Finding Forever

by Gael, Christine

  Todd handed her the syringe, and Steph felt along Beau’s back until she reached the space below the dog’s eighth rib. Trying to steady her hands, which she noticed were shaking a little, she took a long breath and pushed the needle in on the exhale. There was resistance at first, forcing her to change the angle slightly before she heard a telltale muffled popping noise. Slowly she began to pull up on the plunger, drawing the excess air out of the dog’s chest cavity. She repeated this process once more, stopping only when she was confident she’d gotten most of it, and then took a step back to allow Todd to sanitize the site. She realized she was breathing hard, and wiped her brow with her sleeve as she watched her son finish up the procedure.

  Beau’s breathing was already starting to sound more normal, and they lingered long enough to check his blood oxygen levels and examine him for any other serious injuries. The bleeding seemed to have mostly been superficial, which meant that the task of cleaning it up would end up being more time-consuming than dressing the dog’s wounds. As they moved from cut to cut, cleansing and suturing as they went, Steph lost herself in the work, for once not thinking about anything other than the here and now. That was a lovely feeling.

  By the time they had finished, two hours had passed, and when Steph straightened up, she was struck with a wave of lightheadedness. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she steadied her breathing, noticing a persistent ache in her long muscles. Her hands were still shaking – that never happened in surgeries.

  It’s just the stress of it all, Steph told herself as she stripped off her gloves. It was an intense situation.

  But there was something more to the way she was feeling now – almost fluish, like she’d had all the energy sucked out of her.

  Lunch, she thought, leaning against the exam table. Just get some lunch and you’ll feel fine.

  Todd gently patted Beau, who was still sleeping on the exam table. “Well,” he said, turning to his mother, “what do you think?”

  Even after the years of training, he was still learning and relied on her experience when he was feeling unsure.

  Steph looked at the dog. “I think he’ll pull through just fine,” she replied. “In fact, given his usual temperament, their biggest problem is going to be keeping him still to let the wounds heal.”

  Todd let out a relieved sigh, and held out his fist. Steph chuckled and bumped it, still unable to keep her hand steady.

  Which wasn’t lost on Todd.

  “You look like you could use some food,” he told her with a concerned frown as he continued to tidy up the room.

  “I’m f--” began Stephanie, but Todd cut her off.

  “Mom, go get some lunch,” he said gently. “I’ll go let the Stover’s know what’s up. You’ve more than earned a break.”

  Stephanie gave him a weak smile, and then nodded. “All right. I think I’ll just head up to the sandwich place on the corner. I’ll be back in a bit.”

  She headed for the door, but her son’s voice stopped her. “Hey, Mom?”

  Steph turned back around. “Yes?”

  His voice was plaintive, and the unmasked concern in his eyes was enough to make her heart melt. “Are you okay?” he asked, after a moment’s hesitation. “Like, really okay?”

  “I…” She cleared her throat. “What do you mean?”

  “You just… haven’t seemed like yourself lately,” Todd replied, not meeting her gaze as he fidgeted with his stethoscope.

  Stephanie snorted. “God, why does everyone keep asking me that?” she asked, throwing her arms up.

  “Whoa,” Todd began, “I didn’t mean--”

  “It’s like everyone expects me to act like everything’s normal,” Steph said, shaking her head. “I’ve had a rough few years, and I’m only just getting my life back together. I’m not a cyborg, Todd. This stuff takes a toll.” She hadn’t meant to spill all this to her son, but now that it was out, she couldn’t take it back.

  For a moment, neither of them said anything, and Steph felt her face go warm.

  Then Todd asked quietly, “Have you talked to anyone else about this?”

  “My sisters,” Stephanie replied, at last. “But they’re just giving me the same treatment.”

  “That’s because they care about you, Mom.” Stephanie sniffed, not looking at him. Figured, he would take their side in all this. She was a little surprised when he walked over and put his arms around her, pulling her against him in a tight hug. “I love you, Mom.” He pulled away, his hands still on her shoulders as he searched her face. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?” he suggested. “I’ve got this.”

