Maria slid her arms around his neck and pulled him close, resting her cheek against his. “So, Dante saved you, and you became an Order of the Blade member, so you could save others.”
“Yeah.” He nuzzled her cheek. “I didn’t have a choice, Maria. There was no other life I could have led after that experience. I didn’t choose to become Order of the Blade. That life chose me. Dante became my mentor. Every time I killed a rogue Calydon, I thought of my family, and their deaths, and I remind myself that by taking out the rogue, there are innocents who will wake up tomorrow and get a chance to live another day, a chance my family never had.” He held up his hand, his fingers spread wide in invitation.
Silently, she reached up and slid her fingers between his, entangling their hands together. His hand was rough and muscular, dwarfing her hand, but at the same time, his fingers were infinitely gentle as they closed around hers. “How old were you when your family was killed?”
“Seven.”
A boy of seven years old, already destined to be a great Order of the Blade member, because of the tragedy that had stolen everything from him. “I guess you didn’t have much choice either,” she said softly. “Do you ever wish for a different life?”
“The only life I would prefer was one where there was no need for the Order of the Blade, because rogue Calydons no longer exist.” His voice was soft, almost a whisper, as if he were sharing a dream so personal he didn’t even want to articulate it. “But as long as there is a need, this is what I do.”
His whispered confession was just like how she’d told him that she didn’t want to live her own life. He did it, but out of duty, and if there was no need for his services, he would be happy. He was so strong, so battle-oriented, so arrogant, and yet, at the same time, she was beginning to see the humanity deep inside, the side of him he kept buried so he could do his job. “I’m not as heroic as you are,” she said. “When I dream of the life I want, it’s all about me, and sunshine, and love.”
“But you have that dream in a world where you aren’t needed down here. You wouldn’t be in the earth realm if there were women here who needed you, would you?”
“True.” She laughed softly. “You have a way of making me sound better than I am.”
“You have a way of making yourself sound less than you are.”
She sighed, watching his thumb trace circles in her palm. She felt content right now. Peaceful. Whole. Gabe knew who she was, and he was okay with that—
She suddenly felt her forearms burning. She lifted her head to look at the skin on her arm. As she watched, a silver line appeared on her forearm, as if an invisible pen were tracing them. “Look. What did we do?”
“Trust. You told me that you didn’t really want to be here. Your deepest secret, right?”
She swallowed, realizing he was right. “I didn’t mean to tell you.”
He laughed softly. “Doesn’t matter. You trusted me enough to tell me, and that was enough.” Gabe turned her arm so he could see it, resting his chin on her head as they watched. “I spent my life abhorring the sheva destiny,” he said. “I despised what it did to Calydons, and I couldn’t understand how smart Calydons could get themselves tangled up with shevas. When my fellow Order members recently started hooking up with their mates, I was pissed. Really pissed. I felt like they were betraying everything the Order stood for. But lying here, with you in my arms, watching my brand appear on your arm, I feel a sense of absolute contentment, like this is the only possible way my life was supposed to unfold.”
Tears filled her eyes at his words. God, all she wanted was to stay there in his arms, and listen to him weave such beautiful words together. She wanted him to make love to her until her soul burst into song, and she wanted to feel the softness of his touch on her skin, leisurely and intimate, just to connect, and not for sex that would sustain her.
She’d never wanted to be anywhere as much as she wanted to be in Gabe’s arms, listening to him, feeling his skin against hers…a place that wasn’t hers. A place that couldn’t ever be hers, because they both had priorities that took precedence.
“You okay, babe?” He lightly pressed a kiss to her head, so gentle that she wanted to cry.
There was no place in her life for crying. Not now. Not ever.
