Lost Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  Zander agreed, but he’d never voiced his sentiments and didn’t bother hiding his amazement. “What if you had more money than you’d ever need? Would you then?” He wanted to give her everything he owned just to see another one of her smiles.

  Hannah full on snort-laughed in response. “Not likely to ever happen, but yes, even then. Money shouldn’t change people. It’s as liquid as water – here today and then gone with the heat.” She plucked at the collar of her shirt and moved it in and out to get air underneath the heavy material.

  She was nothing like Nathan had described, but Zander was beginning to get the impression she was so much more than the timid young woman her older but absent brother thought she was. Zander leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “Hey, do you want to go for a ride with me tonight?”

  His question seemed to take her aback as she looked at him questioningly before she smiled. “Okay.”

  “Of course, we’ll have to borrow some horses. I don’t have any of my own. Is that going to be okay?” Zander leaned closer, nudging Hannah with his shoulder and catching the scent of apple pie off her hair. Did she smell like home all the time or just after working hard enough to break a sweat?

  Loud bootsteps and male voices cut between them and Zander and Hannah jerked apart. Hannah jumped to her feet, fidgeting with her bandana and licking her lips as Drake and two of the hands walked in.

  Drake raised an eyebrow as he took in the scene. “Maybe I need to add Hannah to my list of not available.” If he was joking, the humor was severely lacking as the air chilled with his insistence.

  Hannah closed her eyes and shook her head, avoiding meeting Drake’s eyes or Zander’s. She stomped from the barn, her long dark hair slipping from her braid as she moved.

  Zander returned his gaze to Drake’s face and shook his head. “I’m not the one who needs to apologize this time, sir.” Was he going to lose his job with that kind of a comment? Did Zander care? Drake shouldn’t be able to minimize Hannah’s emotions because he wanted to make a point. And since Drake would one day be family, Zander didn’t think he would pull any punches.

  Drake needed to fix things with Hannah. He knew it and Zander made sure of it.

  After all that, Zander realized Hannah never told him what she came out there to share.

  Chapter 13

  Hannah

  Embarrassed as she was about getting caught flirting with one of Drake’s crew members, her embarrassment faded as excitement over the evening overtook everything else. She wasn’t even as excited about a tour at CIND as she was about going on a horse ride with Zander.

  What was wrong with her? She checked the wall clock as she passed it in the hallway. She only had a few hours until they were supposed to meet. If she could control her excitement, she’d try to stop herself from checking the time but only four times an hour. She’d have to check the clock to make sure she wasn’t checking too often.

  Hannah found herself in the kitchen, anxiously tapping her fingers on the sides of her thighs as she walked. Stefanie turned, a glass of water in her hands. She smiled. “Hey, Han, how’s it goin’?”

  “Stef, can I ask you for a favor?” Hannah came to a stop beside the counter, cutting off Stefanie’s escape.

  Her sister shot her gaze around the room, she lowered her water to the counter and turned her head to the side. “Um, yes?” She held up a hand. “But just so you know, I’m still not recovered from the last time I helped you pick raspberries. Not sure that’s going to happen today.” She pressed her lips together worriedly, narrowing her eyes in trepidation.

  Hannah laughed, slapping the counter. “Stefanie, I just wanted to know if I could borrow Treetop.” Hannah chuckled again when Stefanie’s relief forced an audible phew from her lips. “But now I know how much you hate helping me and I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Of course, you can take Treetop. What are you taking her for?” Stefanie sipped her water again, the task not demanding so she’d already moved on from the topic of the raspberries.

  “Oh, I’m just going for a ride tonight. Thanks.” Hannah turned on the ball of her foot and bounced upstairs to stress about what to wear on a horse ride.

  ^^^

  Hannah was so nervous she couldn’t eat dinner. Her knee jiggled up and down under the table as Drake glanced at her curiously over and over while he ate. As soon as they finished eating and it wasn’t too soon for Hannah to rush out, she did exactly that.

