Running From Mercy

by Terra Little

I guess I never had whatever it was he saw in Pam. I accept that and I don’t envy Pam, her liveliness and vibrancy. I love her for being who she is. She balances me out; the same way she tells me that I am the voice of reason for her. She talks me into wearing bright pink and showing a little cleavage, and I remind her not to get herself arrested when she is angry with someone. That’s the way it has always been and it works.

  So I should’ve remembered what Pastor Young always said during sermon, “What God has joined, no man can put asunder.” He makes that saying applicable to all kinds of situations and he is right. I should’ve told Chad.

  At first I think it was like a game to me. I wanted to see if I could make him love me the way he loved Pam. After all, I had something that was priceless to him and I looked like his precious Pam. Maybe I could make him look at me with those big eyes of his and see Pam. Like that silly movie with the twins who were separated at birth and then tricked their parents into getting back together. It was an experiment that went horribly wrong. He never looked at me with anything other than sorrow and guilt because we both knew he didn’t really love me, not like that anyway. Still, I held out hope that something would grow between us. Then he called out for Pam in the dark, in the middle of the night and I knew . . .

  Twice before that he called out for her, and once he opened his eyes and looked at me and started crying. We were married almost a year by then and he could only bring himself to touch me in the black of night, when he couldn’t see my face and know that I wasn’t her and only after he’d been drinking. I know it’s not normal to be married all these years and only have your husband touch you a handful of times. It sickens me to think that he had to be drunk and hallucinating to touch me. Not because I’m angry with him, but because I’m angry with myself. I am a liar and a thief, and I feel so guilty about it that sometimes I can hardly stand to look at myself. All of this started with me wanting to have something that was never meant for me.

  No . . . that’s not quite true. It all started with Pam running from Mercy. But regardless of that, I should’ve told him and let him run after her. He’s been waiting for her to come back to him all these years anyway.

  I hope God can find it in his heart to forgive me when my time comes. Pam too.

  Paris

  Pam and Nikki didn’t pull into the driveway behind Chad’s car until well after eight that evening. At the last minute, Pam decided to take Nikki school shopping and they had driven to Atlanta to scour the malls there. Afterward, they’d had lunch and then taken in a movie. Pam shut the car off and elbowed Nikki, who was in the passenger seat with Pam’s cell phone glued to her ear, talking a mile a minute to Gillian. Nikki reluctantly turned the phone over to Pam.

  “Are your jaws even a little bit sore?” Pam asked as they climbed out of the car and headed to the trunk. Nikki stuck her tongue out and grabbed an armful of bags. Pam grabbed the rest and they made their way to the porch. “Okay, Gil, I better go now,” she said into the cell phone.

  “What? Hell no, I’m not helping Nikki put away all this crap. My duty is done. I’m hungry and I’m tired. She can handle the rest.”

  “Bye, Gillian,” Nikki loud-talked so Gillian would hear her and then pushed the front door open with her elbow. She staggered into the house juggling bags and with Pam on her heels.

  “Nikki, get the molasses out of your ass,” Pam grumbled, pushing Nikki farther into the house none too gently. “My feet hurt and I’m hungry again. Hurry up.”

  “I’m going, Aunt Pam,” Nikki snapped back. One of the bags slipped out of her hands and landed at her feet. Colorful bras and matching panties were draped across the tops of her sandals and she was trying not to step on them as she walked. “Wait a minute, don’t step on my pink panties. I’m putting those bad boys on after I get out of the shower tonight. Dang, Aunt Pam!”

  Pam looked down at the pink panties wedged under the sole of her Manolo’s and cringed. “Shit, sorry. If you weren’t such a butterfingers this wouldn’t be a problem. And I thought I said no to the pink panties anyway?” They were little more than thongs and she distinctly remembered vetoing them outright.

  “You left me your credit card when you went to the restroom.”

  “Ah,” Pam said expansively, narrowing her eyes. “Why don’t we let Chad have a look at them and see what he thinks?”

