by Lila Younger
And then there’s the rest of my wardrobe too. I want to buy some dresses for when we go out on dates. Up until now I’ve been a broke college kid, so I haven’t ever really had a chance to just splurge on lots of beautiful clothes. What I’ve got so far is so boring and blah, I only really wear it because I’m with Luna all day. There’s no point in dirtying up my nice stuff (if I had any). But soon there should be occasions to dress up for. I know that we haven’t had a chance to officially go out yet, especially since well, I’m the babysitter, but if we are really giving our relationship a go, then I’m sure that there will be times when we want to get out of the house together. I’ll have to find and screen another babysitter for those nights. I make a mental note in my head to do that. And then I decide to finish off with a manicure, just to really pamper myself and celebrate.
By now it’s almost 10:30, so I decide to head home. My mom is in the kitchen, cleaning up last night’s dishes when I get in.
“You sure look chipper for someone who’s been out all night,” she observes.
“Coffee will do that mom,” I say. “Guess what?”
“What?” she says as she turns back to the dishes.
“I got a call from C-Mr. Sedgwick. He says that he’d like me to stay on as a full time nanny for him. He’s willing to provide room and board, and he’s giving me a raise. I’ll be making almost $45,000 a year. He thinks my university education so far will be good for helping Luna catch up on her reading and stuff.”
“A full-time nanny? I thought this was supposed to be a temporary job Jade,” my mom says. She faces me again and pulls off her yellow gloves. “What happened to that job Margaret was talking about?”
“I put in an application,” I say with a shrug. “I guess they didn’t think I was good enough.”
“Oh honey,” mom says, coming forward to cup my face in her hands. “Never, ever say you’re not good enough. You are.”
“Mom,” I say softly. I feel a pang of guilt for not telling her the truth.
“I don’t want you to take the job,” she says. “It feels an awful lot like taking a step away from school.”
“It’s not. I’m still planning on going back to school.”
My mom shakes her head sadly.
“Sometimes those choices aren’t up to you. Sometimes you think it’s only going to be temporary, and then life gets in the way, and before you know it, it seems too hard to try and go back.”
I can tell by the way mom is talking that she’s no longer talking about me, not really. I take my mom’s hands, bringing her back to the present.
“Don’t worry mom. It’s not going to be like that, I promise. Luna goes to preschool in the morning, so I’ll be able to take online classes and help out then. And Mr. Sedgwick needs a nanny because he’s a lawyer. He’s got a very busy schedule that would prevent him from coming home early and he wants to make sure there’s someone steady in Luna’s life.”
“Where’s the girl’s mother?” My mom asks. “I didn’t realize it was just you and some, some older man in a house all day.”
“You mean me and a little girl? Because Mr. Sedgwick is working?” I remind her irritably. I don’t like that she thinks that of Carter, because he has been nothing but wonderful. And okay, because if we could, we probably would be fucking like rabbits, but we have a responsibility to Luna, and we both take that very seriously.
My mom is undeterred, so I give the short version of the story. Immediately my mom’s heart melts, just like I did when I heard what happened to Luna.
“The poor dear,” she says sympathetically.
“I know right? That’s why Mr. Sedgwick wants me around. Luna’s really become attached to me mom, and he thinks it would be good if I was around instead of having a parade of other people coming in and out of the house. It’ll make Luna feel more secure.”
“Well, as long as you promise that you’ll be applying to the college for online classes then,” she says at last.
“I will. Now I better pack up, because I’ll need to get Luna from preschool soon,” I say, giving my mom a hug. “And don’t worry, I’ll have time off to come back and visit. More than I did at college at least.
My mom nods and waves me off. Even though I know that logically I don’t need my mom’s permission, having her approval for what I’m doing still matters. I go to the basement and grab a suitcase to throw all of my stuff into. I won’t need any furniture after all, so it’s just some books, picture frames, and clothes that I need to throw into it. Everything else Carter either has, or we can buy later. I really don’t have too much all things considered.
When I’m all done packing, I have to go and pick Luna up from preschool. Carter must have told her what was happening, because she is beaming when I go into school to pick her up.
“Jade Jade Jade!” she screams happily, flying into my arms.
“Hey kiddo,” I say softly, hugging her close.
Aside from being with her father, I’m incredibly happy to be able to see this sweet little girl more often. I’ve already become so attached to her, and I have all sorts of plans on how we can get her reading up to speed. I want to make sure she’s doing well, almost as though she’s my own little girl. I’ve always wanted kids, and now I have one. Somehow, the terrible fact of my suspension has turned into a blessing. It’s weird how life does that sometimes.
We head to my car, Luna holding my hand and skipping along as she tells me about her day. She’s made a new friend, Cassie, who also likes Belle almost as much as she does.
“We’re going to wear our dresses tomorrow,” she finishes. “And play Beauty and the Beast!”
“Oh my,” I say. “Who’s going to be the beast?”
She has to think about the question for a few minutes as we get into the car and I buckle her up into her booster seat.
“Ben.”
“Who’s Ben?” The poor kid. I’m pretty sure nobody wants to be a beast.
