Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

  “And I was going to let you.” Without breaking eye contact, Loren reached beside Jo and picked up the chart. “Too bad about lunch.” She held the chart to her chest.

  “Yeah,” Jo nodded.

  Loren stepped toward the curtain. “Well, maybe I’ll see you at the bar again.”

  Jo nodded again. “Sure. Or…” She raised her new cast. “Maybe you’ll come riding when I get this off?”

  “Careful what you wish for.” She backed around the curtain with a smile and disappeared.

  * * *

  Jo hated lying about what happened to her hand, although it wasn’t a complete fib. She did tell her mother that her hand had got closed in the door of her truck, she just sort of alluded to the accident happening at her farm. There didn’t seem to be any need to share with her mother the fact that she was hanging out at a bar.

  Jo arrived home from her mom’s around seven to a message from Maria. “Hi, Jo, I tried to call you around eleven this morning, but you weren’t in. Or at four this afternoon, and now it’s after six and I’m beginning to worry after yesterday. Your cell keeps going straight to voice mail, so please call me the minute you get this message.”

  She pulled her cell from her pocket and recalled turning it off before she went into the hospital. When she turned it on, it beeped letting her know she had new voice mails. She’d listen later. She grabbed a beer and headed out back.

  “Hi!” she said before taking a swig of beer.

  Maria sighed audibly. “Thank God you’re alive.”

  “Of course I’m alive. It’s Sunday, and you know I usually go to my mom’s.”

  “I know.” She sounded calmer. “But not usually for the entire day.”

  Jo leaned back, stretched her legs and took another drink. “I stopped by the hospital this morning to get my cast replaced.”

  “Why would you get your cast replaced?”

  “Because she said I should.”

  “She who?”

  “She the doctor that put the first one on.”

  “Oh…” Maria paused a long moment. “How do you know who put the first cast on? You were practically unconscious.”

  “It’s an interesting story. I’ll tell you after you answer a question for me.” There was only silence on the line. “Maria?”

  “What? Ask your question.”

  “Were you going to tell me what you asked that nice doctor to do to me when I was practically unconscious?”

  Again, there was a lengthy pause. “I was only kidding. I thought she knew that.”

  “Well, you know she thought you were my girlfriend.”

  “Why would she think something like that?”

  “I thought maybe you could tell me.” More silence on the line. Jo waited a few seconds longer. “Let’s see…masculine butch with a pregnant, overprotective femme. We’re obviously not related, sounds like a perfect lesbian couple to me.” She couldn’t keep the laughter out of her voice any longer.

  “Jo Marchal, you are so full of yourself!” When Jo continued to laugh, Maria finally joined her. “And I suppose she probably thinks you got me pregnant with the turkey baster after Thanksgiving?”

  Jo laughed so hard her sides were hurting, but finally managed to say, “I told her the whole sordid truth.”

  She wiped tears from her cheeks. Once they controlled their laughter, Jo told Maria she already knew Dr. Loren Mathews and that Loren had actually witnessed Kate’s barbarity.

  There was a fondness in Jo’s voice as she spoke about this Dr. Mathews. It sounded as though Jo really liked her, which started Maria’s own emotions bouncing all over the place. The doctor was a very nice woman, and the Lord knew Jo needed someone to love and take care of her. But the thought of someone loving and taking care of Jo made jealousy rear its ugly head. She knew it was selfish to think that way. It wasn’t as if she could be the one to do that.

  “I’m glad you’re dating someone like Dr. Mathews.”

  “We’re not really dating…” Jo thought for a split second. “Not yet.”

  “Well, I think you should. She seems very nice.”

  “Nice, yes, she is nice.”

  Maria closed her eyes against the renewed stab of jealousy that Jo’s words brought. They ended the call a few minutes later after she stated she’d check in on Jo tomorrow.

  Jo finished her beer, closed her eyes and tipped her head back. It sounded like Maria was happy that she might be dating Loren Mathews. She would definitely be pleased to know that Loren seemed interested in dating her. But she didn’t really care one way or the other. Jo knew full well she would never fall in love with another woman. She was already in love with the one in her dreams.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Jo loved the warmer weather and high humidity that made a person sweat standing still, but the damned cast on her hand was driving her crazy. She couldn’t train horses and that was the equivalent of cutting off a painter’s hand. Loren had told her six to eight weeks, which meant, at a minimum, she had another week to go. She wanted to find the necessary implement in the tool shed and remove the thing herself. There wasn’t any pain in her hand and even with the restricted movement of her fingers it felt fine when she wiggled them.

