Kismetology

by Jaimie Admans

  "Why bring it up again, then?"

  "Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I was accused of being a murderer!"

  "You don’t have to shout at me. I’m sorry, okay?"

  "It doesn’t matter," he says. "You’ll never be able to see me for what I am, because your mother will always get her opinion in first and cloud your judgement of me."

  "Well, that’s just stupid," I tell him. "My mother can think what she wants about you or anything else. She doesn’t cloud my judgement. I do love you, Dan, and nothing someone can say or do is going to change that."

  "I’m not so sure about that."

  "What? Why?"

  "Because you’ve just asked me if I deliberately blew up your mother’s fridge."

  "I’m sorry," I say. "I didn’t mean it."

  "Yes, you did, and we both know it."

  "Well, what do you want from me?" I snap at him. "There aren’t unlimited hours in a day, you know. I’m sorry that you and my mother don’t get on because I’m the one stuck in the middle. But you could try to be a little more tolerant of her, Dan. It’s not her fault that the kitchen caught on fire and the builders made a mess."

  "Oh, I tolerate her just fine, but it would be nice if once in a while she looked at me like a person instead of like something the cat threw up."

  "You’re always so moody. Every time she so much as calls, you huff and puff and do that exaggerated sigh thing you do, and basically make it blatantly obvious that she’s not welcome here. She’s not blind, Dan. She gets that too."

  "She’s not welcome here."

  "Yes, she is. Sometimes. And if your mother lived nearby, she’d be more than welcome here."

  "Yeah, but she’d have the common decency to not spend every waking moment here."

  "Oh, she doesn’t spend every—"

  "And my mother would know that it’s not protocol to redecorate while we were at work."

  "She was just trying to help."

  "I don’t remember you saying that at the time. In fact, I remember you being angrier than I was and threatening to paint her living room brown."

  "Black."

  "And she wasn’t trying to help, Mac, and you know that as well as I do. She was trying to discredit what we have here. It was her way of saying that I’m a bad boyfriend because I’d pushed you into buying those curtains or those cushions, and I’d forced you into moving in with me when you’d rather be at home. It was her way of trying to push me out of this house."

  "That’s ridiculous."

  "No, it’s not. You know she doesn’t like me."

  I sigh. I’m torn between wanting to hug him and agree with everything he’s saying just to make things okay again, and wanting to slap him round the face. I want to brush it all under the carpet and tell him I decided to quit my job tonight and really make a go of it as a matchmaker, and I also want to break his nose.

  What am I even doing here? I know deep down that things aren’t right between us, and it’s not because of my mother, or the colour of the paint on our walls, or our jobs or anything else. It’s because of us. I take a deep breath and pluck up the courage to ask the question that needs asking.

  "So, where are we going from here?"

  He shrugs. "I feel like you don’t love me anymore."

  "Well, when we start talking like this… I start to doubt it as well."

  "So, what are we doing here, Mac?"

  "I don’t know."

  "I love you, Mackenzie, but we both know this isn’t working out, don’t we?"

  I nod. "It shouldn’t be this hard."

  "No, it shouldn’t."

  "I’ll go," I say, getting up from where I’ve been perched on the sofa. "I’ll get some things and go back to Mum’s."

  "You don’t have to. I can crash at the restaurant for a few days."

  "No," I say. "You stay. I’ll go back and stay with Mum."

  "You’ll make her day."

  "I know," I nod sadly. "I’m sorry, Dan."

  "Me too, babe. Me too."

  I leave him on the sofa as I go upstairs, unearth my suitcase from the spare room and start throwing some clothes in it. I find that I can’t even cry. I feel that I should have tears in my eyes, but they’re not coming. Truth is we’ve both known for a long while that it shouldn’t be as hard as it has been, and it’s kind of a relief to have finally said something and be doing something about it. I finish packing—by packing I mean staring around the bedroom and shoving in anything that I recognise as mine.

  Dan is gone by the time I get back downstairs.

