A Precious Gift

by Karen Rose Smith

  With blinding awareness, Brian realized he hadn’t gone into marriage with that type of thinking. All those years he and his dad were alone, he’d wanted a family more than he’d wanted anything else. As a teenager, he’d known he would pick the right woman and eventually he’d have three or four kids running around. But now he wondered what his attitude and his dreams had cost him.

  Had Carrie always felt that he wanted a family more than he’d wanted her? She’d reminded him that for most of their marriage, they’d been striving for kids. She’d wanted them, too, but had the striving made her feel insecure? And when she’d found out she couldn’t get pregnant naturally, had she felt less than whole? Why hadn’t she ever discussed it with him? Why did he feel there was always a piece of herself she wasn’t giving him?

  “Valentine’s Day is coming up soon,” Adam said with a wink.

  Brian adjusted to the quick change of subject. “In a few weeks.”

  “I’m thinking about taking Leigh on a cruise to Tahiti. We might not get a chance for that anytime soon after Kids Camp opens.”

  A trip to Tahiti. He and Carrie might be spending their Valentine’s Day with a newborn baby. The thought of it made him smile. But then he considered the last few Valentine’s Days, going to dinner…if he wasn’t out of town. He’d had his secretary order flowers. This year Carrie needed more than a token, more than a piece of jewelry, more than an expensive trinket, and he suddenly understood what could be the perfect gift. He’d spend more time on that sketch and have it framed for her. Maybe that would bring back the light in her eyes. Maybe that would show her he was as committed to her now as he had been on the day they married.

  After the last swallow of coffee, he set the mug aside. “Okay. Let’s get these logs split, then we can say we really had a workout.”

  Adam groaned and got to his feet. “This could take the rest of the day.”

  Brian didn’t care. The physical labor was helping to clear his head. Maybe by the end of the day he’d have more than a present for Valentine’s Day figured out.

  Everett Baker sat at his desk at Children’s Connection, his head in his hands. How had he gotten into this mess? How had he gotten involved in a black-market baby kidnapping ring and everything that went with it?

  For the first time in his life, he’d decided to make a friend. The man known as the Stork had seemed so sincere, so sympathetic, so…friendly.

  And then there were the flashbacks he was still having. At first he’d thought they were snippets of dreams of the family he’d always wanted to have rather than the weird one he’d been stuck with. But now he knew the visions were too real to be dreams; now he knew they were memories. Every time he was with Nancy, they came with more force. Because she was the kind of presence in his life he’d never had? Because she was so kind and caring he wanted to take her to bed, shut the door to her apartment and never open it again? Getting more deeply involved with Nancy would put her in harm’s way. He knew it. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

  The cell phone sitting on his desk rang. He glanced at the clock on the wall and knew who was calling. The Stork had said 3:00 p.m. and he was never late.

  Picking up the phone, Everett answered resignedly, “Hello?” He wanted out, but he knew the Stork would never let him get out.

  “Have you found any more rich couples who want to adopt?” the caller asked without preamble.

  “I’m working on it.” Truth be told, he wasn’t trying very hard. Yesterday he’d heard about a couple with money that the adoption agency had turned down. They’d left after a very loud argument with their caseworker. If the Stork pushed him, he’d get in contact with them next week.

  “I need to hear more enthusiasm here, Baker. You can’t be the loose cog in my wheel.”

  “I know I can’t. I may have another couple for you by the end of the month.”

  “That’s what I like to hear, but it had better be sooner than later. I also wanted to remind you, I expect you to snatch the Sanders baby when the girl delivers.”

  Sweat broke out on Everett’s brow. The Stork had given him those orders a few weeks ago, but he just couldn’t follow them.

  “Look, I’ve been thinking. Taking a baby from the hospital is much different than taking one from an unwed mother living on the streets. Everyone at the hospital knows me. I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. Besides that, I know nothing about babies. Couples were waiting for the others. What are we going to do with this kid till we find someone to pay for him?”

