The Keys to Jericho

by Ren Alexander

  Snapping on my watch, I absently shake my wrist, jostling the metallic band into place. My hands then go into my hair, fluffing it in the dresser’s mirror, and debating if I should wear my hat.

  I notice the broken starfish on her dresser, and next to it, the key keychain, which makes me smile.

  Seeing Kat in the mirror, she puts her arms around my waist as I restlessly adjust the three buttons on my short-sleeved shirt. She says, “I like this dark purplish color on you.”

  “It was a gift from my sister last Christmas. I threw it in my suitcase, good thing, I guess.”

  “Hadley has good taste.”

  I shrug as I straighten out the shirt over my jeans. Peering at our reflection, she grins from the side of my bicep, and I anxiously ask, “What?”

  “How adorable.”

  Confused, I check that my fly isn’t down as I repeat, “What?”

  “You’re nervous.”

  Undecidedly running my fingers over my stubble, I scoff, “No, I’m not.”

  Kat laughs, squeezing my arm. “You are absolutely worried about meeting my dad.”

  Rolling my eyes, I say, “Not nervous. Just making sure I don’t come off looking like a prick.”

  “Didn’t you ever meet one of your past girlfriends’ dads?”

  “One or two, just because I was forced an introduction at school functions. I never sat and talked to them. I couldn’t have cared less.”

  “And this time it’s different?”

  I dubiously cock an eyebrow. “Yeah…”

  Kat hugs me from behind, her hands sliding over my stomach. “Well, anyway, you look good. Smell good, too.”

  Grinning, I ask her reflection, “Oh, yeah? How good?”

  “So good that I’ll be thinking dirty thoughts about you, while you’re kissing my father’s ass.”

  I frown at her laughter. “I do not kiss ass. Anyone’s. If he likes me, fine. If not, well… I guess we can’t get married.”

  Her laughter immediately ceases and her eyes widen. “That’s not an option.”

  I sadly nod, trying not to smile, but truly hoping that he really doesn’t hate me. That would be awkward. “We’ll have to call off our engagement and go our separate ways again.” I shrug as I catch her horrified expression looking back at me. “I’ll still move down there and be your neighbor. We’ll even carpool. You can pull your weight with driving then, right? Only fair.”

  Kat’s mouth opens and closes as I fight my grin, while messing with my hair again, but glancing at her while doing it. She finally says, “You’re right. We can still be friends.”

  Not expecting that response, my mouth falls open as she turns away. Twisting, I hook her arm. “Friends? Are you fucking serious?”

  Kat bites her lip, but that doesn’t stop her from bursting into laughter. “Your face! Oh, my God! Priceless!” She gasps for air and I roll my eyes.

  “You’re hilarious,” I grumble as I turn back to the mirror.

  Her laughter dies somewhat and she says, “Oh, baby, I’m sorry. You’re on edge and I’m only making it worse.”

  “Uh-huh,” I mutter, checking my watch.

  “I know what can take the edge off.”

  I instantly raise my gaze to the mirror to see her sliding up her skirt. Spinning around, I stutter, “What are you doing? We’ll be late.”

  “Really?” She pulls down her underwear and I can’t look away as she stands and turns around, showing me her gloriously naked ass. She looks over her shoulder, seductively asking, “Don’t you want me?”

  My gaze hardens, as does my damned cock, like she flipped some switch. Sucking in a sharp breath, my hands automatically go to my belt buckle, and then hurriedly to my fly. I am, literally, a fucking robot.

  I reiterate, “We’re going to be late.”

  She stands, turning to face me. “I thought a fast quickie might be what you need. If you don’t want to…”

  “Turn around. Bend over. Legs apart.”

  Again with her ass in the air, her small giggle turns into a moan when my fingers sink into her. I ask, “How’d you get so wet?”

  “I’ve been wet since our last time.” That’s fucking hot. Her hair sweeps over the bedspread and as my fingers move, she gasps, “I still need more of you, Jared.”

  “Then more of me you shall have, baby.” Replacing my fingers with my dick, I pull on her hips working her onto me.

  Closing my eyes, I desperately strive to fuck away my goddamned nervousness.

  “Breathe, Jericho.” Kat smiles at me and I roll my eyes.

