by Ancelli
Jesse's chest tightened as he clenched his jaw. "Maya, you were more than enough for me. It was me," he sighed looking at Sandra. "I was lost in my own pain and darkness. I couldn't see past my injury and our loss until, I saw the pain in your eyes."
Maya just stared at him without saying a word.
"All I could see was darkness," he moved to the edge of the couch, and continued. "Maya, I never told you this, but there were many times that I contemplated taking my own life, and it was you, that pulled me through every time. I wasn't a whole man anymore."
"Jesse, why didn't you come to me?"
"Maya, you were in pain too," he gazed at her. "I didn't want to cause you anymore heartache," he said, pausing to take a deep breath. "You were my weakness."
"What?" her lips shivered. "Your weakness?"
"Maya, when a man loves a woman, she becomes his weakness. I'm supposed to be your protector, provider, and partner. I didn't want you to hurt anymore. I thought If I left, you would be better off. No more pain. Seeing me everyday was only destroying you." Jesse’s lips curled into half a smile. "And it worked, you’re a chief now, and you were happy until I came back into your life."
Her nostrils flared as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. "It didn't work, Jesse,” she raised her voice. “I used to cry myself to sleep, praying you were safe. I tried to move on and my guilt wouldn’t let me. Jesse, my love for you kept me going through the years.” Maya exhaled. “I knew you would come back to us. I made it through because of our daughter. A child I had alone because you were a coward." Those words hurt his heart. “I blamed myself,” she pointed at herself. “I couldn’t remember if I had told you how much I loved you that day. If you were hurt, if you died… I hired an investigator and he couldn’t find anything on you after three weeks of you leaving. Jesse, people tried to convince me that you were dead.” Her voice cracked. “We were supposed to be in this journey together! How can I ever trust you again? Tell me!”
"Maya!" Sandra interjected. "You're looking at this all wrong. He's finally opening up to you. I understand what he was going through. He left to Afghanistan a whole person, and came back half of what he used to be. Put yourself in his place, everyone was saying how sorry they were for his injury, but that he should be happy he was alive, how would that have made you feel?” She glared at Maya. “He didn't have time to feel sorry for himself because you were pregnant with his future," a tear rolled down Sandra’s cheek. "He couldn't share his grief with you, so he channeled all his energy into his growing family. A baby that died in the midst of it all." She stood, and walked over to her desk and placed the notebook down. "He had to deal with two life changing events at once, and he didn't have anyone to share it with, so he balled it up and he entered into a dark depression. He felt like if he was gone you,” she pointed at Maya, “the person he loved the most, would be better off," she looked at Maya crying. "He was wrong, Maya, but it wasn't your husband that decided to walk away, it was his pain. But Jesse left to find himself and instead found more darkness. No body wants to be homeless. Instead of casting blame, you two need to come together for your beautiful baby girl." Sandra sat on the edge of the wooden desk. “I know you love each other, it’s in your blood, and a love like that doesn’t come twice in a lifetime. You can rebuild your trust in each other.”
Maya inched closer to Jesse and hugged him tight. "Jesse, I love you and I'm so sorry you had to go through this by yourself, but I'm here now. Please let me in," she whispered in his ear.
Jesse’s eyes stung with tears, "Please be patient with me. You mean everything to me. I survived this long because of you," he moved his hands up and down her back. "I wanted to be the man I promised you I would be."
"You are..." she cupped his face. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Jesse, you were everything I knew you could be. We were never perfect, and that’s what I loved about us, that we were imperfect, and we still loved each other.”
Sandra cleared her throat, "I can't be your therapist anymore.” She opened her top drawer, throwing in the notepad. “I broke so many protocols today. I thought I could separate personal from work, but I can't. I love you two like you were family. I'll find you someone as awesome as me," she smiled.
“No!” Maya stood, shaking her head. "Jesse needs you. I'll find another therapist for us as a couple, but you have to promise to continue seeing him."
"Please, Mrs. Valle," Jesse put his hands in the praying position.