  “Aunt Pam, please, they’re just panties,” Nikki protested. The last thing she needed was to have her father inspecting her underwear.

  “Yeah, underwear grown women wear. What’s that little four-eyed boy’s name, the one who was drooling after you like a little puppy the other day?”

  “Alan,” Nikki supplied with a long-suffering sigh.

  “Well, Alan won’t be seeing these panties anytime soon. Make sure they’re in my hands when I leave, will you?” Nikki huffed and gathered up the garments. Pam huffed to mock her and helped her set the bags at the base of the staircase, out of the way. They made their way down the hallway to the kitchen, snipping back and forth at each other.

  Nate rose from his seat in the sitting room and walked into the kitchen just as they crossed the threshold and they both froze, their mouths dropping open in surprised shock. They stood there, staring at Nate and his face split into a wide smile as he stared back, thinking that the daughter was more and more the spitting image of her mother everyday. Pam cried out and catapulted across the kitchen to throw herself into Nate’s open arms.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist and pressed her lips to his in a smacking kiss that lasted five long seconds. Nikki had never seen her aunt swinging from a man’s arms the way she was swinging from Uncle Nate’s and she was almost scandalized. Nate’s big hands cupped Pam’s butt and held her close as she took her mouth from his and turned it loose all over his face.

  “Nate, they told you . . . Paris . . .” Pam’s voice trailed off as she swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed her face into the side of his neck to breathe in his scent. “Where were you?” she asked a few minutes later, pulling back to look in his eyes.

  “You don’t want to know where I was, Pam. You know I would’ve been here if I had known. I almost died myself when I found out.”

  “I know, Nate. She knows, too.” She leaned forward and touched her nose to his briefly before grinning lightning quick. “Did you bring me something from Iraq?”

  Nate was tall like a tree and as solid and steady as one, too. She couldn’t recall a time when she hadn’t swung around on him like a monkey and loved every minute of it. His skin was a perfect shade of chocolate brown, soft where it should be soft and hard where it should be hard and he had a head full of curly black hair. It was pulled back into a ponytail now and she slid the rubber band off and pushed her fingers deep into the midst of it, scrubbing her fingers through it wildly. Because she couldn’t help herself, she pulled his face back to hers and kissed him on the lips again.

  “No, I didn’t bring you anything, you heathen. Now get down, you’re too old to be hanging off of me like this.” He slapped her on the butt sharply and laughed out loud as she slid to her feet with a pout on her lips. “I still love you,” he said, pinching her chin and stealing one last kiss before he stepped around her to get to Nikki.

  “Hey, Peachy.” He hugged his niece tightly to his chest and breathed in the floral scent in her hair. The top of her head fit under his chin and he dropped a kiss there. “You doing all right?”

  “I’m okay, Uncle Nate. I’m glad you’re here though,” Nikki said. She reached up to kiss his cheek and blushed when he gave her one of his lady-killer smiles. She thought her Uncle Nate was fine, even if he was pretty old. She liked the way his hazel eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed and made you laugh with him. He had thick black eyebrows and a dimple in his chin, which made him look like a pirate when his lips parted and he gave you a glimpse of all those sparkling white teeth. The fact that he traveled all over the world, taking pictures and writing about the things
he saw, only added to his mystique, as far as she was concerned.

  “All right,” Pam piped up. “Back off, Nikki. He’s mine.” She latched onto Nate’s arm and grinned up into his face. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

  “Still possessive, I see,” he teased her.

  “That’s not true. I share with the people I love. Most of the time anyway. Were you careful over there, Nate?”

  “I’m standing here right now, am I not?”

  “Yeah, but don’t go back over there. I don’t like not knowing where you are or if you’re safe. I saw that story on television, where they had that one man and they . . .”

  “Shhh,” Nate said, pressing a finger to her lips. “I called you from over there all the time, so you’d know I was safe. Plus, I came out to see you before I left.”

  “I know, but still. Paris is gone and I still can’t believe it. And then you were over there in that crazy place and . . .” Tears stood in Pam’s eyes. She ran her hands over her hair and pushed out a sharp breath. “God Nate, if something had happened to you over there I would’ve lost it. I swear to God, I would’ve. You know I’m not lying either.”