  “I am,” I argue, running my hand through my hair, and peering around the porch, possibly for an excuse or an escape.

  Her hands go to my chest and she says, “He’ll like you. Just give him time to adjust to the news.”

  I angrily whisper, “Holy fuck! You didn’t even tell him?”

  “No. I thought since he’s back, we’d tell him in person.”

  “We? Shit! I don’t even know the guy!”

  “You’re marrying his daughter, aren’t you?”

  She grabs my hand, rubbing her fingers over mine, and I sigh. “Depends on how this goes. He may put a contract out on me.”

  “He’s a pharmacist, not The Godfather.”

  “Good to know.” I pick up her left hand. “Don’t you need to take this off then?”

  She shakes her head, and curls her fingers. “I doubt he’d notice right away. I’ll keep it close to me, though, until we tell him.”

  “As long as he doesn’t throw me out a window.”

  “Baby.” Kat lets go of me and puts her arms around my waist, smiling. “He’ll like you. I promise. Just be the Jared Beckett I love.”

  I frown. “I don’t know how to be anyone else.”

  “Perfect. Just remember that his name is Clayton and he’s a pharmacist. Just don’t mention the garbage stench, look directly into his lazy eye, or try to pet his raccoon.”

  Jumping back from her, I nearly dive off the porch. “What the hell?”

  Kat holds her hand over her mouth as she knocks on the door with the other. Crossing and uncrossing my arms, I warn, “Oh, you’re going to get it.”

  Giggling, she whispers, “You already gave it to me, three times since getting engaged, to be exact. I wonder if he’ll be able to tell we just had sex.”

  My eyes nearly bulge out of my damn skull and I furiously whisper, “Don’t say that shit!”

  She frowns. “Well, it did nothing to take the edge off, so I guess it didn’t work.”

  I anxiously scratch the nape of my neck and look around us again. “It did.”

  “Yeah. Convincing.”

  Obnoxious barking is heard and the door opens to a tall, extremely muscular, totally bald man with a dark goatee, and a matching frown. He was not anything like I had imagined, which was a gross understatement. He looks like Mr. Clean’s arch nemesis, Mr. Holy Shit. Goddamn it. He’s going to murder me.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  His deep voice, like the voice of Satan, which of course rhymes with Clayton, replies, “Katydid. Come in.” He gives me a horrendously skeptical glance before finally stepping aside for us to enter. Looking around his foyer, I see a ridiculously opulent chandelier, but no evidence of brimstone and fire, but those may be in his basement.

  Kat gives her father a hug, while he takes the opportunity to throw another glare my way. Fuck. I didn’t know I had to be drunk or dead to be here.

  A small, white puffball greets Kat with yips and wagging. Not the kind of dog I’d expect the Prince of Darkness to have, but so far, nothing is what I had anticipated.

  Fuck. It’s much worse.

  Linking arms with me, Kat says, “Dad, this is Jared Beckett. My boyfriend. Jared, this is Clayton Merrick.”

  Holding out my hand, he glances at it, but doesn’t immediately take it, making me feel like a gigantic douchebag for trying. Before I can shove my hand into my pocket and pray for Armageddon, he finally takes my hand, but almos
t crushing every fucking bone in it. How in the hell did I sign up for this shit?

  Yanking my hand away, I mutter, “Nice to meet you.”

  He raises an eyebrow at me as he gives me a critical once-over. I knew he’d hate me. Fuck, I need to get out of here and get permanently drunk.

  Kat squats to pet the barking cloud and I idly watch her, feeling fucking awkward and oddly sick to my stomach. She fusses, “Hi, Juju.”

  I anxiously laugh. “Like the candy?”

  Glaring at me like I just snapped the dog’s neck, her father says, “No, as in luck.” Jesus Christ. Something I’m shit out of.

  Crossing my arms, I nod, but feel like punching something or running something over, like the goddamned, lucky dog.

  I make the mistake of glancing at her father, who frowns as he cracks his knuckles. Am I part of some sort of prank or a clichéd movie, where the dad hates the girl’s boyfriend and he forces him to run by threatening his life? Holy fuck.

  Looking back to Kat petting the dog, I watch her rub his ears. Her father asks, “Do you stare like that at all women wearing short skirts?”