"Fine," Sandra grabbed her purse. "See you next week, Harvey. Maya, see you tomorrow for breakfast. You guys can stay here as long as you need. I think you two have a few more things to hash out before you leave this office." Sandra walked out of her office, locking and closing the door behind her.
“You have to love her,” Maya chuckled.
“Yes, you do, but she has a point,” Jesse stared at her. “Maya, you're not to blame for me escaping, and you're right I was a coward." he placed his hands over hers. "I regretted my decision the day I walked away from you, from our home. I understand if you want to walk away from us." Jesse squeezed her hand. "I will always love and provide for you and our daughter." He dug in his pants and pulled out his wallet, and searched for a debit card. Jesse handed it over to Maya.
Maya stared at the card with her name imprinted on it. "Jesse, we're okay." She tried to give it back to him, but he wouldn't take it. "Are you leaving me?"
"Only if that's what you want," he gazed at the love of his life. He was such a fool. Jesse saw everything clearer now. He had the tools to be a better man, husband and father. He had the funds to help provide for them.
Maya looked at him, and then at the card. "Did you get a job?"
"Not yet."
He could see the confusion in her face.
"When I was mugged they took everything I owned, including all my identifications." Jesse grabbed his crutches and stood. He knew she was about to blow a gasket. "I was out in the middle of nowhere, with no ride or means to get cash," he stared at her. "It's been one thousand thirty days," he glanced at his watch. "Two hours, three minutes, and ten, nine, eight..." he was making up shit, trying to be funny.
"I get it, continue," she looked up at him.
"Maya, I have over seventy thousand in the bank."
"What?" Maya jumped up. "You had money sitting in the bank and you remained homeless?"
"Remember what Sandra said," he pointed out. "At that moment in my life I didn't care about those monthly disability checks. I thought you had access to the account all this time, I assumed I was helping out, taking care of my responsibilities until Dad took me to the bank and I realized you weren't on that account."
"Jesse, I didn't care about money. I wanted you." She stepped forward, "I've regretted -" he went to say something and she hushed him with her index finger. "Please listen. I didn't mean those awful words that came out of my mouth the day you left. I was frustrated because you wouldn't let me in. You wouldn't share your pain with me, but you allowed me to burden you," she started crying all over again. "Jesse, I…" her voice cracked. "I wanted to be to you what you were to me. My rock. You were the king of this castle," Maya pointed at her heart.
"And you are the queen of mine. Forgive me?" He circled one arm around her waist. "I made some serious mistakes that cost us almost three years of our lives, please don't let it cost us forever."
“You’re still my superman.” Maya smiled, inching forward. "I want what you promised me the day we met..." she kissed him. "My future."
Chapter Nine
“How’s therapy coming along?” His dad asked. He’d extended his time off from work, and spent a few weeks with them.
“There have been some eye opening moments. We both want the same thing,” Jesse answered.
“And what’s that?”
“To save our marriage.”
“Great,” his dad grinned, and then got serious. “Why aren't you and your wife sleeping in the same room?" Jesse's dad drove him around,
trying to get all the documents they needed for him to get all his identifications back. Thank God Maya had a certified copy of his birth certificate. He took him to the social security office, the DMV, and then to get his military dependent ID.
Jesse stared out of the window, watching his surroundings. Why was his dad being so nosey? "Dad, it's been almost three years."
"Did she ask you to stay in the guest bedroom?"
Jesse wasn't really sure; he was kind of groggy when she talked to him. "She said she had a guest room I could stay in, so yes she did."
"And you're okay with that?"
He was getting annoyed, but he knew his dad meant well. "At this point, I'll take whatever she gives me." Maya might still be wary of him, she didn't even trust him alone with Bella. She made sure his dad was going to be with them today. "I have to earn back her trust."
"Yes you do," his dad agreed. "You married a good woman, son. You weren't yourself for a while before you decided to go play in the streets." His voice held a touch of pain. "Why didn't you come to me?"
