Side Effects

by Lisa Suzanne

  His hands worked up my legs, massaging and kneading along the way, until he found the hem of my panties. I wish I could say that I specifically wore sexy ones just for him, but I didn’t own panties that weren’t sexy. To me, one of life’s essentials was always wearing sexy panties. Yes, even on period days. It added a layer of confidence that I quite enjoyed; and besides, who knew when the opportunity for hooking up might come along? I didn’t want to be caught off guard in granny panties just in case.

  The yellow panties matched my shirt and fuck me heels, but I was no longer thinking about those things. All I could focus on was the feel of Reed’s hands on my skin. Every place he touched left a little tingle in its wake. His fingertips found my hips, and then he looped his thumbs inside my panties and dragged them down my legs.

  I waited with bated breath for him to crawl his way back up and jam what was surely a huge and beautiful cock right into me, but he knelt on the floor. His hands laced under my ass, and he yanked me down so my knees bent at the edge of the bed.

  He traced a path with his tongue on the inside of my leg, and he was mere millimeters away from the promised land when the stereo randomly turned on, jarring us both in the quiet stillness of my bedroom as “Who Let the Dogs Out” by Baha Men blared at full volume.

  He paused and looked up at me, and then he pulled out the remote to my stereo from under his knee, where he must’ve inadvertently pressed the power button. I wish I could defend myself and say that I hadn’t been listening to that song, but I definitely had a solo dance party a few nights earlier to burn off some energy, and that song always managed to make me smile.

  He turned off the music and kissed my thigh as I started giggling.

  He sidled up the bed until he lay beside me. He tossed one arm over my waist as he settled in on his stomach, and even though the music stopped, my giggling did not.

  “Did that ruin the moment?”

  I turned my head to look over at him. “No,” I lied. Something broke between us in that moment when the music blared from the stereo.

  I had been certain that this was going to be our night together, and now… well, now I wasn’t so sure.

  He kissed my cheek. I still wanted him to make love to me, but I wanted something more than a quick night of seduction.

  Wait.

  Did I just say I wanted him to “make love” to me?

  I wasn’t a “make love” kind of girl. I was more of a “fuck me rough” kind of girl. I wasn’t about gentleness and affection and sweetness.

  But something about Reed made me want those things.

  I just wanted them under the right circumstances. And it was funny, because I never cared about circumstances in the past. I never wanted things to be perfect or even to be right. Things with Reed were just different.

  This was the guy who had taken me up against a wall the night before and I didn’t freak out. This was the guy whose kisses blew my mind like no other.

  Something was telling me to wait because this could turn serious. My feelings had changed in the span of a few seconds. I went from not wanting serious to not wanting to fuck everything up with him by rushing into bed, even though that was obviously my first instinct. Sex complicated things. Well, sex complicated most things. When a relationship was based entirely on sex – like mine with Ty’s – things usually weren’t so complicated.

  Until someone new entered the picture.

  Things with Ty became complicated the moment Reed walked into my apartment and shoved our dinner into my hands. As soon as he’d passed Ty in the hallway, hell – maybe as soon as he’d seen me on my knees in the hallway in front of Ty – things became complicated.

  I didn’t want complications, but I did want Reed.

  All of those thoughts ran through my head in the few seconds of quiet in my bedroom after the music stopped playing.

  “So…” Reed started, and then he stopped awkwardly.

  “So what?” I asked, my voice louder than I had intended.

  “So are we going to do this or what?”

  Nice. Great way to make a girl feel romanced. “Or what. Maybe you should go.”

  Reed sighed. “Because of the music?”

  “Don’t be a douche.”

  “I’m not.”

  “I beg to differ.”

  “Your prerogative.”

  “Do you really want to argue about this while I’m lying here naked?”

  “No, I don’t. I don’t want to argue about anything. All I want to do is fuck you, but my goddamn knee turning on that music stopped us both short for some reason, and…” he trailed off.

  “And now is not the right time?” I guessed, finishing his thought.

  “Yeah. Maybe it isn’t. But Quinn, it’s going to happen.” His eyes burned into mine.

  I had to look away. His eyes were such a deep shade of clear blue that I couldn’t stare into them any longer. I looked up at the ceiling. “I know it is,” I whispered.

  “You want it as much as I do,” he said, his voice soft.

  “Probably not as much as you want it.”

  He glared over at me.

  “I’m kidding. But with you, Reed, I want it to be right.”

  “Speaking of right, what’s your feeling on birth control?”

  I glanced over at him. It was an awkward conversation, but one that we probably should have.

  “I know you’ve been with Tyler,” he said softly.

  “I’ve always been safe with Tyler.”

  “And those before him?”

  “Always with a condom.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief.

  “I haven’t been with that many guys. And I’m on the pill. What about you?”

  “I play it safe, too. But something about you, Quinn. I don’t know if I want to play it safe.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “It means I want to feel every part of you.”

  I shivered at the thought.

  “Let me take you out tomorrow,” he said.

  “I can’t tomorrow. I’ve got plans with Avery.”

  “Sunday then. Let’s do this right.”

  “What does that even mean?” I asked, avoiding his date offer for the moment.

