How are you doing ?
So delighted I came across you, you sound so genuine to me and i believe you are for real? I`m pretty new to On-line Dating, am just on here looking for True Love, Honesty and Understanding.. PLEASE NO GAMES........
...[three entire pages of blargh]...
Please do send me some photos of yourself....
Your Newest Friend. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Kim
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Kimberly
Hello Kim. At the moment I am undertaking a little bit of haberdashery and general dog fondling.
I do not have a photo of myself as I am a ghost so instead I have attached a photo of my dog, Dogger. Thank you.
Kimberly
to: Trevor Mcinsley
I`m so excited to read back from you..... You are such a darling,... I`m really happy Age and Distance is never a Barrier.. I really want to relocate with the RIGHT MAN.... I`m a Honest Kim cos that what friends call me... Distance between us does not bother me as I know we could meet up anytime soon if only you can remain Optimistic like I`m..... But for now, I`d love to continue chatting with U and then we can see where and how we can make our DREAMS come true, if U are still interested lets get on and please answer this questions for me and I`ll do the same later...
[Questions CENSORED to save you getting as bored as I did reading them...]
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Kimberly
Shangles Kimberly. Here are the answers to your questions:
1. I live alone because I am a ghost.
2. I neither rent nor own a home. I like to travel about the countryside sleeping in forests and scaring local children with knives.
3. In a relationship I mostly seek someone to share in my interests...
4. My interests include: urinating in churches, collecting cigarette butts from public lavatories, walking down high streets in clown shoes, impersonating Jesus and shaving cats.
5. For fun I like to: urinate in churches, collect cigarette butts, walk about in clown shoes, impersonate Jesus and shave cats.
6. My best food and colour are both the same: oranges.
[When is your B day?]
7. My B day is probably Saturday, my A day is Friday and all other days can fuck right off.
8. For a living I send silly emails to people.
9. My likes and dislikes include: sport, perusal, getting arrested for waving my penis at traffic, fires, archery and medieval warfare.
10. My ideal first date would involve anything other than getting hit by a bus. This is what happened last time.
11. Yes. I really do want to meet you. Why on Earth is that hard to believe?
[How will you Treat your Lady?]
12. I will treat my lady like Lady from Lady and the Tramp. Generally this involves eating spaghetti from bins, avoiding dog catchers and urinating on sleeping drunks.
[Will you ever Hit your Lady Under Any Circumstances?]
13. Yes. I will hit you every chance I get. Seriously... that’s just a bizarre thing to ask.
14. Given that I once wore someone else’s skin for three weeks I am sure I will be comfortable wearing yours... I mean be comfortable with you.
[Do you see the Woman you want in ME?]
15. If there is another woman inside you that I want I WILL CUT YOU OPEN AND DEVOUR YOUR HEART.
16. The only god I believe in is one that demands senseless daily human sacrifice. So yes, I believe in your God.
[Please are you for real?]
Yes I am real although given that I previously said that I am a ghost that fondles dogs I am starting to think that you are not...
----------
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Aarifa
Bengali! La Chupacabra, la Chupacabra, da da da da dada da! As I believe they say in your country.
I am Trevor Mcinsley Esquire from the wonderful land of Hemel Hempstead and I was so happy to meet you I made a song for you. Would you like to hear it?
My name is Trevor Mcinsley!
And I am not a dog.
I come from Hemel Hempstead!
And I am not a dog.
Your name is Aaaaraifa!
And that is hard to say.
So I will call you Steve!
Do you like my song, Steve?
Hope to hear from you soon, Trevor Mcinsley Esq.
----------
By this stage I was simply taking the email addresses right off a site where people post reports on these scammers but when I found this one I had to pause for a moment. Mostly the comments on them were pretty sensible and just said how they had tried to extort money from them and how they, naturally, had not paid up but with this one...
‘I paid her rev father 4 440.00 USD and I didn’t get her cheque of 2 500 000.00 USD.’
Can we just stop here for a bit and consider this... now I do not know what manner of bullshit ‘she’ tried to pull or indeed if that comment is even genuine but why is it exactly that this notion of paying a small amount of money to receive a large amount of money even exists? If it is this prolific then logic says people must occasionally fool for it.
The usual thing they come up with is that the funds you send will cover the cost of the money transfer... I think we can safely assume that if someone felt so inclined as to give away 2.5million dollars over the internet for unspecified reasons... they can probably afford to pay the poxy handling fees.
