The Restarting Point

by Marci Bolden

  “Okay,” he said. “I’ll be out of the house by then.”

  She didn’t reply. Once again, she didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She had done all the pleading for a second chance she was going to do. There was no fight to be had. Besides, she was so very tired of fighting. She’d been fighting for too long. This was supposed to be her chance to start over. She couldn’t force him to be a part of that if he didn’t want to be.

  “We’ll talk next week so we can figure out when to tell the boys,” he said.

  Again, she had nothing to add.

  “Bye, Jade.” He hung up, and as much as she wanted to throw her phone into the damn lake, she simply dropped it into her lap with her sunglasses and covered her face.

  Within moments, Darby and Taylor appeared at her side. She appreciated them hovering and making sure she was okay. Darby dropped down beside Jade’s chair and pulled her into a hug.

  “How the hell did this happen?” Jade asked, knowing they couldn’t answer. “What did I do?”

  “This isn’t about you,” Taylor said.

  “He doesn’t love me enough to try to save our marriage,” Jade said. “It is about me. But I…I deserved a chance. Didn’t I?”

  “Of course you did,” Darby said.

  “And that’s why I’m saying it isn’t about you,” Taylor insisted. “If he cared, not just about you but how it would impact your kids, he would have given you a chance before involving someone else.”

  “I’m not a bad person,” Jade whispered. “I was career driven, but I did that to take care of them. I was the breadwinner. I had to work. I’m not a bad person.”

  Darby grabbed her hand. “No. You’re not. Not at all. You’re so sweet.” She wiped Jade’s tears with a bright blue handkerchief that had been tied around her wrist like a bracelet. “Honey, he’d been screwing around behind your back and then asked you for a divorce, like, five minutes after you went into remission. I don’t think this is your fault.”

  “Maybe it is,” Jade whispered.

  Taylor crossed her arms and shook her head. “No. It’s not, Jade. This was his choice. He’s the liar. Don’t let him twist it around on you.”

  The anger in Taylor’s voice took Jade by surprise. She sniffled and looked at Darby, who seemed to be just as shocked.

  “Okay.” Darby sat back and smiled at her. “I have a brilliant idea.”

  “Oh, shit,” Taylor muttered. “We’re in trouble now.”

  “Hey,” Darby chastised. “You don’t know me well enough to make that kind of assumption about my ideas.”

  Despite the misery in her heart, Jade chuckled. She squeezed Darby’s hand tight. She didn’t care what Darby’s idea was—how terrible and possibly illegal it might be. Jade thought she’d probably agree simply because she so appreciated that these two were able to help her smile. Her world was crashing down around her yet again. She’d gladly accept whatever light Darby and Taylor could bring to her.

  “I was going to say, before I was so harshly judged,” Darby said, “that we should go hit up Harper’s Ice Cream. Please tell me you eat ice cream.”

  Jade forced herself to swallow and sat a bit taller in an attempt to appear stronger than she felt. “I do today.”

  Dusk on Chammont Lake was beautiful. Jade paddled her kayak out of the cove far enough to see the sun starting to set but stayed far from where the heavier traffic on the lake tended to be. She needed the quiet of being on the water. She needed the peace of not having Taylor and Darby hovering over her. Though she appreciated their help and their concern, they hadn’t stopped worrying about her long enough for her to fully comprehend the sudden and unexpected change her life had taken.

  The last year had changed her. Nick had accused her of becoming hard. She had. She couldn’t deny that, but she’d done what she thought she had to in order to succeed. Becoming a top executive hadn’t always been on her career bucket list, but the closer she got to that particular feather in her hat, the higher she’d climbed, and the higher she’d climbed, the more focused she’d had to become. Putting her family second had never been her intention, and it had taken a terrifying diagnosis to show her she’d been wrong. So incredibly wrong.

  But she’d learned her lesson, recognized her mistake, and she’d apologized. Nick had accepted her apology. Jade had thought they’d moved beyond that and had returned to the close and happy couple they had been years and years ago. Once again, she’d been wrong. Nick had been faking. For far too long apparently.

