Walks Alone

by Sandi Rog

  Anna stopped walking. “You’ve managed to collect ‘only this much information’? My goodness, Beth. You’re doing so well adjusting to their culture. I’m grateful when I’m able to find the appropriate root or berry, or strap as much wood on my back as you, let alone speak and understand the language.” She sighed. “I’ve picked up quite a few words and phrases, but after a while, I feel so overwhelmed that I get lost, and their words sound like noise.” They began walking again.

  “You’re blessed to live with Song Bird. At least she speaks English.”

  “That’s probably why I haven’t learned the language as well as you, but she doesn’t give me much information. She becomes withdrawn and sad, so I try not to ask too many questions. Though she did say I make White Eagle happy, that he smiles again. Can you imagine that? When does she see White Eagle anyway? I hardly ever see him—unless I’m making a fool of myself.” She sighed and decided to change the subject before questions could be asked. “Several of the Indians can speak a little English. I wonder how they’ve picked up the language?”

  “From what I understand, White Eagle’s taught them.”

  “Well, he does speak proper English. I wonder how he learned it so well? He must have picked it up from traders.”

  They reached the water and filled their kettles.

  “I don’t know why I bother trying to learn the language when I won’t be staying anyway.” Anna set the kettle down then picked up the other one and filled it with water. “When are they going to get on with this wedding? I hardly see White Eagle, and when I do, I’ve been too distracted to even ask. Do you see much of Running Cloud?”

  “No, not at all.” Beth faced her. “I’m worried.”

  “What about?”

  “What do you think will happen when Running Cloud learns I can’t have children?”

  “What? I didn’t know—”

  “That’s why Al was unhappy with me.” Beth looked down at the ground.

  Anna didn’t know what to say about that. She wished she could ease her worry by saying that love would cover such things, but even that was questionable in this case. Was Running Cloud capable of love?

  Beth was a woman of faith, so it was difficult to see her feeling vulnerable. How could Anna offer her any comfort, especially in such a desperate situation? “Pray about it,” she finally said, surprised by her words. Not that prayer ever did her any good. Sorry Lord, but it’s true.

  Beth’s eyes lit up. “Yes, of course.” She shook her head as if to ask why she hadn’t thought of that herself.

  Anna picked up her kettles. Would prayer really do Beth any good? The ache in Anna’s shoulders from hauling wood yesterday gave her a way to escape the conversation. “I wish I could collect enough wood to last a week. My shoulders still ache.”

  “Mine used to hurt too. You’ll get used to it.”

  Anna set her kettles down and rubbed her shoulders. “You’re right. Before you know it, I’ll be carrying more wood than you.” She cast Beth a smug grin.

  “You’re smaller than me, Anna. You shouldn’t expect to carry as much as me.”

  “Well, it can’t hurt to hope.” Anna picked up her kettles, and they headed toward the village.

  “You’re doing well to fit in. Besides, are you forgetting you’ll be leaving here as soon as the wedding is over?”

  Anna’s foot stumbled. As a matter of fact, she had—just for the moment. She’d never see Beth again, her first and best friend. She’d never see White Eagle. How happy would she be without them? She’d survived for years without any friends. But given a choice . . . .

  Thoughts of Denver City flooded her mind, all the waiting, the time, the preparation.

  Home.

  Denver City. That is where we belong.

  She could still hear her father’s words on the ship. “Of course, I’ll be leaving,” she said, her lack of enthusiasm surprising her. “But it doesn’t mean I can’t try to carry as much as you.” She forced a smile.

  Beth frowned. “I wish you weren’t leaving, Anna. You’re my closest friend.”

  “You’re mine too.” Anna looked down at the ground as she stepped through the brush along the trees. “But you have Laughs Like A River—she’ll make a fine friend,” she said, unable to deny the tinge of jealousy rippling over her heart.

  Anna watched Beth walk, so sure-footed in her new moccasins as if she’d worn them all her life. In the same way Beth wore her new shoes, she wore her new life. As though she belonged in this world. Or the world itself was made for her. How did she do it? How did she manage to wear this new world so comfortably?

  “What makes you so happy? So content?” Anna asked.

  Smiling, Beth looked over at Anna and then her face became serious. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I guess it was my experience with Al.”

  “Pardon?”

  Beth laughed. “Sounds strange, I know. But during that time I learned to trust in God. I had no choice because I had no one. No family. Nothing. And I’ll trust in Him again in this situation. Thanks to your reminder.” She winked at Anna. Her face appeared thoughtful again. “I think the Lord wants us to take bad situations and learn from them, to lean on Him and trust that He’ll take care of us.” She motioned to the world around her, the kettles weighing down her arms. “He’s here with us now.”

  The trouble with Beth’s words was Anna didn’t trust God. Not to take care of her, anyway. He’d allowed her to be abused for six long years. She wanted to be near her father, near someone who protected her, and she believed she’d find a part of her father in Denver City. “I just want to go home. I feel as though I’ve been trying to get home ever since I touched American soil, and it’s constantly out of reach. Contentment—home—is waiting for me in Denver City.”

