing?

  Heading for him, I wonder what he is saying, but before I can get there, the clouds part and the sun starts to shine down on me. I’m hot within seconds, and when I look up, two cardinals are sitting in the tree. My mom always said that cardinals were good luck. Is this my sign? Gooseflesh explodes over my body as I fight for breath. Am I really seeing this? Looking back at Declan, I go to call him, but he moves to my dad’s grave, putting his hand on his tombstone as he starts to speak.

  “I’m not worthy of her, not in the least, but I’ll love her. With everything inside me. I’ll care for her, make sure she’s never unhappy. When she wants to see yous two, I’ll bring her. I don’t know how I got lucky enough to meet her and then to fall in love with her, but I have and don’t plan on ever letting her go. I’ll do anything and everything to protect, provide, and love her for the rest of my life.” I cover my mouth with my hand as the two birds fly overhead, leaving me alone as I close my eyes, my tears rushing down my face. “I brought ya an O’Callaghan pin too. Everyone who joins our family gets one. Yous may not be here physically, but yer here in her heart, in my heart, and I promise to always keep yer memory alive, along with Amberlyn. Our wee little ones will know their grandda and grandma. And the wee ones after that. Yous will worry for her, I understand that, but ya have my word, as a man, I’m gonna love her and make her proud to be my wife.”

  “I’m already proud,” I finally say, and he turns to look at me, a grin on his face.

  “C’mere, love. Let’s sit a bit, yeah?”

  Coming to him, I drop down into his lap as he wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my jaw. Leaning forward, I set the picture of him and me on my mom’s stone and then the one of my aunt’s family on my dad’s. Leaning my head against his shoulder, a calm falls over me like the sun, warming Declan and me as we sit in contented silence.

  “I saw you talking to my mom. What did you say?”

  He smiles in my hair as he kisses my temple. “It’s a secret.”

  I smile moving my nose along his jaw. “Tell me.”

  “Ah, can’t say no to ya, can I?”

  I flash him a grin and he holds my face. “I asked her to help ya. To give ya a sense of peace, if she could. I know her not being here hurts ya, my love. Since I can’t fix it, maybe up there, she can figure out a way to help, ya know?”

  My lip wobbles as my throat burns with a sob and I nod. As much as I would love that, I also don’t want it to happen. I like the pain; it reminds me of what I’ve lost and to always cherish the life I have. To live it to the fullest and the greatest I can. To do that, I know I need Declan in my life. I have to let go of this fear that has me thinking he is going to change me.

  No one can change me but me.

  And Declan wouldn’t do that anyway.

  He loves me.

  He just told my mom and dad that.

  We leave the following day with everything that I wanted to bring home on its way. I also left with a pretty check for my family home. It was hard when my uncle handed it to me, but seeing him with his arm around his new wife and their child growing in her belly, I felt that my home was going to be filled with love the way it had been before. That my parents’ memory would still live on. At least I hope so.

  As much as I didn’t want to leave, Declan promised we’d come back soon, and that made me feel a little better. I knew that he had to get back to work and I needed to get Fiona a dress since the wedding is going to be here before we know it. There is so much to do, and I also have to deal with the fact that I don’t want to live with his family.

  I wish I could talk him into moving to the States, but being back did nothing for me. We were only gone a day and I missed Mayo so damn m
uch. I missed the green of the country, the friendliness of the people, and the air. It’s just so crisp in Ireland. I missed it and it surprises me, but somehow, Mayo has become my home.

  Maybe I was always meant to be here, that it was always my home, but the States was my detour. I don’t know, but the moment we stepped off the plane, I was glad to be home. The trip was good, the weight I had on my chest was gone, and I was ready for our future. Just some things had to change. Quickly, before I lose my ever loving mind.

  Riding in the car, Declan takes my hand and squeezes it. Looking over at him from where I am texting Fiona, I smile. “Thank you.”

  “For?”

  “For taking me,” I answer. “For being there for me.”

  “I always will be.” He sends me a grin then and says, “I need to show ya something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We are almost there.”

  I nod before looking down at where I am texting Fiona.