  Her chest grew heavy as her tired eyes filled with tears. The world again felt as if it had been thrown off its axis. Nothing made sense. Everything was a blur.

  Looking up at the vibrant streaks of oranges, pinks, and purples painting the sky, Jade let out a sob. She’d been holding them in all day while Taylor and Darby had kept her occupied. After they’d left the ice cream shop, they’d walked around until Jade insisted she couldn’t spend another moment on the crutches. Once they returned to the cabin, Darby had put a few chairs in the yard and they’d watched Taylor start assembling the new banister. No matter how much Darby rambled and Taylor explained what she was doing, Jade’s mind kept wandering back to the call with Nick.

  Finally, she told them she had to take a break. As she headed out to the lake, Darby said she would pick up whatever was needed for dinner—something green and leafy that went well with cranberry juice and grilled chicken—while Jade was out. When she returned, there would be food waiting for her. Taylor put her phone number into Jade’s phone and insisted she call, even from the middle of the lake, if she couldn’t make it back to shore.

  Jade was lucky to have found such good people in Chammont Point. If it weren’t for Darby and Taylor, Jade honestly didn’t know who she’d turn to right now. Most of her friends, and she used that term loosely, had distanced themselves when her cancer had taken a turn for the worse. Being a cheerleader and support group sounded great until the diagnosis changed, and they suddenly feared they’d be planning a funeral and consoling a widower. They’d scattered like roaches in a spotlight once that news had started to spread. There was a saying about knowing who one’s real friends are when the chips were down. Jade had found she didn’t have any. She couldn’t blame them for that. As Nick had so lovingly pointed out, she’d spent her time focused on her career. In turn, she’d attracted people who were also focused on their careers. Once Jade no longer served their purpose, they’d slowly disappeared until she had none of her so-called friends left.

  Now she didn’t even have her husband.

  There was no doubt in her mind that once she returned to work full-time the following week and her cancer started to become a memory, those who had jumped ship would come swimming back. They’d be quietly expecting her to repay them for occasionally bringing flowers and carry-out dinners with a boost to their careers. Maybe she’d be more inclined to do so if they hadn’t always looked like they were crawling out of their skin just being in her presence. Like her cancer might be contagious. However, all of those fake friends would once again slink away when word about her marriage started to get around.

  So, here she was, relying on strangers for the kindness she should be getting from friends.

  Jade’s tears turned into borderline maniacal laughter as she realized she was getting exactly what she deserved. Oh, sweet Karma. She’d chosen a shallow life, and she had that in abundance now. Her life had gone from one mess to another, and her career might never recover. The thing was, she didn’t care as much as she used to. She really had changed. She really had realized Nick and their boys were more important.

  She pressed her hands to her face, roughly wiped her cheeks, and chastised herself. This was the price she had to pay for putting career goals over people. This was the consequence, the inevitable outcome. Crying wouldn’t change it.

  “Get yourself together, Jade,” she muttered. “Make a plan. You know how to do that.”

  She needed a list of tasks to go through to get fr
om point A to point B. Right now, those two points were the difference between being married and divorced. After that, she’d think about the rest of the points in the alphabet.

  Instead of complaining, she needed to remind herself how thankful she was to have this problem. She slid her hand under the neckline of her top and ran her fingertips across the raised bumps of scar tissue—the constant reminder of what she’d survived. She was fortunate enough to have had a medical center and a surgeon who could perform a laparoscopic colectomy. Rather than one long scar along the length of her abdomen, she had several smaller scars in various areas where cameras and tools had been inserted to remove the tissue that was trying to kill her.

  Then she rubbed the scar just below her shoulder where the port had been placed for chemotherapy. She didn’t want to think that her scars had anything to do with Nick’s change of heart, but a nagging in the back of her mind was starting to take hold. Her scars wouldn’t let her forget cold hospital rooms, doctor visits, long talks about what-ifs, and so many humiliating instances where she couldn’t control her body.