Chapter 26
Feeling like she was tearing her own heart out, Maria sat up, pulling away from Gabe. “Please don’t be nice. I can’t get accustomed to having you around. You’re making me soft, and I can’t do that.” She stood up and grabbed her pants. “I have to focus. I have to stay here for these women, I have to get Sophie out of here, and I have to be able to use other men for sex after you leave. I can’t be soft. I’m not soft. I’ll never be soft! I’ll die if I get soft.” She knew she was rambling, which was so unlike her, but she couldn’t help it. She grabbed her torn bodice, suddenly wishing that for once, just once, she could wear jeans and a sweatshirt. She didn’t want to walk around exuding sex all the time…Oh, God. Had she really just thought that? “Damn you!” She threw the bodice at him. “I don’t have the luxury of being the woman you make me want to be.”
He caught it easily as she stalked over to her small stash of clothes in the corner. She grabbed the sexiest bodice she had, a black one with metal rivets on the breasts. “So, I’m guessing Dante’s body is in the Graveyard of the Damned,” she said, her hands shaking as she tried to focus on the tasks before them. Focusing on work always made her emotions settle. “Sophie knows that area really well. Tell Vlad to meet us down there. You blood bonded with Dante, right? So you should be able to sense him once we get close. We’ll get Dante, and then you guys can take Sophie out—”
She froze when Gabe’s hand settled on her bare shoulders, holding her still. He was standing behind her, and she could feel the heat from his body against her back, revealing just how close he was standing.
Scrunching her eyes closed against the feel of his gentle touch, she didn’t turn around. She just held the bodice to her chest, the rivets scratching against her bare skin. “What?”
“You can’t have sex with other men.”
“What?” She whirled around to face him, fury racing through her. “Just because I’m your sheva, you think I should die rather than harness sexual energy from other men? Sorry, but I’m not going to sit around and paint my toenails mourning for you after you leave. I have women to save, and that means I need to have sex so—”
“I’ll have sex with you.”
A part of her wanted to cry out with joy, but she knew better. There was no truth behind that promise. “Really? How are you going to do that from the earth realm? Because we both know that you need to go with Dante back to your Order. Are you going to give up your Order to sit around here and nail me whenever I need it? Doesn’t that violate everything that defines you as a man? You can’t abandon your mission for me, and I’m not going to walk away from the women here to follow you. There’s no way, Gabe. I’m going to have to have sex with other men, and you’re going to have to live with it.” The words were harsh, but she needed to hear them, and she needed to say them, as a reminder to herself about who she needed to be.
Gabe’s eyes darkened, and he went still. He didn’t answer, but the muscle in his neck was twitching, a slow, steady beat that was the only indication of how on edge he was.
“See? You can’t just declare something and have it be so, right? Life isn’t that simple. We both have duties, and we have to remember that.” She held the bodice against her chest with her arms, and reached behind her to zip it. When Gabe went to help her zip up, she stepped away from him, refusing his assistance. “Don’t you get it? You’re going to leave. I can’t morph into some love-struck, needy, emotionally-sensitive wimp, or else it will be too difficult to go back to who I need to be.” She’d never doubted her life, or her choices, or her duties. She’d never yearned for a different life…until now. Until Gabe had shown her there was another way…a way that was so much better.
She wasn�
�t going to lie. Sex with Gabe was amazing. It wasn’t a mindless rutting that she had to endure just to fuel herself. It had been a beautiful merging of souls, and she’d loved every second of it. The thought of going back to her life…
No. No. No. She had to deal with it. She had to let go of Gabe, and just face her life. Resolutely, she zipped up the bodice, her breasts spilling out of the top so much that her nipples were barely hidden by the black leather. She looked down at her breasts, and, for the first time in her life, she hated them. She hated that she exposed them to the world like that, she hated that she had to put herself on display so that she was always caked in a cloud of lust wherever she went.
She didn’t want to be herself anymore.
She didn’t want to be herself anymore.
Stricken, she looked up at Gabe. “Damn you,” she whispered. “I can’t afford this!” She whirled away from him and grabbed a black lace thong and tight leather pants. She yanked them both on, keeping her back to Gabe, who still hadn’t said anything. She didn’t turn around until she’d strapped on her thigh-high boots and sixteen weapons.