“He plays basketball,” as if that answered the question. I shrug. I suppose that qualifies someone to be Beast as good as anything in a four year old kid’s mind.
“So daddy told you the good news then?” I ask her.
“Yes! You’re going to live with me!” she says happily.
“That’s right. Daddy will have to go back to work full time tomorrow. Will you help me decorate my room and make it nice?” I ask her.
“Yes! I can draw a picture.”
I look into the rearview mirror and smile at her.
“That sounds absolutely perfect Luna.”
After a lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup, we spend a fun afternoon together setting up my room. Luna tries on my clothes, including my new date dress that looks like a gown on her, and a pair of my heels. She’s having so much fun that I wish I had more clothes for her. It reminds me of what I used to do when I was a little kid with my mom. I wonder… but I stop that train of thought. It’s too tempting to imagine, and I’m surprised by just how much my own heart yearns for it to be true. But with me moving in with Carter and Luna, someone looking in on the outside could be forgiven if they mistake us for a little family, couldn’t they?
Carter
Our lives start to fall into a comfortable pattern. In the morning, Jade or I will make breakfast and we all eat together. Then I drop off Luna at preschool, and Jade picks her up. They spend their afternoons doing all sorts of fun things: the library, the science museum, doing crafts at home, or whatever else Jade can think up. And then there are the dinners. I’ve gotten so used to takeout that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have a meal made from scratch at home. And Jade is a good cook, one of the best. She is as devoted to Luna as I am, and will spend the evenings after Luna’s in bed looking up things for them to do when she’s not catching up on homework from her college classes. Sometimes we hire a babysitter and go out to watch a movie or a concert, but honestly? I just go out because it makes Jade happy, and that makes me happy. I would be fine if we could stay at hom
e and fuck all night. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in the world beats seeing Jade cry with pleasure, her pussy convulsing around my thick shaft as I rock her world.
I’m a man of simple pleasures. Take today for example. I take Saturday off because for the first time in forever, we got snow. It fell overnight, blanketing and silencing everything. Not at lot, maybe two inches, but it was enough to make Luna happy. Even though we have no snow gear, she insists we go out and play. I teach her how to roll snowballs, and off she goes, rolling and rolling until we seem to have gotten every last inch of snow in the yard. Jade grabs a carrot from the kitchen, and I donate my hat, so that Luna can have the snowman of her dreams.
“Looks pretty good kiddo,” I say, ruffling her hair.
She surprises me by giving me a hug.
“Daddy. Can you stay home every Saturday?” she asks, making a lump appear in my throat. I blink hard, squeezing my little girl in a big bear hug.
“Come on,” Jade says to her. “Let’s make snow angels.”
Luna pulls back, eyes lighting up. I guess she’s never heard of snow angels before either. The two of them race to the front yard, and I follow along slowly after. I’ve tried to provide as much as I can for Luna, and she’s never asked me for anything. She’s just that sort of little girl, always happy and thankful. Now she’s asked this of me. I watch my two girls playing together, swishing their arms and legs to make angels. Work isn’t the thing that’s most important. I see that now. It’s only been a means to fill the void in my life. I come from a wealthy family, and my grandfather has put more than enough in a trust so that I never needed to worry. So why am I still on the work treadmill? Why was I letting my soulless job deprive me of the moments that mattered more?
Just as I think that things couldn’t be going any better, I get a call on my phone. I pull it out and see Stacie’s name on the screen.
“Damn,” I swear under my breath. I had to go and jinx it.
I hold up my phone to let Jade know that I need to take a call and head inside.
“Stacie,” I say guardedly. “What is it?”
“Hi Carter,” she says, as if she didn’t fucking abandon her kid with me for weeks. “Just wondering when I can pick Luna up. How is she?”
“She’s doing fine no thanks to you. Where the hell are you anyways?”
“Oh, you know… Some things came up. I had to go for a bit. I knew she would be safe with you.”
I can hear traffic behind her, as though she’s standing at a busy intersection. It’s making it hard to hear what she’s saying.
“Let me ask you a question. Do you make a habit of leaving Luna with people and taking off?”
“No! It was an emergency. RJ… well, I didn’t want Luna to be around and get caught up-”
“In what? Some drug deal?” She splutters but I bulldoze right over her. I’m so angry that I start pacing the living room floor. “Please don’t even try and deny that shit Stacie, because I don’t want to hear it. I haven’t forgotten how you showed up high to IHOP on a Tuesday afternoon for fuck’s sake. And the stories Luna has been telling. She’s blissfully unaware of things, thank fucking God, but I can read between the lines. That girl has never been read a story. She thinks it’s weird we don’t have strangers parading in and out of the house. What the hell is wrong with you? When did things get so bad? Why didn’t you come to me for help?”
Stacie is silent, but that’s fine, because I’m not done talking.
“Let me tell you what’s going on Stacie, because you don’t seem to have a clue. You’re not getting Luna back,” I growl at her. “Not after the stunt you pulled. Frankly I should have fought for custody earlier, but I thought she was in a stable home environment and forcing her to live with me would have upset her. Now I realize the mistake was not doing it sooner. You’ll be hearing from my attorney soon enough Stacie.”