  For someone who claimed to not love her anymore, he certainly had been a trooper through some very ugly times. She’d give him credit for that.

  And that was all the credit he was going to get.

  Jade dropped her hand when she realized her thoughts were making her angry again. There was no way she could avoid that, considering they were about to engage in divorce proceedings, but she couldn’t let that kind of negativity settle over her. Darkness had consumed too much of her life.

  She needed light now. She needed peace. She needed her life to be calm, like the lake where she now found herself floating aimlessly in a kayak. Looking out at the water, she suddenly had the urge to dive in, to be surrounded by the calm that she’d been admiring.

  Though she was wearing a T-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts, Jade only debated for a few seconds before sliding the paddle under the bungee cord along the side of the kayak. The boat wobbled and tilted, but she was able to turn and dangle her feet into the water. That was enough to convince her to take a quick swim.

  Her exit from the kayak was far from graceful, splashing rather than slipping into the water as she’d envisioned. Jade held onto the kayak for a few moments before taking a breath and going under. When she broke the surface, she wiped the water from her eyes and floated on her back. Looking up at the sky, she let the colors fill her mind and push away the depressing and ugly thoughts that had been ricocheting around her brain.

  The warm water enveloped her in a welcoming hug, letting her float lightly on the surface. The colors above her were a strange but beautiful blend of pastels and darker hues. She was trying to identify the shade of orange—somewhere between tangerine and pumpkin—when she heard a splash. Before she could right herself to find the source, a face broke through the water’s surface right next to hers.

  She squealed out with surprise as Liam, the flirty kayak instructor, looked at her with terror-filled eyes. He held her gaze for a few rapid heartbeats before shaking his head, sending droplets of water flying from his shaggy hair.

  After dragging a hand over his face and exhaling again, he narrowed his eyes at her. “What the hell, lady?”

  “You scared the crap out of me,” she snapped back.

  “Who gets off their kayak, fully clothed, to float in the lake?” He shoved his fingers through his wet hair to stop the strands from falling into his eyes. “Christ. I thought you were dead.”

  Holding on to her kayak so she could float more easily, Jade bit back her sarcastic response. He’d jumped into the water to save her, though she didn’t need saving. She probably shouldn’t be too angry at him, even if her heart was pounding like it could burst out of her chest.

  “I’m sorry I scared you,” she offered though part of her didn’t think she owed him an apology. He could have simply called out to her.

  He scowled. “Where the hell is that life vest I told you to wear?”

  Lifting her brows, she pressed her teeth together, but nope, she couldn’t hold back any longer. “I know how to swim.”

  “I don’t care. I rented this to you under the condition that you wear a life vest. Get back in your kayak before you do drown.”

  Jade stared at him. Part of her was feeling defiant, but the other part was feeling foolish. She hadn’t actually considered how she’d get back into the kayak without the support of the lake bottom beneath her feet. Damn it. Why did she have to realize that in front of this jerk?

  He floated beside her and gripped her kayak. “Use your dominant hand to reach across and grab that handle,” he told her. Once she did, he tapped the handle closer to her. “Use your other hand to grab that and then pull yourself up until your stomach is over the seat.”

  Jade gripped the second handle but was certain she wouldn’t have the strength to do what he was saying. Though she was in remission, her body was still recovering, and her muscle tone was not what it had been when she was going to the gym four days a week. The last year had taken a toll on more than her marriage. Her body was significantly weaker. Pulling herself out of the water and halfway over the kayak was unlikely. Even so, Jade held fast onto the handles as she tried to lurch out of the water.

  “Kick your legs to give yourself some leverage,” Liam advised.

  She did, but her next attempt failed as well. Liam moved to her side and rested his arm over her kayak in the most annoyingly casual way.

  Then that shitty smirk curved his lips. “I’ll help once you admit you can’t do it alone.”

