Solo

by Mike Kilroy

  That would make Tom his Sancho Panza.

  He supposed Eye Lyds was his Dulcinea. That made his smile even wider.

  “Have you seen anyone else?” Solo asked.

  Mar shoveled another spoonful of beans into her mouth and shook her head. “No. I've looked, believe me. I found this building about a month ago and decided to just stay here. There were generators in the basement and a good vantage point all the way up here. I spend hours looking out over the city, seeing if I can spot another soul. I never have.”

  “Bullshit,” Tom whispered into Solo’s ear. “There’s too much stuff here for just one person. I don’t trust her.”

  “It’s a nice place,” Solo said. “Mind if we stay?”

  Mar smiled. “I was praying you would. I’ve been on my own for so long, it’d be nice to have some company and someone to talk to. That was the worst part, ya know? No one to talk to. No human … contact.”

  Solo couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for Mar. So alone. So isolated.

  And she looked it. At times she was shaky and unsure of herself, but hid it well. Her eyes darted up to them often and he could tell she still didn’t completely trust them. He wouldn’t either, especially with the scowl Tom had on his face as he stared at her. That must have unnerved her terribly, he thought.

  Uno was quite trusting, though. She wandered over to Mar and put her head on her lap. Mar smiled and stroked Uno’s head gently. Solo could tell it calmed Mar and made her feel much more at ease.

  Mar looked up and smiled at Solo. For the first time he could tell she was beginning to trust him.

  Solo’s face creased with a big smile as he straightened his hat upon his head. “You can talk to me.”

  “I know I can, Solo.” She said, her voice like a purr.

  ***

  Eye Lyds’s hand was wrapped around Solo’s. She giggled as they ran through the field, ryegrass and yellow foxtail and wild carrot weeds slashing at their thighs.

  Her feet were bare and stained green by the dampness of the ground. It was one of the rare times when Eye Lyds didn’t wear her heels.

  Solo matted down a square patch in the weeds and lay down on the ground. Eye Lyds lay next to him.

  They stared at the clear, blue sky, the only clouds made by the contrails of aircraft gliding by high overhead.

  They giggled and she punched him on the arm, then Solo’s voice became sober. “Why did you do it?”

  Eye Lyds sighed. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean to jam it into that asshole’s eye.”

  “Good. Go with that,” Solo said. “We’ve talked about this. I don’t need protecting.”

  “Sometimes I get so mad at how they treat you.”

  “I can handle it.”

  “I don’t think you can anymore. I’m sorry.” Eye Lyds stood, her silhouette cast against the azure sky. “I wish you could make a wish on planes,” she said, tilting her head back to gaze above her. “I’d wish for everything to be easy and normal.”

  “That’s not who I am.”

  “I know.”

  “You’re the only one who understands me.”

  She knelt over him, her face close to his face, her eyes staring right into his. “I’m not the only one.”

  She turned her head to her left and Solo looked to his right. Someone was cutting through the weeds toward them with heavy steps.

  ***

  Mar slept in the boardroom and Solo, Tom and Uno stayed in a large corner office.

  The light of the rising sun woke them and Solo shook out another pill and swallowed it. Uno licked at his hand, and Tom sat in the corner and scowled as he always did.

  “I don’t trust her,” Tom said.

  “I know. You’ve made that abundantly clear.”

  “She’s playing you. She was spying your backpack. You probably didn’t notice that because you were making goo-goo eyes at her. She wants to filch it.”

  “No, she doesn’t.”

  “She does. She wants the drugs. She could hear them rattling away like a maraca in your bag. Why don’t you just put a sign on your forehead that says, ‘Sucker?’”

  “You’re imagining things.”

  “Oh, I’m imagining things? Who the fuck are you to talk?” Tom stood and hulked over Solo, who sat up slowly. “You're pathetic. I can’t watch her destroy you.”

  Solo didn’t know what that meant. He looked at Tom, his friend, in shock.

  “You have a choice.” Tom had that tone he got when he was at his breaking point. Solo had come to know it well because he heard that tone in his voice often. “Stick with me or stay with her.”