  She was standing in the tack room eyeing the plaster on her hand when Tucker came in.

  “Would you mind driving to town to pick up a few things we need to finish the fence repairs? I’m pretty sure one of our new tenants likes kicking at fences.”

  “Sure, give me the list. It’s not like I can do anything productive around here anyway.” Tucker handed her the piece of paper and quickly ducked from the room.

  She headed down the highway with the windows open and wondered what the chances were that she might run into Maria at the hardware store like she had last year. One in a million, she guessed. She’d swing by Maria’s office after her shopping to take her to lunch. Tucker and Kirby could wait a little longer to start their work. She had spent the last five weeks miserable. They could have a turn at boring idle inactivity. Heck, who was she kidding? They were probably already in the tack room embroiled in a poker game.

  She looked up Ernie to help her with her list, then drove over to Maria’s office. Her car wasn’t there, but she popped in anyway to see if maybe she was around town somewhere.

  Karen gave a welcoming smile. “If you’re looking for Maria, Ms. Marchal, she’s not in.”

  “I figured.” Jo returned Karen’s smile and crossed her arms on the counter. “You suppose you could call me Jo?”

  “Certainly.” Karen pointed her pen at Jo’s cast. “What happened to your hand, Jo?”

  Jo glanced at the dirty worn plaster. “Horse bit me.”

  Karen’s eyes grew big as saucers. “Oh my!”

  Jo winked at her. “I’m kidding. If a horse bit my hand I probably wouldn’t have one left.” Karen scrunched up her face. “It got smashed, broke a couple of bones.” Jo patted her good hand on the counter. “So do you know if Maria’s due back anytime soon or if she’s working around town?”

  Karen raised a finger as she answered the ringing phone, pressed a combination of buttons then hung up. “She left about half an hour ago and said she was taking the rest of the day off.” She stood and leaned closer as if she were about to share a national secret. “If you ask me, they’re having a big sale at the outlet stores. I bet she went shopping for baby things.”

  “You’re probably right. Well, if she does happen back in, tell her I was in town and stopped to say hello.”

  Karen grabbed a notepad. “I certainly will, Ms.—uh, Jo.”

  Jo spun on her heel and called over her shoulder, “Have a good one.”

  She sat out in her truck and contemplated either driving past Maria’s house or the outlet mall. Ah, she’d be out to the farm tomorrow. Reluctantly, she pointed the truck toward home where she could have the pleasure of sitting on her rump and watching other people do what she couldn’t. Lunch with Maria would have beaten that in spades
. They hadn’t been alone since the day Maria had taken her to the hospital. She was so out of it at the time, though, that she couldn’t appreciate the time spent with her. It was a ridiculous fantasy, she knew. It wasn’t as though anything could happen between them, but still…the unexpected kiss months ago flashed in her mind. “You keep dreamin’, cowgirl.”

  She was pleasantly surprised to see the black station wagon in the driveway when she made her way home. She hustled to the tack room with Tucker’s supplies and found them standing around looking guilty. Cards, she was sure, but she didn’t care because Maria was there.

  “Is Maria in the house?” She handed the bags over to Tucker.

  He passed them on to Kirby, who stood beside him. “No, she took Matt out on Daisy Mae. Said something about needing a walk.”

  Jo stepped through the rear barn doors, shielding her eyes from the sun, and spotted Daisy Mae ambling towards her. There was a rider astride, but the reins dragged the ground. He was alone.

  “Tucker!” she screamed as she raced out to Matt on Daisy Mae. Her heart thundered and a deafening sound roared in her ears. She gathered the reins and patted Daisy Mae’s neck.

  “Good girl.” Daisy Mae rubbed her head against Jo’s shoulder. Jo squinted up at Matt, took a deep breath and said, “Hey there, cowboy, you enjoying your ride today?”

