by Liv Brywood
When Kade stepped into Rusty’s General Mart, everyone in the variety store turned to stare. He shifted Tucker from one side to the other, freeing his dominant arm in case anyone tried to come at him. Fighting in public had become so second nature that he was always ready. He quickly scanned to make sure the guys from his latest fight weren’t inside. They weren’t.
Rusty, the store’s owner, sat at a tall desk which overlooked the store. As far as Kade knew, Rusty hadn’t missed a day of work in over thirty-five years. The old wolf shifter liked to keep an eye on things, especially when it came to his rowdier patrons. Running a store in a town full of shifters wasn’t for the faint of heart, but Rusty was quick to bare his claws when necessary.
“What brings you in today?”
“I’m looking for a car seat. For a baby. My baby.”
“Your baby?” Rusty arched a furry gray eyebrow. “I didn’t know you had a son.”
“I just found out myself.”
“Well that’s got to be one hell of a story.”
“I’m sure everyone will hear about it soon enough,” Kade said. “I’m kind of in a hurry. Do you have baby stuff?”
“Sure.” Rusty climbed down from his perch and ambled toward the middle of the store. “I’ve got everything from car seats to cribs to diapers. What do you need?”
“Um…everything? I think.”
“Let’s get you started with the basics. Grab a cart while I pick out the necessities.”
When Kade returned with a cart, Rusty hoisted a car seat into it. He added several blankets, a case of bottles, formula, diapers, a few canisters of baby powder, wipes, and half a dozen other items. Kade didn’t stop him because he had no idea what a baby needed. He didn’t have any friends with children, and his brother Peter refused to let him meet his baby niece. Peter was still pissed at him for ruining his Fourth of July party the previous year. It wasn’t his fault Peter’s friend Carter had decided to pick a fight in the middle of Peter’s backyard. Kade had replaced all of the broken lawn furniture, but Peter still wouldn’t let him come over.
“I think that’s enough to get you started,” Rusty said. “If you need anything else, you know where to come. I’ve got you covered.”
“Thanks.”
“I know it’s none of my business, but with a baby now, I hope you’re planning on keeping your knuckles to yourself.”
“You’re right, it’s none of your business.”
“I thought I heard your voice.” Tristan Hunter, Kade’s older brother strolled into the aisle. “How the hell are you?” He stopped short when he spotted the baby. “You pick up a side gig babysitting?”
“No. This is Tucker, my son.” The more he said it, the less alien it felt.
“Did you say that’s your baby?” Crystal, Tristan’s wife strolled into the aisle. She held a box of pregnancy tests in one hand and a paperback book in the other.
“Yep.”
“We’ve been trying for three months to have a baby,” she said.
“Ever since we got married,” Tristan added.
“And we’re still waiting. I didn’t even know you were with someone.”
“Are you with someone?” Tristan asked.
“No. Genevieve, Tucker’s mom, well… we weren’t exactly in a relationship.”
“But you are now?” Crystal prodded.
“No. She passed away in a car accident two days ago.”
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me any of this was happening?” Crystal turned to her husband.
“I didn’t know either.”
Kade quickly explained the situation then ended with, “…so I wasn’t trying to keep him a secret, I just didn’t know.”
“Have you told mom?” Tristan asked.
“No. She’s still not talking to me. She’s pissed about the roof.”
“I offered to go over and help, but she doesn’t want me falling off again. She said I’ve had far too many broken bones for this lifetime.” Tristan chuckled.
“I was planning on talking to her about it, I just didn’t get around to it.”
“The sooner you talk to her, the better. If she finds out she’s got another grandbaby from someone other than you, she might disown you for good,” Crystal said. “I know I would.”
“Once I get settled, I’ll go talk to her. In the meantime, could you guys keep it to yourselves for now?”
“We will,” Tristan said. “But I can’t promise that the rest of the town won’t be talking about it by sundown. We’ve got to get going but bring Tucker by whenever you want. I’d love to do a practice run with a baby before we have one ourselves. There’s only so much you can learn from a book.”