Next I came across a passport which someone ‘suspected’ ‘might’ be fake but wasn’t sure. The passport in question was a very low quality scan, so much so that the paper was grey... with a bright white box stuck over the original photo and a high resolution digital image clumsily cropped and converted to black and white plastered over the top.
How in the name of hell (is that a saying?) do people even fool for this stuff? If you have gone to all that effort logic says to spend just a few more minutes adding some noise and grain to the photo and avoiding the glaringly obvious pure white colour backdrop that stands out like a monkey at a nun convention (again, real saying?)...
Essentially what I am saying, once again, is that if I wanted to scam people like this over the internet I could do a better job than these morons even after a frontal lobe lobotomy... however when it came to repeating my previous success and simply getting them to become incensed with rage and start swearing at me I was rather failing...
Frankly I was starting to get bored of trawling for emails and soon found that the real scam here is that in order to get full access to this scammers database... you need to pay $17.99 a month. Paying to get assurance regarding whether or not these kinds of people are genuine... is like spending £2m of taxpayers’ money to have a think tank look into whether or not the French enjoy cheese and wine...
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Edith
Hello. Please to be you. Therefore!
Edith
to: Trevor Mcinsley
Hello There,
It’s Edith here again and how are you doing today, thanks for writing back to me through here. i hope we can both get to know one another much better and see what might happened between us along the road who knows, I am serious about looking for the right man in my life because i have been hurt in the past, and i don’t want to feel that again any-more as you know it pains to be hurt in life and i need the right man by my side, who knows may be that could be you and chemistry might work things out between us, anyway i do hope to hear back from you soon.
Regards,
Edith.
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Edith
Grated cheese, Edith. I am very pleased to talk to you once more... even if you seem to have a startling refusal in regards to capitalising the word ‘I’. I see you have capitalised Edith and There... for some reason... so I shall assume your shift key is not broken and that you are simply missing a finger which makes it hard to type.
Which finger are you missing? I am also am amputee. My cat had its leg cut off i
n a freak motorcycle accident and ever since that day I have been cutting bits off myself off to make it feel better. So far I have had four fingers, one toe and both my legs removed. I am quite literally half the man I used to be! Also my penis fell off in another freak motorcycle accident... I really must move away from the display team next door... or at least refrain from naked cat sunbathing during their practice sessions.
I hope this will not be a problem for you and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Thanks. Trevor. Mcinsley. Thanks.
Edith
to: Trevor Mcinsley
Thanks and What do you really want from me? Because I am looking for a serious relationship from a real and loving person.
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Edith
Do not fear. I am not going to murder you. Ultimately I suppose I am just looking for what any man really wants from a woman: someone to share their life with, someone to ride around on 1:4 scale garden railways with, someone to stand beside whilst hunting owls. Is this really too much to ask? I think not. I am both a real and a person so I should easily be able to fulfil all these things and more.
Haberdashery! Trevor Mcinsley.
Edith
to: Trevor Mcinsley
Ohhhhhh I see so where are you really born and raised?
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Edith
What? I just said I want you to ride around with me on a 1:4 scale railway in my garden and that is your question?
----------
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Alena
Hello. I am Hemel Hempstead and I was very pleased to hear of you. My wife is dead. My dog is dead and I live in this big mansion all by myself. It is not haunted... although I occasionally do find blood on the walls which is starting to concern me.
I am looking for someone to refulfil my full life fully and thought you might fully fit the profile.
Can you tell me more about yourself so I can get to know you better. I would like to send photos if this is ok? My dog is dead.
Good bye god.
Trevor Mcinsley.
Alena
to: Trevor Mcinsley
Hello Trevor,
Thanks for your lovely email.
To me it is very pleasant that I have interested your attention and you have decided to write to me. Trevor if it is possible tell where do you live, in what country, in what city...
...First of all I want to tell that I single woman, never was married and I do not have children. Though children for me very many mean, I very much love children...
...Probably you wondered why I have written to you? I easily enough can answer this question. I am lonely and would like to get acquainted with the decent, fair, gentle man who also is lonely as I and still in search of the love..
...As you already know my name Alena. I live in central parts russia, in a small city cheboksary. To me 31...
...My growth 174cm, weight 60. I very much would like to tell about myself much, but in one letter it is very difficult for making...
...I would like, that you have told to me about yourself.
As whom do you work? How you like to have a rest? Whether is at you hobbies?
With impatience I look forward to hearing from you. Alena.