  Saddling Treetop didn’t take very long and she found herself standing beside the front of the barn. The afternoon had gone fast and slow at the same time.

  The sun hadn’t set yet, with the mountains slowing their descent. The softest pinks lit up the still blue sky.

  A soft nicker drew Hannah’s attention to the side of her horse.

  “Mount up and let’s go?” Zander had cleaned up, wearing a newly pressed shirt and a brushed hat. His jeans were well-stacked over dark, like new books. He stood beside the horse he’d chosen with a comfortable stance and motioned toward her horse. “Can I help you?”

  “Thank you, I can do it.” His presence threw her off and she nodded jerkily.

  She mounted with little difficulty, using a step ladder set to the side of the barn doors. She waited for Zander to mount and nodded approvingly toward his ride. “You chose Chester. She’s a good girl. Be careful. She’ll put you through your paces.” The light brown mare was spirited without being a problem. She was a delight to ride.

  “Yeah, she was the only one interested in going when I walked in. What’s yours named?” Zander and Hannah drew abreast of each other, their mares meandering at a loping pace.

  Hannah leaned forward and patted her russet brown mare’s neck. “This is Treetop. She’s pretty fun. I share her with Stefanie. We’re both too busy to take Treetop out every day so we take turns.”

  “That’s smart. Share the care and the horse gets used to multiple riders. I like it.” Zander winked at Hannah. “I brought dessert. I hope that’s okay.”

  “I think that sounds great. I couldn’t eat dinner. I was a little excited.” Heat flooded her face, but she couldn’t help telling him another one of her secrets, even though it was about him and he hadn’t said anything like it to her.

  “You must go out a lot, Hannah. This isn’t anything fancy.” He narrowed his gaze and twisted the reins around his hand. “I’m sorry. I should’ve done something...”

  “I don’t get around, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Hannah jerked back. Had he just accused her of being loose? She was too surprised to be offended – yet.

  Zander shook his head, his gaze mortified. “Not at all. I just realized I should’ve done something more... memorable for our first date. I don’t want it to be our last.”

  “This is a date?” Something tickled in Hannah’s chest and she was no longer worried about being offended.

  A date. She’d thought of it as a date, but hadn’t dared hope he thought the same thing.

  Zander grinned and reached back to pat the saddlebag softly. “I certainly hope so. I don’t make apple turnovers for just anyone.”

  “You bake?” Being surprised by Zander was becoming a common thing and yet she should start expecting to be surprised. Pleasantly surprised.

  Someone was interested in her and not just anyone. A very good-looking, smart, strong, attractive man was interested in her. Did he think she was rich? Was that it? But she’d already told him she had no money.

  Bemused about the dating and what could possibly be interesting about her, Hannah rode with Zander in silence.

  After a bit, Zander spoke into the comfortable quiet between them. “Why don’t you lead? This is your territory.” He motioned toward the narrowing trail which ran along the base of a hill covered in trees.

  The sun hadn’t quite set completely with a full moon hanging low in the east. There was plenty of light to adapt to and Hannah was starting to enjoy the darker moments with Zander.

  She nodded a
nd pulled ahead, still maintaining a leisurely pace. Over her shoulder, she called out, “I’ll take you to Nate and Emma’s favorite place.” The pond in the woods... she’d never taken anyone there and only went herself when she was so overcome with missing her brother and his wife that she needed to feel close to them.

  At the edge of the clearing they tied the mares to some saplings where the horses could lower their heads and munch on longer blades of grass. Fresh green growth covered the brush and trees they passed on their way to the water.

  Walking the rest of the way to the pond surrounded by boulders and grassy edges, Hannah was tempted to tap into the romantic ambience of the evening and reach out to hold Zander’s hand. The way he reacted when she’d tried kissing him held her back. He was hard to read and not like other men, as far as she knew.

