TRIBES

by Mia Frances

  Alex shut her eyes, tears trickling down her cheeks. A grisly act of mercy? Was that what Cat thought this was?

  "Did I do wrong?" Cat asked meekly, wanting reassurance.

  Alex opened her mouth to speak, but found herself mute. Her sister wanted absolution, but she wasn't a priest; she couldn't give it.

  Cat shuddered in dismay. She could see from the expression on Alex's face that she didn't understand; that she blamed her. "I'm sorry she's dead," Cat offered, "but I'm not sorry I killed her. I had to!" Cat paused, her hand gingerly reaching out to Alex. "Are you mad at me?" she sniffled. "Do you hate me? I couldn't bear it if you hated me."

  "I don't hate you Cat. I could never hate you; you're my sister. Tori was sick and probably dying. I understand your wanting to help her. But Jesus Cat, there had to be a better way than this!"

  Cat was quiet for a moment. She closed her eyes, then quickly opened them, staring fearfully skyward. "Do you think what I did was a sin? Do you think I'm damned?"

  "No!" Alex responded, trying to suppress her true feelings. "God will forgive you." God might forgive Cat, but she sure as hell wouldn't! If they hadn't abandoned their responsibilities and left that day, none of this would have happened. Lindsey, Seth, Shawn, and Derek would still have their mother…instead of a bloody fucking corpse! Alex couldn't help thinking that something didn't ring true about Cat's story. They were only minutes from the cabin. Why now? When Tori was so close to seeing her children again? Nothing about the condition of the body made Alex think it was an act of mercy. The attack looked frenzied. Like it had been done in a fit of rage. Her sisters were high-strung and had difficulty coping with stress. Cat may have felt overwhelmed caring for and carrying Tori. Maybe she couldn't shoulder the burden any longer. But they were so close. It didn't make sense.

  Cat hung her head, visualizing fire and brimstone, flames charring her skin for all eternity. That was the fate of sinners. They were thrown into the darkest pit of hell. "The wages of sin is death, death and eternal damnation," she declared, resigned to her fate. The scenes of perdition vivid and terrifying. "I'm going to burn in hell for all eternity," she announced to her sister.

  "No you're not!" Alex protested, "God will forgive you."

  "Do you forgive me?" Her voice quavered like that of a contrite child.

  Alex stared into those pleading eyes. What else could she do? She lied! "Yes, Cat. I forgive you."

  "I'll do anything to make it right," she vowed.

  "There's nothing to be done," she said sadly.

  "I've got to atone. Do penance," she objected, tears streaming down her face. "I need to repent. It's my only path to redemption and salvation!"

  Alex watched helplessly as her sister began pounding her breast again. Her gaze shifted to the tree line when she heard a bird call in the distance. Raising her hand to her mouth, she responded, startling her sister. The sound came again, this time in bursts of four. Answering in kind, Alex finished with a single, strident squawk. That was the all-clear signal, letting them know everything was fine.

  "What was that?" Cat asked anxiously.

  "One of the kids…" Alex stopped, suddenly realizing that Cat hadn't even asked about them. In her present state of confusion, Alex supposed she couldn't fault her. And yet…

  "Oh," she said, preoccupied, her thoughts focused on the past. "Do you remember when Mom used to make us go to confession on Saturdays?" Cat winced, recalling the dread that swept over her as she pushed aside the curtain and entered the tiny dark cubicle. "God, how I hated that. It was awful. Like coming face to face with God when the priest slid back the door of the grate. It frightened me. I always felt like crying. I was mortified. You had to tell him everything: all the terrible things you thought, said, and did. I hated the scary voice in the dark that demanded to know when, where, and how you'd sinned. I never felt better after I confessed. I'd be shaking like a leaf when I walked out, the people in the church looking at me, wondering what terrible things I'd done. I'd kneel at the altar or in a pew and start to say the prayers the priest told me to; I really wanted to be forgiven, but I always left before I completed the penance. I was afraid if I stayed too long, said all the prayers, people would know what an awful person I was," she sobbed. "I'd say the prayers as I walked home, but it wasn't the same. You had to say them in church. You had to kneel down in front of everyone and let them see your shame and disgrace. All those confessions…it was all for nothing," she lamented. "In the end, I've never really been forgiven for anything. It was a waste of time!"