  Solo raised an eyebrow and his jaw slacked open. It was an impossible choice.

  “Just stay, Tom. She’s nice. We can trust her. We need other people. Something needs to change and she might be that change.”

  Tom scoffed. “You're a damned fool. You’ll see. Mark my words. You’ll see.”

  Tom looked back at him with a glower and then loudly stomped out of the room. He walks so forcefully, so purposefully, so commandingly. Solo sprung to his feet and chased after him, spilling into hallway, but Tom was nowhere to be seen.

  Tom was gone.

  Solo sighed and felt his heart thump. It hurt. He was going to miss his friend. He hoped he would come back, but he knew Tom well. Tom was not one to yield or compromise. Tom had made Solo’s choice for him.

  Solo walked slowly to the conference room, Uno walking beside him. The dog could sense Solo was sad and peered up at him with droopy eyes and a panting tongue.

  Mar gathered some gear and looked back at Solo with a smile. “How’s it going?”

  Solo sighed again. “Could be better.”

  “You look like you’ve lost your best friend.”

  He had. He smiled at the irony. “It’s okay.”

  Mar nodded. “I’m heading out to find some food.”

  “Can I come with?”

  “I don’t know. Someone should stay here and scan the city for others and take care of this adorable little girl.” Mar knelt and pet Uno, who licked at her hand. “I’ll be back in a lickety-split.”

  Mar stood and walked to Solo, placing her hand on his shoulders. “Got any requests?”

  Everyone has a smell, a scent, and Solo completely adored hers. She smelled like the juniper that grew around his childhood home—one of the few things he could recall. Eye Lyds said she thought it smelled like cat piss, but Solo liked the aroma. To each his own, I guess.

  Her one blue eye and own brown eyes stared into his two hazel ones and he was mesmerized by them. He adored everything about her.

  He was smitten.

  “Well, I ain’t got all day, Solo.” She snapped him out of his latest daydream. “Anything you want me to look for while I’m out?”

  “Um, yeah. Running low on Twinkies.”

  Mar threw her head back and laughed. “Okay. I’ll keep an eye out for some.” She lowered herself to Uno and rubbed her behind the ear. “And I’ll look for some suitable dog food for you, Little Girl. And maybe a bone. You’d like a bone, huh? So would I, if you know what I mean.” She looked up at Solo and winked.

  Solo turned away shyly and he felt his face flush again. She was flirting with him and he liked it.

  As she left, she rubbed his shoulders again and patted him on his silver hat. “Don’t you go tilting at windmills.” She kissed him on the cheek and sauntered out of the conference room. Solo couldn’t hold his smile back any longer.

  Tom was so wrong about her. She was nice and witty and charming and a capable scavenger of food and pretty and smart and a delight to be around. She made this cold world warm. She made this lifeless world worth living in again.

  Tom was a fool for distrusting her, Solo thought. He deserved to be out there on his own. He was so miserable.

  Such a Debbie Downer.

  He was a Tommy Downer.

  He didn’t need any Tommy Downers. He didn't need him.

  He had Mar n
ow. She got him. She understood him. Few did in the Before. It was a miracle he had found someone who accepted him like Mar in the After.

  Solo sat on a plush conference room chair and spun around and around until he became dizzy. The sensation was nice, however. It gave him a certain fluttery feeling in his gut that Mar had given him.

  He felt a pang of guilt for feeling this way. There was a chance Eye Lyds was still out there, but deep down he knew Tom to be correct. Eye Lyds was gone, Livvy wasn’t real and he needed to move on with his life.

  Solo rolled the chair to the window and gazed out. He spotted Mar as she walked briskly toward the lake. He waved to her, but she didn’t see him. He loved her walk, too. It was confident and true. Her back was perfectly straight and she had a little bob with each step that she took.

  He watched that walk until she got smaller and smaller and then vanished from his view.

  He sighed.

  He could hardly wait for her to return.

  ***

  Darkness, a complete pitch blackness, fell over the city. The moon was gone in the sky and Solo struggled to see anything outside of the window.