“A book?” Kade perked up. “Do they have a Dummy’s Guide to Babies or something? An owner’s manual?”
Crystal burst out laughing. She carried on until tears rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away. “I’m sorry, but I have this image of a baby in mechanic’s clothes with a wrench in his hand on the cover of The Ultimate Mechanic’s Guide to Babies.”
“Is that a real book?” Kade asked.
“She’s messing with you. There’s no such thing…at least I don’t think there is. You should get What to Expect the First Year. That’s the only baby book I can think of. It might help. Or go online. There’s got to be a million and one baby websites out there.”
“I’ve got that one,” Rusty hollered from somewhere else in the store.
“Thank God,” Kade muttered.
“You’ll be fine,” Crystal said. “People have been raising babies since the dawn of time. You’ll instinctively know what to do.”
“If I was a woman, I’d believe it. But I’m not.”
“If you get stuck, you can always call mom,” Tristan said.
“I’ll figure it out.”
After Tristan and Crystal left the store, Kade pushed the cart up to the register. The cashier tallied up the pile of items and gave him the total. He about had a heart attack on the spot. Babies were expensive! Granted, a lot of it was up front cost, but still. He wasn’t prepared for the total.
He charged it to his credit card. Later, he’d have to figure out some kind of budget. Drinking at the bar was his biggest expense, but he wasn’t allowed to step foot inside one for ninety days. That would help stop him from going completely broke. He could try to pick up more hours at the logging company… although, if he was working, where would he put the baby?
His chest tightened. There were so many questions he couldn’t answer, and he didn’t have anyone to bounce ideas off of. For all intents and purposes, he was totally alone. Maybe swallowing his pride and making peace with his mom was the best option. Maybe she could babysit Tucker while Kade was at work.
He choked down the lump in his throat. One step at a time. As long as he stayed calm, he could figure everything out.
His bear growled and clawed at his chest. The beast sensed his agitation and fed on it. He hadn’t shifted in several days—not since before the bar fight—and his bear wasn’t used to being locked up this long. If he let fear take over, he wouldn’t be able to keep the beast inside. And right now, shifting was the last thing he needed.
* * *
After battling the car seat for several minutes, Kade strapped Tucker in. He quickly secured the rest of his purchases in the truck bed before climbing into the front seat. He adjusted the rearview mirror so he could keep an eye on Tucker.
According to the instructions, the car seat needed to face the rear, so Kade could only see the occasional kick of his son’s foot. He hated not being able to watch him while he drove, but he wasn’t about to ignore the directions. He didn’t know a damn thing about keeping a baby safe, so for now, he’d have to rely on any instructions he could find.
As he pulled up to his log-cabin-style home deep within the forest, snow began to fall. A fresh dusting of powder covered the porch steps. He quickly unlocked the car seat and carried Tucker into the relative warmth of the house.
> When Kade’s breath came out in a visible puff, he knitted his brows together. It was far too cold inside for a baby. At the fireplace, he added several pine logs onto a premade pile of kindling and lit a match. Within minutes, a roaring blaze blasted heat into the living room.
He set Tucker down in front of the sofa and left him strapped in while he ran outside to unload the rest of the truck. When he returned with the last arm-full of bags, Tucker was screaming. He dropped everything and ran toward him. He rounded the couch fearing the worst.
He nearly passed out with relief when he spotted the pacifier laying on the floor just out of Tucker’s reach. He grabbed the diaper bag the social worker had given him and dug until he found a fresh pacifier. He popped it into Tucker’s mouth.
The baby immediately spit it out and unleashed an eardrum splitting scream. Kade’s bear jerked hard enough to throw him off balance. He careened into a lamp, knocking it over. The light bulb shattered against the wood floor.
Fur sprouted on his hands. In a state of complete panic, Kade summoned every ounce of strength to stop the shift. He couldn’t risk it. His bear would kill Tucker without a second thought. It hated loud noises. Hell, it hated any kind of non-natural noise. That’s why he lived so far from town, halfway up the mountain.