  Me: It was a great trip. I feel a billion times better. You’re a genius.

  Fiona: Like ya doubted me. Grand. I’m happy.

  Fiona: Yous two good?

  Me: Yeah, I think. We need to address some things. Like the fact I need out of his mom’s house tomorrow.

  Fiona: Yeah sure, do that but remember that’s his home. The one he grew up in.

  Me: I know.

  Fiona: Grand. Have fun and make sure things are good between yous two before I see ya tomorrow.

  Me: I will.

  When the car stops, I look up to see that we are parked by a field as Declan gets out of the car. Looking around, I see the lake and know where we are, but I don’t understand why.

  “Come on,” he says, opening the door and letting me out. I take his hand and we walk around the car to where a large spot has been marked off. Raising an eyebrow, I look up at him and he is grinning at me, pointing to the space.

  “It’s the most gorgeous blank spot in the world?” I say and he laughs.

  Shaking his head, he gathers me in his arms and takes in a deep breath. “The other day when I came home and I walked in and ya ripped my head off, ran off to Fiona’s, and then we flew to the States?”

  “Not still upset about that, are ya?” I ask with a teasing tone, but he doesn’t laugh, he sets me a look and I press my lips together. “Sorry, no filter, remember? Anyway, as you were saying.”

  A grin pulls at his lips as he shakes his head. “Yeah, that night, I came home excited to tell ya about this.”

  “The blank spot?”

  “Yeah,” he says with a nod. “This where our house is gonna be.”

  Scrunching my face, I look up at him from the blank spot. “Huh?”

  “We are gonna build a house here. I want to be on my land; I understand that you don’t want to live with my family, and that is fine, but I want to be on my land. It takes seven minutes for anyone to get here. By then, surely we will be done, or at least we will remember to lock the door,” he says with a suggestive wag of his brows. But I’m too stunned to really comprehend what he just said.

  Looking back at the spot that is marked off with bright orange tape, I sort of can’t believe him. “Are you for real right now?”

  “Yeah, ya wanted out of the house. I’m giving you that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I love you.”

  It was that simple. Turning to look at him, my lip starts to wobble as our eyes meet. As my eyes search his, my heart jackhammers in my chest, Fiona’s words playing over and over again in my head. She was right. Fear is a liar and the truth is right in front of me. Declan wouldn’t change me; he only wants to love me. Wrapping my arms around him, I squeeze him tightly as I press my lips to his. Holding me in his arms, he kisses me thoroughly as all the love we have for each other floods our senses.

  Parting, he kisses my nose as I look up at him. “I’m sorry I’m a pain in your ass.”

  He gives me a lopsided grin as he shakes his head. “Ah, maybe, but I wouldn’t want any other pain in my arse but ya. And I knew we’d be okay. Ya just had to realize it.”

  “I wouldn’t have without you. I knew when I saw you at my parents’ graves that I couldn’t even think you’d change me. You just want to help me grow.”

  “That’s fuckin’ right, mo stór. I want only that because yous have helped me grow. I couldn’t be who I am without ya. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I promise.

  “Grand, now come on, let’s go home.”

  He kisses me again before we get back in the car, and I am on cloud nine. Basically bouncing in my seat as we start to drive again.

  “Do we get to design it ourselves?”

  He nods. “Yup.”

  “Eek! I’m so excited! When can we start? Are we gonna live with your parents until then? I’d rather we didn’t, but if you want to, and you think it won’t take long to build us a new house, then I can bear with it a bit. Wait, where are we going?”

  Declan grins over at me as we head up a hill. He doesn’t answer me, even when I ask again. When a small little cottage comes into view, I look over at him as he stops in front of it. Shutting the car off, he looks over at me and lets out a breath.

  “Welcome home, Ms. Reilly.” My jaw drops as he gets out and opens the door for me. “It’s not much, but it’s got the basics. I have had it furnished a bit, not a lot, but it will get us by till the big house is done.”

  “Oh my God,” I mutter as he pushes open the door and we go in. It’s adorable. Only a living room and a small kitchen with a bathroom attached to the bedroom. It’s the size of his room on the estate.