  Mar had said she would be back in a lickety-split. It was well past that now.

  “Lickety-split” had come and gone hours ago. So had “in a jiffy” and “after awhile, crocodile” and “before you know it” and even “in a little bit.”

  Solo began to worry. So did Uno, who paced back and forth in sync with Solo’s worried steps.

  Solo took another pill to calm him. They were working. He felt more focused and sharp than he had in a long time. Even now in this agitated state, he felt like he could handle anything.

  He worried for Mar, though. Things can happen out there. Wild animals were rampant without humans to tame and hunt and kill them. She could have fallen and broken her leg. She could have stumbled upon another person who was not so benevolent. She could have had a brain aneurysm and just dropped dead. There were a million-and-one things that could have happened to her out there and a million of them were bad.

  He slumped into the soft chair and rolled himself to the window, and then pushed himself back to the table, and then back to the window, and then back to the table. It calmed him, but flustered Uno even more. She barked and growled at the wheels as they rolled along the floor.

  Then she began barking at the door.

  “Shhh, girl,” Solo said. He heard clumping footsteps and he thought they couldn’t have all been produced by Mar.

  This excited Solo. She must have found others, or perhaps Tom had decided to return. They could build a community. Maybe there would be kids again, and he could teach the children English and mathematics and history.

  Solo wanted to be a teacher once, too.

  Solo was a history buff.

  The clumping became louder and then stopped. Solo heard muffled voices and then Mar’s sweet voice say, “Let me handle this,” as she blasted into the conference room.

  Solo stood, adjusted his silver hat on his head, and smiled. “Mar, you made it. And it sounds like you have company.”

  Mar smiled and walked slowly toward him. She knelt and patted Uno on the head and then grabbed Solo’s hands. Her’s were warm and soothing around his. “Yes. I found others.”

  “That’s great!” Solo could barely contain his excitement. “How many? Can I meet them?”

  Mar shook her head and curled her lips strangely. “Oh, Solo. The thing is they are very particular about who they associate with. I know it’s been awhile since you’ve been with others, so you don’t know how it is.”

  Solo’s smile quickly evaporated. He was confused and it was a feeling he dreaded. He was always confused, it seemed. People were always telling him things like he was ill and he wasn’t thinking clearly and there was something terribly wrong with him.

  “I don’t understand. I thought you were alone like me.”

  Mar shook her head again. “That’s not really true. I was alone, but not anymore. My friends have come back and we need what you have.”

  “What do I have?”

  Mar smiled and patted him on the silver hat. “Oh, Solo, you know what you have.” She looked at his bag.

  “You can have whatever you need.” Solo reached down, grabbed his bag and held it out to Mar.

  She grabbed it and cocked her head. “Really? You’d just give it to me?”

  Solo nodded. “Sure. Why not? There’s plenty. We can share.”

  Mar shook her head and let out a strange chuckle. She leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. “Oh, Solo, you are so sweet—and simple. Are you brain damaged or something?”

  Solo knitted his eyes together. He was confused again. “I don’t think so. If I was, I probably wouldn’t know it, so I guess there is no real way I can answer that question.”

  Mar broke into laughter. “I’m going to miss you.” She looked at Uno. “But not you. You’re staying with us, aren’t you?”

  Solo was confused yet again. Perhaps I am brain damaged. “What do you mean? I’m staying here with you, right?”

  “No.” Mar whistled and two men entered the room. One was short with a thick crop of dark hair and stubble on his round face. He was burly and looked very strong. The other was balding—a short ring of hair circled his head—tall, rail thin, gangly, and looked as if a stiff gust of wind could blow him over. They both had angry looks on their faces and were sweating and fidgeting as they menaced just inside the arch of the door.

  “This is our place,” Mar said firmly, glancing back at who Solo could only surmise was her henchmen. She didn’t seem the type to have henchmen, but in the After, Solo supposed, everyone needed someone. He needed Tom now, more than ever. Tom was his protector and friend. But he was gone now.

  Solo was alone.