  It really is over.

  CHAPTER 52

  I trudge down the road towards Mum’s house, dimly aware that it is now past two in the morning and she is probably in bed. But then I spy her kitchen light is on, so I knock sheepishly on the door.

  Mum answers quite calmly—nowhere near as panicked as I get when someone knocks on my door at some ungodly hour of the night—she doesn’t even look surprised to see me.

  "Can I move back in with you?" I ask quietly.

  "Oh, Mac." She hugs me on the doorstep. "Of course you can."

  She steps back and I haul my suitcase in. Even Baby doesn’t bark at me for once.

  "What happened?"

  "Dan and I broke up," I say flatly. "It just wasn’t working out."

  "I know," she says.

  "What do you mean, you know?"

  "I just knew that you two weren’t right for each other from the very beginning."

  "Please, Mum, I don’t want to hear the I told you so speech."

  "I wasn’t going to say that."

  "Oh, come on. Of course you were going to say that. You’ve hated Dan from the very beginning. You’ve been waiting for this day to arrive solely so you could say I told you so."

  "That’s not true, Mackenzie. It’s not that I didn’t like Dan. It’s just that I was afraid he was going to leave you like your dad left me. I didn’t want to see you get hurt that way."

  "So, what you’re saying is that it’s going to be the same with any guy I ever meet."

  "No," she says. "There was just something about Dan. He seemed like the leaving kind."

  "The leaving kind," I repeat. "There’s no such thing."

  "I saw the same look in Dan’s eyes as I saw in your father’s eyes. I’m sorry if I interfered too much, Mac. I just didn’t want to see you get hurt."

  "It’s okay," I say finally. "It was never going to work out anyway."

  "I know how to cheer you up," Mum says over breakfast the next morning.

  "You do?" I ask, warily. It will probably involve sitting in the lotus position for six hours or getting a small dog. Or both.

  "It’s about my so-called mystery man."

  My ears perk up. "Go on…"

  "Well, I have to tell you something and you have to promise that you won’t laugh at me because it’s pretty stupid. It’s very stupid, actually. But you have to promise not to be mad."

  I nod slowly. Oh god, Dan was right. She’s about to tell me that he doesn’t exist and I’ve been on a wild goose chase for two months. I just know it. Maybe I should run back to Dan right now and beg forgiveness and promise never to speak to my mother again for the rest of my life.

  "I’m in love with Jeff."

  I choke on the toast I am chewing.

  "Jeff?" I splutter. "Jeff who?"

  "You know who. Jeff."

  "Jeff? As in Jenni’s dad Jeff? As in my next client Jeff? As in your very first date Jeff?"

  She nods. "You promised you wouldn’t be mad, Mackenzie."

  Mad? She thinks mad covers this? I take a few deep breaths and think for a minute. "How can you be in love with Jeff?" I finally ask. "You only met him four months ago, and you hated him, remember?"

  "Um."

  "Um? You think this is good enough for an um?"

  "I didn’t meet Jeff four months ago. I met him nine years ago."

  "How is that possible?"

  "He was my divorce lawyer."
/>
  I have made the mistake of taking another sip of tea, so now I am choking on that as well. "But… He… I… But… Jeff?"

  "I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. We recognised each other straight away when you set us up on that date. I couldn’t believe it. You’d found the love of my life and set us up totally by random. It was incredible."

  "So…" My brain is running ninety miles an hour. I have a hundred questions to ask, and they are competing in my brain for which one is to be voiced first. "Why didn’t you say something?" I ask finally. "Why didn’t you tell me?"

  "I couldn’t give you and that boyfriend of yours the satisfaction," she says. "I knew what you were doing. I knew you were only trying to fix me up because I was spending too much time at your house. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit that you were right, and tell you that I wanted to be with Jeff."

  "Does Jeff… um… know?" I ask.

  She nods. "But I told him my situation and he agreed that he wasn’t going to push me into anything with him."

  "You’ve really been in love with this guy for nine years?"

