Mage for Hire

by Jason Kenyon

Though Archimegadon could not reconcile trusting Neurion with having no fear, he left his fate in the paladin’s hands since he couldn’t be bothered to look around himself. Neurion disappeared into the glow of magical lanterns that lined the walkways and Obdo tried to put the Shadow’s head down.

  ‘No, Obdo,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘Oh come on,’ Obdo said. ‘I’ve been carrying this for half a day now.’

  ‘It’s good for you,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘You are so going to pay when we get to Melethas,’ Obdo said.

  Archimegadon smiled. There would indeed be matters of payment to deal with in Melethas, but he would be the recipient.

  ‘Well, you’re looking cheerful,’ Obdo said.

  ‘Just looking forward to reaching Melethas. There’s nothing like completing a quest to add wind to your sails.’

  ‘I’d say you talking about completing quests is enough wind to set a fleet in motion,’ Obdo said.

  ‘Ah, just you wait, knave,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Soon enough you will understand what it is to claim victory.’

  ‘Oh, I do hope so,’ Obdo said with a glare

  Archimegadon had lost interest by this point and didn’t hear Obdo’s last remark. He gazed over the village and pondered the amulet that had been given into his care. It might have looked creepy, but he hadn’t felt any particular powers emanating from it. Checking that no thief-like people were about, he took out the amulet and stared into the green eye again.

  ‘What’s that?’ Obdo asked.

  ‘Nothing much,’ Archimegadon replied. ‘An amulet of some sort. I have to deliver it in Melethas.’

  ‘For how much?’

  ‘A tidy sum.’ With one last look into the amulet’s eye Archimegadon pocketed it again. ‘Perfectly adequate for my services.’

  ‘Thinking of sharing any?’ Obdo asked.

  Archimegadon considered this for a millisecond. ‘No, not really.’

  ‘Oh come on. Just a bit. I’ve surely lost my job on the farm by now.’

  A thousand relorans looked like considerably less when any amount, no matter how little, was subtracted from it. Archimegadon shook his head. ‘Not a chance, sir. This duty is one I have borne alone.’

  ‘I bet it doesn’t weigh as much as this demon head,’ Obdo said.

  ‘It weighs on the soul.’

  ‘So does this, I assure you.’

  ‘Hmph.’ Archimegadon took out the scroll and read it through. It was just a standard letter of introduction, and an explanation in brief of the quest that Archimegadon was undertaking. He wondered whether Lord Bartell could be convinced to part with even more of his vast fortune, since the fellow had a reputation for generosity.

  ‘If Farmer Belias had dealt with you instead of me, would you have forced him to carry the demon head?’ Obdo asked.

  ‘Farmer Belias is not a necromancer,’ Archimegadon replied.

  ‘Nor am I, and you know it.’

  ‘I do not know it at all.’

  ‘I should have pushed you in the ooze,’ Obdo said. He kicked at some dust with his feet. ‘Can I have one of those vallins I gave you back? They weren’t actually mine. Farmer Belias gave me those vallins and some grobs and told me to pay you only up to one vallin if possible. The gesture was funny at the time, but I really do need a bit of money.’

  ‘One vallin is for a hard-working man,’ Archimegadon said. ‘You deserve grobs at best.’

  ‘You’re a real hero,’ Obdo said. He paused. ‘I’ll settle for the grobs.’

  ‘Bah, I will not give in to this,’ Archimegadon said. ‘You must understand the terms of your penance truly before you can be released.’

  ‘How can carrying a severed demon head across Valanthas absolve anyone of necromantic charges?’ Obdo asked. ‘I mean… it isn’t exactly going to make me like you any better.’

  ‘The idea is that the punishment is so unpleasant and wearing that you will never err again so as to avoid it,’ Archimegadon replied. ‘How do you feel right now?’

  ‘I want to learn necromancy so I can summon one of these Shadow demon things and see if you really can beat one,’ Obdo replied.

  ‘Yes, I think we have a way to go yet,’ Archimegadon said.

  There was a shout and Archimegadon looked up to see Neurion approaching. He groaned and turned the other way so that he could pretend that he hadn’t heard or seen Neurion in the vain hope that the irritating paladin would just go away.

  ‘I found a place,’ Neurion said. ‘Follow me. It’s not far to go.’