  Mar looked back at Solo, her eyes narrow and her jaw clenched. She wasn’t fooling around. “You need to find another.”

  Solo looked into the eyes of each of the men. They were bloodshot and flittered wildly. They were cold eyes, unfeeling eyes, unkind eyes.

  Mar’s eyes had taken on the same characteristics. It was as if she were possessed, the evil part, the vile part oozing out of her.

  “There’s enough room here for all of us,” Solo pleaded. He tried to hide the desperation in his voice, but couldn’t. “Jesus. There’s only a handful of us, maybe in the whole world. If Tom was here, he'd set you all straight.”

  Mar cocked her head and shrugged her shoulders. “Who the hell is Tom?”

  “You know. Tom—the surly guy with the beard who was here with me.”

  Mar snickered. “Oh, Tom. Yeah. He’s dead. I stuffed him in a wood chipper.”

  The men laughed.

  So did Solo. “Oh, you’re kidding, right. No way you could lift Tom to put him in a wood chipper.”

  Mar rolled her eyes. “You are batshit crazy, aren’t you? Tom? You really think there was some dude named Tom with you? It was just you and that dog. There was no one else with you, certainly no surly guy named Tom.”

  Solo shook his head in defiance. No. Tom is real. Tom helped find food in that other city. Tom gave me advice. Tom cared for me in his own gruff way. Tom helped me get here, to this building, and to Mar. Tom warned me about her, and it seemed he was correct.

  Solo shook his head and slapped at it with his open hand. “No. No. No,” Solo slapped at his head again, bellowing, “No! You’re the batshit crazy one. All of you are!” His throat burned as he screamed. “This world has gone to hell! There are only a few of us left! We have to stick together! We have to show some humanity! Why? Why are you doing this?”

  Mar lowered her head and stared down at her boots, muddy and wet. Solo hoped she was changing her mind. He hoped she had realized what he had said rang true, that they had to stick together.

  She lifted her head and smiled, pointing toward the door behind him. “Don’t make me hurt you, Solo. Just go. There are plenty of buildings.”

  “I’m taking Uno.”

&n
bsp; “No, you’re not. We can care for the dog. You can’t.”

  “Then I’m taking my bag.” Solo tried to grab it from Mar, but she pulled it away. The spindly man made a fist and jabbed it into Solo’s stomach. He was much stronger than he looked. Solo felt the air gush out of him. He bent over and then collapsed to his knees.

  “Solo, I really don’t want to hurt you, but this is how it’s gonna be, the way it has to be,” Mar said, kneeling down to look into his eyes. Her one blue eye was mesmerizing and kind. Her brown eye was scary and full of hate. “Just go.”

  Solo spoke between attempts to regain his breath. “I either … take the dog … or my bag. You don’t … get both.”

  The stocky man delivered a right cross to Solo’s cheek. He could feel his skin split and the warm blood roll down his face. The force of the punch knocked him on his side as his silver hardhat flew off and rolled on the floor.

  “Solo, don’t be an idiot. Just leave,” Mar yelled.

  Solo grabbed his bleeding face and looked up at Mar. Tears rolled out of his eyes and he could tell at least a small part of her felt remorse. “Why? We’re all we have,” Solo said, sobbing. “We have to take care of each other, don’t we?”

  Mar looked down at him with pity and shook her head. “No, Solo, we don’t have to do anything anymore.” She looked at the men and nodded and Solo felt boots slam into his legs and arms and chest and stomach and head. Kick after unrelenting kick.

  At that moment he realized man was simply a beast. Sure, he was intelligent and could do things that no other animal on the planet could do, but deep down he was just like them. Man was capable of great compassion, but terrible cruelty, also.

  In a world that should have brought out the best, it only brought out the worst.

  The words written in girly cursive flooded into his mind. Pink Girl wondered if there was a God. Once, Solo had no doubt that there was.

  He wasn’t so sure anymore.

  But he certainly hoped there was one Before and After. He hoped He would accept him into Heaven and would shield him from this evil. Solo believed God had forsaken him in this realm.

  As the room grew dark, Solo hoped he was going to a better place.

  ***