Jesse was tired of hearing the same questions, from Maya, Sandra, and now his dad. He regretted telling him the truth, but he deserved to know what he was up to. Jesse didn't want him thinking Maya knew where he was and had promised him she would keep it a secret. "Dad, I wasn't myself. I really don't want to talk about it."
"Fine. Did you meet someone?"
"No," he huffed. "For the most part I kept to myself."
His dad shook his head, and pinched his nose. His father was hurt. "I'll leave it alone. I'm happy I have you back."
"I'm glad to be back, just have to get used to being back."
"Are you really okay, son?" His father touched his shoulder.
"Yes, I'm getting there." Jesse twisted in his seat, and looked back at Bella as she slept. "She's beautiful."
"She's a blessing. When you left, she was given to us," his dad glanced at him and then at the road. "Bella became the reason for us to smile. I saw you every time I saw her."
"What about Mom?"
"Your mom wasn't convinced that Bella was yours," his dad pulled into a parking lot. "She was blind; any fool could see she’s a Harvey."
"Does she have a relationship with Bella?" Jesse rubbed his calf.
"Not really. She sends her a gift for Christmas and her birthday, that's where it ends. I've tried to talk to her, but she doesn't want to listen. One day she'll regret it."
"Bella is just a baby, why would she take it out on her." He said through gritted teeth. "What happened between you two?"
"We grew apart after you and your sister left the house," his dad parked. "You kids kept us together through the years. I didn't want to continue living a lie." he said and sneered. "I met a great lady, and she makes me happy."
“I'm happy you found love again.” Jesse smiled, "I wish Mom the same. Is she still meeting us for lunch?"
“Yes,” his dad tapped the steering wheel. “She loves you. You and your sister always came first.”
“I know.” Jesse wasn’t going to let his mother put his child on the back burner. Bella was a part of her family and she has to accept it.
“It was about time the cops found the punks that jumped you,” his father said pulling in to the parking lot.
“Thanks to Maya,” he chuckled. His wife didn’t play when it came to the people she cared about, “The guy she shot was being seen at the hospital for a bullet wound and the cops were called in.”
“She’s one of a kind, don’t let her slip away.” His father parked the car.
“I wont.”
"Let’s go get your new foot," his dad opened the car door, and got out. He opened the back door and unhooked Bella from her seat as Jesse got out, and grabbed his crutches. "Wakey, wakey, sleepy head," he picked her up.
She smiled, "Hi."
"Hi," his father kissed her closing the door. "Daddy," she kissed her palm and threw it at Jesse.
He blew a kiss at her too. "Daddy’s getting his life back," he said as they walked into the fancy building.
***
"Mommy!" Bella yelled as they walked into her office. This was the first time he visited her command, and he hoped she wasn’t mad at his decision. Jesse wanted her to come out to lunch, and he wanted to show off his new Lego piece.
Maya stood from behind her desk smiling, wiping her eyes. "This is a great surprise," she strolled over to Bella, got on her knees and kissed their baby girl on her chubby cheek. “Hi, princess,” she combed her fingers through her curls. “I see Daddy tried to comb your hair.”
Bella touched her hair. “Pretty Bella.”
“Yes, princess,” Jesse puckered his lips and threw her a kiss. “Daddy twisted her hair and brushed it into an afro puff.”
“If that’s what you call it,” Maya chuckled. “Where’s your dad?”
“Downstairs,” Jesse got serious. “You don’t trust me alone with our daughter?”
“I never said that,” Maya’s eyes widened. “Of course I trust you, but she can be a handful.”
“I don’t care,” Jesse smiled looking at Bella. “I don’t need to be supervised.” Their sessions with the therapist were going great, they were learning to say exactly how they felt, and that’s what he was doing now. “I can handle our child.”
“Okay,” she smiled back, looking at his leg.
"Can you join us for lunch?" Jesse's hair was pulled back in a ponytail. He looked sexy standing at her door in a pair of washed out jeans, and a black button down shirt. He wasn't using his crutches.
“Oh my God,” Maya watched his new prosthetic foot. “How does it feel?" He had on both shoes, you couldn't even tell.
