Abide With Me (The Barn Church Series Book 3)

by Shellie Arnold

  He put the plastic bag containing the watch in his inside jacket pocket and walked to the library.

  “Ladies, Julius will be here any moment to pick me up. He’s driving me to the impound lot to get my car. I don’t know how long that’ll take, but I should be back to cook supper.”

  The women looked at each other. Angelina gave a slight nod.

  “I might leave before then,” Laurie said. “Not that I don’t enjoy your cooking, but I’ve got a baby girl at home who’s getting cranky about not seeing her mama for two days.”

  “Will you be back tomorrow?” he asked.

  “For a bit. Probably mid-morning like today.”

  “Good.” Nicholas didn’t want Angelina alone with Lorenzo for any length of time. He’d felt a vibe from the man he didn’t like.

  He looked at his wife. “Hearing you laugh made my day.”

  He left. He would have loved to have seen her reaction to that statement but wanted to keep his word about giving her space.

  His phone chimed as he walked out the front door. Abide in my love. He stood looking back at the house, looking at the land with its white cross-fencing and winding driveway.

  He stepped down and realized he couldn’t go to Birmingham to have the watch repaired. It was in another county.

  Julius pulled up. Nick slid into the front seat.

  “I need you to look at a photo.” Julius handed Nick his phone.

  “Is this off social media?”

  “Gavin Hawk’s Facebook page. Cameron, our PI, says it can be a great resource when trying to find someone. Do you recognize anything in that picture?”

  Gavin’s lying, cheating, smiling face smiled at a woman. A long-haired blonde. He had his arm around her and held a wine glass in his hand. The background was dark and blurry and indiscernible.

  “That’s definitely him. I don’t know the woman.”

  “He never mentioned a girlfriend? No pictures on his desk?”

  “Not that I remember.” He set the phone aside. “I wish I could remember something which would help find him.”

  “You will,” Julius said. “When you least expect it, pop. You’ll call me, I’ll call Darrin Simon, and Gavin Hawk will be apprehended.”

  “You’re more confident than I am.”

  “You took a hard hit last week. Still taking one, I imagine. How’s Angelina?”

  “I guess you knew she wasn’t living in the house.”

  “I figured as much, after seeing her Monday. Pierce called and asked how he might best pray for you. He’s big on praying for others. He credits his and Laurie making it through their big crisis to the whole church praying for them for months. He almost walked away from the ministry back then.”

  “I didn’t realize that.” Nick thought for a moment. “So Pierce would say, if you know someone going through a difficult time, someone who has a big decision to make, you should pray for them.”

  “Are you thinking of your wife?”

  “Yeah. I know what I want, but I also know I’ve hurt her badly. Praying for her might be the best way I can love her while she decides whether or not she’ll give our marriage another chance.”

  “I’m sure Pierce would agree with that. I know I do. And I’d add, do what you know you can to show her you care.”

  Nicholas remembered the watch in his pocket. “Do you know a good jeweler in this county who does repairs?”

  ***

  Nicholas took the last bite of his supper—baked chicken and asparagus—and set aside his silverware. As he had for breakfast that morning, he’d taken his meal into his office, giving Angelina the option of eating in their beautiful kitchen, or any other room in the house she chose, without him crowding her or making her uncomfortable.

  He closed the door. He wanted privacy for the next few minutes.

  He knelt, another new habit.

  “Dear God,” he said. “I don’t know if she will forgive me enough for us to start over again. She might not. I am finding comfort in talking to You. In listening to You and reading Your Word. I don’t know if Angie’s doing any of that. But I ask You to comfort her anyway. Help her heal from the wounds I inflicted. Amen.”

  Nick rose. The repaired watch was burning a hole in his denim shirt pocket.

  He went to the kitchen, placed the leftovers in plastic containers, and wiped the countertops, repeating in his heart the prayer he’d just prayed. Amazingly, praying for her made him feel close to her in yet another new way.

  A steady rain blew against the windows. As Nicholas turned off the kitchen lights, he heard Angelina making her way to the front closet. He beat her there, slipped his arms into his jacket.

  His phoned chimed his reminder alarm—8 P.M.

  “That’s been going off all day again. Updates from Julius?” