Rocker Series

by Gina Whitney

  “You know how turned on I get when you flush? However, I will not penetrate you…not even with my tongue or fingers.” I considered his words and what that meant for me. He caressed my open thighs. My eyes traveled back and forth between his face and the hotel in the backdrop. A slow, wicked smile danced across his face. He was gratified by my nervous response. He never inserted one finger, but skirted around the entrance to my pussy. Then, he caught my clit between his fingers and waited. This wasn’t love-making. This was about fulfilling baser needs, carnal cravings, and a display of male dominance he single-handedly concurred. My stomach bottomed out and I wanted to push my ass into his hard length below. He drew out the visceral side of me and luxuriated in it. He exuded confidence, control, and savagely pinched my clit until all shame and self-control flew out of my lungs and into the night’s air. Abel.

  He bent over, his lips floating across the side of my face. “That, my beauty, is how you cap off a night,” he whispered, licking the side of my face. He was vulgar, possessive, hot, and all mine…

  For the past week, the boys had been over, recording in Abel’s home studio. I was busy with Bella and my dress fittings. Thankfully, Chance and my future mother-in-law had the reception squared away. Cindy and my mother-in-law left and would be back in time for the wedding. Abel and I were synchronized, despite our disagreement in Catalina.

  It was late and Bella was sleeping. Embracing my inner badass ninja capabilities, I snuck down to the studio. I peeked my head into the producing door and saw him in a red-grey flannel cutoff with a white short sleeve T-shirt beneath it. He had one black denim-clad, booted leg against the rung of the stool. Abel had something special planned for the ceremony that he’d been working on. Being the nosiest bitch in the world and unable to contain my excitement, my curiosity got the better of me. He’d surely see me if I sat down, so I stayed hidden in the shadows of the door.

  He plugged his guitar into the amp and continued composing. Music sheets splayed on a wooden stool, and a pencil sat snuggly behind his ear. He was deep in thought. Fuck, if I can only flip the intercom switch, I thought. My gaze slowly moved up his frame, past the guitar he strummed with his right hand, and up his long, defined arm. I lingered on his broad shoulders and the way his white T-shirt pulled tautly across his chest as he played. Yet it was his face that had me transfixed. His black hair hung messily over his eyes and he would occasionally whip his head to see past it. He would close his eyes, as if trying to focus on an image from the song he played in front of him. Sometimes, his face would shift along with the lyrics through looks of despair and adoration. He felt every word he sang. He looked directly into the booth, and I could have sworn our eyes met. If they truly had met, he’d know beyond any doubt how incredibly turned on I was. I couldn’t help but bite my lip painfully. His lips, a hairsbreadth away from the microphone, reminded of how he woke me up every morning. He had an internal clock that woke before the baby’s morning feeding, for his own feeding.

  My heart pumped enough that I crawled over to the switch to flip it on. With a loud click, it seemed to echo off the insulated walls. I slowly rolled a chair over the carpet to the door just in case I needed a quick exit.

  Those fingers were magical, so long and beautiful, coaxing the notes from his guitar. I knew firsthand what those fingers were capable of—the passion they brought. I swallowed and looked at his face. Yes, he truly was a god. His tattoos crawled seductively up his body onto his neck. He let the gage holes close and opted for silver loops along the shell of his ear. His jawline was squared with just enough scruff on it to be a dream along my thighs.

  His voice was silk and pure sex that did things to my body I had no voluntary control of. My legs clenched each time his voice lowered, causing a sexy buzz to run through me.

  It seems like only yesterday since I first laid eyes on you

  You’re the woman that took this shell of a man

  and gave me something brand new.

  You took a sorry mess, babe

  Taught me what it is to love

  gave me a beautiful gift

  from the two of us

  that was sent from heaven.

  The gruff in his voice, the emotion it held, brought tears to my eyes.

  Now I’ll be your forever and a day

  Come what may

  I’ll be there to hold you tight

  Take away the tears and hold you through the night.