  He did know. That was why he wrapped his arms around Pam’s waist and lifted her high into the circle of his arms, and let her hold on as long as she needed to. The trembling in her shoulders told him she was crying and he spent a few minutes rubbing her back soothingly. Then he shifted her weight and opened an arm for Nikki.

  Nikki’s mind was clicking as she hugged her uncle. She wondered if there was any truth to the old rumor that Aunt Pam and Uncle Nate had messed around back in the day. She knew they’d grown up together and were best friends, but they seemed totally comfortable kissing each other on the mouth and holding each other close. She wondered if they had secrets between them that no one else knew. Her friend Kelli swore up and down that men and women couldn’t just be friends without wanting to screw each other at some point in time. And, as Nikki thought about her friend Alan, she had to admit that she wanted to do more with him than just talk. Had Aunt Pam and Uncle Nate ever felt that way about each other?

  “Did I miss something?” Chad spoke into the silence in the kitchen. He came through the back door and looked at the scene before him curiously.

  “Peachy and Pam are feeling me up and I’m letting them,” Nate said over Pam’s head.

  “Uncle Nate,” Nikki chastised softly and stepped away guiltily. She had been appreciating the hardness of his back. She felt her face glowing bright red as Nate’s knowing chuckle reached her ears.

  Nate slapped Pam’s butt again. “Pam get down, damn. Isn’t this what she was doing when you first met her and Paris, Chad?”

  “Something like that, as I recall. We were on our way over to what’s her face’s house to swim and she was wearing these super short shorts and a red bikini top, hair hanging down her back, hips switching from side to side and mouth going a mile a minute. I decided right then and there that I couldn’t stand her.”

  Pam crawled down from Nate’s arms and shot Chad a baleful look. Nate and Chad burst out laughing, giving each other knowing looks over her head. Nikki thought about the entry she’d read in her mom’s diary that morning and felt her face heat up from embarrassment. She saw the look her mom had written about on her dad’s face and shrank away from it. The air in the room seemed to evaporate and she felt a little queasy in the absence of it, wanted to be away from it and them.

  “I’m going to unpack my stuff,” she said to no one in particular. Three pairs of eyes turned in her direction and she hoped the expression on her face didn’t betray her thoughts.

  “You got stuff today?” Chad asked.

  “We got a head start on school shopping,” Pam said. “And my shorts weren’t super short.”

  “Is that a nice way of saying you went crazy in the mall? And yes, they were.”

  “No, it’s a nice way of saying we got an early start on school shopping. One less thing for you to worry about, so get that look off your face and thank me. Your credit card was saved from major damage.”

  “Must be nice having a rich auntie.” Nate winked at Nikki and went to the refrigerator. “Peachy, I got some raw footage I want to show you later on, so don’t let me forget, okay? And Pam, the shorts were a little risqué.”

  “Okay, Uncle Nate,” Nikki said and left the kitchen.

  He watched her go, then turned his attention to Pam. “What are you about to get into?”

  She shrugged and pushed her hands in her back pockets. “Nothing much. I was planning on running by to holler at Jasper and then going back to the B&B.”

  “You got time for me later on?”

  “Yeah.” Pam noticed the creases in Nate’s forehead and frowned. “What’s going on, Nate?”

  “Nothing too serious. I have to go make nice with Merlene, but I should be done by midnight, at the latest. How about you meet me at the spot around half after?” He pulled a canned soda from the refrigerator and popped the tab, took a long swallow. “You still remember how to get there, don’t you?”

  “That’s a joke, right?”

  He dropped a kiss on her forehead and moved past her, calling out that he’d see her and Chad later.

  Nate took his soda with him as he jogged down the porch steps and set off down the sidewalk. It was a nice, breezy night, and the air felt good against his skin. He sucked in a mouthful and released it slowly, wondering at the luxury of being able to walk down the street and not worry about snipers and random gunfights breaking out at any minute. He’d learned a long time ago not to take freedom for granted, but there was nothing like having firsthand knowledge of what it meant to be held captive to jog his memory.

