by Ash Mio
“Good question.”
“Will…people are going to start suspecting something if you’re always with me. Will you be okay with that? People will probably stare and talk. You wouldn’t be popular anymore, probably.”
“Rather than get a hundred confession letters, I want your snarky comments. I don’t care if people stare. They stare anyways because I’m like the only white guy they’ve ever seen. And that’s actually what they’ve told me.” He looked at me reassuringly. “I’ll never forgive Hikari if he breaks up with me.”
“Since when were we going out?”
“Ah. I guess I got my hopes up,” he said sarcastically. I smile.
“You’re only here for 10 months though….” The fact of the matter depresses me a bit. I thought about it last night. He would be here until January. What would we do after that? What would become of us?
He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I’ll come back. I decided a while ago that I’d go to university here.” I look at him with his face full of determination. He got closer and it was hard not to believe him.
“Okay.”
He hugged me. “So will you go out with me?”
“Go out as in hold hands, go on dates , and visit each other’s houses and stuff right?”
“Yep. We’re going to do all that. Although, I’m sorry. I might have to keep this from my host family. I don’t think it’d go over well if I told them I was in love with a guy. My parents at home wouldn’t care.”
“And if our classmates figure it out?”
“We’ll just be us then.” He said almost immediately.
“Where does all this confidence come from?”
“I’m just cheeky.” He lightly kissed my forehead. It made me flush.
“Since we’re dating, we shouldn’t waste any time. Want to come to my house? You can sleepover.” “That’s….” His face grew red.
“It wasn’t what it sounded like Will!”
“I know! But Hikari is so innocent that it makes it worse.”
“I’m going back to class.”
“Wait, what time should I come over? Can we stay in the same bed?”
……………………………………………………………………
We decided that he’d stay over a few days later. Will came over with a gift from the Tachibanas. Mom went gaga over him. “Why didn’t you ever tell me you knew someone so handsome and so skilled at speaking Japanese?” She grabbed Will and pulled him inside.
“Stop flirting you old hag! I’ll tell dad!”
“What papa doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” She led Will to the kitchen. “Sit down Will and I’ll make you some tea.”
“Mom, are you trying to kill him? Don’t drink the tea Will. You’ll seriously die.”
“You’re exaggerating. It’s not that bad!” I tried to take the tea away from Mom.
“You put something really weird in it last time! I missed school for two days!”
“You’re immune system is just weak. And even if your mom’s cooking is bad, you’re supposed to pretend it’s good, you shitty son.”
“But you’re cooking is shit. I can’t pretend if I’m dead.”
“Well try harder.”
Will was holding his stomach laughing. “I was wondering where Hikari got his personality from.” Mom and I looked at each other. She nudged me. “I promise I’ll only put tea and water. I haven’t served a guest of yours for a long time.”
I sighed. “I guess it can’t be helped. Please make the tea Mom.” She hugged me. “That’s my understanding Hikari.”
Will was still laughing when we got upstairs. “Your mom’s great.” I stared at Will. He really was easygoing.
“Ah. You’re red again.”
“It’s nothing.”
When Mom brought the tea and snacks up, she was eagerly waiting for Will to try it.
“If it tastes funny, just spit it out.”
He picked up the cup and drank it. We stared at him. He swallowed the tea.
“It’s delicious.”
Mom was super happy. “Will-kun, you should live here.” She hugged him. “Please teach my stupid son how to get along with people.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll go pick up some food.”
“Thank you Hoshimura-san.” When Mom left, I picked up the tea and drank some.
“It’s fucking bitter. How did you drink it Will? Half of it is tea leaves!”
He laughed. “Your mom would have been hurt.”
“She would have recovered if you smiled at her,” I mumbled.
“Your family seems really close and fun.” His comment reminded me of something. He’s never really mentioned his family. “What…what’s your family like?”
“Hmm? My family…Well my dad is a salaryman and my mom is a doctor. They work most of the time. My brother Alex is in university. He’s gay by the way.”
That must be why he accepted me so easily. So he has a gay brother…
“Weren’t you lonely?”
“A little bit. I had my photography to keep me busy and my dog Ginger. But, my family isn’t like yours or the Tachibanas and I think that’s okay.” He looked a little sad as he said this. I moved closer to him and put a hand on his knee. He put his hand on top of mine.
“Is this your way of telling me that I have you now?”
“So cheeky.”
He chuckled and gave me a peck on the lips. I covered my face embarrassed. He’s way too used to this I think.
“So…did you ever date anyone back in the states?” I asked through my hands.
“I went on dates, but I never had the desire for a girlfriend. Guess now I know why.” He smirked. “What about Hikari?”
“Never had one. It got awkward when people started to suspect that I liked guys. Lots of people avoided me.”
“That must have been tough.”
“Everything worked out,” I smiled and squeezed his hand.
We talked and asked each other questions until Mom got back from the restaurant with food.
The door downstairs opened. “Hikari, Will-kun I bought dinner.”
“We’re coming!”
