by Ancelli
“No, she needed to hear that,” his dad took a sip of his water. “She’ll be okay.”
“I guess she’s not coming for Thanksgiving dinner,” Maya leaned back in her seat.
“We don’t need negativity around us,” Jesse stared at her. “Right, Bella?”
“Yeah!” she giggled shaking her bear.
“I’ll be right back,” Maya stood, picking up her cover and walked out of the restaurant. Jesse shook his head knowing that she went looking for his mom.
***
Maya searched the parking lot for her mother-in-law. Jesse needed his mother and his mother needed him. She would swallow her pride if it meant they could be in each others’ lives. Maya located her in a rental car, and knocked on the window. “Mrs. Paulette.”
Paulette looked up through red rimmed eyes, and lowered the window. “Yes, are you here to gloat?” Her face was flushed.
Maya crossed her arms over her chest, “Ma’am, you haven’t given me a chance since we met nine years ago. I’m here because I know Jesse needs you. Why are you pushing him away?”
“He doesn’t want me in his life,” she spat. “He said so himself.”
“Did you give him a choice?” Maya asked and glared at the older woman. “How would you have acted if someone disrespected your husband and kids?” She continued looking at her mother-in-law. She didn’t have an answer. “Jesse has been through a lot in his lifetime, don’t you think it’s time for him to be content?” Maya wasn’t going to beg his mother; she felt as though she did her part as his wife. “We’re having Thanksgiving at our house, and we would love it if you came. The ball is in your court now.” Maya turned around and strolled back into the establishment and took off her cover. She took a deep breath, walked over to the table, and Jesse stood, being a gentleman like always. “Your mom will be attending Thanksgiving.”
Jesse and his father stopped eating staring at her. “She agreed?” Mr. Jack asked.
“She will be there,” she grabbed her fork and began eating her food.
“Thank you,” Jesse took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Maya, can I borrow your car? I need to take care of something.”
Maya stared at him, she wanted to ask him what he needed to take care of, but she didn’t want to be nosey. She needed to learn to trust him. “Okay.”
“Dad, can you drop Maya off at work?” Jesse gave Bella her sippy cup.
“No problem,” his dad answered. “Are you taking Bella with you?”
“No, can you watch her?” Jesse smirked.
His dad chuckled, “Of course, I love spending time with my grandbaby.”
***
After a two-hour drive, Jesse pulled up to the cemetery and parked. He needed to do this, he told himself. Jesse picked up a blue teddy bear he’d placed on the passenger seat and opened the car door. He stepped out of the auto, taking a deep breath. The last time Jesse visited his son’s grave was the day he decided to leave everything he knew and loved. He slowly walked down the path that led to his son's grave. He studied the flowers leading up and down the cemetery rows, the loved and the forgotten. As he walked, he had to thank God he wasn’t in one of those caskets seven feet under. God had plans for him that he hasn’t seen yet. Jesse stopped and studied his baby boy’s gravestone. Angel wings wrapped around an etching of a baby, along with Jr's footprints. The stone read: Jesse Harvey Jr, September 3, 2011. Daddy’s and Mommy's hearts still ache in sadness, and secret tears still flow, what it means to lose you, no one will never know. You were our borrowed angel, now returned.
~~~
Jesse and Maya were supposed to pick it out together. The doctors released him for a day so they could make arrangements for their baby’s funeral. They sat in the funeral home, choosing a casket and gravestone. He remembered looking at the tiny caskets, and closing his eyes, praying that all they were going through was a horrible dream. Jesse opened his eyes, and Maya was in tears as she talked to the director. He didn’t want to be there, and he banged the wheelchair in agony.
Maya looked over at him, rapidly wiping her tears, “Are you okay?” she sniffled.