  At the edge of the pond, Zander stopped and stared at the clear still water. “It’s gorgeous here. Makes me want to go for a dip.”

  “Yeah, no suits. And if I suggested we go in just our underwear, you’ll freak out on me, right?” Hannah nudged her toe against a small pile of pebbles. She couldn’t believe she’d just said that, but it was true, right?

  Zander sidestepped to a large boulder with a flat top and sat down. He considered Hannah with a sober expression which darkened the green of his gaze. “Look, I know these days girls think all a guy wants is... that. But I’m interested in you, what makes you tick, what traits you have, do you want to get married and have kids, do you like dogs or cats... those types of things.”

  Confused, Hannah blinked, her arms limp at her sides. She felt stupid but she didn’t understand. “But... why?”

  “Because there’s no other reason to date than to look for the person you want to marry, be a partner with. Call me old-fashioned, but that’s what I want, someone to come home to. I’m not willing to settle for anything less.” He reached up and took one of Hannah’s hands in his. “I want to settle down. I’m not proposing marriage, but I want you to know I’m serious when I say I’m interested and what the end goal is for me. I’m not interested in flings or affairs.”

  The intensity in his gaze would have transfixed her, if the promises in his words didn’t scare her. Why, when she found one she actually liked and wanted to be around, did he have to want everything she’d given up wanting years ago?

  What if she gave in? Would he be interested after they were together a while? Interested didn’t mean forever and she was done waiting.

  She soaked up the sensation of his touch, but didn’t speak. She couldn’t. He’d scared the Hannah right out of her.

  Chapter 14

  Zander

  Hannah’s wide eyes and bow-shaped lips drawn into an O-shape were more than enough indication that Zander had scared her. That was the last thing he’d intended, but declaring what his plans were was the closest he could come to telling her the truth.

  She glanced away from him, toward the glassy water. Her eyebrows knitted together to make a small crease just above the bridge of her nose. The moonlight took over the pinks and oranges from the sunset, glowing on her hair and enhancing the cream of her skin.

  Zander took a deep breath. He’d gone too fast and too far. He couldn’t help it. He’d been at Bella Acres a week already and hadn’t made any progress. His foreman wasn’t sure if six weeks would be doable and frankly, Zander didn’t want to wait that long.

  He leaned forward, trying to snag her attention. “Hey, what are you thinking?” He’d already said too much. He needed a response from her. Something. Anything but the blank stare she directed at the scenery.

  Half-shrugging, Hannah turned to face him fully. She lifted her chin. “All of that is interesting. I’m thinking how much I wanted that two years ago, dang, even eighteen months ago.” She shook her head. “I’m trying to do other things now. I was done waiting around for Prince Charming then and I’m not going to count on it now.”

  Zander nodded, carefully aware that he could be watching his own dreams wash into the marshy shores, if he wasn’t more cautious. “I’m not asking you to give up your dreams or even be exclusive with me. All I’m wondering is if it’s feasible to see if I’d be able to fit among your plans.” He offered an off-kilter smile and loosely dangled his hand over his knee.

  A wry smile curved Hannah’s lips. “But everyone leaves, Zander. What’s going to keep you around?” The aching truth in her tone stung and Zander realized just how harshly she’d been hurt.

  He slowly stood from the boulder. She had no idea that he wanted her to join him. If he went anywhere, he wanted her with him. The more he got to know her, the more he realized Nathan had no idea who his sister was and all the better for Zander. He stopped in front of her, reaching up to cup his hand around the base of her neck, his thumb just along the curve of her jaw. “I’m not a runner, Hannah.”

  She searched his face and he hoped the deceit about her brother wasn’t present. Could she one day return Zander’s affections? The more he got to know her, the more he wanted their lives to mix together. He didn’t need marriage right away, but he would like things to move that direction.

  She stared, licking her lips before slowly pulling away. “It’s late.”