  The frustration was receding, and Stephanie let out a low sigh. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “I will. I’m sorry about being short with you. I just…” She broke off and speared a hand through her hair. “It’s just a rough time, I guess.”

  Todd nodded. “I know, Mom.” He thought for a moment and then said, “Why don’t you go do something relaxing for yourself? Get a massage or something? A little self-care would do you some good, I think.”

  Steph pressed her lips together. “I think you might be right.”

  As soon as she was outside the clinic, Steph pulled out her phone and dialed Ethan. He hadn’t grilled her about her sudden departure the other night, and she could have kissed him for that alone. Now, though, she felt like she needed him more than ever.

  Ethan answered on the second ring. “Hey, sweetheart.”

  “Hey,” she said, rubbing the back of her neck. “Listen, I know this is a little out of the blue, but… do you think you could get away from work a little early today?”

  “Sure,” Ethan replied after a short pause. “I could use a break, actually. What did you have in mind?”

  Steph thought for a moment. “How about a walk on the beach?”

  “You know, that sounds like it might be just what the doctor ordered. I’ll meet you there, okay? Say, half an hour from now?”

  “Sounds really good,” Steph replied. “Thank you, Ethan.”

  She hung up the call and found herself staring at the cell phone. Her body still felt off, somehow, and her nerves were shot. She shook herself and began to make her way down the street, digging in her purse as she went…

  17

  Max

  Max frowned as she moved to stand in front of the mirror, holding a dress up in front of her and giving herself an appraising eye. This one was crimson – not usually her color, but it made a statement. In her other hand was a second option, this one baby blue, which she thought worked well with her complexion… although maybe a dress wasn’t the way to go, after all.

  How casual should she go here? She glanced doubtfully back toward her bed, where about a million different already-nixed outfit options in just as many colors were laid out.

  “Damn,” she muttered, shaking her head and turning away from the mirror. Okay. She was going to pick one at random. Closing her eyes, Max extended her hand and felt along the bed, grabbing the first option she touched, which turned out to be a print blouse and leggings.

  Not bad.

  She shrugged out of her t-shirt and began to change, casting a glance at the clock above her bed. Ian would be here before too long.

  It had been more than a week since he had taken her to the festival and kissed her afterward. Sometimes she still found herself reeling when she thought about it, the conflicting emotions all falling on her at once. This wasn’t a situation Max had ever expected to end up in, but one thing was certain and undeniable: she felt something for Ian Thackery. It was tentative and cautious, like a delicate flower that had only just sprouted, but it was there nonetheless, and she wanted to see where it went. She was past getting hung up on the way their relationship had started out; she was going to give this a chance, no matter how ill-advised that course of action might be.

  They had seen each other twice, for a late dinner date and for a meet up at a coffee shop where they looked over the listings for some potential prop
erties for her and for Mr. Bonomo. In between those dates, they’d been chatting both on the phone and via text daily. She found herself checking her phone way too often, a little thrill rushing through her with every new message.

  Ian had been busy lately – between working on building the escape rooms and some of his other business ventures, he’d been swamped, but he’d still made time to see and talk to her. She’d been busy herself, checking out the places Ian had scouted for her, while also getting the bookstore inventory pared down in preparation for the move.

  Now, she and Ian had both managed to block off the whole evening to spend together, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous.

  Oh, for god’s sake, she thought as she fluffed her hair in front of the mirror and smoothed the hem of the blouse. Stop worrying so much. He’s seen you in half a dress already, you know.

  True, but that had been before… all these new and terrifying feelings.

  Resolving to finish up and head downstairs, Max took a moment to put on a coating of red lip gloss and a spritz of perfume before putting her clothes away and walking out of her bedroom. As she was making her way down the hallway, she felt her cell phone vibrating, and glanced down at it to see that her mother was calling. Pausing at the top of the stairs, she answered it.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hey, Max,” Cee-cee said, sounding preoccupied. “Is this a bad time?”