  Archimegadon turned and nodded. ‘Ah, Neurion. Very well, let us go. Follow along, Obdo. Try not to slow us down.’

  ‘Stupid mage,’ Obdo said.

  The three companions reached the so-called tavern, which was virtually empty and had only one floor. Archimegadon was glad that he wasn’t here as a Mage for Hire, as it would have been a wasted journey and fee if he’d been after potential clients.

  ‘Not many people here,’ Obdo said.

  ‘Yes, apparently they had a bit of trouble,’ Neurion said. ‘Most of the people who drank here kept falling off the edges of the walkways. Not many people come here to drink any more.’

  ‘Pity,’ Obdo said. ‘It would have been quite a show.’

  ‘It’s three grobs per bed,’ Neurion said, passing over Obdo’s last comment.

  ‘Obdo, pay up,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘You’re a real sod,’ Obdo said, handing over the required coins.

  ‘Lead the way, Neurion,’ Archimegadon said. Obdo made to follow. ‘Not you, fool. You’re to stand here and hold up the demon head all night.’

  ‘Well can I have the change back then?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Penance?’

  ‘Penance.’

  Obdo gave Archimegadon the finger and stood in place, glaring up at the Shadow. Neurion nodded at Archimegadon.

  ‘That’s the way to teach those necromantic sorts,’ he said.

  ‘Neurion, you really think Obdo is a necromancer?’ Archimegadon asked, frowning.

  ‘Of course, Master Archimegadon.’

  Archimegadon sighed. ‘I see. Show me to my room. I think I need the rest.’

  Chapter Five: Thieves in the Night

  Archimegadon had a very strange dream. He was standing on the shores of the Isles of Filikis, a crown on his head, but when he walked over to a pool with a waterfall he saw his reflection. For some reason the crown was really the Shadow’s head, and Obdo was jumping up and down on top of it, shouting ‘That’ll show him!’ Then Neurion popped out of the water in full paladin armour and said ‘Necromancers must be stopped. It is my duty.’ He tried to hit Archimegadon but fell over onto his face.

  Archimegadon was starting to believe that this whole thing was real when the red-bearded thief pushed him into the pool and he fell through and landed on one of a giant couple of yellow platforms. When he looked closely he saw that he was standing on Elsim’s glasses. A Shadow appeared on each of the lenses and an ethereal Archimegadon came into being before him.

  ‘You have been commanded by Lord Auber Bartell to defeat these Shadows,’ the shady Archimegadon said. ‘You will be allowed no more than three team-mates. You must choose from these people.’

  The shade Archimegadon gestured and six figures appeared in the air. Obdo, Neurion and a strange knight covered in mist were first to take form. The knight gave him a rude gesture and turned away. Then three other figures appeared, and Archimegadon sighed in relief. It was Mortimyr, Terrill and Gelenn. They at least would know what they were doing.

  ‘I pick those three,’ Archimegadon said, pointing at Mortimyr, Terrill and Gelenn.

  ‘Then Obdo, Neurion and Valia shall be your companions,’ Shade Archimegadon said.

  Archimegadon blinked and looked back at the six figures. The two trios had switched places. ‘Wait, you switched them! I don’t want those fools!’

  ‘The choice is made.’

  ‘How dare you defy me? Do yo
u know who I am?’

  ‘Yes. You are Ardon.’

  Archimegadon took a step back. ‘Now look. I am Archimegadon!’

  ‘Ardon.’

  ‘Shut up! I’m not fighting these things! I already killed one!’

  ‘Liar! The kill was Gelenn’s, along with the efforts of Mortimyr and Terrill. All you did was an annoying itch on its head.’

  ‘It was a good flamebolt.’

  ‘It was rubbish.’

  ‘What kind of mysterious spectre are you? I don’t need this hassle.’ Archimegadon paused. ‘Besides, I gave it a nasty cough.’

  ‘Well, true.’

  Archimegadon glared at his shade. ‘Now clear off. I was dreaming about the Isles of Filikis. I was enjoying it.’

  ‘That’s just as well. You will never reach the Isles of Filikis.’

  ‘Now you’re just being rude,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Stuff these Shadows, I’m going to kill you.’

  ‘Unwise.’

  Archimegadon shrugged. ‘I never was all that wise. Now die, oaf! For I am Archimegadon!’ He raised the Staff of Antagules. ‘Flamebolt!’