  “It means I want to take you on a date or two. It means that I want to seduce you the way you deserve.”

  “Seduce me?” He was such a nerd sometimes. “You’re so old-fashioned.” But maybe I kind of liked old-fashioned.

  “What do you want me to say?”

  I thought about it. Why was I nitpicking on his word choice? Why was I being such a bitch?

  “Nothing,” I mumbled.

  “So I’m going to seduce you, then, and when the time is right, we’ll bang. Sound like a plan?”

  I laughed. “Yeah. Sounds perf.”

  “What’s ‘perf’?”

  “Perfect.”

  “Got it. Perf. So, naked Quinn, do you want to get dressed and have another glass of wine and then I’ll go?”

  “You couldn’t wait to get me out of my clothes a minute ago, and now you want me to put them back on?”

  “Let me be clear. In no way do I want you to put your clothes back on. But we started something tonight that obviously I’m going to have to finish on my own, and the longer you lie next to me naked, the harder it’s going to be for me to restrain myself.”

  I giggled.

  “What?” he asked, narrowing his eyes in my direction.

  “You said ‘harder.’”

  He sat up, took the pillow from under his head, and hit me with it.

  We settled back onto my couch with our glasses of wine a short while later. I was fully dressed again, and I realized that I had been completely, stark naked, but he hadn’t shed a single item of clothing. I was dying to know what he looked like under all of those preppy clothes, but the moment was gone. For now.

  He started the questions, and they got deep fast. “You grew up here in Arizona?” he started.

  I no
dded.

  “Have you and Grant always been close?”

  “No. We were enemies when we were kids. But now that we’re adults, I consider him a good friend, even if he annoys the fuck out of me at times. Do you have siblings?”

  “Two older sisters.”

  “So you’re the baby?”

  “Yep. Just like you.”

  I smiled as I wondered what his sisters were like.

  “Quinn, can I be honest with you?”

  I took a sip of my wine, my head already becoming a little fuzzy from the combination of wine and Preppy. I shrugged. “I guess.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I like you. A lot. But I need to know where your head is at.”

  My brows knit together. “What do you mean?”

  He took a sip of his wine, and then he sighed and paused for a moment before finally breaking the silence. “I mean I’ve been hurt before, and call me a pussy for admitting this to you, but I’m afraid to take a risk on someone who isn’t interested, or, worse, someone who is already invested in someone else.”

  I could see the honesty and the pain behind those expressive eyes, and my heart did that annoying little quivery thing again. “Who hurt you, Reed?” I asked softly.

  His eyes met my carpet. He was clearly still hurt by whatever happened to him. “My ex. She cheated on me, and I never even saw it coming.”

  “Same thing happened to me.”

  His eyes bounced sharply to mine. “Really?”

  I sighed. “Jared.”

  “Isabelle.”

  “Fuckers,” I muttered, and Reed chuckled. “When?”

  “I found out about a month before I moved out here.”

  “So it’s fresh, then.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. It was what cemented my plan to move here.”

  “You ran away?”

  “Not exactly. The transfer was in the works, but I wasn’t sure about how to handle things with Izzy. I didn’t think she’d want to move, but when I found out she was sleeping with one of my best friends, that helped me figure it out.”

  “I could see that.”

  “When was yours?”

  “A few years ago.”

  “Will it always feel like this?”

  “No, the pain goes away after a while. Hasn’t it lessened a little since you first found out?”

  He nodded.

  “The pain goes away, but the scars are forever.”

  “Do you see why this,” he motioned between the two of us, “is so difficult for me?”

  “If anyone gets it, I do.”

  “Is that why you’re hesitant to get into a relationship, Quinn?”

  I shook my head, wondering how much I should divulge. “I mean, it’s probably part of it, but it’s not all of it.”

  “Do you want to tell me all of it?”

  “Not really.”

  “Do it anyway.”

  Challenging me even on the hard stuff. There was just something about this guy that I liked more and more all the time.

  I sighed. “I was in a bad car accident several years ago. My boyfriend at the time, who was essentially an abusive drunk, was driving. He’d had too many beers and mixed it with some different drugs, and he slammed us into a pole. I had to be extracted from the car by the jaws of life.”

  Reed’s hand found mine. I could feel his eyes on me, but for some reason, I couldn’t meet his. I didn’t want to see the pity for the poor, abused girl who got in a car crash. It changed my life, and I wasn’t willing to downplay the effect it had on me through my usual sarcastic nature. Being with someone like Griffin and making my way out of the relationship made me stronger; but in other, more lasting ways, the accident and its aftermath weakened who I was as a person.

  “I made the decision to end things with him while I laid in the hospital bed, waiting for release.” I lowered my voice. “I never got to, though, because he died that night.”

  I paused, and I felt Reed’s grip tighten on my hand.

  “Being with him scarred me. I finally decided to try again with Jared, and then he fucked me over, too. I just can’t take that risk with my heart again.”

  He didn’t speak, and I appreciated the moment to process my emotions. I’d never shared the truth about Griffin with anyone aside from my family and close friends, but with Reed, it sort of just slipped out of my mouth. I wanted him to know the demons that plagued me, because when I was with him, I didn’t feel those angry demons anymore. I felt lighter and happier than I’d felt in a long time.