  "Yes."

  "And you let something trivial like that stop you from getting together with him when he was presented to you on a plate? Doesn’t that seem like fate to you?"

  "Actually, it seemed like you two trying to get rid of me."

  "We weren’t trying to get rid of you… Exactly. I just wanted you to be happy…"

  "And stop watching Corrie at your place," she finishes the sentence for me.

  "Okay," I say. "And Jeff likes you as well?"

  She nods.

  "But…" Oh, wait. "Jenni said that Jeff fell for some client, some divorced lady nine years…" No way! "You?" I ask incredulously. "It was you?"

  She shrugs. "He said he had feelings for me the moment I walked into his office all those years ago."

  "Jeff fell for you nine years ago, and you liked him as well. Why on god’s green earth didn’t you do anything about it?"

  "He was married, and I was scared I was projecting any left over feelings for your father onto the first man who came along."

  "But how can nine years have gone by without you doing anything about it?"

  "I didn’t know if he was still married or not. I didn’t know he and his wife had split up until he opened your car door for me all those months ago."

  "I can’t believe this," I say. "But I was right about one thing—the answer was right in front of me all along."

  "I am sorry, Mac. For all the trouble I’ve put you to with the other men and everything."

  "Forget it," I say. "That’s not important. This Jeff thing is important."

  "Do you think he’s still interested?"

  "Well, I’m fairly sure he’s not interested in anyone else. I was going to start date hunting for him this week."

  I whip out my mobile. "I’ll get this sorted straight away."

  Jenni answers when I dial Jeff’s number. She must have stayed at his house last night.

  "Mac?" She asks groggily. I must have just woken her up.

  "You’re never going to believe this," I say excitedly. "I’ve found out who my mum’s mystery man is and who your dad’s client he fell in love with nine years ago is. You’ll never guess."

  "I don’t care," she says. "It’s eight a.m. on a Sunday morning."

  "It’s my mother," I practically yell. "Your dad’s mystery client is my mother, and my mum’s mystery man is her divorce lawyer—your dad."

  "No way," she says, suddenly alert. I hear her sit up in bed.

  "Can I talk to him?" I ask.

  "Sure," she says. "I can’t believe that what you’re saying is true, but I’ll hand you over."

  She scuffles around a bit and I hear her yelling for Jeff to pick up the phone.

  "Oh, Dan and I broke up, by the way."

  "Thank god for that." I can imagine her smiling across the line. "It's about bloody time. Oh, here’s Dad."

  "You son of a bitch," is the first thing I say to him.

  "Good morning to you as well, Mackenzie."

  "I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I mean, I get why my mum didn’t tell me but I expected more from you."

  He laughs. "Hey, I’m not going to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do. How’d you find out, anyway?"

  "She told me," I say. "I guess it’s my job to set you two up on a date for real this time."

  "Well, I am officially one of your clients now, aren’t I?"

  "I guess you are. Although I’m about to write you off as complete. And if it doesn’t work out between you, I never want to see either of your faces again. Clear?" I say, addressing Mum as well, who is standing right next to me. She giggles and Jeff laughs down the line.

  "Clear," he says.

  "Clear," she agrees.

  "Now then, how does tonight suit you both? Shall we say eight o’clock?"

  "Great," Mum says.

  "Great," Jeff agrees.

  I don’t believe it. My very first match.

  Later that night, at the exact same time, on the exact same day, in the exact same spot as I was in four months ago, I’m parked in a no waiting zone with Mum in the car, waiting for Jeff to show up. Everything is exactly the same, except for the fact that I’m early this time. And this time there will be a second date, obviously.

  Jeff shows up, right on time, and he is dressed in a gorgeous looking black suit and carrying a single red rose. He comes around to the passenger side of the car and opens the door. He smiles and greets Eleanor with a kiss on the cheek.

  Jeff leans down and pops his head in the car door. "Evening, Mackenzie, are you joining us?"

  "I hope you’re joking."