  When the Stork stayed silent, Everett was afraid to breathe.

  Finally the Stork admitted, “You’ve made some points.” After a few more moments ticked by, he decided, “I’ll find someone else to do it. You are too recognizable. My sister’s husband has two jobs and they always need money. I’ll drop the kid there till we find a couple. She has three of her own so she’ll know what to do.”

  “That sounds like a plan,” Everett agreed quickly, desperately relieved to be off the hook.

  “You’re not turning chicken on me, are you, Baker?” The Stork’s voice held menace.

  “Of course not,” Everett lied, knowing the caller expected a definitive answer.

  “That’s good. Because if you ever consider it, remember, I’ll have to tell Nurse Allen what you’ve been up to.”

  The Stork’s mention of Nancy made chills ripple up Everett’s spine. “Leave Nancy out of this,” he snapped.

  “I might leave her out of it if you do what I tell you to do. I want another couple soon, got it?”

  “Got it,” Everett mumbled. “I’ve got to go,” he lied again. “Someone just knocked on my door.”

  “Keep the faith,” the Stork warned in a singsong voice as he clicked off.

  Everett stared at the cell phone, then with a burst of frustration and anger roiling up inside of him, he threw it across the room. It bounced off the wall and hit the tile floor with a thud. But it didn’t fly into pieces, and Everett knew whether that phone was broken or not, the Stork would find a way to contact him.

  Pushing away from the desk, he stood and paced, feeling sick inside, knowing he should cancel his date with Nancy tonight. She could always guess when something was wrong.

  On the other hand…

  He needed to see her because he didn’t know how much longer he could keep her in his life.

  When Brian returned from Cedar Run Ranch, Carrie was in the kitchen looking flushed and harried. There were two pots simmering on the stove and the oven timer buzzed.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  Carrie held up her hand for him to wait a minute as she opened the oven door. After she pulled out a chocolate cake, deciding it was done just right, she set it on a rack on the counter.

  “Lisa’s having a friend over and I’m cooking. She’s going to stay the night.”

  “Stay the night?”

  Placing the pot holder on the counter, Carrie stepped closer to him. “Don’t worry. It’s only one night. I thought it would be fun for Lisa. The shelter’s really full right now.”

  “Is it the girl she met at the mall for lunch?”

  “Yes. Ariel Bridges. Will you be here for supper? I’ll have it ready in about half an hour.”

  “Yes, I’ll be here. I have to make a few calls later.”

  “About your trip to Alaska?”

  “Yes.” He could see in her eyes that she still didn’t want him to go, but he felt she was worrying needlessly about Lisa. Her dismay about this trip was coming from more than that. “How did your meeting go with Gallagher?” He’d thought about her meeting with the man more than once today.

  Avoiding his gaze, she went to the counter and began tossing lettuce in a teak bowl. “It went okay.”

  “Did he push you about the talk show?”

  “I told him again that it was out of the question.”

  Her voice had a note in it that made Brian ask, “But?”

  Facing him again, she replied, “He sugges
ted something else. He suggested one segment a week where I would focus on Children’s Connection as well as Portland General Hospital. They’d use it in the morning news and keep viewers informed as to what’s happening there. Taping time would involve one or two days a week.”

  He could hear the underlying excitement in her voice. “What do you think about doing that?”

  “If the adoption with Lisa goes through, I wouldn’t. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. But if it doesn’t…”

  If the adoption didn’t go through, this job would get her in the working world again. In fact, he was sure it would lead to more—maybe that talk show. A month ago he would have vetoed the whole idea, but now he knew he couldn’t. He could see Carrie needed more in her life than traveling with him and being a hostess. He should have seen it sooner.

  “You’ll have to make the decision on this, Carrie, but even as a mother, you could hire a nanny for two days a week. Working and having a baby aren’t incompatible.”

