The Road to Nevermore

by Christopher Lincoln

  “She won’t leave without her parents,” Billy said.

  Mr. Bones swung his mount toward Clattershanks and spoke to Colonel Siegely, “Do you think your men could give us a hand?”

  “My men, Mr. Bones, will be glad to give you hands, heads, and everything they’ve got.” A few crisp commands later, the soldiers galloped off to the surrounding tombs. Backing their skeleton horses up to the doors, they bashed them in. After trotting inside, they emerged with blinking but very happy prisoners.

  The first released were Millicent’s parents, Artemis and Julia Hues. They met Millicent, still struggling toward the tomb, and wrapped her up in a long hug.

  Millicent and her parents drifted back over to Billy, Pete, and Uncle Grim. Mr. Bones and Roger rode off with the soldiers to help release prisoners.

  Soon, hundreds of stunned prisoners were milling around, with more on the way.

  “Now that ye got yer parents in tow, Millicent, I’d surely like to be off to the council,” Pete urged.

  Grim patted Billy’s and Millicent’s backs. “We should have the upper hand now. Still, I’d love to know who Chippendale’s ears are on Earth.”

  That became clear only a second later when Billy saw a ragged red robe snaking between conversations in the crowd.

  “That thing would know.” He pointed to the swelling manifestation.

  “I just bet Gossip would.” Grim nodded. “Why else would it be here unless Chippendale was covering her tracks?” Grim waved at two ghosts standing near Gossip. “I say, gentlemen, mind lending a hand?”

  Each one took an elbow and escorted the manifestation toward Grim.

  “Now we just need a few golden wishes”— Grim rooted in his pockets and came up empty —“so we can get to the council.”

  A gold coin tumbled through the air and tinked off Grim’s head. Billy snatched it before it hit the ground.

  “Is that what you’re looking for, brother?” Mr. Bones smiled down from his skeleton horse, having returned with more prisoners. “I had to borrow a few to save your bacon.”

  “Rifling through my things and taking what’s not yours. Just like when we were kids.” Grim grinned back.

  Mr. Bones deposited the rest of the coins in his brother’s hand, then turned to Billy, pride filling his face and his puffed-out chest. “But it was Billy who really saved you.”

  Billy’s eyes glistened as he raked his foot through a dry clump of Nevermore leaves.

  “You silly old sausage,” Millicent whispered, pushing Billy, “get over there and give him a hug. Honestly,” she turned to her mother, “boys!”

  “And fathers.” Julia Hues stroked her daughter’s independent curls.

  Billy walked shyly to his dad and was soon swept off his feet in his bony embrace.

  Chapter 25

  The Boneyard Ablaze

  High Council Highlights

  by Headley B. Moan

  For the first time in recent memory, the High Council chambers were opened to visitors as Oversecretary Underhill challenged the extra-constitutional powers granted to Temporary Commissioner Chippendale.

  To Miss Chippendale’s amazement and the surprise of the rest of the council, Misters Boosborough, Sheets, Ghostly, and White—the four missing members of the council—reported for duty.

  Miss Chippendale resorted to a number of procedural maneuvers to delay the proceedings, but Oversecretary Underhill and a few of his knowledgeable assistants deftly blocked each motion.

  It became clear early on that Miss Chippendale’s claims against Glass-Eyed Pete were false. The missing council members insisted he had nothing to do with their disappearance. And they were highly suspicious of any other charges leveled against the old pirate.

  When Justice, who presides at all council sessions, asked Miss Chippendale if she had any evidence to support her case, Miss Chippendale declined to answer on the grounds that the information was top secret.

  Justice asked the missing council members to testify. Their stories were most unsettling. Each told how an unknown assailant had knocked him unconscious, and about awaking in Nevermore to find he was a captive of Shadewick Gloom.

  Miss Chippendale interrupted the testimony repeatedly to accuse Mr. Gloom of crimes against deceased humanity. She said she was convinced that it was Shadewick Gloom who was behind all of this wickedness and that she needed even more power to confront this Dark Side menace.

  Oversecretary Underhill suggested that Miss Chippendale was blaming someone who was conveniently not there and unable to defend himself. He also reminded the council that this had not been the first time she had used that ploy.

  The most unusual highlight of the day came when Master Billy Bones Biglum and Miss Millicent Hues, two youngsters from Earth, took the stand.

  The children testified about Shadewick Gloom’s visit to Earth to steal Miss Hues’s soul. While this was a black mark against Shadewick Gloom, it didn’t do much to discredit Miss Chippendale. It wasn’t until Miss Hues testified that she had seen Miss Chippendale in Nevermore that things got interesting.