  The Shade Archimegadon exploded into hundreds of tiny Neurions, and they danced around on the floor saying ‘Yes, Master Archimegadon’ over and over again, until the mage finished stamping them all out of existence.

  ‘I have wanted to do that for a very long time,’ Archimegadon said. ‘Now, where are the Isles of Filikis? I have a holiday to finish.’

  He turned around and saw one of the Shadows rearing above him.

  ‘I can cure a nasty itch,’ Archimegadon said.

  The Shadow roared and seized him in its jaws.

  *

  Archimegadon awoke feeling very damp and was concerned that he’d fallen asleep outside in the rain after a few drinks the previous night when he saw the Shadow staring at him and yelled. Then his senses cleared a bit and he saw that it was the severed head, and that he was covered in its blood. The roof and part of the room’s wall had been destroyed, and a voice was calling out.

  ‘They’re after you, Sir Mage!’

  It was Obdo, the fool. Archimegadon felt his rage burst forth, and he arose and grabbed the Staff of Antagules. With a quick hop over the shattered wooden wall, he left the tavern and found himself standing in front of Obdo, who was caught between grinning and looking concerned. Archimegadon realised that he was only wearing his pyjamas, which were drenched in demon blood, but he decided that any who saw him were privileged to lay eyes on such a great mage.

  ‘There’s some rough fellows after you, sir,’ Obdo said.

  ‘You threw the head of the Shadow through the wall and crushed me,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘It was the only way to wake you up.’

  ‘I am sure that there were other possibilities,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘Possibly.’

  ‘There he is!’ Archimegadon heard a familiar voice yell. He did not need to look to identify the speaker as the red-bearded thief, no doubt still after the amulet. So much for a manageable danger limit. He debated making a hasty exit when he saw the red-bearded man and a group of ruffians leave the tavern entrance and begin to advance on him.

  ‘What about Neurion?’ Obdo asked.

  ‘I do not need Neurion,’ Archimegadon replied. ‘For I am Archimegadon!’

  ‘Yes, thank you, I was aware of that,’ Obdo said.

  Archimegadon turned to the group of thieves and levelled his staff. ‘Be aware of this! Flamebolt!’

  To Obdo’s great surprise a flamebolt actually emerged, and moreover it flew straight into the midst of the attackers, who scattered to a man – excepting one fellow, who got a nasty singe on his right hand. Archimegadon followed this up with more flamebolts, enraged at this interruption of his dream. Then he remembered where he had left off and wondered whether his rage was justified.

  ‘Earning your pay this time,’ Obdo said as the thugs ran about yelling. Flamebolts were soaring at them relentlessly, and Archimegadon didn’t look like he was going to slow up soon.

  ‘This is the true power of Archimegadon,’ he said. To be honest, Archimegadon had been rather hoping that the flamebolts would blow them up or create a vortex, though this was stretching even wishful thinking.

  ‘Lucky they don’t actually have any power, or you’d have burnt down this wooden village by now,’ Obdo said.

  ‘You are full of empty remarks,’ Archimegadon said. ‘They are not unlike your mind.’

  ‘Just showing support, sir,’ Obdo said.

  ‘You’ll need supports to stand in a second,’ Archimegadon said.

  The thugs ran away, leaving their red-bearded leader by himself. The leader picked up a discarded shield and advanced on Archimegadon. After the shield cheerfully blocked a feeble flamebolt, Archimegadon considered his options rapidly.

  ‘Obdo, it is time for you to fight,’ Archimegadon said. ‘I give you this opportunity…’

  ‘Yeah, with what? I don’t have a sword, sir.’

  ‘But I do!’ Neurion yelled, stumbling out of the tavern and running in the wrong direction. He stopped, looked around and saw the thief leader. ‘Stop there, uh, varlet!’

  Archimegadon and Obdo winced.

  ‘I have no quarrel with you, swordsman,’ the leader said, now very close to Archimegadon and Obdo. ‘I am here for Arkermechadon.’

  ‘You know my name, sort of, but I have not had the displeasure of learning yours,’ Archimegadon said. ‘I shall need it for the bardic songs of my prowess.’

  ‘I’m Felick Broadblade,’ the leader said. ‘Doesn’t matter if you know it. In fact, could you tell your friends I robbed you? Good to have a reputation, you know, me and my Breakers haven’t really set up much round here yet. Now then, the amulet. If you please.’