  "You really think God cares where you pray?" Religion was supposed to give solace, lift the spirit, not engender terror in the mind and heart of the believer. It certainly hadn't done that for Cat. It had made her crazy!

  "You don't understand," she whined.

  "I understand that you're starving and exhausted. That you're overwrought and can't think straight. You need food and rest."

  "You really think that's going to change anything?" she screamed. "I killed Tori! Nothing's going to make me forget that!"

  Alex looked at her wearily "What exactly do you want me to do Cat? Beat your head in? Break your arms and legs? Would that make you feel better? Do you want me to give you a penance? Are 20 Hail Marys, or 50 Our Fathers and a good Act of Contrition going to make things right? How about 100 Rosaries?" Alex was quickly losing patience with her sister.

  "I don't know," Cat wailed.

  "Look, religion has never been as important to me as it is to you. I'm the heathen of the family, remember? You're the expert on sin and salvation! You figure it out!"

  Before Alex finished, Cat closed her eyes, raised her hands heavenward, and started mumbling incoherently.

  Alex regarded her sister with a mixture of pity and exasperation at first; but tiring of her theatrics, found herself overwhelmed with hostility and resentment. Cat could play the tragic, guilt-ridden madwoman, knowing all the while that Alex would be there to pick up the slack. It had been hard enough to shoulder the crushing weight of responsibility that had been foisted on her before; but now, with yet another body to care for, yet another mouth to feed, and a fucking crazy one at that, how would she manage? The only thing she knew for sure was that she'd get no help from Cat. Alex was floundering, drowning. She glared at her sister angrily, suddenly struck by the idea of how much simpler things would be if her siblings hadn't come back. The thought only lasted a split second. It sparked, flickered, and then was gone. No matter what she'd done, Cat was still her sister. Alex would just have to make the best of it!

  She reached out an uncertain hand and laid it on Cat's shoulder. Her sister didn't react, a litany of softly spoken prayers flowing from her lips. Her eyes were glazed, fixed on the overcast sky, the place where her God dwelled. Alex did love her, even though Cat didn't make it easy sometimes.

  Alex straightened up at the sound of a squawking bird. It was closer now. Someone was searching for her. Alex could only hope it was Charles and not Justin; she didn't want the boy to see his mother like this, not in the state she was in. She had to be rational. Had to understand that she couldn't blab to the children about what she'd done. Unburdening herself, confessing, might make her feel better, but it wouldn't do anything but traumatize the kids. They were already suffering and struggling; they didn't need to deal with this shit too. The children had to be shielded from the truth; it could only cause them pain. They'd be told that Tori died on the journey, trying to get back to her kids. That Cat had buried her in the woods. No, that wouldn't work; the kids knew the ground was nearly frozen. It would be hard to bury anyone without a pitchfork, pickaxe, or sharp spade. None of which Cat had. Even then it would take hours. No, Cat buried her under a pile of rocks and brush. That at least sounded plausible. The children would believe it. They'd better because that was the only story she could come up with. Alex forced herself to look at Tori's blanket-draped corpse. Her body had to be moved immediately. Before one of the kids showed up.

  The squawking started a
gain. Alex didn't know whether or not to answer, not wanting the youngsters to come rushing headlong into the grisly scene. She needed more time to take care of things here. If she didn't respond though, they'd worry that something happened to her and come ahead anyway. Whichever way she turned the results would be equally disastrous.

  Alex gave the signal, deciding to intercept them on the trail and send them back to camp, stalling for time. She glanced over at Cat, wondering if it was wise to leave her alone. She was engrossed in her prayers and seemed less agitated than before. She'd stopped crying, her eyes wide and wistful.