  Miss Chippendale tried to wish herself away, but was restrained by Grim Bones, the Hall of Reception’s chief field agent and the presiding angel of death.

  Justice declared that Temporary Commissioner Chippendale should be taken into custody by Oversecretary Underhill until there could be a thorough housecleaning at the Investigative Branch.

  The session was adjourned and it is this reporter’s opinion that for the first time, in a very long while, Justice smiled.

  “Nearly popped my vest buttons when I read this, Billy. Your mother’s going to be proud, too.” Mr. Bones folded the paper with an expert crease and placed it on the table. “And we’re quite proud of you, too, my dear.” He smiled at Millicent.

  The three of them were sitting at a table in the Boneyard. The table was barely recognizable with its high sheen and elaborate spread of Afterlife delicacies. But the table didn’t hold a candle to the rest of the place.

  Mrs. Lumbus had not been shy with her golden wishes, now that Pete had paid back all he owed. The old tavern glittered with fantastic strands of colorful flowers ablaze in twinkling lights. The place was packed. Not only with the heroes of the day like Grim, Pete, Roger, and Ned, but also many neighbors who had been drawn by the smells and the wonderful music.

  Millicent’s mother and father hadn’t been up to the festivities after their ordeal in Nevermore. They were spending a quiet evening at their charming little home in Nightbridge, one of the poshest neighborhoods in Celesdon. Millicent and Billy had promised to stop by for a private celebration with them before heading back to Earth.

  Billy could barely hear himself think with the gales of laughter and the tinkling glasses of ale being skillfully spilled down the skeleton’s gullets and recaptured in glasses held in their ribcages below.

  Liam Slackbones and Ned were hitting it off spectacularly well at a table at the back of the room. They sang lusty songs while pounding out the beat on the table. An unexpected guest was there, too. Uncle Mordecai. He had spent a good deal of the evening trotting after Grim, thanking him over and over for giving him a second chance at judgment procedures.

  For most of the party, Grim had been trying to make his way to Billy’s table, but every time he closed in, someone would sweep him away into a conversation. It was not too surprising, as everyone wanted to rub shoulders with one of the most powerful beings in the Afterlife. Grim was pleasant enough, but growing weary of all the hobnobbing.

  And Roger Jolly had also been delayed as girl after skeleton girl grabbed his bony hands and pulled him onto the dance floor. He was so exhausted after twenty-something dances that he stumbled back to his table and promptly sat on his brand-new top hat.

  Mrs. Lumbus was wearing a red velvet dress adorned in bows. She and Pete were seated at bar. She had his arm locked between her own as they chatted quietly, gazing into each other’s eyes. Jenkins seemed a bit bored by the whole thing and found perch
on the rim of a bowl of pirate grog. Every so often, he rolled his eyes at the lovebirds.

  Billy heard a hearty “Haw, haw, haw.” He turned to see Colonel Siegely. With his boot up on a chair, he could have been posing for a sculptor. The colonel was regaling a rather comely skeleton girl with his tales of heroics. But he kept glancing around the room like he was hoping to see someone else.

  “Now what are you smiling at?” Millicent wanted to know.

  Billy was a little embarrassed to say, but she finally got it out of him.

  “I saw Gramps Pete in a dress.” The confounded look on her face prompted him to tell her how they had made it through the Gate of Darkness, and how it seemed that Colonel Siegely had developed an otherworldly crush.

  A bout of the giggles kept them occupied for a good long time.

  Just as the party was winding down, a detachment of skeleton guards marched through the front door. Their uniforms were similar to Grim’s: polished boots, black tunics, and visored caps punctuated with silver winged skulls.

  Oversecretary Underhill swept in next, in his billowing robes. The guards took up discrete posts around the room while Underhill paid his respects to his hostess. “I am so sorry to be late, my dear Mrs. Lumbus, but as you can imagine with the added responsibilities, things are rather busy at the department right now.”

  “You’re welcome at any hour, Oversecretary.” She curtsied.

  Mr. Bones jumped up, herding Billy and Millicent over to the bar. Oversecretary Underhill made a sweeping bow as they approached.

  “Lars Bones, my good man. Thank you so much for consenting to stay for the celebrations. We couldn’t have the guests of honor leaving quite so soon.”

  The tall skeleton with the high forehead nodded regally at Billy and Millicent. Millicent curtsied at once, and Billy bobbed a bow after a gentle nudge from Mr. Bones.

  “We owe you a great debt of thanks, children.”