Dad came home in time for dinner. He was super excited to eat restaurant food. Will said I looked mostly like my mom and nothing like my dad. I guess that was true. I got her face and his brains.
“It’s unusual for Hikari to bring home a friend. He hasn’t brought anyone since Emi and Shun.”
Will stopped eating. “Is that so?”
I could practically see the manga vein on his forehead.
“Honey, Will-kun complimented me on my tea.” We froze.
“Oh really?”
“Want to try some?”
“The tea Mrs. Hoshimura makes has a strong flavor.” Will tried to warn Dad subtly.
Dad took a big gulp and we could tell he was trying to keep it in. His face said it all. “It’s your best tea yet.” That was probably a true statement.
Mom clapped happily.
“I feel really guilty now.” Will looked downtrodden after dinner. We were back in my room now.
“At least Mom’s happy, and Dad…well he’s used to it.”
I grab a manga from the shelf and sit casually on my bed. We had already changed into our pajamas .
“Want to read something or play a game?” He walked over to the bed and slipped in behind me. The bed gave a little under his weight. He pulled me close to him. His hair ruffled my cheek, and I could feel the warmth of his chest on my back.
“Let’s read like this.” His hand was wrapped around my stomach.
“O-Okay.” I stuttered.
“Embarassed? You’re red again.”
“Extremely.”
“Good.”
I held up the manga while Will turned the pages. His hot breath was on my neck. It was distracting as shit.
“This one is interesting, but we should finish that boy’s love novel someone gave you.”
“It
’s on the shelf near you.” He reached behind and grabbed it without letting go of me. I was completely wrapped in his embrace. My back was heating up.
It was hard to pay attention to the dialogue. He was reading slowly, but his ability to read characters had improved. Here we were barely dating and all this seemed so …normal like we’d been doing this all our lives. I dozed off to the sound of his soft voice, his heartbeat on my back, and the warmth in his arms.
…………………………………………………………………………….
Back in middle school, I picked up the habit of reading manga. Shun and Emi would be at the bookstores buying manga too. “Hikari, there’s a new series release today. Let’s buy it!”
Shun would buy the shounen manga (action manga made for boys) or sports manga, but I was always more interested in the ones Emi was reading. “Do you want to read Hikari?”
“Okay.”
Shun looked over at us. “Don’t do it Hikari. That book is for girls! It about love and kissing and stuff.”
“Hikari can read whatever he wants Shun.” She wacked him on the head. I looked at the pastel colored manga cover and then the boy’s one.
“I’ll…read the ones for boys.”
“Awe, don’t worry about what Shun says Hikari.”
I shook my head. “I’m a boy, so I should read manga for boys.”
Emi looked unsure. “Well if that’s what you want.”
When I got home and read the manga, I found it interesting, but I found that I still wanted to read the one with the pretty pastel cover. I asked my mom to buy it for me. She agreed. After going to the bookstore and getting the manga, Mom held it high above my head. “I’ll give it to you if you do mama’s chores for a week.”
“Evil woman.”
“Stupid boy.” She gave me the manga. “If you liked this book better, don’t waste money on the other one. Plus, Mama’s too old to be buying shoujo manga now.”
“But Shun said it’s strange for boys to read shoujo!”
“You’re such an idiot Hikari.” She pinched my cheek. “Next time, you have to buy it on your own.” “Fine. I will-“ I bluffed.
The first time I read shoujo, I got addicted. Unlike shounen manga, which was all action, shoujo was slow and warm. The romance and the humor of shoujo manga gave me a happy feeling.
“Mom! Shoujo manga is amazing!!!”
I laughed and cried with the characters. I felt excited with the characters and every time the kiss scene came up, I got embarrassed. This is too good.
I kept it hidden from Shun, but he found out anyways. I was scared he’d say something or be mad. “I guess shoujo fits your girly face more.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Just read what you want, stupid.”
Emi was delighted. “Let’s exchanged manga! We can talk about it together and go to conventions.” “Okay.”
“Isn’t this story amazing?”
“Mmn.”
By chance, a senpai (upperclassmen) of Shun’s club saw us reading. “You guys read shoujo? Me too! It’s so different from shounen.” Senpai was really cool. He was nice and treated everyone kindly.
At the same time as all this was happening, my blushing condition began to show more. The doctor said it was hormones or puberty. It had never been as severe as others, but it was still troublesome at times. I distinctly remember the first time my classmates saw it. It was something so simple too. I tripped in front of everyone and I began to blush.
“Wow, his face is red.”
“Weird.”
“He looks like a tomato.”
The kids started laughing and it made the redness spread.
“He’s a cherry face boy.”
“It’s not a big deal Hikari.” Shun assured me. “Just ignore them.”
I was really glad I had a friend like Shun. He defended me from the bullies and even bought me a shoujo manga on my birthday. “Since you like this so much, I’m giving it to you,” he said.
He was accepting until…one day he saw me watching his senpai and turning red. He confronted me about it.
“I don’t know why it happens either Shun.”