  "Cat," Alex tried to get her attention. "Cat, I've got to leave for a minute and go find the children."

  She looked up.

  "Will you be all right?"

  Cat nodded. "I'll be fine. God is with me."

  Alex was bewildered. Only a few moments ago her sister was sure she was damned, fearing God would unleash his wrath on her. Now she seemed equally sure that she'd found her way back into the Almighty's good graces. Cat had made her peace with God. Go figure!

  "Goodbye Alex," she said, taking hold of her sister's hand and pressing it to her lips.

  The words sent a shiver up Alex's spine. Goodbye? What the hell was she talking about? "I'm coming right back," she insisted, feeling vaguely uneasy. Alex looked up in alarm; she could hear branches snapping. The kids must be closer than she thought. She hurried toward the sound. Over her shoulder she could hear Cat utter the ending phrase of the Act of Contrition.

  Alex broke into a run, trying to dodge the rocks and ruts in the road. All at once a scream of pain pierced the air, then vanished into silence. It came from behind her. Alex spun around, eyes riveted on the frail figure doubled over in pain. She was clutching something to her chest. As she ran back toward Cat, she saw her sister sway then fall, face down, in the dirt. Her body twitched then lay motionless. Alex stifled a scream as she rushed to her side, falling to her knees beside Cat's still form.

  "Cat! Cat!" she shrieked as she grabbed hold of a limp arm and rolled her over onto her back. Alex gasped when she saw the bloodstain on her sister's coat and the handle of a knife protruding from her breast. She'd fallen on the blade, driving it into her chest. Alex reached out her hand. It was trembling so hard she could barely control its movement. She placed her fingers against Cat's throat, searching for a pulse, but there was none. Her sister was gone! An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a life for a life; this was the penance her conscience demanded, the retribution for her sin. No! No! No! This was fucking insanity! How could she do this? How could she do this to her children? Alex beat her fists against the ground in a mixture of grief, frustration, and rage. She cursed God and cursed her sister, the pain and anguish, pouring out of her. Would this hell never end? She reached out her arms as though to embrace something; but there was no one there. No one to comfort her. No one to banish her fear and despair. She was alone. They'd all been taken from her, everyone she loved, ripped from her side. There was no place to turn, no solace to be found, no end to the misery!

  Chapter 14

  Charles watched her from the top of the rise. She'd told him to go back to the camp, but he was afraid to leave her alone. She'd been half out of her mind with grief when he'd found her, walking in slow circles around her sisters' bodies, yelling at them like they were still alive. Alex was acting crazy, wouldn't go home and wouldn't let him bury them. He'd tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen, just kept staring at them. The only time she'd moved was when Deana and Justin showed up and then only to keep them away, screaming for them to get back. It was already too late though. Deana saw the hand sticking out from under the blanket and recognized the silver ring with three birthstones; one for each of her children. She knew it was her mother. Alex let them stay only a minute before sending them away. She hadn't even let them pull back the blankets. She said it was better that they remember them the way they were before. Alex said the women had died of radiation poisoning, that they'd collapsed before they could make it to the cabin. Bullshit! He'd seen the bodies and the blood. They didn't die of any disease!

  Alex wasn't making much sense, but he was pretty sure the one with the knife in her chest had killed herself. What happened to the other sister was still a mystery. One thing he knew for sure…that one definitely wasn't a suicide. The woman had been butchered. From the amount of blood on the ground, he was certain she'd been killed here. She'd been on her feet and walking when he'd first seen them in the woods. Nobody could have walked with wounds like she had. Charles couldn't believe Alex would do such a thing, so it had to be the other one. If Alex knew what happened, she wasn't telling. He was worried that Alex might be losing it. All those crosses, piles of them, twigs fastened together with withered stalks or pieces of vine. He couldn't figure what she was going to do with them. They were too small to be grave markers; and anyway, she insisted they weren't going in the ground. He thought back to his mother. He hadn't done anything with her. Couldn't bury her. Couldn't even drag her away. He'd been forced to leave her there, with the others, to rot.

