The Restarting Point

by Marci Bolden

Jade tried to smile as she wiped her cheeks. “Hey, Xander.”

  He leaned on the chair Nick had vacated. “Did Dad leave?”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  “You okay?”

  She and Nick had decided a year ago that their kids were old enough to hear the truth, no matter how harsh, so she shook her head. “Not really.”

  “You honestly didn’t know?” Xander asked.

  “Not until he told me.”

  He sat across from her and fiddled with the pepper shaker. “While you were on vacation?”

  “He didn’t go. He, um, he used that time to move out.”

  “He sucks,” Xander whispered.

  Jade pressed her lips together. “I’m mad. Really mad. And I’m hurt, and when I found out, I said some really mean things to him. But the truth is, I don’t want him to stay if he doesn’t want to be here, Xander.”

  “You guys are just giving up?”

  “Honey, I don’t think we could recover even if he decided he wanted to stay. I’d always be worried he had one foot out the door. I’d always be doubting him. That wouldn’t be a good marriage for either of us. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you guys had to come home to this.”

  “I’m sorry we didn’t go to the lake with you. We should have been there to help you through this.”

  “I appreciate that, Xander, but that’s not your job. You don’t have to take care of me. How’s Owen?”

  “He’s on the phone with his girlfriend.”

  “Wait,” Jade said. “Since when does he have a girlfriend? I thought he was all about the video game club he was into.”

  Xander shrugged. “I think she’s in the club. She’s pretty cool from what he said, but I don’t know her.”

  For the first time since they came home, a genuine smile tugged at her lips. “I’m glad you guys are close. That’s nice.”

  “We’re home all weekend,” Xander said. “Maybe we can go to the lake tomorrow since we didn’t go with you before.”

  Jade’s smile widened. “That would be great. We would have a lot of fun. I learned how to paddleboard when I was there.”

  “Really? That’s cool.”

  “It was. You want to learn?”

  He nodded and smiled too. “Yeah. That’d be all right.”

  She pushed herself up, grabbed his hand, and pulled him with her. “Come on. Let’s go tell Owen.”

  “Mom,” Xander said, pulling her to a stop. He searched her eyes for a few seconds. Then he stepped closer and gave her a big hug.

  Jade sighed as she hugged him back. She hadn’t realized how much she’d needed that kind of affection until he’d wrapped her up. She leaned back and tried to fight her tears, but they fell anyway. She ignored them and put her hand to his face. “We’re going to be okay,” she whispered. “I promise. We’ll be okay.”

  Xander nodded. “I know.”

  Jade parked in front of Tranquility Cabin, and an unexpected sense of relief filled her. She was back here in this peaceful place where she knew she’d find support if she needed it. That felt nice.

  Xander stared out for several seconds before pulling his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose and looking at her wide-eyed. “This is where we’re staying?”

  Jade chuckled. “Yup.”

  “What a shit shack,” Xander said.

  “I know, but I grew fond of it while I was here. I like the owner. Besides, we’re just crashing here for one night. We’ll be headed home in the morning.”

  “If you say so,” Owen chimed in from the back seat. He climbed out with his backpack in hand.

  Jade and Xander grabbed their bags and headed for the cabin. As Jade got the key from under the mat, Xander looked out at the cove.

  “Can we swim here?” he asked.

  “Oh, yeah,” Jade said, recalling how Liam had caught her floating under the moonlight. “It’s great. The water’s a bit warmer here in the cove than out on the bigger beaches. Makes it nice. It’s quieter here too.”

  “Sounds good,” Owen said.

  As soon as they stepped inside with their bags, Xander let out a low whistle. “Mom? What the hell is this place?”

  Jade looked around, remembering all too well how she’d initially had that reaction. “It’s a work in progress.”

  “I can’t believe we’re staying here,” Owen said. “Especially after you fell through the banister.”

  She creased her brow in question. “How did you know about that?”

  “Dad told us,” Owen said. “He was worried.”