  But that didn’t magically mean that I was ready to hop into a serious relationship. That would take time, and we both needed to be patient.

  “Reed, I—”

  “Shh,” he cut me off. “I get it, Quinn.”

  “You get what?” I asked, finally meeting his gaze.

  “I get why you’re scared. But I’m not that guy. I’m not the guy who cheated on you. I’m not the guy who drove drunk. I’m Reed Porter. I’m a genuinely nice guy who sees a woman who is hurting but who wants to be healed. And I want to be the one who mends what the others broke.”

  I felt tears prick behind my eyes at his words, and I was overwhelmed with emotion for the man sitting next to me, holding my hand in his while he said those wonderful things to me.

  I hated that hot feeling in my eyes; tears didn’t signify the tough, strong Quinn that I prided myself on being. But Reed made me feel comfortable enough to let them out. He pulled my wineglass from my hand and set it next to his on the end table, and then he urged me into him so that he held his arms around me and my face found his chest. He just simply held me, and as I found comfort in his strong arms, the tears came like a tidal wave.

  He didn’t speak, and neither did I.

  I have no idea how long we sat on my couch together, me in his arms as he held me and stroked a pattern down my spine, soothing me as no man ever had before.

  I was suddenly embarrassed when the tears dried up and I sniffled into him, noticing how wet his shirt was because of me.

  I backed up and laughed nervously. Ashamedly. Self-consciously. “I’m sorry.”

  His face wore a mask of confusion. “For what?”

  “For the waterworks.”

  “Quinn, you’re hurting. You don’t need to apologize for getting out what is obviously years of suffering.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered, averting my eyes from his gaze again.

  Who the fuck was this meek little girl who couldn’t make eye contact with the guy sitting next to her? I was the girl who held the gaze until they looked away first. I was the bold girl who spoke her mind. This wasn’t me, and yet I felt more myself than I had felt since… God, maybe since before I even met Griffin back when I was nineteen years old.

  “Hey,” he said, his voice gentle. He lifted my chin with his knuckle so I was forced to look him in the eyes. His big blues were concerned. Affectionate. Loving? “Don’t thank me.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you thank someone for a favor or a service. You can’t thank me for sitting here and holding you when it’s the only thing in the world that I want to be doing right now.”

  “So you’re being selfish?” There was good old Quinn sneaking back into the conversation.

  He nodded as a slow, lazy smile rolled across his lips.

  I couldn’t help but smile back. “Okay, then. You’re a selfish prick.”

  His smile turned into a grin, and I giggled.

  He pulled me in a little closer to him and lowered his voice. “And you’re just plain annoying.” The rasp in his voice as he spoke quietly to me – even though he was technically insulting me – was a total and complete turn-on. His lips found mine, and everything from my chest to my belly trembled with want as he kissed me slowly, softly, showing me through his kiss that he had real feelings for me and that this wasn’t just going to be a “wham bam thank you ma’am” kind of situation.

  He backed away and cleared his throat. “I should go,” he hedged, readj
usting his position on the couch.

  It was starting to get late, but more than that, the kiss was starting to get hot. We’d just promised that we were going to take things slowly, and that kiss wasn’t leading me into slow territory. That kiss was leading me right into the passionate waters of lust. Whatever the fuck that meant.

  But I didn’t want him to go.

  I was just starting to feel a connection to him that meant that I wanted him to stay.

  I didn’t want him to stay so we could spend the night fucking. I wanted him to stay because I liked how it felt when he held me in his arms. I liked how he made everything better, even though I didn’t want to admit that he did. I liked how he looked in my apartment, on my couch, in my life.

  I just simply liked him.

  And if that was hard to admit to myself, I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was going to be to admit that to Reed.

  “You could stay,” I said, my voice a whisper as I leaned my head against his chest again, afraid to look in his eyes and see what was written there, afraid that I pushed too far or I’d push him away.

  Afraid that somehow he’d leave and the demons would come back to haunt me.

  I’d dealt with them just fine on my own, so I wasn’t sure why I was suddenly having a difficult time letting him leave.

  “I don’t know, Quinn.”

  “Okay,” I conceded, sitting up to give him space. He let me, and I was monumentally disappointed. My eyes didn’t meet his because I was embarrassed. I had asked him to stay, and he denied me.

  I stood up, and his hand grabbed mine. “Look at me.”

  I did, the command in his voice giving him a sexy edge that I wasn’t used to yet.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to stay because I don’t think that I’ll be able to control what I’m feeling for you much longer.”

  I nodded, unable to form any sort of words that matched the depth of his.

  “You should go, then,” I said reluctantly.

  He stood and pulled me against him. I tingled everywhere as I memorized what it felt like to be held by someone who already cared about me so much after only knowing me for a week.

  And then he moved toward the door, and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop him. He pressed his lips to mine once more, gazed into my eyes for a moment, and then he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before disappearing through my door. I closed it behind him and locked it, and then I leaned against the door and let out a frustrated sigh.