“No, bear!” He growled.
His bear roared in response. Several vertebrae cracked as he fought against the animalistic instinct to shift. Flesh and fur filled the space between his fingers as paws began to form. He was losing the battle, so he did the only thing he could think of that would ensure he’d stop. He pictured Eliza.
Piercing pain stabbed his heart. He dropped to all fours as the fur receded. A scream borne of pure agony tore from his lips.
The shift stopped. The cabin went silent but for the crackle of the fire. Tucker’s eyes were as wide as saucers and filled with terror.
Kade collapsed onto the rug in front of the couch and curled into a ball. He hadn’t thought about Eliza in months. She’d been his first love. At one time he’d thought she was his mate. Then she’d left him for another bear shifter who’d mauled her to death. He’d found her body. If he ever wanted to stop a shift, all he had to do was picture the carnage.
Tucker remained quiet for a full minute. When he started screaming again, Kade crawled off of the floor. He grabbed a bottle and a container of baby formula. He could hardly think over the sound of Tucker’s wailing, but somehow he managed to follow the directions and mix the formula.
He plopped the nipple into Tucker’s mouth. Immediately, he began to suck. His mouth worked furiously. While he ate, Kade searched through the bags for the baby manual. He found the section on feeding and skipped past the breastfeeding section. That sure as hell wasn’t going to happen.
As he read through the book, he came to several conclusions. One—he had no idea what he was doing. And two—he probably needed solid baby food. According to the book, he should start feeding him one to three tablespoons of solid food in addition to the formula at each feeding. He didn’t have any solid baby food.
Worried about starving his child, he grabbed his laptop and searched for recipes for baby food. He found one for rice cereal and ran to check his cupboards. A half-full bag of rice was hidden behind a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. He shoved the booze out of the way and grabbed the rice.
Following the instructions, he thoroughly cleaned his coffee grinder. He added a quarter cup of rice and ground it into a powder. He brought a cup of water to a boil in a small pot. After adding the rice, he stirred it for ten minutes. He turned off the heat and poured the mixture into a coffee mug. He grabbed his smallest spoon and headed back to Tucker.
The half-drank bottle rested on Tucker’s chest. The baby’s eyes were closed and he was breathing softly.
“Passed out from all that yummy milk, hum?”
Kade picked up the bottle and settled the blanket over his son’s chest. He set the rice mixture and bottle on an end table. He could put them away later, right now all he wanted to do was watch his baby sleep.
Even though he hadn’t been in love with Genevieve, they’d created magic together. He’d never imagined what it would be like to have a child, now he knew. There was nothing more incredible in the world. Sure, he’d probably spend the next eighteen years consumed with the fear of doing something wrong, but he looked forward to it. No one else believed in him, but he didn’t need them. He had faith in himself and his ability to raise his son.
He puffed out his chest and smiled. He inhaled deeply then gagged as a putrid scent suddenly filled the air. Foul. The scent of rotting corpses and raw sewage.
“Did you poop?” he asked, horrified.
After unwrapping the blanket, the scent of fetid death assaulted his nostrils.
“Good God, what’s in that formula?”
He scrunched up his nose. His bear gagged and buried his face deep within Kade’s chest. Terrified by what he might find, he peeled back the corner of the diaper. Brown peanut butter-like sludge oozed from the edge. He jumped back. Oh, hell no, he wasn’t going near that without gloves.
After rummaging through the junk drawer in the kitchen, he checked under the sink. He found a pair of thick plastic kitchen gloves. He pulled the yellow gloves on and trudged toward the baby.
“You got this,” he muttered. “It’s only a diaper. You’ve fought the biggest, meanest bears for a hundred miles. You can do it.”
The closer he got to the diaper, the more he cringed. He breathed through his mouth instead of his nose. It didn’t help.
“Okay Tucker. It’s you and me, buddy.”