  Jade had to remind herself of her determination to be a bigger person than she used to be. The snide comment about how surprised she was that Nick had cared tickled her tongue, but she swallowed it. She wasn’t going to get bitter. She could be angry and sad, but she refused to let him make her bitter. “That was…nice of him,” she managed to force herself to say.

  Her boys both shifted—a nervous trait they’d inherited from their father. She looked from one guilt-ridden face to the other. Years of experience with these two let her know they were hiding something they hadn’t yet agreed if they should confess. She’d seen the tell-tale uneasy movements and diverting of eyes plenty of times over the years. A broken lamp when they were in elementary, a fender bender during Xander’s senior year of high school, and now whatever they were still undecided about when or how to share.

  “You might as well spit it out,” she said. “No need to look so nauseated all day.” She focused from Xander to Owen—the one who always cracked first. “Get it over with. What do you need to tell me?”

  “I think we knew,” Xander said, sounding ashamed. “That Dad was…gonna leave. I think…We never knew, but I think we might have suspected. Mom, we think he’s… We think he’s been cheating on you. We think it’s been going on for a while.”

  Jade’s heart ached for her children and burned with anger at her husband. He had no idea about the hell he’d been putting his own children through.

  Owen nodded. “After you guys told us you were getting divorced, we talked and…”

  “It made sense,” Xander added. “Dad was always so hard to get ahold of, and when we were home, he’d disappear for hours at a time and…”

  “Guys,” she said softly, “he has been. He confessed.”

  Her words lingered in the air like humidity on a hot summer day. She wished she had some words of wisdom to make it easier for them to digest, but she hadn’t quite figured that part out herself. “He, um, he wants to be with her now and… That’s what he’s doing.”

  “What a dick,” Xander muttered.

  Owen sighed and looked at his hands. “We’re sorry, Mom. We should have figured it out and talked him out of it.”

  “Hey,” Jade said with a firm tone. “You’re not responsible for Dad’s choices. Neither of you. He wasn’t happy. That wasn’t your fault. He left me. Okay? He cheated on me. This is between me and Dad. We’re going to do everything we can to keep it that way. Neither one of us wants this to hurt you.”

  “We’re not kids anymore,” Xander said.

  “No, you’re not. You’re old enough to know that sometimes people just grow apart.”

  “And that’s what happened to you and Dad?” Xander asked. “You just grew apart, so Dad started screwing around?”

  Jade frowned at the anger coming from her son. She couldn’t blame him. She was angry too, and as much as she’d love to rage against Nick and his shitty approach to their problems, she wouldn’t do that to her kids. “I wish…” she started but then stopped to give herself a second to put her thoughts together. “I wish he’d told me that he was unhappy. I wish he’d tried harder. But sometimes, guys, there’s just too much time and space. Sometimes people don’t even know how far apart they are until it’s too late.”

  “Aren’t you mad?” Xander asked.

  She nodded as she said, “I’m furious, and I’m hurt. But what am I going to do, Xander? Stomp my feet and scream about how unfair this is? That won’t c
hange anything. All I can do is pick myself up and move on.”

  Owen sniffed and dragged his palm under his nose. “At least he didn’t ditch you when you were sick.”

  “When he told me he wanted a divorce, I was so mad,” she confessed. “But then he told me he’d wanted one because… He says he loves her.” She had to swallow the lump rising in her chest. “He stayed with me when I was sick even though he wanted to be with her. I still have a hard time with that, but at least he didn’t… I don’t know if I would have had the strength to get through treatment if he’d left me alone,” she admitted. “He could have walked away, and he didn’t. He stayed and he helped me.”

  “He was still lying,” Xander said.

  Jade heaved a heavy breath. “Look, the thing you both need to know, not just about Dad but about everyone, is that you can’t control what they do. You can’t control the choices they make or the way they behave or how they treat you. You can only control yourself, how you behave, and how you react. Some of the things your dad said when he told me he was leaving were hurtful but true. I spent a lot of my life focused on the wrong things. I got so caught up providing for us that I forgot you guys needed more than just things. You needed your mom to be around. I wasn’t there as much as I should have been for any of you. I want you to know that I’m really sorry about that. If I could change it I would, but I can’t. All I can do is try to be better now.”

