by Gina Whitney
“Oh em gee,” Chance screamed. He pointed to a listless Gia. What the fuck was he pointing at? She more than likely got the wind knocked out of her. Oh. Fuck the baby. That fucker probably crushed her. I got to my knees quickly as Renee laid her on her back.
What the fuck? “Why is there blood? Whose blood is that?” I screamed. We looked at our shirts. Yeah, I had some. I pulled up my shirt checking. Nothing. Then, I realized it was hers. She was so still. White. My world as I knew it no longer existed. I kneeled over her, screaming. I had no idea what I was screaming. Nothing made sense.
I was pushed out of the way by paramedics. They were saying, “Apply pressure to stop the bleeding.” Another one covered her face with a mask, gently squeezing the bag at the end. Was she breathing?
“Is she fucking breathing? Someone talk to me…” I looked up and Chance was crying. Woody was white as a ghost, making the sign of the cross. Jake’s head kept shaking no… no…no. Ender was quietly looking on, holding his crystal rosary he always wore.
No. No. No. This couldn’t be happening. I held her bloody hand. You stupid, stupid girl. Why would you jump in front of me? I’m supposed to save you…you. Not the other way.
“Sir, we have to move her now.” They pulled her away from me, putting her on a stretcher and running off the stage. Please, I just want to hold her hand.
“She’s pregnant,” Chance screamed out. The baby…
“I’ve got to go with her,” I yelled out to no one in particular. Chance nodded in agreement. I jumped up, running with him and the medical crew and left what was meant to be one of the greatest nights behind me.
I was never ashamed of my tattoos and piercings until I stood in the hospital waiting room. People didn’t understand. They judged. A scar meant the hurt was over and the wound was closed. Or at least that’s what I thought. So why did it feel that my wounds were open? My scars unhealed for everyone to see. I conquered my pain, learned my lessons, grew from them, and was trying to move forward in a positive way. My tats were my triumph. Something to be proud of. Why did I feel I was held hostage? That life had one more lesson for me to learn. When was the light going to enter and heal me?
Chance walked over with some coffee, looking pale and scared to death. Yeah, I was scared, too. “We’ve got a confirmation on who fired the shots.” He frowned. “They have Morgana in custody,” he said and offered the coffee to me. I didn’t accept it. I couldn’t drink anything at that moment. “I have something I need to tell you,” he said, shaking.
“What else, Chance?” I didn’t have the mindset to deal with one of his meltdowns.
“I’m the one that’s been feeding Morgana the information,” he blurted out, taking a step back. What the fuck? I watched as his tears began running down his face.
“You better start fucking talking now!” I stepped closer. Jake, Ender, and Woody got up quickly. I was going to beat him to fucking death. Him! He did this.
“Please, Abel. I’m begging you to listen.” He wiped his tears as Ender stepped between us.
“Tell me this fucker isn’t in on this,” Ender said to me, pointing at Chance.
I didn’t say anything. I could only stare at the one who betrayed me.
“Talk, fucker,” Ender said to Chance. Woody and Jake moved closer, surrounding him. I hoped they did me the favor of fucking killing him. However, the story Chance told us rocked my fucking world once again.
The air in the room shifted and my world tilted, sending me straight to hell. Fuck. My stomach dropped, my throat squeezed tighter, and I couldn’t breathe. I gulped for a breath of air, holding my chest. Fuck. My heart couldn’t take any more. Was my life going to be one of never ending pain? Then I remembered something, and all made sense: Don’t let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of you future…
My face grew numb with tears. My heart— black with fury. The door opened and the doctor approached. “Mr. Gunner?” he asked sympathetically. “Does Ms. Mastro have family here? I’ll need to speak with them.” He pulled a pen from this white coat.
“No, they’re dead. There’s only me.” I got to my feet. I was all she needed. I’d never consider her mother family. She wasn’t a mother.
“I’m Dr. Garcia.” He shook my hand.
Dave, Woody, Jake, Ender, and Chance stood silently by my side— Woody, with his hand on my shoulder in silent support. We weren’t supposed to be there. She wasn’t supposed to be there.