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Alena
I live in Hemel Hempstead which is in the country of England which is on the continent of the United Kingdom, just between America and France (not Germany). Hemel Hempstead is the biggest county in England and was once its own country with its own monarchy! I bet you didn’t know that! Did you know that? PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT.
I very much love children too. This is part of the reason for my ankle bracelet and court appointed counselling sessions. Well most of the reason if I am honest. But it was all a mistake. I thought it was a dog in a boy costume. I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX WITH A DOG BOY. I do not own several foreign languages, only English... which I hold the sole lease and licensing rights to. Not that the Queen ever pays up... silly old bitch. ‘One does not have the time for silly complaints Mr Mcinsley. One is terribly busy waving at dogs’... if you ask me we never should have rescued her from Basra.
If you choose to invade a county on your own with nothing but a zimmer frame and a corgi for company then frankly you have to sleep in the bed you’ve made... or indeed sleep chained to the radiator you’ve made.
I’m afraid I do not know what ‘To me 31’ means. Is this your age, the number of men you have killed or your bra size? Since I am not sure here are my answers: To me 29. To me 1. To me 36. That’s also my pin number (don’t tell anyone!)
I work as a World Doctor and my rest and hobbies include World Doctoring and World Doctoring.
With impatience I look forward to hearing back from you. Trevor.
Alena
to: Trevor Mcinsley
Hello Trevor,
To me it is very pleasant that you have decided to answer again to me, it means for me much and I really understand that you have absolutely good resolves...
...[two pages of nonsense]...
Some my photos, hope to you it will be pleasant.
I look forward your answer.
Alena.
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Alena
You write a lot for a Russian. Most of the Russians I know are too busy digging potatoes out of the ground and fermenting them into alcohol to bother writing this much.
Yes, I have already said that I love children. I love them like a Sunday afternoon or a winter’s sunrise. I do not love them like a prostitute. I mean... I do not love prostitutes. I’ll start again.
I like children. I am not in like with children.
I am so glad you said you would answer my questions. I have many, many questions. In fact I would like you to fill out this survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/TSXL7F9
It should take you no less than three quarters of an hour.
Thanks. Trevor ‘Wigwam’ Mcinsley.
----------
Unfortunately they didn’t bother filling out my survey. I put so much effort into designing it too... all that for nothing.
Q1. What are your feelings towards small bottles of shampoo?
Yes
No
Indifferent
Q2. Have you ever killed a man?
Yes
No
Indifferent
Q3. If pressed, would you describe yourself as...
A. A Hedgehog
B. B A Bee
C. Capsicum
Q4. When it comes to clouds you...
A. Get an overwhelming desire to harm the innocent
B. Listen to music
C. Go blind
Q5. Sometimes people laugh at you?
Agree
Disagree
Q6. When you fall over you get back up again?
Agree.
Disagree.
N/A I am still on the floor from last week
Q7. Have you ever lied and are you lying now?
No response.
A response.
Q8. Are you a Russian?
On a scale of 1 to 5 how Russian are you? 1-5
What are your feelings towards bears? 1-5
Ever drunk so much vodka you fell off your unicycle? 1-5
Q9. When on fire you...
A. Scream
B. Do nothing
Alena
to: Trevor Mcinsley
Hello Trevor!
I am very grateful to you that you have answered me, I with the great pleasure and attention read each your word and my unique desire which now fills my reason, to understand what you. Fairly I did not think at all that when or in the life I will get acquainted with the help of the Internet. Trevor I always simply have access to the Internet and always there is a possibility to check my e-mail, therefore if I answer with a delay, you do not worry...
...Trevor tell as you like to spend a free time...
Trevor I look
forward to hearing from you.
Alena
Trevor Mcinsley
to: Alena
Hello Alena. I am very disappointed in you for not responding to my survey.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/TSXL7F9
Please go back and fill in all the questions. It is vitally important to me that you do this.
I will tell as I like to spend a free time.
In my free time I have many many hobbies which I hope one day that you will join me in. My list of hobbies includes: hunting men for sport, setting fire to abandoned buildings, trebuchets, siege warfare, dancing in forests, climbing trees, eating acorns, catching squirrels with my bare hands and forcing them to play me at chess. Ha! They always lose. The furry little morons.
Other things I enjoy include: practicing divorce law, carving pumpkins to look like famous serial killers, carpentry, dog walking, dog grooming, dog dogging. Sometimes I like to dress up like a giant horse and parade around town squares. I hope this will not be an issue for you.
Sixteen Alligators and a Trebuchet Page 4