  “You won’t find happiness in a city or in better circumstances. People will be people wherever you go.”

  How could she have found contentment living with her uncle? “Maybe I don’t know how to be content.”

  “Contentment comes from knowing the Lord is with you. Knowing He works all things out for good. And knowing this life is temporary. There’s something better waiting for us.” Beth stopped walking, set her kettles down and looked Anna in the eyes. “I don’t know what it is, but there’s something unique about White Eagle. Something different. He watches you, Anna. He watches you closely. I believe God has brought you here for a reason.” Beth reached over to touch Anna’s arm. “God is here with you. You don’t have to leave.”

  The backs of Anna’s eyes burned with unshed tears as Beth picked up her kettles and they resumed walking. But God wasn’t with her, otherwise He’d rescue her. God had left her to fend for herself. And she didn’t understand why.

  “I think you find contentment, even joy, by growing from bad experiences.” Beth smiled, completely unaware of Anna’s inner struggle. “We need to let those bad times draw us closer to the Lord. It’s a choice.” Again, Beth stopped. “With the Lord, you’re never alone. With Him, you’re always home.”

  With a smile and a spring in her step, Beth resumed walking again, and Anna followed beside her, almost glad for the silence. Ever since her father died she’d been alone. And that’s why she had to get to Denver. Besides, how could one always be home with the Lord? It didn’t make any sense.

  Home was Denver City.

  Other women caught the girls’ attention with their chatter. She and Beth turned toward the village as the sun came up over the horizon. It lit up the sky like gold. It was then that she saw the men coming toward the water to bathe.

  Anna’s heart skipped when she saw White Eagle watching her. Her cheeks warmed at the thought of how little clothing she had on. Her chemise covered her more than this dress. Yet he ought to be used to seeing women dressed this way since these were his people. She took a deep breath and tried to focus her mind on other things, like when she could leave.

  Speaking of leaving, now was as good a time as any to have a talk with her h
usband-to-be. Careful not to drop her kettles, she walked straight up to White Eagle. Her stomach did a flip as she came near his towering form. He sure could look intimidating. But she shook it off. She wasn’t going to let it affect her. She wanted to go home.

  The other men continued on their way as she set her kettles down to speak to her Indian “beau.”

  “When will you take me to Denver City? It’s been several weeks, and I’m afraid if I wait much longer, I won’t have work by the time I get there. They won’t wait for me forever, you know.” She hadn’t meant to sound so saucy, but it took too much effort to be polite. After all, he had kept her here long enough, and if no marriage was to take place then what were they waiting for?

  His eyes narrowed. “Since you were a gift, it’s my duty to marry you. And I’ll do it in my own time.”

  His words cut like a knife. He sounded so cold. Granted, she may have deserved it, but his response hammered home that she was his captive, not a guest, for goodness sake. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she was his gift, as though she were a horse or something. And even worse, he was marrying her out of obligation. Yet why should any of that matter? It wasn’t like she didn’t know this already.

  Flustered, she picked up her kettles, turned on her moccasined heels and marched back to the village, wishing she could bury her face in her hands.

  ~*~

  The sun’s rays shot across the sky, causing the mountain near the lake to light up in brilliance and reflect in the rippling waters as the men made their way to bathe.

  “Your woman wears your skins,” Running Cloud said as he and White Eagle came to the water.

  “So does yours.”

  “It’s a shame we haven’t had time to court the women since our return,” Running Cloud said.

  White Eagle glanced at his friend. Were those his words? Did Running Cloud actually find himself attracted to his wife-to-be?

  There was no doubt White Eagle felt attracted to Walks Alone. Seeing her in that buckskin dress made him glad he suggested Song Bird make one for her.

  He dove head first into the water, needing to cool off.

  Scouting the area for Black Bear these past few weeks had kept him from the village. He would be coming soon, and they needed to be ready. Until now, there were no signs or tracks, but Black Bear was sly. He wouldn’t make himself easy to find.

  When White Eagle had spoken to Song Bird the night before, he was pleased to hear how well Walks Alone was getting along. As a matter of fact, he was quite surprised. He’d been certain she wouldn’t fit in, being high bred and from the East; he imagined she would refuse to do most of the chores.

  But Song Bird had another story to tell—Walks Alone actually made efforts to learn his people’s tongue. He had also caught a glimpse of her the other day, walking through the woods with Runs With Wind, and she’d been laughing. He liked the way her freckles danced over her nose when she laughed, and the way that upturned slope crinkled when she became annoyed. And that funny little accent she developed every time she became nervous. She couldn’t be from New York. Where was she really from?

  She was definitely not a typical Easterner. She was special, and she worked hard. That was his Walks Alone. His woman.

  His thoughts jerked him back to reality. Walks Alone was not his woman, nor would she ever be. He swam away from the men so he could be alone. While the Cheyenne wedding would mean nothing to her, it meant something to him. How was he to pull this off? There was no way to fake his own wedding, turning it into a farce. And yet, there was one way she could be his forever. He shook the thoughts from his mind. It wouldn’t be right. He promised not to touch her and to take her back.