  Her eyes widened at his comment, and he could see she was startled by it. He was, too. Their lives were definitely changing and it gave him an unsettled feeling. “Is there anything I should know about Ariel before I meet her? As in tongue piercings, purple hair…”

  Carrie’s smile was instantaneous. “Nope. In fact, I think you’ll like her.”

  The heck of it was, he was beginning to like Lisa, too.

  Carrie enjoyed dinner with the two girls and thought maybe Brian did, also. He listened more than joined in the conversation, but he asked questions every once in a while.

  When Ariel told him about losing her job and apartment, he shook his head. “I can see how that can happen.”

  Carrie’s gaze gravitated to Brian’s now and then. When it did, the trip to Alaska stood between them. She realized he wanted to be reasonable about it but he couldn’t just stay home and wait for Lisa to have her baby. Yet another part of her wished he would. She wished he’d put their marriage and their life first for a change.

  When the phone rang, Brian said, “I’d better get that.”

  They were eating dessert then, and with the call, which Carrie suspected was about his trip, she knew she’d lose him for the evening.

  However, when he answered, he didn’t take the cordless phone to his office. He stood stock-still. “Yes, it has been a while. Five years.”

  Brian’s stony expression told Carrie who the caller might be. There was only one person she knew of with whom he hadn’t been in contact for five years—his mother.

  Now Brian did move into the hall with the phone. Lisa and Ariel were forking in chocolate cake and talking about one of their other friends at the shelter. She heard Lisa say, “I’d really like to see everybody before I have this baby. I’m not exactly sure what will happen afterward.”

  “You have a home here, Lisa,” Carrie reminded her again, knowing the teenager needed to hear it over and over so she’d believe it.

  “I know, that’s what you said. But after the baby’s born, I’m not going to want to sit around all day, either. I thought I could get a job waitressing again to make money for college. I know Mr. Summers said he’d pay for it, but I’d like to have money of my own, too. You know what I mean?”

  Carrie knew exactly what she meant. But before she could tell Lisa she’d help her find a job if that was what she wanted to do, Brian came back into the room. He was frowning and lines creased his brow. She didn’t want him to shut her out.

  “Who was it?” she asked.

  His gaze collided with hers. “My mother.”

  “She lives in Portland?” Lisa asked. “You never mentioned her.”

  Carrie held her breath, not knowing how Brian would reply to the question. He didn’t like talking about Muriel Summers. “No, she doesn’t live in Portland. She’s living in Montana.”

  “Montana. That’s cool. On a ranch?”

  Brian rubbed his forehead. “No, in Billings.”

  “You must love going there to visit her. I heard—”

  “I don’t visit her, Lisa. She left when I was seven and didn’t get in contact with me till I made some money.” Looking at Carrie, he said, “I’m going to my office.”

  “Mr. Summers?” Lisa asked.

  Brian stopped.

  “Does she want money from you now?”

  One thing Carrie admired about Lisa was that she didn’t back down when she wanted to know something. She didn’t back away from the hard questions, either.

  The rigidity in Brian’s stance told Carrie how difficult this conversation was for him. “She says she doesn’t want anything. Her husband died a few months ago and she’d like to visit.”

  “You don’t want her to visit?”

  “Why would I?” he asked as if asking himself. “First she went twenty-two years without a word to me, then five more years. Why should I want to see her now?”

  Lisa’s answer came swiftly. “Because she’s your mom. I don’t have one anymore and I wish I did.”

  As Brian focused on Lisa, his demeanor softened a bit. “It’s not the same thing.”

  Then he went down the hall to his office and closed the door.

  Carrie didn’t usually bother Brian when he wanted to be alone. Tonight was different. She wanted to know what he was thinking and feeling, and there was only one way to do that.

  “If you girls want another piece of chocolate cake, go right ahead. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  At Brian’s den, Carrie rapped lightly on the door but didn’t wait for him to call to her. She opened it and went inside. He wasn’t working or making phone calls. He was standing at the window looking out into the winter night.

  She came up behind him and just stood there for a few moments.