Jesse wished he could get up from his chair, wrap his arms around his wife, and tell her everything would be okay, but he couldn’t. This was all his fault. If he hadn’t been hurt, Maya would still be at home pregnant with their child, instead of picking out what to say on his gravestone. Jesse took her hand in his. “Love,” he stared into her eyes. “If you’re not ready,” he squeezed her fingers. “I can make the decisions if you’re okay with that?” He wasn’t ready either, but he would do anything to ease her pain.
“I’m not ready,” Maya stood and ran out the door, leaving him to make the funeral arrangements. That day he fell deeper into his depression, a sickness he kept to himself as long as he could.
Jesse bent and brushed the leaves off the stone, and sat on the grass, placing the stuffed animal against the stone next to some fresh flowers. "I see your mommy was here this morning," he said looking up at the sky. "Happy birthday, baby boy."
Memories of his son resurfaced.
~~~
A nurse wheeled Jesse into a private room, while another older nurse picked up a small bundle in her arms.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, sir.” The nurse handed him his son wrapped in a blue blanket. Jesse’s hands trembled as he gently took his baby from the older lady. He gasped when he uncovered his son’s face. Jr looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping. Jesse’s lips curled as he traced his face with his index finger, starting with his forehead down to his chin. He resembled Maya. He removed the blanket and his son was dressed in one of the outfits he’d bought for him while he was deployed.
“Your wife bathed and dressed him,” the nurse mentioned. “Do you want me to get her?”
“No, she’s been through enough.” Jesse said lovingly staring at his little boy as tears ran down his cheeks. “My son,” he kissed him again.
“We’ll be right outside,” the nurse that ushered him in said, and they both left the room.
Jesse took off the baby’s beanie, he had a head full of straight brown hair, “Hi, Jr. We finally get to meet,” tears continued to roll down his cheeks as he counted his fingers, and then he slipped off his white socks and counted his tiny toes. He held his son close to his heart, and cried for the life that was gone. Baby boy was ice cold, and he re-wrapped the blanket around him. Jesse couldn’t believe his son was gone, “Why did you have to take him away?” He sobbed, “Why God, why? Haven’t I suffered enough?” He caressed his baby boy’s face. “I love you, baby boy,” he rocked him in his arms, and began to sing a lullaby he would sing to Maya’s belly everyday. “Hush little baby, don't say a word, Papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird…”
~~~
A part of his heart died that day, he couldn’t say goodbye. “Jr, you’re a big bother,” he chuckled. “Bella is my little princess, and you will forever be my prince.” Jesse sighed. “I never said goodbye son, I held on to you for dear life. You and your mom gave me a reason to go on after my injury,” he unconsciously touched his leg. “And when God took you back to heaven, I lost my way home, but I have finally found my way back. I want you to know that Daddy is doing well, and he’s going to make you proud of him.” He patted the grass, “One sweet day we will meet again, Jesse.”
***
“Sandra I’m worried about Jesse,” Maya paced in her living room looking out of the window as she talked on the phone. Jesse had been gone all afternoon.
“What’s wrong?”
“Today is Jr’s birthday,” She didn’t have the heart to mention it, did he remember?
“Did he remember?” Sandra questioned.
“I’m not sure.”
“You didn’t tell him?”
“No, I didn’t want to set him back, but he’s been gone all day,” she moved the curtain out of the way, and peeked out for the tenth time. “Maybe therapy is too much for him.”
“Maya, calm down. Didn’t
you have lunch with him today?”
“Yes, but then he borrowed my car and said he needed to take care of something.” She should’ve asked him where he was going, despite her vow to begin trusting him more.
“Did he tell you he’d be back?”
“No.”
“Did he tell you goodbye?”
“No.”
“Honey, Jesse isn’t leaving you. Last time he dipped on you was because he assumed he’d lost his wife, but now he has what he always yearned for, his wife and child. He has no reason to run. Give him a chance.”
“Why is he so far away?” Maya swiped her fingers against her phone, looking at the app she placed on his phone.
“How do you know he’s far?”
“Well,” she closed out the app. “I downloaded a tracker on his phone.”
“What? So where is he?”