  Kat shoots up from her squat and shrieks, “Dad!”

  Blinking away from her and giving him an uncertain glance, I stammer, “No. Just her. I mean, I wasn’t staring at her skirt. I was just…” Fuck me.

  Kat says, “Honestly, Dad. Don’t.” She glares at him with more than only mere annoyance from what he just said, which makes me suspicious and my stomach lurch.

  With the sunlight gleaming off his bald head, he sighs and asks, “Would you like anything to drink? There’s Fresca, Tab, water, or I can make some tea.” Tea? Is he serious? Who in the fuck drinks any of that shit? I’d get my ass kicked if I offered Fresca to my grandmother.

  I shake my head, avoiding eye contact with the Devil himself, for fear of eternal damnation. “No, thank you.”

  Kat says, “No. Thanks,” and pulls me into the living room. Mr. Holy Shit follows, and I wish I had a rearview mirror just to watch if he’s going to stab me with a burning pitchfork.

  The room is oddly formal with the décor. Weird paintings of naked people adorn the walls, meaning they’re ancient, hence expensive. Polished brass bullshit litters the mantel and walls, and a truly gaudy glass and brass chandelier hangs from the ceiling. I don’t see this absurdity in my grandparents’ house, so seeing it in Lucifer’s living room is somewhat of a jolt.

  Kat takes a seat on the stiff, white couch, and I sit next to her, afraid to sit back or touch the cushions. She immediately grabs my hand, repeatedly tightening her fingers between mine, which feels almost like Morse code or a cry for help. What the fuck is going on?

  The Antichrist takes a seat, and the dog from Hell jumps onto his lap. Kat says, “I got the job in Virginia. I’ll be moving near Richmond next summer, before school starts.”

  He smiles, a genuine smile, which nearly knocks me through the window on its own merit. “Congratulations. That’s great, but how do you plan on moving down there?”

  “Jared has been teaching me how to drive. I’ll have a car by then.”

  He doesn’t acknowledge that I’m the Jared she’s referring to. “Your mother mentioned that someone was teaching you. I’ve always wanted you to have that freedom.”

  “I’m working on it, but I couldn’t have done it without Jared.”

  Her dad turns to me, and I swear to God in Heaven above that his eyes glow red. “What do you do for a living?”

  I strive to not stutter, “I’m a structural engineer.” I wish I had something fancier to offer, but fuck me, I have no idea what would impress Beelzebub.

  He nods, but he definitely doesn’t approve. “How’d you meet Katriona?” Goddamn it! How did we fucking meet? Now, my mind is a fog. Was it in a bar? In a parking lot? Hell?

  Kat squeezes my hand and I blurt out, “We actually met in high school. We took driver’s ed. together and we were often paired as partners.”

  “So?”

  Kat snaps, “Dad, don’t be rude!”

  I clear my throat. “Uh, we became friends.”

  He curtly replies, “And you’re not connecting the dots to the present.”

  I hurriedly explain, “My dad is Brenda’s boss. Since I’ve been staying with him for the summer, I’ve been helping with her house. Kat and I met up again.”

  He frowns, which makes me feel like all of Hell is frowning upon me. “Why are you living with your father? You just said you’re a structural engineer.” Shit. I’m a failure at life now. I’m pretty sure even the dog thinks I’m a loser.

  “I am, but I’m in between jobs at the moment.” Winning answer.

  He sighs and waves his hand. “Oh, here we go.”

  Kat says, “He starts a new job and will be moving to Philadelphia in a few weeks.”

  He nods at her. “Oh, good. Then I have nothing to worry about.”

  “Dad!” Kat nearly jumps off the couch as she shrieks, “How can you say that? I’ll miss him! I wanted to move up there, but he won’t let me!”

  He dubiously asks, “Why would you move to Philadelphia with a boy you knew in high school, who you’ve only been around again for what, a month?”

  “It’s been almost two months. We’re also not kids anymore, and I’d move to Philadelphia because I love him.”

  “Katriona, you’ve said that before.” Oh, fuck.

  She inhales and says, “But I wasn’t in love before! I thought… I wanted to forget… Dad, Jared was and is my only love. He’s the one that got away and I’m lucky to get him back.” She holds out her left hand, showing him the ring, and says, “For good this time.”