“You can’t talk to me that way!” she says. “I did you a favor. I didn’t have to bring Luna to you. I didn’t have to let her meet you.”
I see Jade and Luna tramping back to the house through the window. They’re laughing together over something, and the fierce, Neanderthal side of me rears up. I’m not giving up my little family without a fight.
“The next time you see me, it’ll be in family court, and from everything that’s happened so far and what Luna has told me, I know we have a pretty good case of getting full custody. Goodbye.”
I want to throw my phone, but I don’t because I hear the front door opening. Instead, I draw a deep breath in, plaster a smile on my face, and turn around to face them. There’s no way I’m letting Luna get uprooted again, not when she’s so happy now. Not when her home life back then was-was some kind of drug dealer’s den. Fuck. That.
Jade glances over at me with worry in her eyes. She can read me well, and she notices that something’s not right. I give my head an imperceptible shake. Not in front of Luna.
“How about some hot chocolate?” I suggest.
“Good idea,” says Jade quickly, putting a hand on the little girl and shepherding her towards the kitchen. “Let me show you how my mom used to make them for me Luna.”
I open up my phone and text John.
Stacie just called finally wanting Luna back. I told her it wasn’t going to happen. We are going to fight to make sure of that.
I square my shoulders. If it’s a battle Stacie wants, it’s a battle she’s going to get. The only way that woman is going to take Luna is over my dead body.
********
Once Luna is headed off to bed, I twist open a beer and settle onto the couch. John has replied telling me that he’s working hard on it, but I still can’t relax. I hear Jade come back from putting Luna to sleep and she comes behind me to rub my shoulders.
“You’re stressed about something,” she says softly.
I pat the couch and she comes over to curl up against me. Holding her calms me down.
“Stacie called,” I say, and feel Jade’s body tense up. “Yeah. She wants to know when she can take Luna back.”
“Did you tell her it’s not happening?”
“Yep. First thing I did. There’s no way that I’m going to let it happen. I still kick myself for not intervening earlier and trying to get custody.”
“It’s not your fault,” she murmurs, her hand slipping beneath my shirt. “You couldn’t have known. Who would ever think a mom would let that happen?”
“Boggles the mind, doesn’t it? I talked to an old buddy of mine, and he thinks we have a good case.”
“Good,” Jade says. “Because I don’t want Luna to go either.”
She looks up at me with a beautiful smile.
“You really care for her, huh?” I said. “You know, I’m surprised that you don’t want to become a teacher or something that works with kids. You’re great with them. A natural.”
The smile falls off her face.
“Yeah, about that. My parents were always pushing for me to do well. I was good at school, and they just had high expectations of me. So much so that it convinced me that what they wanted was what I wanted too.”
I put down the rest of my beer on the coffee table and shift so we can get more comfortable together. My hand traces circles on the soft skin of her arm, and she snuggles deeper against me.
“So what happened with school? You never really said.”
“That… That was a stupid thing. I belonged to a sorority, a pretty popular one on campus. My mom said it would help me build connections post grad, so I did it. But the year after I joined, things changed. There were always hazings, but it got really bad. One girl had a nervous breakdown. I was the only one who told the truth about it, but of course, since I was the only one who said anything, I was the only one punished too. One year suspension,” she says with a humorless laugh. “I was lucky it wasn’t expulsion. But it might as well have been with the way mom’s treated me.”
“You’re a good person Jade. I’m sorry that happened to you,” I say.
“Not at all,” I reply. “It brought you to me. That’s never going to be a bad thing.”
“And what about you?” she asks. “Are you doing what you wanted?”
If she had asked me this question even a week ago, I would reply yes without hesitation. But after today… My priorities are shifting that’s for sure. I already have a home of my own, a smart, gorgeous woman in my bed, and my own daughter living with me under my roof. All is right with the universe. What the fuck was I doing trying to chase down senior partner at a prestigious firm? That shit didn’t matter to me anymore. Not compared to Luna’s request for me to stay home more often.
“I thought I was,” I say slowly. “But I’m starting to think that what I thought was important was just a distraction from the sorry state of my life. I was alone, working 80 hours a week, barely doing anything but making money for the law firm. I made lots for myself too, but it wasn’t like I had time to spend it. But now, with you and Luna in my life, I think it’s time for me to make some changes.”
“Changes?” Jade asks.
“Changes that will mean I get to see Luna and you more often,” I say, and once spoken, my resolve solidifies. “After all, if I’m doing every little thing to keep our little family intact, then I better be a part of it, hadn’t I?”
Jade
“Hmm… what else did I need to get…?” I double check the grocery list app on my phone. Since Carter works so much, he’s taken to giving me money to grab the groceries. I don’t mind doing it at all; one of my favorite things to do is shop, whatever it is I’m shopping for. I’m back at the Target that I bumped into Carter and Luna at. They never did call me for an interview, but that doesn’t matter now. I have a much better job.
