Westside Series Box Set

by Monica Alexander

  It was Andi who’d changed everything for me, who’d made me see that there was more to life than Westside, but I wasn’t sure what to do about that whole situation. Now more than ever I wondered what I’d been thinking. I’d jumped headlong into this thing with her, getting caught up in her smile and the way it felt to kiss her and the sound of her voice, but I wasn’t necessarily thinking clearly. So many things were telling me that as much as I liked her, loved her even, a relationship between us would fail in the long run. And the last few days were a harsh reminder of that reality.

  Standing across from my brother, hearing him tell me about a hit that was out on him because he owed a gang member twenty-five thousand dollars was something I doubted Andi had ever encountered. But it was real life for me. I might have avoided the garbage that had surrounded me while I was growing up and surpassed my lot in life, but it was all still there, haunting me. The knowledge that when I’d walked home from school in fifth grade, I got offers to buy drugs, that I’d seen prostitutes getting beat by their pimps and did nothing about it out of fear, and that most of the people I knew in high school had failed at life due to circumstances beyond their control.

  I hated that part of me and appreciated that the seediest parts of my upbringing went unbeknownst to the general public. I was touted in the media as a guy who overcame the odds, but it was a rags-to-riches story. Our publicists had controlled my story and Dillon’s from the start, choosing to tell it their way instead of letting the media tell it.

  But some people still knew. Andi’s parents knew, and they hated me for it. A part of me couldn’t help but think they were right. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for her. Maybe the company I kept and the choices I’d made in life, including the fact that I was paying off a gang member on behalf of my screw-up of a brother, meant that I didn’t deserve a girl like her.

  “Andi’s making you rethink your priorities, isn’t she?” Preston questioned, pulling me out of my one-man pity party.

  I shrugged. “It’s not her,” I lied.

  “Bullshit. I’ve never seen you as happy as you were with her. What happened? Why are you back here without her?”

  “Her family happened. They think I’m not good enough for her.”

  Preston shook his head. “No way is that true. You’re the best guy I know, Cam. I wish I could be as good as you.”

  “Yeah, well, they don’t see that in me, so that’s it.”

  “What’s it?”

  “I don’t know,” I said vaguely. “I don’t want to talk about this. Can we go back inside?”

  My ears were starting to sting from being out in the frigid temperatures for too long,

  Preston eyed me skeptically. “Yeah, we can. But keep in mind that Callie’s parents didn’t like me. I’m still not sure they like me.”

  “They don’t,” I interjected, mostly teasing him but partially serious.

  Her parents hated that he couldn’t get his life together and that he did things that made Callie doubt him. They were concerned about their daughter, and I got that. But they’d also never treated Preston like he was trash or told him flat out that he wasn’t good enough for her. They might have felt that way, but they were never rude to him. They’d never made him feel worthless like Andi’s parents had made me feel.

  “Ha, ha,” Preston said, letting the fact that his in-laws weren’t his biggest fans roll off his back. “But who gives a shit anyway. I’m not dating them. I’m dating Callie. As long as she loves me, I’m good.”

  If only I could see things the same way. If only I didn’t give a shit about what Andi’s parents’ thought of me. I wanted to believe I was enough for her regardless of how anyone else felt. I wanted to believe I was the kind of guy she deserved. I wanted my damn confidence back, but it was just gone.

  I wanted to be the same guy I’d been when I met Andi. But that guy had slowly faded away as I came to the realization that she meant enough to me that losing her would actually break me. The reality of that and the pain it would bring made me scared. It made me doubt and question and wonder, and it made me someone I didn’t like or respect. I just wasn’t sure how to get the old me back, but I knew I had to. If I wanted to be with Andi, I needed to be the guy she’d met, the guy she’d fallen for. There wasn’t really another option.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Andi

  “He didn’t call, did he?” Hannah asked me at brunch on Sunday.

  I shook my head. “Nope.”

  I wasn’t surprised that another day had come and gone with no word from Cam. It had been five days. I’d stopped texting and calling two days ago. I’d basically given up.

  And I was sad. It was like David all over again. I’d given my heart to someone, I’d trusted them, and they’d ignored that trust, breaking my heart into pieces. But this time I didn’t know what had happened. With David I had clarity and understanding as to why we couldn’t be together. I could wrap my head around it. I could focus on the fact that he’d lied to me, that he was married, but with Cam there was nothing.

  I didn’t know if it was something I’d done, if he’d changed his mind, or if it really was what my parents had said. I didn’t know anything, and after talking to my mom, I still wasn’t sure if my parents were to blame.

  My mom had come up and talked to me on Christmas Eve, after I’d called Cam, had gotten his voicemail, and had decided I was too upset to go back downstairs. I didn’t want to see Reid. I didn’t want to be social, and I sure as hell didn’t want to talk to my parents if they’d had anything to do with why Cam had left and wasn’t taking my calls. I just wanted to talk to him, but short of getting on a plane and flying to Detroit to demand some answers – which I actually contemplated doing – I was stuck. That was when my mom had come into my room.

  “So you think I interfered in your love life? Is that it?” she asked me.