“Is she okay? Can I see her?” My voice broke and Woody’s hand squeezed. Fuck, my chest was starting to hurt. I rubbed, it trying to relieve the pressure.
“I’m sorry. No. You can’t see her. She’s in surgery,” he said sympathetically. “Thankfully, the shot was clean. The bullet didn’t hit any major organs or arteries. We’re just closing now. But, she’s lost a lot of blood. What blood type are you?” he asked. What blood type?
“A+ positive. Why?” I was ready to do whatever was needed.
“She could use your help. The hospital is running low on A+ and by the time we…”
“I’ll do it! Whatever she needs, it’s hers.” I started rolling up my sleeves and turned to my friends. “If anything happens to her. I swear to fuck.”
Woody stepped up. “Nothing will, mate. You’ve got this. Go take care of your beauty. We’ll deal with everything else. No worries, lad,” he said, patting my shoulder.
I followed the doctor through the doors and gave my beauty the blood she needed. I felt good about it. She needed me and I wanted to give her what she needed. She saved my life and I’d save her. I didn’t ask about the baby. It wasn’t on my mind when I spoke to the doctor. All that was on my mind was her. And so I waited by myself for what felt like days.
“Mr. Gunner?” a cheery nurse asked.
I nodded. Cheery was good, right? She wouldn’t be bringing me bad news with a smile.
“Would you like to see her? She’s in a room resting. You could go in for a few minute,” she explained.
Fuck yes I wanted to see her. I wasn’t leaving, though. I followed the nurse down a winding hall through a set of doors.
She turned, smiling. “I’ll be right outside if you need anything.” She opened the door, letting me through.
My heart was beating out of my chest as I stepped to the side of her bed. Fuck. How many times was I going to see my girl in the hospital? I thought the next time would be to deliver our baby. She was resting with her hands folded over one another. She looked peaceful. But too still. I didn’t like it. Fury replaced the blood that raced through my body. That fucking bitch would pay. The police had her now, but just wait until I get a hold of her. I needed her to pay for what she had done.
Beauty’s hospital gown was opened in the front, exposing a square piece of white gauze. I leaned over to look. No blood. Thank God. I didn’t think I could ever see blood again without being reminded of that day…of her. I grabbed her hand, stroking it with my thumb and let out a breath I’d been holding. It was so fucking good to see her again. I pulled the chair over and laid my head on the side of the bed. She didn’t smell like my beauty. She smelled like alcohol, which stirred the beast. I needed a fucking drink in the worst way. Anything to take away the pain. It should’ve been me in that bed. It should be me…
“Please wake up, baby. Please,” I begged and closed my eyes.
Every time it rains, it stops and the sun comes out. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After the darkness, there is always light, and you’re reminded of that every morning. I try to see the brighter side to things. Stay positive. I’d believe this to be true had I not met the whore-of-the- mid-west, Morgana. She sucked every ounce of light that our little beauty brought to our lives. My broody alpha had more pep in his step, light in his eyes, and love in his heart. That’s all I cared about— really. But that evil, sinful, hate filled bitch didn’t want that for him. Nor did she want Gia to be on the receiving end of his affections. And before I knew it, she had me in her bitchy cross-hairs. She held a secre
t over my head. Well, it was more than a secret. More like my greatest shame and undoing. This is what I knew for a fact. If it had ever gotten out that Mrs. Gunner was equally inappropriate with a school friend of Abel’s…it would be scandalous. I cared more for that family and friendship than I did for myself. I knew nothing about family or friendship before Abel took me into his inner sanctum by befriending me. I had always been different. On my own. An eccentric-fashion-forward-gay-outsider. My life suddenly had purpose. I had a best friend, a band, and was a rock-star by default. Finally on the inside of life and no longer looking in. And he needed me as much as I needed him. He was a mess, and needed some organization. I became his right hand and helped with every aspect of his life so he could focus on the band.