He peeled open the diaper. It was worse than he thought. The offensive brown slime coated everything. Everything.
He grabbed the diaper bag and pulled a fresh diaper out, as well as a box of baby wipes. He tried to clean around his son’s bottom without removing the diaper completely, but it wasn’t working. The diaper had to go.
After pulling the diaper out from under Tucker’s butt, he held his legs up while he wiped… and wiped… and wiped.
Once his bottom was totally clean, Kade waited for Tucker’s skin to dry. While he waited, he studied the soiled diaper. It seemed easy enough, slap another one under his butt and use the tape pieces on the side to secure it.
He slid the new diaper on and taped the edges. Tucker gazed up at him with bright green eyes the color of spring grass. For a moment, Kade’s heart filled with more love than he’d ever experienced in his life. The bond between him and his son intensified over their shared disgust of the diaper.
“Should we burn it?” Kade asked.
Tucker responded with a grunt, followed by a chuckle.
“I’m not doing it in the fireplace. Maybe the incinerator outside.”
He didn’t want to leave his son alone, so he wrapped the diaper in a kitchen trash bag and set it just outside the front door. He could burn it tomorrow morning when it wasn’t so cold outside and he could take Tucker with him.
As the night progressed, exhaustion tugged his eyelids down. Tucker slept quietly by his side for several hours before waking up screaming. The mystery of why he cried was quickly solved with another bottle. The little guy was hungry. Maybe shifter babies ate more than regular babies? He wasn’t entirely sure. Part of him wanted to call his mom to ask, but a two a.m. phone call was out of the question. He’d have to figure everything out himself. He didn’t need any help from anyone else, he never had before, so he wasn’t about to start now.
4
A screeching, hollering sound bolted Kade upright. Adrenaline streaked through his gut as he rushed to Tucker’s side. Bright morning sunlight streamed through a window to illuminate his son’s pinched face. Bright red and furious, Tucker wailed.
“What’s wrong little buddy?”
He checked Tucker’s diaper. It was dry. He quickly fixed a bottle and tried to give it to him, but he shoved it away with his little fists.
“Shit.”
Kade ran a hand throug
h his hair as he searched for the baby book. After flipping through several pages, he found a list explaining why babies cry. He’d already checked off a dirty diaper and hunger.
“Do you want to be held? Is that it?” Kade scooped his son into his arms and rocked him back and forth. “Shh… It’s okay little guy.”
Tucker’s screams didn’t abate, instead, they intensified.
Kade checked the list. As far as he knew, Tucker had slept most of the night, so he couldn’t be tired. He was too young for teething pain, right?
He frantically flipped to the section on teething. It could start anywhere from two months to twelve months. He tried to check for signs of a tooth, but Tucker snapped at his finger when it got close to his mouth.
The doorbell rang.
“Shit. Not right now.”
He stalked to the door and swung it open. Emily stood on the porch, scowling.
“I could hear him screaming from inside the car.”
“I’m trying to figure out what’s going on,” he said.
“Is his diaper dry?”
“Yes. I just checked.”
When Emily reached for Tucker, Kade let her take him.
“When did you last feed him?”
“Sometime in the middle of the night, but that’s not the problem. I just tried to feed him again and he didn’t want it.”
Emily carried the baby inside. “It’s freezing in here.”
“The fire died. I’ll add more wood.”
“What was that smell on the porch? I don’t smell it in here.”
“A dirty diaper.”
“You keep dirty diapers on the porch?”
“Not usually.” He couldn’t keep the sarcasm from his voice. She was giving him the third degree and he hadn’t done a damn thing wrong. “I was going to burn it.”
“Burn it? Why not throw it out?”
“It’s so rank I figured it would attract predators. It smelled like a fresh kill.”
“And yet you left it on the porch?” She asked with more than a hint of sarcasm.
When the corner of her mouth turned up, Kade breathed a bit easier. At least she wasn’t overtly pissed anymore. Sure, she was mocking him, but maybe leaving the diaper on the front porch wasn’t the best idea.