  He zealously shakes his head. “No.”

  “What do you mean, no?”

  Her dad shouts, “You shouldn’t be marrying someone you barely know! Look what happened last time!”

  “I didn’t love Jed! I loved Jared!” She bitterly laughs, shaking her head. “Even their names were similar! I wanted so much for Jed to be Jared, but he wasn’t.” Jesus Christ. I am in Hell.

  Lucifer asks, “Would you take Juju outside? I need to speak to Jared.”

  “No way!” Yeah, no way.

  “Katydid. Please. Fifteen minutes.”

  She looks at me, not wanting to cast me into Hell any further, but it’s no place I haven’t been before. Yet, this is an entirely different scenario than my previous trips.

  Even though I’m doubtful and I’m afraid this is my last 15 minutes on Earth, I force a smile and squeeze her hand. “It’s okay.”

  Kat reluctantly stands, watching me, and then her dad, before snapping her fingers. “Come on, Juju.” The dog jumps down from her father’s lap and follows her out of the room.

  Her dad is silent until a door is heard slamming closed. He then leans forward and asks, “What do you want from my daughter? Is it just sex? You’re done. Now go.”

  I gape at him, unsure if I had heard him right, but when he glares at me, waiting for me to argue or leave, I say, “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “For now. You’ll soon be in Philadelphia and you’ll find another distraction. You’ll then dump her because it’s too complicated or inconvenient for you to use her.”

  I snap, “You know absolutely nothing about me.”

  “That’s right. I don’t. And from the sound of it, neither does my daughter.”

  “I do know her. I’m not using her for sex, since you’re speculating. There’s more to our relationship than that.” I internally cringe, realizing I just admitted to Kat’s unstable father that I’m fucking his daughter. Jesus. Was Kat right and he can tell that we just fucked?

  And goddamn Finn Wilder for summoning karma.

  Thankfully, her dad doesn’t acknowledge our sex life any further. “Why are you teaching her how to drive?”

  I stiffly answer, “Because I want to. She’s been a prisoner of a horrific accident that wasn’t even her fault. I want to make it right for her.”

  He nods, his face actually s
oftening a degree. “I hated that she refused to drive. At a certain point after her accident, I refused to enable her anymore. Her mother and I fought so much over that. Even now, Katriona has never been able to live her life without something holding her back or pushing her down. I can’t stand around waiting for it to happen to her again.”

  “I’d do anything for Kat. I asked her to marry me and I plan on doing just that.”

  “Why? She has no money. She doesn’t even own a car. If you’re looking for her to carry your ass, you’ll need to look elsewhere.”

  I glare at him. “I’m not interested in her financial status. She’ll be getting her license in a matter of weeks, and buying a car. I’ll help her with whatever she needs.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “Because I love Katriona.” Fuck. I’ve never actually admitted it to anyone other than her. Now, I just confessed it to Satan. “I want to make her happy.”

  He shakes his head. “I’m highly skeptical. She’s been burned before. I will not allow her to be hurt again. She’s a delicate soul.”

  I scowl at him in confusion. “How has she been burned? She said they ended their marriage without it being an issue.”

  “The man she was married to was an arrogant asshole and womanizer. He cheated on my daughter.”

  And Hell just froze over.

  “What?”

  Nodding, he glances over his shoulder before saying to me, “She ran into him on a date. His date was unaware he was married, and apparently, he had forgotten, too.”

  Clenching my teeth, I say, “She never told me.”

  “It’s not something she’s proud of.” Yes, but I’m her fiancé. She should be able to tell me this shit.

  He goes on to say, “I’m sure he cheated more than once, but he was only caught the one time.”

  Numb, I stare in shock as her father’s brown eyes surprisingly begin to fill with tears. He says, “I don’t understand how he could do that to her. Granted, I never thought it would work out between them. I had heard about his reputation and I tried to warn her, but she wanted to hear nothing of it, like she was on some kind of damned crusade. I was only looking out for her, but she was determined to ruin her heart. Jed didn’t love her, nor did she have that glow about her or the look of love in her eyes for him. They should’ve never gotten married, and to tell you the truth, I don’t know why he wanted to marry her.” Maybe he needed his own fucking Band-Aid.