  A mass of tingles sparked across my body…leaving a trail of passion and a full heart.

  With my eyes blurry from unshed tears, I didn’t even see Chance walk into the studio. His face torn between relief and sympathy. Abel gave him a menacing glare before pulling the cord from his amp.

  “What the fuck? I said no interruptions.” He growled, nearly taking Chance’s head off.

  “I had no choice. Why haven’t you answered your phone?” He paused. “It’s pretty bad.”

  Abel filtered through the papers on the chair, finding his phone. His face blanched. “She can’t know.” His fingers ran through his hair and he screamed. “Why now? Why…” Then he squared off with Chance. “Dead-fucking-ass, you open your mouth…” They shot glances at each other, battling an internal war, and I wondered what the fuck it was about. It had to be about me. “I have to be the one to tell her. She can’t hear this from anyone else but me. Are we clear?”

  He held his hands up. “I’m just the messenger. Remember, I’m on your side.”

  Abel pushed his fingers into Chance’s chest. “Let’s not go there, but I’m telling you, as sure as I’m standing here, if she finds out from anyone but me, I will kill you with my bare hands. Legit. Count on that, motherfucker.”

  Chance nodded and left as quickly as his legs carried him. I slumped to the floor and prayed that whatever it was, it wouldn’t be the end of Abel and me. Whatever it was, it was bad enough to cause Abel to react the way he did. The sound of something slamming against the wall brought me back to the present. When I peeked out from my hiding place, the wooden stool lay in pieces on the far side of the studio. I needed to get my ass back upstairs before he had any clue.

  An hour later, he stood in the doorway of our bedroom with a pre-made bottle in his hand. His face held so much emotion, and dread spread throughout my body as I fed our daughter. “Let me feed her. I feel guilty I didn’t spend enough time with her today.”

  I wanted to smile, because normally the awe factor would squeeze my heart. However, my fear rode me hard and the need to know what he was hiding held priority over anything else. I nodded, at a loss for words. He read me as easily as I read him, and my fear was that he harbored something of great significance. His body was a host of trepidation as he stood motionless, awaiting my answer. “Sure, that would be great. I could use a minute to myself.”

  His face shifted. Scrutinizing. His eyes trying to un-puzzle my own body language. I wasn’t as good as I thought at hiding my feelings. He ate up the room in two strides and leaned in, kissing the Bella’s forehead and then my own. “Hello, my beauty.”

  The warmth of his breath tickled my neck, and I closed my eyes to breathe him in. His lips met the nape of my neck before grabbing Bella and taking her. His arms a blatant contrast to her downy skin as he drew her into his chest. He held her in one arm like a football, and in the other hand, he carried her bottle. She fed while he watched me; his eyes held much of the same intensity as before. Possessive, yet tender. I looked on, adoring the silent moments he spent with her. I was in love with the bad-ass rocker turned daddy. He placed her empty bottle on the nightstand and walked onto the balcony.

  “I wrote something for you, Bella,” he whispered to her as she slept. “I hope to put it to music someday, but I wanted you to hear it first.” He kissed her tiny cheek.

  ~Mi Cucciolo~

  Luce Dei Miei Occhi

  Tesoro Di Cuore Mio

  Stella Di Vita Mia

  Mi Cucciolo Libellula

  (Translation)

  Li
ght of my eyes

  Treasure of my heart

  Star of my life

  My baby dragonfly

  “I look down and feel the wave of tears rise up in my chest; never have I seen something so beautiful and pure. The innocence of angels. A smile to melt Daddy’s heart. Your eyes hold me fast; I would dance in your laughter and hold you tight to my chest. You are my treasure. My child, my baby Bella Mia, much as I treasure you.”

  He finished nuzzling her before gently placing her in her cradle. “Come relax with me on the bed. I want to hold you.” His hand reached for mine and I tentatively took it.

  My heart sped up as anxiety shot through my veins. I put my worries aside for the moment to focus on the man beside me. Bone deep, I knew with certainty he wouldn’t hurt me, but I could feel his touch held something more—sympathy. My head cradled against his chest. He never stopped touching or kissing me.