“Don’t judge me,” she sighed. “I can’t take it if he disappears again. He’s two hours away.” Maya had a feeling he went to visit their baby boy’s grave, but she wasn’t sure.
“Maya, why don’t you just call him?”
“I don’t want him to feel like I’m treating him like a child. I’m just worried about him.”
“If it’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that Jesse will not leave his daughter without a father. He loves you, but if things don’t work out between you two, he will never forsake Bella.” Sandra said those words with conviction.
Maya felt like shit, Sandra was right. Jesse promised her he wouldn’t walk away from them again, and she needed to believe that. She glanced out of the window one more time, and was about to pull the curtain closed when Jesse pulled up in her driveway. “He’s here,” she sat on the sofa. “This trust thing is more difficult than I thought.”
“It takes time,” Sandra reassured her. “See you tomorrow for lunch.”
“Bye,” Maya sat in the dark as Jesse opened the door, and walked in. “Hi,” she turned facing him.
“Maya,” he gazed into her eyes. “I know my words don’t mean much like they used to, but I will never walk away from you and Bella. When I leave this house, I will come back.” He showed her his phone. “You don’t need to keep tabs on me.”
She thought he was mad, but then he smiled.
“I needed to say happy birthday to our son,” he placed the keys on the hook near the door. “Every time you try to locate me, my phone vibrates.” He shook his head.
“You’re not mad at me?” She watched him closely. “I know it was an invasion of your privacy.”
“No, I’m not mad at you, love, and there shouldn’t be any privacy between you and I,” he placed the phone on the table. “I gave you a reason to distrust me, but I’m working on giving you a reason to trust me again.” He began to walk away, and then turned back. “I love you, Maya,” and he continued down the hall.
Chapter Ten
“Sarah and your dad will be staying with us,” Maya started folding a basket of laundry. “And my parents, and siblings too.”
“They’re coming today?”
“Yes.” She fluffed Bella’s little pillow. “So that means you have to move into my bedroom.”
The house would be full, Jesse thought to himself. He studied Maya as she folded their clothes. She was a great mother and wife, and he thanked God everyday for giving him a second chance. Maya was stunning, sitting in front of him, wearing a pink tank top and jeans. Pink always made her brown skin look radiant. He wanted to caress every inch of her body with his tongue. Jesse often wondered if she tasted the same. He knew she did, and it made his manhood jerk. “Your bedroom.”
Maya froze and gazed at him, “Yes.”
“I was waiting for you to invite me in,” he moved forward, grabbing a shirt out of the basket, and helped her fold it. “Don’t you think it’s time?”
“For what?” she continued.
“Being a real married couple.”
“We are.”
He chuckled, “With me sleeping in another room?”
“I thought that’s what you wanted,” she stared at him. “Space.”
“Maya, you’re my wife,” Jesse mentioned. “Why wouldn’t I want to be close to you?”
“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?”
“I wanted you to want it too,” he moved closer to Maya. “I want you…”
“Do you think we’re ready?” Maya stood picking up the basket.
Jesse pushed himself up off of the couch with his hands, wobbling a bit as he was still getting used to his prosthetic. He grabbed the basket out of her hands. “I’m ready.” Therapy was going good, but he had a long way to go. He’d been to two job interviews, no call backs yet, but he was okay. All of it meant something greater was in store for him. “Oh,” Jesse said, seeming to come to some sort of a realization.
“Oh, what?” she raised her eyebrow.
“You’re still messing with that guy,” Jesse slowly walked out of the living room.
“What guy?”
“The guy that pushed me. That will be the last time that’s going to happen,” Jesse walked into Bella’s room.
Maya came in after him. “I wasn’t messing with Richard.”
“Did you sleep with him?” His lips thinned, he knew he shouldn’t be jealous, but he couldn’t help it. Imagining another man in between her legs was sickening.
She placed her hand on her hip. “Did you have sex with anyone?”
Jesse turned, looking at her, “I asked you first.”