  “It’s got a kitchen, food in the fridge, so you’ll be cookin’ my dinner, ya know,” he says with a wink and I giggle. “But it will do us good, I think.”

  Looking back at me, he pulls me into the crook of his arms as I agree, “I think so too.”

  “Grand. So ya happy, love?”

  My eyes glaze over as I wrap my arms around his waist, looking around our small little home before looking back up at him. “More than you’ll ever know.”

  “It’s so damn cute! I love it so much!”

  Fiona looks over her shoulder and grins at me. “I am so excited for ya. Invite me and Kane for dinner. I did for yous two.”

  “You did, and maybe I won’t burn the food.”

  “Ah, fuck off. It was a little crisp is all.”

  “If you call charcoal-black crisp, then yeah, it was only a little crisp,” I tease, and she sticks her tongue out at me.

  “I’ve gotten better.”

  “Good!” I cheer for her since she could burn water. “Hey, maybe you guys can come over the night the contractor drops off the plans. We’ll eat and look everything over.”

  “Sure, let me know,” she says before lifting the top of the dress up her arms and snapping the back before turning to show me the dress. “Has he talked to his ma?”

  “A little. She’s apologetic of course, but he isn’t listening. He’s still so mad.”

  “Can’t blame him.”

  “No, but I know it hurts him to be mad at her.”

  “He’ll get over it. Yer still marrying him,” she says, still messing with the snap.

  “This is true,” I say with a nod.

  When she gets it, her honey brown hair falls down her shoulders as she models the dress she wears for me. The dress is cream, plain, and hugs her in every single place. I wanted something very simple, a showstopper since Fiona is so gorgeous, but nothing that would take away from my dress. I know, I’m confusing and I make no sense, but I’ll know it when I see it.

  This one is good, I guess. It’s stunning, but I don’t like it. For one reason and one I think she sees too. Putting her hands on her gut, she looks in the mirror and then at me.

  “So I guess you aren’t burning everything you cook?” I ask with a forgiving grin.

  She laughs as she shakes her head. “No, that’s not it. I forgot to tell ya.”

  �
�What?” I ask, drawing my brows in. She holds my gaze, gnawing on her lip as she starts to blush. “What?” I ask again.

  “I’m pregnant,” she whispers with a grin.

  “Shut up!” I exclaim, hopping up and rushing toward her. “Really?!”

  “Yup, only eight weeks, but yeah, got us a wee baby growing.”

  I hug her tightly, kissing her cheek as we part. “Oh my God! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  She smiles as she holds me by the back of my arms. “Ya see, at first I didn’t believe it. Threw the test away and waved it off as a fluke. But then I got supersick, and I was like, shite, I think I am. So I took another test. Positive. Told Kane. We go to the doctor, positive again,” she says with a laugh, and I can’t stop grinning. “And so we sat on it for a minute, to digest really ’cause this was very unplanned. I was on the pill.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

  “Yeah, well, obviously his sperm didn’t either,” she jokes and I smile. “But yeah, it’s a big surprise and not something we were ready for. But he’s gonna ask for my hand after the wedding, and then we will get married quick before telling my parents.”

  Grinning even bigger, I wrap her up in my arms, hugging her tightly. “You’re gonna be a great mom.”

  “Ah, I don’t know, but we’ll see. I’m excited.”

  “Eek! I can’t wait!” I exclaim, kissing her again on her cheek. “I’m gonna be an auntie!”

  “Ya are,” she says with a nod. “But enough about that. Let’s get us a dress, yes?”

  “Yeah,” I say, letting her go, but then I hug her again. “If it’s a girl, Amberlyn is a great name.”

  She laughs as she pushes me away, heading to the dressing room for another dress. She sends me a look over her shoulder, and I love how happy she is. I don’t know how I didn’t see before that she was glowing. It’s like our lives are at full speed. She’s pregnant and gonna get married real quick. I’m getting married, and then it will be time for me to be a mommy. Not anytime soon, but it will happen, and I honestly can’t wait.