  ‘I don’t have an amulet,’ Archimegadon said. ‘I was trying to sleep, you slow-witted rogue. Now be off with you. I need not outline the various ways in which I will kill you.’

  ‘What about that green amulet you were looking at earlier?’ Obdo asked. ‘He might mean that one.’

  Archimegadon glared at Obdo for a long time.

  ‘I think that may just answer my demand,’ Felick said. ‘The amulet, mage. Now.’

  Archimegadon rounded on Felick. ‘Silence! I was fast asleep, you cowardly, craven, halfwit thief novice! Now when I tell you that I do not have an amulet, that means I do not have an amulet, even if I do! Are we clear?’

  ‘Um, no, actually…’

  ‘Silence!’ Archimegadon clouted Obdo with the Staff of Antagules to demonstrate his rage. ‘You will be getting no amulets from me, now or ever! I have half a mind to destroy this entire village in order to put an end to you!’

  ‘You only managed to leave a little black mark back over there,’ Broadblade said. ‘I think you’ve got a way to go yet, mate.’

  ‘Do not show disrespect to Master Archimegadon!’ Neurion said. He drew the blade of rustiness. ‘I challenge you to a duel.’

  ‘Neurion, shut up,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘Yes, sir.’ Neurion withdrew to a safe distance.

  Felick looked between the three companions. ‘You’re a right bunch of fools, I’ll tell you that. But I’m being serious. You’re playing with the real world, boys. Give me the amulet.’

  ‘I represent the highest power in this land,’ Archimegadon said, rising to his full height. He was moderately muscular and cut a powerful figure, as his minor magic use hadn’t had a chance to weaken him physically like with most career mages. Even though Felick knew Archimegadon was from a Mage School, he was clearly still slightly intimidated at the thought of facing a mage. ‘If you attempt to destroy me, I will make you suffer like my enemy of earlier today.’ He gestured at Obdo.

  ‘Him?’ Felick asked.

  ‘No, no! I wanted him to get something.’ Archimegadon turned to Obdo. ‘Get the head, you moron.’

  ‘No,’ Obdo said, folding his arms.

  ‘Get it now, necromancer!’ Archimegadon
said. He clouted Obdo again for good measure.

  Obdo grumbled and climbed into the wreckage of the tavern. He threw the head back out and climbed after it, before lifting it again. He muttered a few swear words and Archimegadon kicked him.

  Felick paused. ‘That’s quite a kill. Unfortunately it’s just a corpse. I’m not a corpse.’ He advanced one step towards Obdo. ‘You want to try carrying me around, boy?’

  ‘Is that a come-on?’ Obdo asked Archimegadon with some concern.

  ‘I think it was supposed to be a threat.’

  ‘Ah. Well the answer is no either way.’

  ‘My patience is running out,’ Felick said. ‘The amulet!’

  ‘What about it?’ Archimegadon asked.

  ‘Give it to me!’ Felick replied, stepping another pace towards Archimegadon and Obdo.

  ‘Yes, kill him now Neurion,’ Archimegadon said. Felick panicked and whirled around, but Neurion was standing at a distance looking very puzzled. Broadblade realised that he had been tricked just as the Staff of Antagules slammed down on his skull. Felick hit the floor hard enough to make the walkway shudder.

  ‘Oh, it was a trick,’ Neurion said several seconds afterwards.

  The walkway shook again as Obdo hurled the head of the Shadow onto the unconscious Felick.

  ‘That was slightly unnecessary,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘It was funny,’ Obdo said.

  Archimegadon rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, very well.’ He kicked Felick’s leg, which was about all of the thief that was visible at that moment. ‘Teach him for ruining a good night’s sleep.’

  ‘What are we going to do with him?’ Neurion asked.

  ‘I fear that we are about to find out,’ Archimegadon replied as the village guards arrived after the crisis had been averted.

  ‘What’s going on here?’ asked the guard with the tremendous sense of humour.

  ‘We were beset by thieves,’ Archimegadon replied.

  ‘I hear you was casting spells,’ the guard said.

  ‘Indeed, I had my life to consider,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘Not any… fire-related spells, I hope,’ the guard said. ‘On this pree-carious wood-based settlement.’

  ‘Only Icybolt,’ Archimegadon said.

  ‘Icybolt?’