  I stared up at her petulantly from where I was hugging a throw pillow to my chest, which was starting to feel hollow and achy. “I know you did.”

  “Then I’ll ask you to enlighten me Andi, because I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

  “I know Reid came by the table last night at dinner,” I told her.

  “He did,” she confirmed. “He wanted to say hello to you.”

  “Okay, so what else did he say while he was there?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” she said, seeming irritated to have to recall the conversation. “Nothing out of the ordinary. We chatted for a few minutes. That was all.”

  “Then why does Cam think you and Dad like Reid so much.”

  My mom practically rolled her eyes. “I have no idea, Andi. I honestly don’t know that boy all that well, and I didn’t get the chance to get to know him with him leaving so suddenly.”

  “Do you know why he left, Mom? Did you have anything to do with it?”

  “Me?” she asked, as if the idea was preposterous. “Of course not.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “Things were fine before dinner. Cam had no plans to go anywhere, and then after I left him at the table with you guys, and Reid happened to stop by, his demeanor was different. He told me he was leaving. What did I miss?”

  My mom shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. You didn’t miss anything, but if you were so concerned about knowing every single thing that happened during dinner, maybe you shouldn’t have run off with Gabe. Did you ever stop to think that the boy you left behind at the table might have assumed something was going on with you and Gabe?”

  “I know he didn't assume that,” I said tightly, and then I sucked in a breath to keep from blurting out Gabe’s secret, because I couldn’t do that no matter how much it would validate my point. “Cam knows Gabe and I are just friends.”

  Cam knew the truth, and he never suspected for a second that Gabe carried any blame. There was something else going on here.

  “Are you sure?” my mother questioned.

  “Yes, Mother, I’m sure. It’s not that
. Did Reid say anything to Cam when he stopped by?”

  “I believe they were introduced, but beyond that, I don’t think so.”

  “Did you say anything to Reid that might have upset Cam, like telling Reid you thought of him like a son or that you wished he and I were still together?”

  She contemplated that for a few seconds as my heart started to race. I was going to be furious if she told Reid she wished I was still with him – in front of my new boyfriend.

  “I might have said I wished he visited more and wasn’t so much of a stranger now that you two aren’t together.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. “So you didn’t say anything that would have offended Cam?”

  “I don’t believe so. Although I might have said that I always thought you and Reid would end up together, but it was just said in passing. Cam could have taken it the wrong way.”

  I sighed. That was it. It must have been what Reid had been talking about.

  “Okay, so did you also tell Reid that I was moving back here next summer? Did you say that in front of Cam?”

  “I may have, but what’s wrong with mentioning that. It’s the truth.”

  “No, it’s not! Mom, I have no plans to move back here anytime soon.”

  “But your lease is up in July.”

  “So? I’ll probably renew it or find a new apartment. My job is going great, I have the best friends, and I love New York.”

  “But Atlanta is your home. You’ve always talked about moving back here eventually.”

  I sighed. It was possibly time to tell the truth.

  “I’m actually not sure that’s going to happen now,” I said in a small voice, afraid of the backlash that might ensue. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

  “Oh?”

  “Mom, I’m really happy. I love my life. I’m not ready to change that.”

  “So you’re going to raise your children in New York City? In that tiny apartment of yours?”

  I gritted my teeth at her extreme response. She always did that. “Mom, I’m not planning to have kids anytime soon, so I think I can wait to figure things out. For now, I’m happy where I am and with what I’m doing. I’m happy with Cam. And for the record, we didn’t break up. We’re still very much together, so you need to stop pushing me toward Reid. He and I aren’t going to be together again.”

  “But you were so good together when you were in college.”

  “Mom, that was four years ago. Things have changed. I’ve changed, and although Reid is a great guy, he’s not the guy for me.”

  She pressed her lips together. “And this rock star is?”

  I didn’t like the distaste I heard in her voice, and I wasn’t sure where it was coming from Cam was a really nice guy. But I also wasn’t interested in hearing her opinion. I liked Cam. I loved him, and the opinion of my mother wasn’t going to sway those feelings.

  “He is,” I said firmly. “That might change, but it’s not going to change anytime soon. I have really strong feelings for him, and I know he feels the same way.”

  I hoped he still felt the same way.

  My mom shook her head. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you at all, Andi. You’ve changed so much in the past few years.”

  “I grew up, Mom, and I’m making adult choices. I know you don’t always like what I decide, but you have to try to be okay with things and accept that it’s my life. You and I are very different people, and we don’t always see eye-to-eye.”

  “I understand that, but I just want what’s best for you.”

  “I know, Mom,” I said softly as I stood up. “And I love you for that, but you also have to trust that I’ll find what’s best for me in my own way.”

  She sighed. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fully believe that. I’m your mother. I feel like it’s my job to help you make the right choices in life.”

  I smiled. “I know, but you have to let go. I’m a grown woman, and you raised me to be independent. I am, and I’m making my own way in life. I’m happy. I’m happy in New York, and I’m happy with Cam. He’s a wonderful guy.”

  “I’m sure he is,” she said, not sounding convinced.

  I knew it might take a while for her to come around, but that was okay. I could live with that.