  Both of her sons were quiet for a few moments before Xander spoke up.

  “Somebody had to pay the bills, Mom,” he said. “Dad sure as hell couldn’t.”

  Owen nodded. “We might have been kids, but we knew you worked so much because Dad couldn’t get projects for his stupid company.”

  “Dad worked,” Jade said. She didn’t feel the need to protect Nick as much as protect her kids from forming some harsh image of the man who had been an amazing father to them. They might be angry now, but she wouldn’t stoke the fires of bitterness. “He worked hard trying to build up his business. He took really good care of you guys.”

  “You don’t have to defend him,” Owen said.

  “No, I don’t,” she agreed, putting her hand on his shoulder. “But I wasn’t everything I could have been, either. We both made mistakes,” she said. “I really do wish he’d given me a chance to change, but he didn’t. So, my chance with him is gone, but I can still be a better mom. You might be in college now, but it’s not too late for us to be closer.”

  “You’ve always been a good mom,” Xander said, and Owen nodded his agreement. “But it would be pretty cool if you took us paddleboarding.”

  “Yeah,” Owen agreed, grinning widely. He laughed, and just like that, his anxious fidgeting eased.

  Jade let her lips curve into a smile. “I can do that. Put your things away while I call and make sure the rental place has enough boards.”

  “Where’s the second bedroom?” Xander asked.

  Jade pointed toward the loft. “I haven’t been up there, so I have no idea what you’ll find. But I was told there are two twin beds and a nightstand.”

  Xander hefted his small duffel bag over his shoulder and started up the ladder, making it only about halfway before a board snapped. He let out a startled yelp as he jumped down.

  “Oh my God,” Jade gasped and rushed across the small room toward him while he examined his palms. “Are you okay?”

  He laughed and shook his hands out. “This place is a dump, Mom.”

  “Yeah,” she conceded. “It is. You guys just crash down here, okay? I’ll have the owner bring over some blankets.” She directed one to the bathroom and the other to the only real bedroom so they could change into swimsuits.

  As soon as they disappeared behind closed doors, she called Darby.

  “Are you here?” Darby squealed.

  “I am, and as I told you on the phone, my boys are with me. They just tried to get to the loft.”

  “Oh God, what?” she moaned.

  “The ladder broke. They’re fine,” she said, “but I’m not risking them climbing to the loft.”

  Darby let out a big sigh. “Can’t they just scale the wall?”

  “We’re getting ready to go out on the lake,” Jade said. “Would you please bring over some spare blankets so they can sleep downstairs?”

  “I hope they like pink sequins.”

  Jade chuckled and shook her head, not at all surprised that Darby’s outlandish style would extend to her bed coverings. “They’ll survive one night.”

  “Did you tell them?” Darby asked.

  “Yeah. We told them last night.”

  “How are they doing?” she asked gently.

  “Okay. They’re actually doing okay.”

  “Good. I’ll look for some blankets.”

  “Thank you.” She ended the call and found the number to Lakefront Rentals. “Hey, Parker,” she said when Liam’s young employee answered, “it’s Jade Kelly. How are you feeling?”

  “If I don’t have this kid soon,” Parker said, sounding exhausted, “I’m going to need a wheelbarrow to get around.”

  “I remember that feeling,” Jade said. “The baby will be here before you know it. Do you have three paddleboards I can rent today?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’ll have Liam get them ready since I’m not allowed to lift anything heavier than the telephone these days.”

  “Please don’t tell Liam I said this,” Jade said, “but it’s nice that he’s looking out for you.”

  “I guess.”

  Jade thanked her as Owen walked out of the bedroom. She told him to give her a minute while she disappeared to put on her suit and wrap.