  "Don’t worry." He grins. "I am. Don’t wait up." He shuts the door with a wink, and Mum waves at me over her shoulder. I laugh to myself and wait in the no waiting zone just long enough to watch them walk into the restaurant together, arm in arm, like they’ve known each other their whole lives.

  And maybe they have. Because that’s love for you. And fate, and karma, and the laws of the universe and the kismet. If it's meant to be, it'll come back to you.

  And I’m going to be a part of making that happen, even though it hasn’t happened to me yet.

  But one day it will. I hope.

  EPILOGUE

  The party is buzzing. By buzzing, I mean a majority of the attendees have left their knitting needles at home. My mum is actually happy to be fifty. After all, Jeff is fifty-three, so there can’t be too much wrong with hitting the big five-o. Jeff and I cleared the living room out this afternoon and invited all Mum’s friends round for a surprise party. She didn’t know anything about it until she walked in the front door five minutes ago, and now she’s schmoozing her way through the gaggle of yoga class biddies, while Jenni and I stand in a corner soliciting for business. She’s my new business partner. Turns out that she wasn’t nearly as fond of hairdressing as I'd thought. And Jeff, being a lawyer and all, is an invaluable help on the business front. I mean, I actually know how to run one now, thanks to his help.

  Jenni and I have been working out of Jeff’s spare room, seeing as our office isn’t ready yet. Not until the decorators come this week. I wanted us to do the decorating ourselves, but, hey guess what, we’re too busy dealing with clients. Actual clients who pay a few hundred quid per date.

  "I can’t believe you girls did this," Mum says, finally making her way over to us.

  "Well, we need the practice," I say. "After all, we have the wedding reception to plan next year."

  "Now, you know Jeff and I haven’t set a date yet."

  "Yes, but he’s got down on one knee and popped the question already. That’s the important part."

  She smiles and flashes the diamond on her engagement finger at us for the millionth time. "I hope you girls find someone anywhere near as wonderful as Jeff to marry."

  "Oh, I’ve had more than enough marriage for one lifetime. More than enough living with someone, anyway."


  "Now you don’t mean that," Jenni says as Mum wanders away.

  "Oh, I do."

  "Nah, you don’t. Just think how much fun it will be when we actually get some clients our own age and have to start dating thirty-something men. It’ll be much better than the fifty-somethings."

  "I’m sure," I say. "Then we’ll get to meet twice as many men and be even more depressed that being a moron isn’t exclusive to one generation."

  "For such a good matchmaker, you sure are cynical about love."

  "Just my own love," I say. "Not other peoples."

  "Just as well," Jeff comes up behind us, making me jump. "Because I have two colleagues over there who want to sign up. One is thirty-four and very cute." He winks at me.

  "No, thank you," I say. "I’m enjoying being single for the first time in two years. But I’ll sign them up for work."

  "Actually," Jenni says, glancing in their direction and obviously seeing something she likes. "I’ll sign them up."

  "No drooling on the forms," I call after her.

  "So, Mac," Jeff says. "How’d you like your new house?"

  "Well, I’ve lived here all my life," I say. "But it’ll be nice to paint the walls a real colour and not just hint of peach or something dreadful like that."

  Jeff laughs.

  Did I mention that Mum and Jeff are moving in together? Well, she’s moving to his big country house, and she’s handed her house over to me. She called it a finder’s fee (for finding Jeff) but I know it’s really because she’s so ecstatically happy, she can’t be bothered to deal with estate agents and such. And I’m not alone because Jenni and I are not only going to be business partners, but roommates as well.

  The party continues around me, people dancing to the music, which is, well… Cliff Richard, but you can’t win ‘em all. Jeff and Mum are slow dancing in the middle of the room together. They’re so happy that I fear both their jaws must be aching from all the smiling.

  I stand in the corner and watch people pick up the business cards I’ve casually spread all over the house. We have initial client meetings with half of them this week anyway. Kismetology is booming and we've barely even started.