  The Cheyenne wedding would be of no value to her, therefore giving her the freedom to marry someone else if she wished. That thought sent a painful shudder through his system. Maybe he should break his promise and not take her to Denver City. If he kept her here long enough, she’d eventually come to accept their marriage. If she accepted their marriage, they wouldn’t have to leave. He’d have a family, children to call his own.

  More importantly, he’d have her.

  ~*~

  Days later, Anna lumbered behind Beth as they made their way back to the village with various plant roots which would be used for medicine, smoking, and eating. Anna’s hands were full of calluses. Thank goodness the blisters were finally gone. It made it much easier to use her root pick. Song Bird said that spring was usually the season to dig up roots on the plains, but here in the mountains, they’d found a surplus of what they needed. Summer was the time to pick berries. Since roots were becoming more difficult to find in these hot months, they would pick more berries.

  Just as the village came into view, war cries carried through the trees. The light hairs on Anna’s arms and neck stood on end. She spotted several men dodging trees and racing toward them from all sides.

  The women shouted and rushed together. Two women quickly moved away from the rest, and with their picks, drew one large circle around all of them, while others quickly gathered armloads of sticks and pinecones.

  Anna and Beth gaped at each other.

  “Stand in circle for protection,” Laughs Like A River said in Cheyenne, dropping several sticks and cones over the line.

  Anna glanced at Beth. “Protection from what? The men won’t harm their own women, will they?”

  Laughs Like A River cast them a knowing smile and hurried into the circle with the rest of the women.

  Several of the men carried fabricated shields made of willow twigs, and they rode old, lazy, or ugly horses. The women quickly laid down their roots and pelted the men with pinecones, sticks, and bark as they drew near.

  “Only the men who have counted coup are allowed inside the circle. That means they touched an enemy, but let him live,” Laughs Like A River said. Anna was amazed at how much Cheyenne she understood, but was still utterly confused by what was taking place.

  The men surrounded them, and the women’s shouts and the men’s war cries continued. Laughs Like A River motioned for Anna to lay down her roots. She was supposed to pelt off any brave who tried to take them. The braves went for the women’s roots, and some men were pelted so vigorously that they backed away, holding up their humorous shields.

  One brave showed particular interest in Laughs Like A River. He crossed over the line and into the circle, attempting to steal her roots. She giggled, while at the same time holding him off with sticks and pinecones. Another woman turned her nose up at Spotted Owl and pelted him without mercy until he retreated and feigned defeat by falling off his horse and playing dead. Some of the women laughed at the scene, but continued their pelting at the other men.

  White Eagle was nowhere to be seen, while Running Cloud had already captured most of the other women’s findings.

  Anna gingerly tossed pinecones over the line of the circle but spent more time watching as the women, laughing and shrieking, taunted the war-painted braves. Some men were quick on their feet, others galloped around the circle on their old, painted horses, making faces and shouting war cries, hair and feathers dancing around them, but making no effort to enter the circle.

  It was all a game.

  Anna giggled.

  Beth had apparently caught on, for when Anna looked her way, she saw Running Cloud in front of her trying to steal her roots. He captured them and shouted. Beth laughed out loud, putting a hand to her chest, her cheeks pink. Anna had never seen Beth laugh so freely before. But Beth quieted her laughter as Running Cloud stood in front of her, gazing into her face. Slowly, almost with hesitation, he reached toward her, and brushed his fingers along her cheek, studying her as if seeing her for the first time.

  Pangs of jealousy swept through Anna, and she wondered what happened to White Eagle. Her gaze darted in every direction amongst the trees, trying to spot him, but he was nowhere to be seen.

  It was too late anyway. The game was over. The men gradually disappeared with their roots, and the women carried e
verything back to the village, talking and giggling amongst themselves. Anna took up what was left of her roots and shuffled behind the others.

  “White Eagle looks for Black Bear,” Laughs Like A River said.

  Anna nodded, but disappointment still plagued her. Why should it matter anyway? She was leaving, and they would never see each other again. But somehow that thought made her feel empty inside.

  What nonsense. She had survived this long all alone; she could certainly survive the rest of her life without White Eagle at her side, especially as his captive.

  ~*~

  Anna stretched her weary back and brushed her filthy hands off on her skirt as she and the women came down toward the village from collecting roots. This time they sat down together and laid their roots out in front of them, but no line was drawn. Some shouted war cries, and one waved a blanket toward the village. Anna set her roots in front of her, wondering why she should even bother. It’d been three days since they began playing these games—the women had apparently stopped when Anna and Beth had first joined them, but now that everyone was comfortable, they began again—and White Eagle never showed.

  In this game, since the women weren’t surprised by the men but had initiated it themselves, only men who had been wounded in war or who’d had his horse shot from under him during war were permitted to take the roots.

  Anna sat down near her roots, humming a tune to herself to keep her mind distracted from the others and their obvious pleasure. She still tossed small sticks and cones just to act as though she were playing the game, though her lack of enthusiasm was obvious.

  Just then, a dark hand snatched the roots in front of her. She looked up.

  White Eagle knelt before her. “You make this game easy,” he said, grinning.