  “These dreams that you’ve been having…what are they about?”

  I tensed. This would be the first time I mentioned it aloud what I’ve pieced together over the past few weeks. Sometimes, the dreams were vivid, while other times, they were vague. However, there were always two entities that held them together—the gentle blue light and Medusa. “My mother.”

  He planted an assured kiss on my forehead, and I felt myself aching to purge the tendrils of fear that I’d harbored these past few weeks. I’d be lying if I said the nightmares didn’t affect me to my core, because they’ve taken a toll on my deepest insecurities. Could I find the peace I needed to survive in a world where my mother still existed? When, even in my dreams, she sought to destroy me…break me…devalue any beliefs I had about raising my daughter alongside Abel.

  “Look at me,” he said, pulling me up and over his legs to face him. “I know you’ve been struggling with whatever these nightmares have been about. I suspected the only person who still had power over you was your horrid mother. To be respectful of you, I wanted to wait to broach the subject, and prayed you’d come to me so I could help. However, I don’t have that luxury anymore. The media are slippery, story-driven fuckers.”

  I considered his words for a minute, and gave him an accusatory look.

  He shook his head. “I’d never hurt you, my beauty.” But there was hesitation in his voice. Now I was officially disturbed. One breath in. One long breath out…

  “Just tell me what it is. My mind is running wild with dreadful possibilities.”

  He conceded. “It’s come to my attention that your mother was found dead.”

  My breath caught in my throat and I found it impossible to breathe. “Calm down, Gia,” he commanded.

  “How?” was the only word I was able to utter as I struggled for oxygen. I have no clue what value it was knowing, but I needed to know.

  His face canted and his eyes filled with compassion. “I will tell you everything I know. A neighbor called the police. She collected the unattended mail and knocked on her door. There was no answer, and a terrible smell from beyond the door. So she called the police. The police entered. She was found in her bed. Pills scattered across her bedside table. They’re not sure if it was a suicide or accidental.”

  I was numb as he drew me to his chest. Oddly, I felt nothing. Not a fucking thing. I gazed at my daughter in her cradle. Her sleeping form gave me comfort, and his arms held together the broken pieces that were shifting into new spots. Everything I needed was in this room. And there was light in my heart. A tiny beacon of hope. But the child in me ached and it wasn’t for her. She ached for me. What would it have been like to be surrounded with love? To experience a mother’s loving touch—a loving embrace—instead of being groomed by a hateful, vial, self-serving, malignant witch who drew every ounce of goodness out of me and replaced it with darkness. Darkness in my heart, psyche, and soul. She sought to destroy any healthy part of me. In turn, she’d have a perfect clone to serve her.

  I cried for that girl. The girl who had no choice but to live with a monster. Whose only source of comfort was to read in order to escape the nightmare she lived in. There weren’t play dates, choir practices, plays, summer-camp, or after school activities. My heart held nothing but rotten memories and sleepless nights.

  My mother was nothing but a demanding tyrant, who at her very core, was troubled and insane. I closed my eyes, shutting out all the painful memories of my past, resigned to bury them along with her once and for all.

  “Talk to me,” he said, making soothing circles on my back.

  I pulled back, wiping my tears with the backs of my hands and giving him a weak smile. I grabbed his hands to bring them to my mouth, peppering them with kisses to let him know how much I appreciated him being here for me. And I would always be there for him. “You’re all I have now. You and Bella. You’re my only family.”

  His eyes remained glued on me, love and adoration visible in the light that shown through them. “Yes, but you also have Cindy, Chance, my parents, and the boys. Aren’t they family? I know they consider you family.”

  “Yes, they definitely are,” I whispered, and saw relief pass over his face as he exhaled. As chaotic and complicated our life could be, he and Bella were my bottom line, my life, and my everything.