  Charles pulled his jacket tightly around him. The temperature was dropping. In a little while the light would be gone and it would be dark. How long was she going to stay here? She didn't seem inclined to leave, like she was keeping a vigil beside the corpses or something. He was scared; he'd never seen her like this before. She wasn't thinking straight. Didn't she understand that in a few hours the temperature would plummet to freezing. That she could die from exposure out here? Talking to her was useless; she didn't want to hear anything he had to say. Charles was really concerned. Alex was the one everyone ran to for help and reassurance. She wiped away their tears, held them close, and made things right again. But who dried her tears? Who comforted her? He'd tried to put his arm around her, but she pushed him away. She seemed so alone, so helpless right now.

  He turned at the sound of approaching footsteps. "Who's there?" he demanded.

  "It's me, Deana."

  "What are you doing out here?" he yelled back. This was no place for her. Not with the bodies still down there.

  She emerged from the brush, carrying a small pot, steam rising from it. "I brought you something to eat." She looked awful. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, her skin paler than normal, and she was shivering.

  "Thanks," he said, as she passed it to him. He took off the cover and looked in, a broth of boiled greens and two roasted roots. Normally he'd be famished by now, but he wasn't even hungry. He was too worried to eat. "You'd better get back to the camp," he told her, "It's gonna be dark soon."

  "Are you coming home?"

  "Not yet," he told her.

  "What about Aunt Alex? Is she all right?"

  He shook his head. "I don't know. She's real upset and doesn't want to leave."

  "What are we going to do? She can't stay out here all night!" Deana's eyes were fixed on the woman sitting alone beside the two blanket-covered corpses. Frightened, she burst into tears.

  Charles put the pot down and stood up. He put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "It'll be OK."

  "She'll freeze," Deana whimpered.

  "No she won't. I'm not going to let anything happen to her. I'll go down and talk to her again. Maybe this time she'll listen to reason."

  "And what if she doesn't? I'm really afraid Charles."

  He looked down at her and suddenly found himself hugging her. Charles wanted to protect her from all this. Deana laid her head on his chest and bawled like a baby. He felt sorry for her. She never really lost hope that her mother might be alive somewhere…and now this. It wasn't the joyful homecoming Deana had envisioned. It seemed so unfair, especially since her mother and aunt had died only a short walk from the cabin. He hoped she was buying her aunt's sketchy radiation sickness story, because the truth, her mother knocking off her aunt and then offing herself in their backyard, would fuck the girl up for life. Most times, Charles thought Deana was a pain in the ass. She was
mega bossy, thinking that because she was the oldest she had a right to order everyone around. She was a know-it-all who constantly contradicted everyone, insisting things be done her way. He'd never really liked her, tolerated her was more like it. They could hardly speak to each other without having an argument. But she seemed so vulnerable now. She wasn't really his sister, yet it felt like they were family. All any of them had now was each other! They'd have to learn to get along. Guess he'd better stop calling her a bitch then! "Don't worry, I'll take care of things," he assured her. "If worse comes to worst, I'm taller than she is; I'll just drag her back," he informed her. Deana nodded, shivering. She'd just lost her mother; she shouldn't be out here. The girl was already grieving; she didn't need to freeze too! "You're cold. The last thing we need is for you to get sick. Go home!"

  Charles glanced back at the road, and was startled to find Alex gone. He scanned the trees, but saw no sign of her. She'd vanished.

  "What's the matter?" Deana asked, when she saw the worried look on his face.

  "Alex is gone."

  "What?" Her head swiveled from side to side searching the tangle of greenery. "Do you think she went back to camp?"

  Charles could only see a few hundred feet of the road from his vantage point, but it seemed hard to believe that she could have disappeared from sight so quickly. He looked at Deana, ready to say something, but then his expression changed to one of confusion. He turned back to the road. "Where the hell did she go? I only looked away for a minute."