  By the time they got to Liam’s shop less than half an hour later, he had three paddleboards set out for instruction. That was definitely something—one of the few things—Jade appreciated about him. Though he did tend to annoy her more often than not, she noticed that he always seemed to take a few extra steps when teaching people how to use the equipment he rented.

  She stood back, watching as Liam instructed Xander and Owen on how to paddleboard. Then Liam used her board to show the boys how to pick the board up and carry it and the paddle across the street to the lake.

  “I got it,” she said when he started to lead the way. “Liam, I can carry my own board.”

  His only acknowledgment was a quick glance at her. He headed across the street, still talking incessantly to her boys about the places on the lake they should see and where they should be extra careful. Once they were in the water, he put the board down and showed Xander and Owen how to get on, find their balance, and paddle.

  “Don’t be like your mom,” he warned them, “and end up on crutches.”

  “Get off my board,” Jade told him.

  He hopped into the water. “I’ll be in the shop if you need anything.”

  “We won’t,” Jade assured him. As soon as she climbed up and got her balance, she grinned at the boys. “All right. Are you ready?”

  “Ready,” they said and took off so fast, she’d never be able to keep up. She didn’t mind. They were laughing and having a good time. That was more than enough for her.

  “You okay?” Liam asked.

  She looked down and inhaled slowly. “Yeah,” she said honestly, “I’m okay.”

  Ten

  The following weekend, Jade, Darby, and Taylor walked through a little grocery store in Chammont Point. Jade was treating her friends to a picnic on the beach to thank them for coming to Fairfax when she’d needed them. She’d told them to buy whatever they wanted—which led Darby to start a game of loading the basket with the most bizarre items she could find. In response, Taylor would, without fail, demand to know why in the hell she needed that. Every time, Darby and Jade would fall into a fit of laughter while Taylor did her best to look disgruntled.

  Jade’s smile faltered when she noticed Parker at the checkout counting change and shifting nervously. Though she wasn’t close enough to hear the conversation, Jade understood perfectly. She r
emembered how, more than once when she was younger, she’d suffered the humiliation of not having enough money to buy groceries. Parker began looking over her purchases, no doubt debating what to put back. Jade shoved the basket she’d been carrying into Taylor’s hands.

  “Take this,” she muttered and dug into her purse. She opened her wallet and found a twenty-dollar bill. Folding it, she rushed to Parker’s side and bent down as if to retrieve something. “Hey, Parker,” she said and stood. She held the money out to the girl. “You dropped this.”

  Parker eyed the money. She shook her head, but Jade pushed the money toward her.

  “I saw it fall out of your purse,” Jade said.

  Parker opened her mouth, so Jade pushed it even closer to her.

  “You dropped this,” she stated in a nice but firm tone. “I saw you drop it.”

  Parker stared at the cash for a moment before accepting the money. “Thanks,” she said quietly before handing it over to the cashier.

  Jade returned to where she’d left Darby and Taylor by a chip display. Her friends had grown quiet, and a sense of unease settled over them. None of them said the words, but Jade was certain they all felt a bit of shame over the game they’d been playing. Their superfluous shopping had been in fun. They’d been picking things out for entertainment rather than need.

  The heartbreaking reality of Parker’s situation was like a bucket of ice water tossed over them.

  Jade glanced back in time to see Parker smile uneasily as the cashier handed her the change. Parker accepted two bags of purchases and looked down as she left the store. Jade’s heart ached for the young woman, knowing she must have felt so defeated in that moment.

  “I’m putting some of this stuff back.” Taylor started sorting through the basket.

  “Not the daiquiris,” Darby pleaded. “I really do need those.”

  Taylor glanced at her as she pulled out a few items and then handed the basket back to Jade. “You guys check out.”

  Without a word, Jade headed to the counter and the cashier who had helped Parker. She emptied their purchases onto the counter as Darby stood beside her in awkward silence. Jade had just paid for the food when Taylor rejoined them.