  He reached the end of the block and turned left, headed toward the center of town and his mother’s house. As he crossed Juniper Street, he fished his cell phone from his pocket, flipped it open and scrolled through the numbers saved in its memory. He came to the one he was looking for and pressed send.

  “This is Nathaniel Woodberry,” he said when the phone was answered on the other end. “I understand you’ve been trying to get in touch with me for some time.” He listened for several seconds as Miles Dixon introduced himself and heaped compliments on Nate’s head. Swatting them away like worrisome gnats, Nate cleared his throat. “Why don’t you tell me what I can do for you, Mr. Dixon?”

  He agreed to meet Miles in the small bar on the first floor of his hotel and disconnected the call. Then he dialed his mother’s number. Merlene was not very happy to learn that her only son had been in Mercy all day and hadn’t gotten by her house to see her. He listened to her rant and rave for long minutes, inserting soothing sounds and platitudes when he could get a word in and then he promised to be on her doorstep first thing in the morning. Tomorrow was Sunday, she reminded him tartly and she would be in church first thing in the morning. He reluctantly promised to escort her to church and sit through the whole, endless service without falling asleep as recompense.

  Nate dropped the phone in his pocket, wondering what the hell he’d just agreed to and why he would, being of sound mind and body, willingly offer to subject himself to one of Pastor Young’s fire and brimstone sermons without first considering the repercussions. When the answer finally came to him, he shook his head and chuckled ruefully. He was a sucker for the women he loved, and he loved Merlene Woodberry like he loved breathing.

  He also loved Pamela Mayes, which was why he was going to meet the man who was intent on hurting her. One way or another, Miles Dixon would be stopped.

  At half after midnight, Pam appeared in the clearing and spotted Nate sitting on the creek bank with his feet submerged in the water. She dropped down next to him, toed off her slides and found his feet with hers underwater. Their spot was Valley Creek, and it was on the northern edge of town, not far from the children’s home where she and Paris had grown up. She leaned her head on his shoulder and reached to lace her fingers with his. She sighed as he turned his head and his b
reath fanned her face softly.

  “How are you, P?” His voice was low and intimate, for her ears only.

  “I’m way better than I thought I would be. I thought I’d be having anxiety attacks every day that I had to be here. I haven’t, though, and it’s been good to be back, see some of the old folks.” She giggled quietly. “I let your mama run me out of her front room with a broomstick the other day too.”

  “She always had a soft spot for you. One of the biggest gossips in town, but she never told anybody about the day she caught us together, going at it in the basement. I think that’s why I kiss her ass the way I do right today.”

  “The day after you kissed me out in the woods,” Pam whispered, remembering. She was glad it was dark and he couldn’t see her skin turning a deep shade of red. “Chad went to Atlanta with his mother and we were supposed to be playing video games.”

  “Uhmmhmm. Felt guilty about that shit for the longest. Couldn’t look Chad in the face for a month afterward. I knew you were his.”

  “It was one time and nobody got hurt. I think we had to get the curiosity out of our systems.”

  Nate caught her eyes in the darkness. “What about those three months we spent undercover together in Barcelona? Was that curiosity?”

  “No, I think that was pure and simple lust. You were back from Korea and neither of us was thinking straight. We were supposed to be sightseeing and relaxing together for old time’s sake.”

  Neither of them had expected to cross the line from friends to lovers in Barcelona, but they had. Their coupling was almost like a bad cliché or a late-night television movie. She had stepped out of the shower just as Nate had come into the bathroom. She’d reached for a towel to cover herself and then somehow, his mouth was on hers and she was kissing him back. The decision to minimize expenses and lease an adjoining suite was suddenly not such a smart thing to do, but the damage was done. They had spent most of their vacation in bed, having hot, mind-blowing, anything-goes sex.

  “That month together in Athens was relaxing as hell too, now that you mention it. You never said anything to Paris?”