  Her mind raced. Where the hell was Maria? Where the hell was Tucker? Scenarios flew through her mind like movie credits on a screen. Finally Tucker was beside her.

  “Where’s Maria?”

  She barely managed to whisper, “I don’t know.” She quickly scanned the empty pasture, then she turned to Tucker and handed him the reins. “Take Matt in, leave him on the horse or find Jake and Rosie and sit him down with them. He trusts you, Tucker, just don’t let him out of your sight.” She snatched the two-way radio from his belt. “Which way did they head out?”

  Tucker’s usual confident, kick-ass bravado was gone. “Uh…uh…along the northwest fence. She said—”

  Jo took off at a full run, Tucker’s words lost behind her. A quarter mile out over the rise, lungs burning, she spotted the form against the fence. When Jo reached her, she dropped to her knees, gasping long and hard before getting enough air in her lungs to speak.

  “Maria?”

  She lay to one side, perspiration glistening on her face in the bright sun. Jo reached a shaky hand to touch the side of her neck. She felt the beat, but wasn’t sure if it was hers or Maria’s. She scooted closer and pulled out her shirttail to dab Maria’s face.

  “Maria.”

  Maria finally moaned faintly and ever so slowly opened her eyes.

  “Thank God,” Jo whispered.

  Eyes squinting into the sun, Maria murmured, “Jo…”

  Jo moved sideways to shade Maria’s face and leaned over. “It’s me.” She hurriedly unbuttoned her shirt and shrugged out of it. “Maria, what happened?” Her eyes closed again. Jo used her shirt to wipe the sweat from Maria’s face and neck.

  “I felt…light-headed, I…sat down for a minute.” Jo wadded up the shirt and placed it under Maria’s head. She grabbed Jo’s hand. “Jo, I think…I think my water broke…unless…” She sighed. “I…I feel wet—embarrassed.”

  Jo pushed back the long locks of hair from her face. “It’s okay. We won’t ever mention it again.” She smiled down at her. “Can you sit up?”

  She clutched Jo’s hand. “Think so.”

  Jo helped guide her to a sitting position against the fence, pulled the radio from her back pocket and called Tucker’s name into it.

  “Did you find her?” he came back.

  “Yeah, have one of your boys bring the Gator out towards the northwest corner over the rise.”

  “You got it—”

  She could hear Tucker shouting instructions to someone before he un-keyed the radio. Rising up on her knees, Jo propped her cast on the fence rail so she could shade Maria as much as possible. It felt like the desert as the sun dried the sweat on her exposed skin. Maria jerked her hand to her belly and suddenly leaned forward.

  “Oh God…” she gasped.

  Jo’s blood ran cold. “Maria, what’s wrong?”

  She grabbed for Jo’s hand, nearly crushing her fingers. On a deeply inhaled breath, she said, “Something’s wrong…oh…God…it hurts.”

  The color quickly drained from Maria’s face. She still gripped Jo’s hand so tight her fingers were losing feeling.

  Jo patted her pockets. “Damn,” she muttered. She had left her phone in the truck. “Maria, do you have your phone with you?”

  She nodded. “Pocket.”

  “Just…” Jo tried pulling her hand from Maria’s iron grip. “Let me get your phone, Maria. Okay?”

  She released Jo’s hand, continuing to gasp for breath. Jo reached into one and then the other of the deep pockets in her long, loose skirt. She felt the wetness, but was ill-prepared to see her fingers and the phone covered in crimson when she pulled them out. Her breath caught. She grabbed her shirt to wipe the blood off before Maria could see it, but she’d closed her eyes again.

  “Maria, you still with me?” She only moaned. Jo keyed the two-way again. “Tucker!” It seemed an eternity before the radio crackled with his voice.

  “Kirby’s headed your way in a minute.”

  “Make it faster.”

  She threw the radio down, brought the screen up on Maria’s phone and dialed 9-1-1. One ring, two rings, three rings…

  “Come on, damn it.”

  Four long rings later a calm female voice answered. “Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?”

  “I’m with a pregnant woman. She’s having pain and bleeding.” The words rushed from Jo.

  “What’s the address?” Jo gave her address. “And how far along is she?”