  I reached out and pulled her into a hug. “Mom, I love you for caring, but thank you for letting me live my life.”

  “You’re welcome,” she said softly, and I could tell just how hard it was for her to let go like she was. It always had been.

  I pulled back and smiled at her, the guilt for how I’d treated Reid suddenly starting to sink in as I realized who was to blame. He really hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d been acting off of what my desperate mother told him. It wasn’t his fault.

  “Did you send Reid away?” I asked my mom.

  “No, of course not,” she said softly. “His parents are out of town. I hated the thought of him being alone tonight. Are you going to throw a fit if he stays?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m not. At the end of the day, he’s a friend, and he shouldn’t be alone on Christmas Eve. He can stay.”

  “Good,” she said, with amusement in her tone. “Because I wasn’t going to send him away even if you asked.”

  “I should have realized that. I guess I also owe him an apology, don’t I?”

  “I think that would be nice of you,” she agreed.

  I sighed. “Okay, I’ll apologize.”

  When we got downstairs I asked Reid if he minded stepping outside with me so we could talk in private. My parents’ house was big, but I didn’t trust that they wouldn’t eavesdrop on our conversation.

  I opened the door to the front porch and we stepped out into the cool night air. Reid gestured to my parents’ porch swing, so I walked over to it, settling into the same spot we must have sat in a hundred times when we were dating. It was odd to be sitting there with him now, but at the same time, it seemed perfectly normal. He wasn’t a bad guy. He might be snobby and judgmental about some things, but he was also a nice guy. I shouldn’t have been rude to him.

  So I apologized for what I’d said and how I’d treated him, and we had a good talk. He’d asked me about Cam, and I told him the story of how we’d met, and then he told me about what had been going on in his life. It was the first time we’d really talked in years, and I hated to admit that it was nice. Maybe Reid and I were really friends after all.

  If only things had been okay with Cam I wouldn’t have continued to feel so shitty, but days later, with no communication on his end, outside of a generic, Merry Christmas text, I was beyond worried. That was how Hannah and I had ended up at brunch. She’d thought Belgium waffles would make me feel better, and I’d felt like getting out of our apartment was necessary. I’d been holed up in my room since I’d gotten back from Atlanta.

  “I don’t think he’s going to call, Han,” I told her.

  “He will,” she assured me. “He just needs time.”

  “Time for what?”

  Hannah shrugged. “He’s a guy. Who knows?”

  “I miss him,” I said around a sigh.

  That was the worst part. Before we’d gone to Detroit, Cam and I had talked every day and texted constantly. I missed being around him, but I got used to our separation. And it was fine. But then I’d seen him again, got to kiss him, and see him looking at me the way Gabe had described. I remembered what it was like to fall asleep in his arms and to wake up with him there, his breathing steady, his hair tousled, and his now familiar scent taking me back to the moment we’d sat on the couch in his hotel suite for the first time.

  And I missed him again. My chest literally ached from the pain of losing him, which I knew was happening. His text on Christmas had been obligatory, but it had given me stupid hope that things were going to right themselves. I’d told myself I was being dumb, that he really had left to be with his family, and that he trusted me enough to know that I’d been honest with him. I wasn’t interested in rekindling thing
s with Reid, and I wasn’t going to move back home.

  But after days of silence, I didn’t know if any of that even mattered. Cam hadn’t reached out again, and that was it. I’d now resigned myself to the fact that we were probably over.

  Suddenly having dated someone so famous felt ten times worse, because I knew he wouldn’t fade away into the void like other boyfriends do. They go on and live their lives, and you might run into them again or see what they’re doing with their life via Facebook, but it’s not in your face in graphic detail. With Cam, I was afraid to go online, because I wasn’t sure I could stop myself from searching for his name. I knew the second I saw him with another girl, I’d lose it.

  Hannah covered her left hand with mine, which I knew was unintentional, but the sparkling diamond on her finger was a mocking reminder that sometimes things work out. Not for me apparently, but for Hannah who’d gotten engaged to Henry at Christmas.

  I hated that I was wallowing again. It felt like I’d just been in this place of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, like I always picked the wrong guys, like I was romantically inept. And the worst part was it was my own damn fault.

  I’d told myself I wasn’t going to date. I was taking a break after David, and I wasn’t going to get involved with anyone. And then Cam had sucked me right in, making me fall for his sparkling green eyes, and his easy smile. He’d dragged me down the rabbit hole, and I’d gone readily, excited for the adventure, but then he’d left me there to find my own way out. But that wasn’t happening. I was lost, lost in Wonderland, wishing he’d come back to rescue me, because finding a way out on my own didn’t seem possible.

  I hated that I’d fallen in love with him, that my feelings were so strong and that I’d let myself believe that he felt the same way. It was a ridiculous notion. He was twenty-one years-old, and he’d never had a girlfriend in his life. What did he even know about love?

  But even as I said that, I knew it was wrong. Cam was one of the most caring and loving people I’d ever known. That was why this hurt so bad. I’d seen more of a future with him than I’d seen with anyone else I’d ever been with. That was why I felt lost and empty and alone. That was why I missed him so much.