  Zander nodded, registering the dark that had settled around them. Maybe she couldn’t. Maybe she couldn’t care for him the way he wanted her to.

  He’d probably destroyed his chances with her by scaring her off. He hadn’t meant to, but with only a few weeks left to make an impression, it was go big or go home and in Montana... cowboys went big – especially filthy rich ones with everything to gain and nothing to lose.

  Hannah and her family were Zander’s dream and he didn’t want to lose out on the one thing money couldn’t buy. Family.

  They walked along the soft grass leading to their quiet mares. Was that her answer? The tension mounted between them, or maybe it was just Zander as he tried to figure out what to do so he didn’t lose the ground he had to hope he gained.

  Another fifty feet stretched before them. Zander took a deep breath, wishing they still stood at the edge of the pond with the water trickling into the deep cool pool. Zander kept his gaze down, watching where he stepped, once every few seconds he would catch a glimpse of Hannah as she walked beside him.

  More steps passed and Zander wanted to slow down. How did he slow the night down? He didn’t want the time with her to end.

  Startling him, Hannah reached out and took his hand in hers, her fingers warm and comforting. Zander shot her a bewildered glance, his eyes wide. She smiled nervously at him like she had no idea if what she was doing was okay. Her smile faded and she chewed on her lower lip as she slowly started to drop his hand. They stopped walking and she tried to turn away.

  Shaking off his shock, Zander squeezed his fingers so she couldn’t take her hand back. He shook his head when she glanced at him. Their gazes locked and Zander tugged her slowly forward to fall back into step with him. She didn’t fight him, going along and the smile returned to her lips.

  Maybe, just maybe, Zander would finally get his happy-ever-after.

  Big risks might be all the pay-off he was going to need.

  Chapter 15

  Hannah

  Hannah couldn’t figure out why she was so filled with doubts and questions after the romantic night with Zander. Time with him seemed to be filled with sweetness and promise. Everything he did was centered around her and she couldn’t figure out why.

  She had to stop doubting herself. Stefanie was confident and owned what she did and who she was. Hannah needed to be like that. She could be like that.

  She didn’t bring up Nate – regarding Zander asking about him. One thing she’d learned over the years, if someone had integrity, they would tell you what they knew or didn’t know when they were ready and not before.

  He had to know how much she needed to know if he’d found anything out. She needed to know, even if it was a no. She could handle it. She just had to know.

  For all of Zander
’s talk about potential and future, and all of that, he hadn’t brought up the most important topic with her and until he did, she’d probably keep him at arm’s reach. She didn’t know if she could trust him or not, except...

  Except... over the next ten days he made that extremely difficult. She couldn’t keep an attentive man at any distance when he charmingly worked to get into her heart.

  She rolled over the next morning to find a very carefully picked wild rose left on her window ledge. She always kept her windows open a few inches and he’d slipped the flower under the opening to rest on the sill. Of course, it was from Zander. A small white card had sat beside the flower with a simple Z written in black ink.

  Drake kept the men busy and avoided the topic of Zander or the ranch hands when he made it to the table for meals. He seemed to be avoiding the fact that he’d embarrassed Hannah in front of multiple people. Hannah didn’t pursue anything with it. She knew to her family she was just the baby, the one who was always there, the steady one, the one who was constant.

  She didn’t want to always be there.

  Out in the garden a few days later, she picked raspberries while the sun worked on getting up over the mountain range. The streaking orange and pink rays stretched across the sky and Hannah shivered. Early summer was great in Montana except for the chill of the evening lingering until the sun had fully risen in the sky.

  She wore a large sweatshirt over her jeans and had tucked her hair up into a half-hearted bun. Getting out there to pick before any real heat came on later in the day was just an excuse.

  She couldn’t sleep.

  Thoughts of school and what she was going to do kept her awake. Add to that the insistency in Zander’s eyes while he told her of his dreams for a future with someone to come home to and Hannah was too far away from sleep to be worth anything in her room.