When she finally turned to face him, he was dressed again, his eyes dark, his expression hooded. He looked intense and dangerous, and her heart skipped a beat. He said nothing, but he met her gaze, his expression dark and hard.
There was nothing to say. He didn’t want her to sleep with other men. She didn’t want to have to. And yet, there was no other choice. This was the life they both had, and neither of them was willing to walk away from the people they’d sworn to protect.
She lifted her chin. “We have a battle to fight.”
“I know.” His hands flexed, drawing her attention to his muscular forearms, and the weapons branded on his skin. His feet were spread, his muscles flexed. His black boots were creased and worn, and his eyes were hard and focused. Her heart flipped, and something fluttered in her belly. He was deadly, a warrior so far beyond anyone she’d ever met. This man could most likely slay an entire regiment of demons, all by himself. He was dangerous, deadly, and powerful….and he was on her side.
She was used to seeing powerful males and assessing them as the enemy, but he was different. This man was her man, no matter what happened in the future. In every battle, he would be by her side, fighting her battles, slaying her enemies. Against every assailant, he would defend her. Against every foe, he would wield his weapons on her behalf.
Strength rushed through her, an intense, powerful influx of energy. Standing across from him, facing him, realizing that he was her ally, made her stronger than she’d ever been in her life. Sex with him had already empowered her, but his presence magnified her capabilities infinitely.
After being intimate with Gabe, she knew she was strong enough to fend off Lucien without help.
But with Gabe by her side…she knew they could do so much more…like… She blinked as an idea suddenly formed in her mind, a brilliant, overwhelming, masterful idea so outrageous that she’d never even contemplated it before…because she’d never have been able to pull it off.
But with him…and Vlad and Sophie…the impossible might be possible.
Sudden hope leapt through her. Maybe there was a way. Not to keep Gabe, but to at least keep Sophie. If she could make the demon world safe for Sophie, she could stay…but there was only one way to do it.
She’d never be able to do it alone. She’d never be able to do it with Sophie, even if Damon also helped her. But with Gabe, and Vlad, two of the strongest warriors she’d ever encountered? They changed the odds. With them, it was possible…still a long shot, but possible. But if she had more of them? More warriors like them? They had a legitimate shot. She cocked her head, studying him. “Didn’t you mention that the rest of your team is close to the demon world? Near where you came across?”
He narrowed his eyes, studying her carefully. “Yes.”
“So, if we could get them across—”
“You want to call them into the demon world, even though we don’t have a way to get out at this point?”
“Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.” When he put it that way, it didn’t sound like such a thoughtful, selfless idea. She knew she could never live with trapping more innocents in the hell that was her world. “Never mind. I was just considering my options—”
He still didn’t look away. “You want to take down Lucien and Rikker,” he said thoughtfully. “You want to become the leader of the demon realm. Then Sophie will be safe, and she can stay with you.”
What? How on earth had he come to that conclusion so fast? She didn’t even have a plan yet, let alone an idea of how to convince an entire legion of Calydon warriors to fight a battle that wasn’t theirs. “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She quickly turned away and helped herself to a few more weapons.
“You want to attack him, and you assume my need to protect you will result in you being backed up by the entire Order of the Blade team? You plan to manipulate me, and my team, into helping you take down the entire demon leadership?”
She sighed. “And that is why being psychically connected is completely unhelpful for women who want to manipulate their men into doing things that are entirely self-serving,” she grumbled, as she picked up another dagger and slid it between her breasts. “But yes, that’s what I was thinking. I know, I know, it’s against your mission—”
“Instead of trying to manipulate me, ask me.”
Something about the tone of his voice caught her attention, and she looked over at him. “Ask you? To trap your team in the underworld to support me on a mission that isn’t your battle? Would you say yes?”
His eyes were glittering. “The only way the Order of the Blade succeeds is because we have absolute faith in each other to back us up. That means absolute trust and honesty. That’s how I operate, and I will always be that way with you. No lies. No manipulation. If you want something, ask.”