“You did!” she raised her voice.
“No, Maya, I didn’t have sex with anyone,” Jesse placed a few of Bella’s clothes in her dresser. “Sex was the last thing on my mind.” He thought of Nancy, begging him for sex. He couldn’t even get it up. Did that count as cheating? No, it didn’t. “That part of my body didn’t have a blood rush until I saw you.”
“Aw, Jesse,” Maya hugged him from behind. “My relationship with Richard didn’t get physical. I couldn’t open myself to him, because I belong to you,” she kissed his back. “I did share some wonderful moments with B.O.B. though”
Jesse’s arm bulged as he slammed the drawer harder than he meant to, “Who’s Bob?” He asked through gritted teeth. Did he really want to know?
Maya continued laughing against his back, and kissed him. “My battery operated boyfriend, silly,” she smacked his back. Jesse chuckled when he realized what she meant. “Oh God I missed you.”
Jesse turned in her arms, inched forward and kissed her luscious lips. “Hmmm, I missed you,” he said against her mouth. “This body has always been yours.” Maya opened her mouth and his tongue sneaked in. Just a kiss had him rock hard, Jesse knew he wasn’t going to last long once he was inside her, but he would make it up to her on their second round. Jesse pressed his manhood against Maya and she moaned. He explored the creases in her mouth, tasting a hint of mint.
The doorbell pulled them away from each other.
Her chest heaved up and down. “That’s your dad and Sarah,” Maya inhaled and exhaled trying to get her breathing back to normal. “Fix that,” she pointed at his crotch, “before you come out of this room.” She chuckled leaving the room.
Jesse slipped his hand in his pants, fixing his arousal. He looked around his daughter’s room, shit. He almost took his wife in his baby’s bedroom. He stretched his leg, and finished putting away the clothes. Jesse was finally feeling like a normal man.
“Where’s my grandbaby?” His dad asked.
“At daycare,” Maya answered. “We needed to get the house ready for tomorrow. How was the flight?”
“Not bad,” Sarah came in through the door with a book bag over her shoulder. “I’m sleepy.”
“You’re always tired,” Jesse walked into the living room. “Are you pregnant?” He joked, but his sister didn’t deny it, making him nervous.
“You’re pregnant?” Maya jumped up, and hugged her.
His dad stared at Sarah. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
�
�I didn’t say I was pregnant,” Sarah sat the bag down.
“You didn’t say no either,” Jesse studied his sister. He looked at her midsection, his baby sister was having a little Harvey. “Are you happy about it?”
They all just stared at her.
Her lips curled up and she busted out laughing. “Got you. Hell no I’m not pregnant!” She continued watching their faces. “I don’t have time for a kid, that’s why I have Bella.”
“So not funny, Sarah,” Maya sat on the couch. “I was excited.”
Jesse sat next to Maya, and placed his arm around her. “You haven’t changed, always playing games.”
“You started it. Of course I’m always tired, traveling exhausts me.” Sarah took off her shoes. “Is my room ready?”
“Yes,” Maya answered.
“When Bella comes home, wake me up,” she grabbed her stuff and walked to the guest bedroom. “Good night.”
“Things never change,” his dad mentioned and the doorbell rang again.
“Are you expecting someone else?” Jesse asked Maya.
“No, my family’s flight lands tonight.”
His dad walked over to the door and swung it opened. There was a slender, brunette woman standing at the door. His father wrapped his arms around the woman. He was beaming, “This is my girlfriend Milca. Honey, this is my son Jesse and his wife Maya.” She walked into the house. Jesse stared her down, thinking to himself that she didn’t have anything on his mother. Right at that moment he decided he didn’t like her.
Milca extended her arm and shook his hand. Jesse wasn’t ready to meet this woman. “Nice to meet you,” he lied. He always thought his parents would be married forever. Now it was real, they were over.
“I’ve heard so many great things about you,” she mentioned.
I haven’t heard shit about you, Jesse thought and tried to smile.