“Hikari, do you like guys?” Shun was quieter than I’d ever seen him. He wasn’t even looking at me.
“Huh?”
“You never talk about girls. You like romance and you turn red when you see senpai.”
“I-I..” I couldn’t say anything. I think I did like senpai.
Shun got aggressive when I didn’t answer him. “Don’t make senpai feel uncomfortable! We need him to go to nationals. He’s the team’s ace! If you show up in front of him like that, he’ll be troubled!”
“Shun…I…” He shoved me and ran away.
We didn’t speak from that day on. Emi still talked to me like normal. She exchanged mangas with me. If she knew anything, she never said anything.
My condition kept showing up, and eventually, I thought it best to avoid people. I even stopped doing girly things for a while. I read shounen and tried to play sports. I tried to look at girls. I told myself they were cute and being with them would be the right thing to do. I would try to look at girls, but I always just found myself jealous of them instead. They could carry stuffed toys and eat sweet things, and they could talk openly about things they liked.
I was miserable. I’d never been so miserable in my life. Even when people stared at me, I learned that I could get past that, but this…this was something I was doing to myself. I was making myself unhappy. Mom and Dad were worried, but they didn’t know what to do. Mom bought new shoujo manga for me even though she said she wouldn’t, but I couldn’t read them. I had decided to only read what I was “supposed to.”
And then I discovered the dog café. Oda-san introduced me to the café’s dogs and taught me how to interact with them. They were so cute. The dogs licked me and jumped on me just like everyone else. I think that’s why I like dogs so much because they treat you the same no matter what kind of person you are.
I cried in the store. Oda-san was shocked and tried to calm me down. I came back to the store again and again. I picked up shoujo manga, started cooking, and acted how I wanted to. The dogs still treated me the same. I wrote a confession letter to senpai, although I never told him it was me. I didn’t need him to return my feelings. I just wanted it to be okay to like him. He left a reply letter in the same spot which simply said “thank you.” I know it was a generic reply, but it made me really believe it was okay to have feelings for him. Senpai graduated and moved far away to play baseball. I got slowly used to people staring at me all the time. I buy manga almost every week, and the workers get used to me. But the staring would start again every time they hired a new employee.
This was my world. I was happy now, but I was mostly alone. I thought it was okay to be like this. I didn’t need to pretend or force anything. I’d offend no one and they would let me be. Everything changed when I met you, Will. You expanded my world by one person. And although, it’s one person, it feels like a whole universe to me. You didn’t try to change me. I can say what’s on my mind and it be okay. I can do things “guys aren’t supposed to” and it be okay. I can love you and it be okay more than okay…, it’s so bright, like a sunlit day. You are the sun in my universe.
“Hikari,” Will’s voice coaxes. I wake up in his arms still. It’s warm and comforting. I turn around and put my arms around him.
“What’s this for?”
It’d take days to explain to him I think.
“I’m glad I met you.” I burry my head his shoulders.
He kisses my forehead. “Same here.” He brushed the hair out of my face softly. “Can I kiss you?”
“You already did, why are you asking now?”
He smirks and this time as he kisses me, he puts his tongue in my mouth. It’s warm and slippery. I’m not used to this.
“That ….that’s unfair.” I grab a pillow and cover my face with it. He laughs.
> ”You should get used to it.”
“The fuck I will!”
He laughs some more.
“Let’s go to sleep. Otherwise, I might want to do some non-PG stuff with you.”
I peek over the pillow. Will is setting up the futon Mom laid out for him. I stare at him with the pillow still over my face. He looks at me curiously.
“What is it Hikari?”
“You’re not going to sleep in the same bed?”
It was Will’s turn to blush. “Hikari…”
“I wanted to try the manga thing where they cuddle….” My voice trailed off. This is so freakin’ embarrassing to even suggest. I fall over on my pillow. “But if you don’t want to, just let’s sleep separately.”
After a moment, I feel Will lift the blanket over me and him slipping underneath. The bed sinks a bit from both our weights. He pulls me close and slips his hand over my waist. “Is this what you had in mind?” I nod. He must think I’m such a girl.
“I’ve always wanted to do this with someone. It feels really nice.” Will rubbed my back softly. The rhythm is comforting.
“Will…”
“Hmm?”
“Does me having no boobs and a dick ever bother you?”
He looked at me straight in the face and laughed through his teeth. The bed shook a bit for a couple of minutes before he could regain composure. “I was fully aware of your dick before I fell for you. And as for not having any boobs…” He hugged me. “It makes it easier to press you close to me.” Our faces were so close our cheeks touched.
“Really?”
“Really.”
He nuzzled my face. “Now let’s go to sleep before I jump you.” Will closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t really sleep with his face so close. I touched his eyelashes and ran my finger across his face and his soft lips. The corners of his mouth turned up.
“It’s really difficult to sleep with you being so freakin’ adorable Hikari.” He opened his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I’ll go to sleep now.”
“No. You need to be punished a little.” He started tickling my stomach.
“I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!”
Ch. 10 Will