  “Uh…” She bit her lip. “No, not really. What’s up?”

  “Can you come downstairs?” Cee-cee asked. “Anna and I are outside.”

  Max frowned. “What? Why?”

  “We were just wondering if we could talk something over with you.”

  There was an edge to her mother’s voice that gave Max pause, and she hesitated for just a moment before replying,

  “Sure. I’ll be right there.”

  All she could do was hope that she could get them in and out quickly. She bounded down the stairs and pulled open the front door. It was clear that things were tense between the siblings, and although Max couldn’t be sure what had happened, the least she could do was be there for them if they needed someone to talk to.

  As promised, Anna and Cee-cee were standing on the doorstep and Max grinned.

  “What if I hadn’t been home?” she asked, standing aside so they could come in.

  “Where else would you be?” Anna asked, turning to Cee-cee. “You’re here or at the bookstore pretty much all the time…” Her eyes swept up Max’s figure as she trailed off, eyes narrowing. “You look nice.”

  “Well, I couldn’t just keep moping around the house in pajamas forever,” Max shot back lightly, turning and leading them up the stairs and into her apartment. She had started getting ready for her date far too early anyway, and this might be a good way to calm her nerves before Ian arrived.

  “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Cee-cee remarked as they headed into her bedroom.

  Max ignored the pile of clothes and flopped down on her bed, grinning as her mom and aunt plopped down easily beside her. Aunt Anna let out a groan as she kicked shoes off and tucked her legs up underneath her, while Cee-cee grabbed a pillow and put it in her lap, reminding Max of a middle-schooler at a slumber party.

  “I really am,” she told them honestly. “I still don’t know exactly what I’m going to do about the shop, but...” She shrugged. “I’m working on it. I guess I’m just taking it one day at a time. But you didn’t come here to talk about me. What’s going on with you two?” She looked from her aunt to her mom. “You guys look worried.”

  Anna and Cee-cee exchanged a look, and Cee-cee sighed. “We think Aunt Steph is in trouble, Max.”

  Max frowned, her mind racing. “What kind of trouble?”

  Aunt Stephanie had already been through so much. What now?

  Anna cleared her throat and replied, “There’s no easy way to say this…We think she has a prescription drug problem. Her doctor gave her some meds after the whole thing with Bryan, but we think she’s slid into some level of dependence on them.”

  Max drew back, stunned. “Wow, that’s awful. But I guess it shouldn’t be all that shocking. I mean, she’s had a very tough run of it. I can’t imagine going through what she has and trying to figure out how to get back to normal.”

  “It’s been hell,” Cee-cee agreed, “and I don’t blame her. But it’s getting to a scary tipping point very quickly.” She took a breath and then said, “We’re thinking of having an intervention. The only problem is that we don’t want her to shut us out. Not now, when she needs us more than ever.”

  “She’s so bright and even-tempered,” Max said, frowning. “The most level-headed of us all. Surely she will hear what you’re saying and understand.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure. Addiction changes people.” Anna ran a hand through her hair. “We tentatively raised the subject with her last week – it was casual, just sort of testing the waters to see if she was ready to talk. But she got so pissed off – she told us we didn’t understand what she was going through, that we weren’t her doctors, yadda yadda yadda…” Anna shrugged. “Anyway, she ended up storming out, and that was the last time she’s really talked to either one of us, besides a terse text here or there or a cool ‘hello’ when we go see Pop. We’re not getting through.”

  “We think we’re too close to this and wanted to get your take,” Cee-cee interjected. “Do you think we should talk to the kids? Let them know about our concerns? Or should we just pull her aside again like we did the other day and try again, just the three of us?”