  “You’re welcome, Mr. Underhill,” Billy said. “And thanks again for getting my mom and dad out of Nevermore last year.”

  “Sorry about that, sir.” Mr. Bones jumped in. “We’ve been remiss in teaching him all the Afterlife ways.” He whispered to Billy, “Call him Oversecretary Underhill, or your lordship, Billy, not Mr. Underhill.”

  “Lars! Please don’t embarrass the boy. It’s quite all right,” Oversecretary Underhill scolded gently. “We won’t stand on ceremony. But we will stand for a toast!” Underhill grabbed a glass from a floating tray and raised it high. “Ladies and gentlemen. I give you Billy and Millicent. Heroes of the day!”

  A great “Huzzah!” went up around the room, as did the bottom of every glass.

  By the tail end of the party, Grim had managed to make it to Billy’s and Millicent’s table. He sat facing them now. Mr. Bones was by the bar conferring with Underhill as he prepared to join the stream of departing guests.

  “What’s to become of Miss Chippendale?” It was a question that had been on Billy’s mind since she had been marched from the High Council chambers.

  “Interesting that you ask.” Grim threw an arm across the back of his chair and looked across the room. “It’s what Oversecretary Underhill and your dad are discussing. The Oversecretary thinks the High Council made a mistake when they shipped Shadewick Gloom to the Dark Side. And he’s sure Chippendale is too tricky to keep in the Hall of Reception or the Department of Fibs and Fabrications.”

  “What will they do with her?” Millicent asked.

  “He’s charging Billy’s mom and dad with an extra duty. They’re to look after her. Much of this started with the disappearance of Commissioner Pickerel, and that’s where it will end.”

  Billy and Millicent shared a look.

  “You’re going to jam her into the magical vase with Pickerel?” Billy asked, the corners of his bony mouth curling up.

  “No, nephew.” Grim patted Billy’s hand. “You are, when we return to Earth. You did such a good job before, Underhill won’t trust it to anyone else.”

  “That vase is going to get a little crowded.” Millicent chuckled.

  “More than a little, I suspect. We’ll march her to the manor, and that’s where she’ll stay, bottled up—far away from any possible Afterlife allies.

  “Billy, Chippendale and Pickerel couldn’t be under better care. Your parents are the most trusted secrets-closet skeletons in the D.F.F. Bet you can’t wait to get back.”

  “I wish we could show Millicent all of Celesdon before we go.” Billy sighed. “It’s so beautiful.”

  “You’ll show her as much of it as you want, Billy.” Grim stood up, slipping on his leather gloves. “During my next vacation, I should think. I’m sanctioned to stop time at least once a year for my week-long break. The two of you can visit then.”

  “Really?” Millicent’s curls jigged.

  “Really,” Grim assured her.

  “How’s that for an adventure?” Billy grinned.

  Grim bid them farewell in a huge hug, grabbed his Cloak of Doom from the rack, and disappeared in the midst of flinging it around his shoulders. When Billy and Millicent heard Fleggs’s distant whinny, they knew he was really gone.

  The talk of awaiting adventure reminded Billy of why they had wanted to contact Pete in the first place. Billy and Millicent pulled him away from Mrs. Lumbus just long enough to plead their case.

  “Ye want a few weeks on the Spurious II, do ye?” Pete rubbed his stubbly chin. “I wouldn’t mind bangin’ over waves for a spell meself.” He shot a smile at Mrs. Lumbus. “But I’ll miss this little flower too much if I stay longer.”

  Billy and Millicent did their best to not burst into laughter seeing the old pirate smitten so.

  “I’ll be glad to plead yer case with Mum Biglum. Who knows, maybe she’ll want to come along? She ain’t shy when it comes to adventures. Leastwise not when she was a young ’un.”

  “Really?” Billy blinked.

  “Now where do ye think ye two get yer love for far-flung adventures? Outta thin air?” Pete chuckled.

  “We were thinking it came from you,” Millicent said.

  “I’d love to think it was all from me, but the old girl’s packed with a hold full of surprises. I’ll just have to remind her.”

  And so, just a month later, the residents of Barmouth stepped out of their front doors and peered out of shopwindows. They had gathered to watch a tall ship cast off from its berth and tip elegantly into the wind.

  A boy and girl raced to the ship’s bow and then leaned over the rail as if they could beat the ship to its first port of call. An old woman hobbled up behind them, her cane raised like a sword pointing to the horizon.

  And there were some in town, who swore for years to come, they saw a pirate floating just above the children. With chest thrust out and arms tucked behind, it looked as if he owned every drop in the sea.