  Jo’s brain wouldn’t process the question. “Damn, I don’t know. I need help, not questions.”

  The soothing voice replied, “Ma’am, I’ll get you all the help you need, but I do need for you to just take a deep breath.”

  “Sorry,” Jo mumbled.

  “It’s okay, honey, I understand,” the calm voice of reason came back.

  Jo forced her brain to think…to remember. “She got pregnant on New Year’s Eve.”

  “Okay,” the voice paused a long moment. “Do you know when the bleeding started?”

  Jo cradled the phone against her shoulder and touched her hand to the side of Maria’s face. “Maria.” When her eyes opened slightly, she asked, “Do you know when your water broke?”

  “Right before—” She cried out in pain and nearly doubled over, holding her abdomen with both hands. Her breathing came rapidly. “Before I…I got dizzy.” She began panting. “I think…” she reached out for Jo and caught her cast. “I think…I’m in labor.” She cried out again. “No, no, no…too soon.”

  The voice in her other ear sounded more urgent. “How much blood has she lost? Can you see if the baby’s crowning?”

  “A lot.”

  Maria exhaled a cry and slumped back.

  The voice again asked, “Can you see if the baby’s crowning?”

  “No!”

  “No, you can’t see?” the voice asked anxiously. “Or no, it’s not crowning?”

  Jo closed her eyes. “No, I can’t see, so I don’t know.”

  In a soothing tone the woman said, “Listen, honey, I know this is difficult, but you need to look and see if the baby’s head is trying to come out.” Jo squeezed her already closed eyes tightly and held her breath. “Did you hear me?” the woman asked softly.

  In a weak voice, Maria asked, “Jo, what’s wrong?”

  Jo shook her head and mumbled, “This ain’t nothin’ like birthin’ a horse.” Her voice took on the lazy hillbilly twang she had been so comfortable speaking when she was around the boys back on her old Kentucky farm.

  “Jo?” Maria tugged at the casted hand resting on Jo’s thigh.

  Jo swallowed hard, slowly opening her eyes. She ba
rely heard her own words. “I need to see if the baby’s coming, but I don’t—”

  “Jo…” Jo raised her eyes to meet Maria’s. “Please…”

  Jo nodded. “I need to lay the phone down for a minute,” she said to the dispatcher.

  “That’s fine. You’re doing great.”

  Great, right. Jo took hold of Maria’s skirt hem, but only looked at it. She couldn’t do it. She shook her head and looked at Maria.

  “I can’t…I can’t…” She was so afraid if she did this their relationship would never be the same, and she wasn’t ready to have that happen. Tears formed in her eyes.

  “It’s not…like you haven’t seen…it before…and if you…haven’t you’re not…a very good lesbian…Jo Marchal.”

  Jo wasn’t sure if Maria had actually spoken those words or she imagined them. She didn’t respond.

  “Please, Jo…help me. Help us.”

  Maria’s plea reached the deepest part of Jo’s soul. She mentally slapped herself. Swiping the sweat from her face with her arm, she pushed the skirt to the top of Maria’s thighs, grumbling to hide her embarrassment. “I sure as hell didn’t sign on for nothin’ like this.” Okay, you’ve got this. Put the emotions somewhere else.

  The sight of so much blood made her queasy, but she thought about the last foal she helped deliver and pulled the blood-soaked panties aside as Maria shifted her hips. All she could see was a lot of blood. She wiped her hand on her jeans and picked up the phone.

  “There’s so much blood it’s hard to see,” she said quietly into the phone. Maria’s eyes, filled with fear, never left hers.

  “Gently, using your fingers, see if you can feel the head at the vaginal opening.”

  Jo tossed the phone down without a word to the woman and mumbled “Shit!” under her breath. Maria’s eyelids drooped over her eyes. “I have to see if I can feel the baby’s head. Okay?” Maria’s head tipped forward. Jo quickly slid her hand past the bloody panties to her opening. Relief washed over her when what she felt seemed very familiar. She pulled her hand out and the skirt back over Maria’s legs. “I’m sorry for that,” she whispered before hurriedly wiping her hand again. The sound of the approaching Gator was a second wave of relief as she picked up the phone. “I don’t feel the baby’s head.”