One day after school, I went to Abel’s house while he practiced to start a website for the band. I was excited they were fully behind my idea. We needed to grow their fan-base. While doing so, his heavily medicated mother came in crying. Of course, I went to give her comfort. Asked what the problem was and helped her back to her room. Poor little lamb. I tucked her back in and asked if she needed anything else. However, her response wasn’t something I anticipated. She asked me to lay with her and hold her. Fuck me sideways. My stomach fell clear out of my body. Jesus Christ, could it be any worse? But she looked so pitiful, dabbing her tears with her crumpled tissue. Maybe it wasn’t so bad? I tended to dramatize everything. So, I agreed until she fell asleep. I drew the shades and closed the curtains in an effort to speed things along and laid down next to her. She pulled my arm across her body and thanked me for comforting a lonely woman. Oh, God. I wanted to die right then and there. Kill me now. However, in a short time, she was softly snoring. No harm done, right? Wrong. The door swung open abruptly. I jumped up. Morgana’s evil smirking face stood in the doorway holding her cell phone. Click. Click. Click. She winked and closed the door. Quicker than a fox in a forest fire, I ran after her, begging and pleading to delete the photos. I tried explaining what had happened, but she didn’t give a shit. She had a motive— that skank always had something up her sleeve. She explained that the pictures were going to be her future insurance. Sick, calculating, fatal-attraction bitch! I should have been man enough to go to Abel with it, but how could I? How do you tell your best friend something like that? His relationship with his parents was damaged badly already. It would have been devastating. I wouldn’t and couldn’t do that to him or his family. I was ashamed and devastated. So, I chose the easy way out and became Morgana’s little bitch. If I didn’t, she’d leak the pictures. There was just no other option. It wasn’t until years later that her threats reared their ugly head.
Since her recent blackmailing threats backfired, she redirected her attention to me after finding out Abel took on a new sub— Gia. She became obsessed with breaking them up. She went as far as forcing me to drive with her on her surveillance missions as she called it. The European tour couldn’t come fast enough. I was packed weeks before. The stress was killing me. What she did to Gia and Abel nearly killed him.
When I heard the song to Darth Vader playing on my phone, I knew she was back. “What could you possibly want? Haven’t you done enough?” My phone beeped and the picture of Mrs. Gunner and I came through. Oh, good God, this bitch is a crazy one.
“I’d love to see Abel’s face when he sees that.” She laughed. I was stunned to silence.
“You’re a crazy bitch that needs to be committed,” I whispered. My heart was racing and I needed to sit down. However, Gia was in the next room. I needed to get the hell out of there.
Abel
I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep until fingers were running through my hair. I popped up, opening my eyes and saw my saving fucking grace…Beauty’s warm chocolate eyes.
I couldn’t think of what to say. I mean, I had a thousand words trying to squeeze their way out of my mouth. So I said something lame. “Hi.”
“Hi, yourself.” She smiled weakly. She always tried to make me feel better. Always deflecting her emotions to care for mine.
“I’m sorry,” I choked. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be here,” I said. It was true. I did this to us.
“If it weren’t for you, I’d have no purpose. Didn’t you tell me that without one, there’s no other?” she asked, squeezing my hand tightly. Yes, I did say that. That’s a fucking fact. Without her, there’d be no me.
I ran to get the nurse to let her know she was awake, just in case. I didn’t know what to do. But I felt it was a great sign. Dr. Garcia walked in with the cheery nurse. The room was silent as he examined her. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown if I didn’t ask about the baby. I knew it was her next question. I could see it in her eyes.
Before I got out the words, she did. “My baby…is my baby okay? That’s all I care about,” she said with as much conviction she could muster.
“Your pregnancy is in a fragile state right now. Your body has suffered severe trauma and blood loss. We can never tell how your body is going to react to that. We will do our best. I want you to know that. Remember, Ms. Mastro, positive thinking goes a long way. There’s no reason to think you won’t continue to carry the child. With bed-rest and care…I think you both will be fine.
Gia was in the hospital for ten days. To tell you the truth, I was scared as fuck for her to leave. I knew they both were in the best hands. Good news was that she and the baby were fine. I never used to pray— ever. I prayed that day to God, and every day and night after. It was a comfort I didn’t anticipate.