  Jade frowned before trying again. And again. And again, until her muscles were trembling and she was out of breath.

  Finally, as she pulled herself up, Liam put his hands on her thighs and gave her a boost.

  “Hey,” she panted as she managed to lie flat across the kayak like he’d told her. She glanced back. “Watch the hands.”

  He released his hold and held his hands up as if to show his innocence. His smile gave him away. “Can you flip over and get your butt in the seat? Slow and steady,” he warned.

  She did as he told her, slowly rolling over and easing into the seat.

  “Now turn and put your feet in the braces.”

  She did so and looked at him. “I could have made it on my own.”

  Resting his hands on her kayak, he chuckled. “I’m sure you could have, but I felt guilty just sitting back watching. Kind of like watching a wounded animal instead of putting it out of its misery.”

  Jade glared at him but couldn’t think of a good retort. No doubt she had looked like a flailing fish out of water with no way to save herself.

  “Maybe from now on, you could make better decisions,” he said reminding Jade far too much of Taylor’s warning the previous day. “I’m not always going to be around. Unless you want me to be,” Liam added with a wink.

  “Does this act really work for you?” Jade asked with an angry edge to her words.

  “What act?”

  “The Summer Fling Seduction thing you have going on.”

  He shrugged as he smiled at her. “Some days are better than others.”

  “Well, let me save you some trouble. I’m…” She let her words drift off when she caught herself about to tell him she was happily married. Her chest seized and her lips trembled for the briefest of moments before she pressed them together to control them. “I’m not interested,” she said, but the words were breathy and unconvincing. She tugged her paddle free. “There are better ways to get business than messing with women’s minds, Liam. Find one.”

  “Hey,” he said, holding on to her kayak so her attempt to paddle away from him was futile. He hung on like a stowaway. “I didn’t mean to offend you. Most women appreciate a smile or two.”

  “Smiles are fine. It’s the flirting you need to learn to control.”

  “Okay,” he said and bowed his head. “I apologize.”

  Feeling guilty was stupid. He’d earned her assessment of him, but she
still let his subdued mood affect her. “Apology accepted.”

  Crossing his arms on her kayak, he continued to linger. “Can I ask something?”

  “Could I stop you?”

  He nodded toward her hands. “Where’s your wedding ring?”

  She looked away. “Really? Didn’t we just talk about your flirting?”

  “I’m not flirting. I’m observing. You didn’t say ‘I’m married’ when you poured cold water on my sparkling personality—”

  “Is that what you call it?” Jade asked. “Because I could come up with a few other ways to describe it.”

  “So I took a peek,” he continued as if she hadn’t spoken, “and the ring you were wearing the other day is no longer there.”

  She lowered her face, looked at her bare hand, and shrugged. “My husband has since informed me that he’d like a divorce.” She scoffed when she heard how clinical her words sounded. “He’s leaving me.”

  “I’m sorry. Truly.” Liam sounded sincere.

  “Yeah.” Taking a deep breath, she looked out at the lake as she let some of her anger at Liam go. “Well, I’m sorry I scared you. I got it in my head being in the water would somehow calm my mind. It made more sense before you thought I was in mortal danger.”

  “The water is calming. But maybe next time, you shouldn’t be fully clothed and just floating there.”

  “Point taken,” she said.

  Awkward silence lingered before Liam said, “He’s a fool.”

  Tears stung her eyes, and she shook her head. “No. That’s me. Thanks for your help. Have a good night, Liam.”

  “Night, Jade,” he said.

  This time when she started to paddle away, he let go. She made it back to the cabin without further incident and was able to limp onto the shore and pull the kayak in on her own. Every day she was making progress, little by little. At least as far as her ankle was concerned. Her mind and heart were still absolute messes. She simply couldn’t make sense of her new reality, no matter how much she tried.

  “Jade,” Darby called as she rushed from the table she was setting toward the sliver of beach. “What happened? Why are you all wet?”