  “I was going to wait, as my heart broke for you. Make no mistake…never cry for that fucking bitch.” His voice was even but sure. “I thought there was no better place to share this news with you than in the safety of our bedroom. A place of safety, security, and love. Safe under my hand, safe while in scene, and safely with our daughter sleeping nearby. Surrounded by everything you love. Let me be your shield, your stronghold, your safe harbor…”

  What he said touched the deepest part of me, unlocking the final door of self-doubt and insecurity. My past may have been battered by my mother, but the future held something entirely different for me. I was given a second chance. A chance to have my own family to love and nurture. This nurturing I learned from the rock star who held me, and not my mother. It was through his lifestyle that I’d been reborn. I reflected on the many positive aspects of my relationship with him, and he’s enriched my life in so many ways. He’s taught me how to trust, to let go of insecurities, and to live in the moment. He has taught me to accept the submissive side of myself that I long fought, and that a Dom shouldn’t be manipulative. My self-esteem was only lowered by my own demons, but never because of him or his hand. My surrender showed me how to relate to situations outside of my relationship with him. I needed to let things go and unshackle myself from my demons—from Medusa.

  “You were right to tell me.” This was what Chance told him earlier, and why he threatened him. “We’re getting married soon, and I want to be focused on that day. If I give into my past, she’ll have won.” I paused. It all made sense now—the dreams. Even from beyond the grave, she continued to eat away at any happiness I held. “I mourn the loss of innocence. The loneliness of growing up without a father’s love or the gentle touch of a mother’s hand.” I needed to purge this once and for all. The anger I felt my whole life that had taken a life of its own—a living, breathing being—and a monster that held control over me for so many years. Too many years. At this moment, the monster fighting to surface no longer seemed unbidden and uncontrollable. The child in me sobbed. The man I loved held me close until my tears stopped coming.

  He turned down the comforter, folding into me with a kiss. “Sleep, my beauty.”

  “Wait,” I said, grabbing his hand. “I don’t want anything to do with her burial. Nothing. I don’t want to hear or know. Please. Can you do that for me?” Tears were long gone, but resolve set in bone deep. This was me purging the filth from my life. I’d show her the same kindness she’d shown me all these years. Loneliness and abandonment. “You’ll be burying the last of my fears.”

  He nodded. “Sleep. I will take care of everything,” he said before making some calls. I let out a long, cleansing breath, and burrowed deeper into my pillowed cocoon, surrendering to exhaustion. And finally, sleep pulle
d me under.

  After a lengthy conversation with my father and a few phone calls, things seemed to be falling into place. My father and Cindy were going to take care of all arrangements for Medusa. If it were up to me, I’d leave her in the morgue unclaimed. She didn’t deserve anything more. However, my father had a good point. Better to resolve it properly now than have it come back to bite my ass in the future. I didn’t anticipate Gia changing her mind. But it wasn’t a chance I wanted to take. She’d be buried at a local cemetery. In an average coffin with no headstone. If Gia, at some point, had a change of heart, she could be the one to mark her mother’s grave. That would be her decision alone. My eyes moved over Bella’s sleeping face and the love in my heart for her warmed me. She was as angelic as Gia when sleeping. I covered her little legs with her blanket and strode over to check on Beauty. I fingered away the loose hair around her face, and forced down my own hunger. I wanted to feel her warmth, push into her, and revel in her wet slit. However, tonight wasn’t the night for that. We had the rest of our lives to enjoy each other.

  I rolled onto my side, drawing Beauty into my arms. I kissed the back of her head, breathing in the fresh scent of her shampoo. “Only good dreams, my love,” I whispered. My own exhaustion setting in the moment my head hit the pillow.

  We slept peacefully within each other’s arms, safe from the nightmares that had been tormenting our sleep when the wails of a hungry baby woke us. “I’ll get her,” I said, throwing the covers off.

  Gia sat up quickly, grabbing pillows to support her back. She held out her arms and I placed our angel in them. “There’s my hungry girl.” She cooed as I studied her face and body language, searching for any sign of hesitation or distress. She wore nothing but a genuine smile.