Ender, Woody, Jake, and Dave alternated during visiting hours. My parents were on the next flight and sat vigil with me. It felt great to have their support. There was some healing done in light of what happened. I allowed it instead of resisting.
Security was tight, given the attack on my life, as the press swarmed the hospital…vulture fucks. They wanted their story. We did make the headlines.
The fiancée of Abel Gunner, lead singer of Lethal Abel, was shot at their sold-out show at the Olympic Stadium in Turin, Italy. The victim, Gia Mastro, is in serious condition. She’s with friends and family who couldn’t be reached for comment. Police have the shooter in custody. The motive for the shooting remains unclear. A press conference has been scheduled by Italian police and the head of security for the band.
I wanted to take Beauty somewhere special and decided to spend Christmas in Santorini, Greece. We stayed in a whitewashed villa with smooth, sandy beaches below and hot dessert climate. It was a fresh change from the European tour we left behind. It was as unspoiled as I could provide for her. We were perched high on the crest of the sheer Caldera cliffs, and just a stone’s throw away from the volcano view of Santorini. Our villa overlooked the clear blue Aegean Sea. I wanted to bring her there because it was considered the diamond of the Greek Islands. Domed churches were nestled atop the steep volcanic cliffs that fell sharply to azure waters. I was hoping she’d want to marry me there. The sooner the better. However, I was on bended knee, willing to do anything that would make her happy. That was the fucking truth. We shared our first Christmas in this ancient magical place. As the waves crashed against the rocks below, I whispered my love to Beauty and practiced the art of lovemaking. My focus was solely on her, our baby, and the wedding I planned to have to celebrate them both.
Her delicate fingers traced my tattoos. She was always fascinated with the colors and what they meant. “You know that these are like a kaleidoscope of lust, right?” She laughed.
“Is that so?” I asked, kissing the column of her neck. I was thrilled by the goose-bumps that prickled her skin.
“Gah! I can’t think when you’re doing that. Stop using your dom juju on me.” She giggled, pushing me away. Okay, she had something important she wanted to tell me, otherwise she’d never stop my assault. “Seriously. When I was in the hospital, you said something in your sleep. You said, ‘when was light going to enter and heal you?’” Her voice was thick with emotion.
“Ok
ay.” I didn’t remember saying that in her room.
She turned to face me, wrapping her legs around my waist, her tiny baby bump between us. “Out of suffering came this.” She put my hand on her belly. “This is the light. Our scars are a sign that we survived it, and in doing so, we created a life. Our pain is our strength.” She placed the sweetest kiss on my lips. “Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to be at your best. This is our best.” She rubbed her belly with my hand.
My eyes filled. I had never felt this feeling before. That moment filled me with so much love I though my heart would burst. I grabbed her face with both hands, kissing her like I never had before. I wanted her to feel all the love I had for her. There simply weren’t any words that could be spoken to do so. Yeah, it was one of those moments you never forget. Sometimes, it’s not what the world takes from you that counts, it’s what you do with what’s left…
Take Me Home ~ Cash Cash
Chandelier ~ Sia
The Worst ~ Jhene Aiko
One Wing ~ Jordan Sparks
Love Will ~ Jordan Sparks
Always ~ Bon Jovi
Make A Memory ~ Bon Jove
Blurry ~ Puddle Of Mud
Riptide ~ Sick Of Puppies
Send the Pain Below ~ Chevelle
Through Glass ~ Stone Sour
You ~ Breaking Benjamin
Lips Of An Angel ~ Hinder
Same Old War ~ Our Last Night
Radioactive ~ Our Last Night
Dark Horse ~ Our Last Night
Addicted ~ Saving Abel
Skin ~ Sixx: A.M.
Better Than Me ~ Hinder
The playlist can be listened to on Spotify smarturl.it/SpotifyGia
They say it takes a small village to raise a family. I think it takes a small village to get a book ready for publication. My village: My PA, Amber Garcia, is often times my eyes, ears, mind, and everything in between. Thank you for not only being a great friend but my biatch bff as well.