Bella pointed, "Daddy Lego."
They both laughed.
Jesse stepped in further with the use of a fancy cane. He had a limp as he walked, but he didn't need any other help. "It feels great, every time I take a step, it's like stepping on a cushion." He caressed her neck with his finger, pulling her closer. "You've always looked out for me. Each passing day I love you more and more. Yes, I left, and that was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I'm getting help, and I'm feeling much better, love. I can finally say I'm going to be okay."
"We are going to be okay," she moved closer and gave him a feather kiss on his lips. "Yes, I’d love to join my family for lunch.”
“Warning, my mom will be there,” he took Bella’s hand in his.
“She hasn’t scared me off yet, and she won’t start now.” Maya grabbed her purse, “Let’s go.”
***
“Your family is coming for Thanksgiving. Are you excited?” Maya said looking over the menu. That was the last thing he was feeling. Jesse only agreed to host Thanksgiving at their house because it seemed to make Maya happy. Sarah invited the whole damn family, and Maya did the same with her side. He would just smile and make it through.
“You’ll get to meet the new additions to the Harvey family,” His dad took a sip of his coffee. “Mom can’t wait to see you and granny can’t make it, her health isn’t doing well.”
Jesse thought about his great grandmother as he held Bella on his lap. Four generations of Harvey’s, he thought as he smiled, happy that he got a second chance to enjoy being a part of it all. “Can’t wait.”
His dad checked his cell, “Your mom is here.” He stood, “Let me go get her,” he walked out.
“Are you sure you’re okay with having Thanksgiving?” Maya touched his knuckles. “We can have it somewhere else.”
“Love, I’m good with whatever makes you happy.”
“Hap...py…” Bella clapped.
Jesse watched his parents come through the door. His mom was smiling until she got closer and saw Maya at the table. Her lips thinned. "Hi, sweetheart," she tried to mask her disappointment. She hugged him, and his dad pulled out the chair for her and sat next to Maya.
"Hi," Bella waved at his mother, and she ignored her. "Hi," his baby raised her voice this time, trying to get her attention. “Excus
.”
Jesse was going to bite his tongue but he couldn't. "Mom," he said in a stern voice. "My daughter, your granddaughter said hi."
His mom stared at his little girl. "Hello."
"Do you have a problem with my child?" Jesse glared at his mother.
She pulled off her shades, "I don't have any problem with the baby, however I thought it was only us today."
"Mom, this is my family," Jesse kissed Bella's head. "If you want a relationship with me, then they are included in the package. If you don't like Maya, get over it. She's my wife, the mother of my child." He opened his menu. "Princess, let's check out the kid’s menu. Mommy said you like grilled cheese."
Bella pointed at random foods, and then she looked over at his mother. Bella kissed his mother's arm, and then she lifted her stuffed animal so she could see it. “My pooh bear.” She grinned.
His mother wiped her eyes with the napkin off the table, and she took Bella's hand. "Hi, darling. You don't remember Grandma?"
Bella pulled her hand away, and continued looking at the menu with Jesse.
"How could she?" His dad mentioned. "In the two years since she's been born you've seen her three times. I told you, Paulette, you would live to regret turning your back on the only grandkid we have."
Maya was quiet.
"Us or nothing, Mother." Jesse added, he wasn’t going to beg her to love his baby. "I won't let you get between what we are trying to rebuild. I love you, but I love my family too."
She pushed back her chair and rushed out of the restaurant.
"I guess I got my answer," his voice rattled, watching her storm out. "She has lived three years without me, I guess she doesn't mind losing me for even more."
“Jesse,” Maya finally talked. “She’s still your mother. You won’t lose us. Go after her.”
“No,” he waved down the waiter. The young lady walked to their table. “We’re ready to order.” They each ordered, and Maya kept looking over her shoulder. “Maya, you come first, I told you this when we got married, and I meant it,” he picked up a crayon and helped Bella trace the kid’s menu. “And now I have another mini Maya,” he smiled. “Dad, was I wrong?”