  Finally he said, “She’s lonely. She doesn’t have anyone left. She wants me to forgive her. How can I do that? She left and didn’t look back.”

  “She’s looking back now,” Carrie offered softly. “Maybe she’s always regretted leaving. Maybe she knows it was a mistake.”

  “She chose a different life. All right, so she fell in love with someone else. That didn’t mean she had to pretend I never existed. Not one phone call, Carrie. Not one letter.”

  “Until we got married.”

  “Too little too late.”

  “You don’t know what she was thinking. You don’t know her side of it.”

  “She was tired of living with my father and his gambling. She found something better. That wasn’t a mistake, Carrie; that was a choice. But never looking back for me was a choice I can’t forgive.”

  Carrie’s heart was beating fast and it ached. She’d made a choice, too. Brian would think her choice was as unforgivable as his mother’s. She knew he liked the people in his life to be perfect, to meet his expectations. Like his mother, she wasn’t perfect. If he knew that, he wouldn’t want her.

  “Maybe some mistakes are too big to forgive,” she murmured. Her eyes swam with sudden tears, and he saw them.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I was just thinking about how your mom must be feeling.” Her voice broke and all the things she wanted to tell Brian formed a rock in the pit of her stomach. “I’ll let you make your calls,” she mumbled as she turned to leave.

  Brian caught her arm. “Carrie, are you all right?”

  “Fine,” she managed to say. “I want to make sure the girls are settled for the night then I’ll go upstairs.” Somehow she staved off the tears. Somehow she raised her gaze to him and kept her despair from him.

  “I’ll try not to be too late,” he assured her.

  Usually the night before he left on a trip, they made love. But tonight Carrie knew she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t make herself vulnerable with Brian. She couldn’t pretend their marriage was strong when it wasn’t. Tonight she’d be asleep when Brian came to bed. That was just the way it had to be.

  Carrie pulled her fleece jacket from the foyer closet, wondering if she was doing the right thing, leaving Ariel and
Lisa alone while she visited her family in Windsor. As she put on her jacket, she knew she would only be gone until dinnertime. Certainly Lisa and Ariel would be fine for a few hours.

  Before Brian had left Portland yesterday, he’d told Carrie he’d bought a satellite phone and he’d given her the number. To Carrie the phone meant he might be staying in Alaska longer than he’d originally planned.

  The teenagers had been great company yesterday after Brian left. Carrie could tell Lisa was enjoying Ariel’s friendship and suspected how isolated the teenager had felt the past few weeks. It was easy to see that the outing was good for Ariel, too. Clearing her idea with the women’s shelter, Carrie had asked Ariel if she’d like to stay until Sunday. Ariel had promised to keep an eye on Lisa while she went to Windsor. Carrie assured them she’d call in to see how they were doing. She gave them both her cell phone number and left Brian’s numbers on the refrigerator.

  Ever since her conversation with Brian after his mother called, Carrie had felt the need to see her own mother, talk to her, lay the past to rest for good.

  Before she left, Carrie called her mom to tell her she was on her way and warned both Lisa and Ariel that if they saw even the first signs of labor for Lisa—an achy back, a cramp in her side, a drawing in her womb—they should call Carrie. She could be back in ninety minutes. There was one of Verna’s casseroles in the refrigerator thawing for supper in case she was later than she planned.

  Rain poured down as Carrie drove, and she thought about Brian and Alaska and the type of weather he might be having. The nights would be long there now.

  When Carrie reached the Bradleys’ house, her mother opened the door. The ranch-style home covered with white siding and trimmed with blue shutters was compact and perfect for her parents.

  Her mother said, “You should have come through the garage so you wouldn’t get wet.”

  Carrie dropped her hood back on her shoulders and smiled. “I won’t melt.”

  As her mom held the door wide, Carrie could already smell baked goods. “I hope you didn’t go to a lot of trouble.”

  “Not a lot. I made that lemon pudding cake. Come on in. I called Whitney and Mary. They’ll be here in about an hour.”