Anger boiled through her. “It’s so easy for you to be all high and moral,” she snapped. “You have a team that has your back, and you all believe in the same thing. I don’t have that luxury—”
He leapt across the cavern and grabbed her upper arms, pinning her against the rock wall. “Ask. Me.” His voice was hard, and he sounded pissed.
Maria lifted her chin. “Fine. Will you help me fight Lucien and Rikker so Sophie is safe from them?”
“Yes.”
She blinked, startled by his answer. “Yes?”
“You’re my mate. Of course I’ll stand by you, just as I stand by the Order, and my family. What the hell do you think loyalty means to me? That I’d have sex with you, and then abandon you? You’re my soulmate, Maria. Soulmate.”
“But your mission for the Order—”
“Isn’t compromised by taking a few minutes to shut down Lucien and Rikker.”
She laughed softly. “It will take more than a few minutes—”
“It won’t. I’m awesome, and so is my team. Shutting down Lucien and Rikker also frees our path to get Dante’s body out of here. Once we have his body, it will be difficult to fight freely, because I will need to protect it. So, it’s a great plan, and I’m in.”
She stared at him, still uncertain how to react. “You mean it?”
“Yeah.” He flexed his hands. “Let’s do it.”
Power rushed through her, and she couldn’t help the sudden smile. For the first time in her life, she felt like she had a chance to change things, to make things right, to be strong enough to fight for what matters. “Thank you.”
Gabe’s face softened. “It’s automatic, Maria. Always. Forever. You can count on me.”
Tears filled her eyes suddenly. “I don’t want—”
“I know,” he said gently, sliding his thumb along her jaw. “You don’t want to get dependent on me. I get that.” He brushed a kiss over the corner of her mouth, and she closed her eyes, breathing in the tenderness. “But here’s the thing. I don’t know how this is going to work out with us, but the truth is
that I could never just walk away and abandon you. You’re too deep in my soul. So, it’s okay to count on me. I’m here, and I will be here in the future.”
She opened her eyes, searching his face. “But how? There’s no way to make that work.”
He met her gaze. “I don’t know,” he said softly. “I have no fucking idea.” He took her hand and flattened it against his chest. “Do you feel that? You’re inextricably entwined in my soul. There’s no way to separate us.”
“But there’s no way to keep us together.”
“I know.”
Maria took a deep breath, her fingers digging into his chest. She could feel the visceral truth to his words, both that they were connected, but also that he had no idea how to fix it. She wanted answers. She wanted a solution. She wanted to know it was safe to lean on him…but there was no way. But when she was with him, it was impossible to keep herself disentangled from him emotionally. “I don’t know how to do this,” she whispered.
“Me either.” Gabe kissed her gently. “So, let’s figure it out as we go along.”
She bit her lower lip. “I don’t like not having a plan.”
“I’m with you, babe, but I have faith.” He framed her face with his hands. “We’re both incredibly fantastic and amazing. How could we fail?”
She laughed softly. “How indeed, right?”
He grinned. “That’s my girl. Now, what’s the plan? How are we going to take down these bastards and turn this hellhole into an oasis of peace, love, and sunshine?”
She burst out laughing. “Peace, love, and sunshine? That’s not a lofty goal or anything.”
“Lofty is good. Keeps everyone on their toes. Now, what next?”
She realized she felt better. His confidence, his sense of humor, and his affection had taken the edge off her emotions. She smiled at him, lightly tapping her fist on his shoulder as she thought about strategy. “Call Vlad. Tell him and Sophie to meet us—” She thought quickly. “At the southeast ridge of Devil’s Canyon one hour after the lava starts flowing.” It was dangerous to travel when the lava was moving, but the demons would be less likely to hunt at that hour. It was their best chance to succeed. Besides, it would take her and Gabe at least six hours to get there, which made the timing work out about right.
Hunt the Darkness (Order of the Blade Book 11) Page 24