  Max thought for a moment, a little thrown by the gravity of the situation. It was true that Aunt Steph had seemed off for a while now, although Max had always sort of dismissed it – she’d been so busy herself, and considering what Steph had been through, it seemed normal to need some time to recover. But now that she considered it and thought back to the day they’d all been at the restaurant, she felt a bubble of concern welling up inside her. Aunt Stephanie really did seem off. Almost haunted.

  “Well,” she said at last, choosing her words carefully, “I think maybe your best bet would be to give it one more shot before you involve the rest of the family.”

  Anna raised her eyebrows. “You think so?”

  Max nodded. “It’s definitely a worrying situation, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to wait until things potentially get worse. That said, though, it would probably be worth bringing it up with her once more before you do anything drastic. Sometimes having a bunch of people around makes people instantly defensive. Especially when it’s a topic that many people feel shame over.”

  “Mm.” Cee-cee pursed her lips. “That’s true.”

  “I know if it were me,” Max continued, “I would want Gabe to come to me first, before he started to involve other people. The knee-jerk reaction might be to shut you guys out altogether, just like you feared, if you do that. An intervention seems like a potential last resort, but you might try the more gentle approach one more time.”

  Anna nodded thoughtfully. “You know, I think you have the right idea, Max.” She turned to Cee-cee. “Thoughts, Sis?”

  Cee-cee sighed. “If you think this is what we should do, then I won’t say no, but I… I don’t know. This whole thing is making me nervous.” She fidgeted with the pillow in her lap. “What if it’s turning into a full-on physical addiction and we’re sitting on a ticking time bomb and don’t even know it? Waiting could be catastrophic. I think--” Cee-cee began, but was interrupted by the chiming of her cell phone. She looked down at it and her eyes widened. “Well, speak of the devil.”

  “What is it?” asked Anna.

  “It’s a text from Steph,” Cee-cee replied. “An invite to her house on Sunday for a picnic.”

  “Seriously?” said Max, raising her eyebrows.

  Cee-cee nodded. “The weather’s supposed to be good. She’s saying to bring Beckett, Mick, you guys...” She looked up at the others. “This could be a good sign. Maybe she real
izes our fears are founded and wants to extend the olive branch.”

  “If this is an olive branch, then we definitely can’t bring this up at the party,” Anna said. “She’ll use that branch to skewer us with. That said, we can see how she is when we’re there. If things still seem off with her, maybe we can wait until everyone leaves and talk to her while we’re cleaning up?”

  The three sisters always tended to hang back after everyone left family parties. They insisted it was so they could clean up together, but Max had been there a couple times and it was more of a bonding thing. They’d talk about the food they’d made and what people seemed to enjoy most, and roll their eyes and laugh about what outlandish, sexist thing Pop had said as they shared a bottle of wine and unwound.

  “That sounds like the right time to me, too,” Max agreed. “Tell Aunt Steph I’m happy to come, as well, and I’ll text her to see what dish she wants me to make.”

  “Okay,” Cee-cee said, nodding and sitting up straighter. “All right. That sounds like a plan.” She got to her feet, Anna following suit, and Max thought she might be off the hook. But then, her mother’s gaze locked on her lips and she raised her eyebrows, as if seeing her daughter for the first time.

  “Wait a minute,” she said, crossing her arms. “You’re wearing red lip gloss.”

  “Yeah,” Max said, flushing a little, “so?”

  “So you never wear red lip gloss, unless…are you going on a date?”

  Max sighed with a wince. There was no more hiding it, it seems. “Okay, fine, you got me,” she said. “Yes, I have a date.”

  Might as well just get it over with.

  “I have plans with Ian.”

  Anna and Cee-cee gaped at her.

  “Ian Thackery?” asked Anna. “Ian, who is going to toss you and all your tenant neighbors onto the street? Wow, Max. Talk about sleeping with the enemy! That was a quick about-face.”

  “Okay, okay,” Max said, laughing, “so maybe he’s not the enemy anymore. But don’t start planning the wedding yet, all right? We’ve only been out a handful of times.” There was a pause, and then she added, “He’s… different than I thought he was.”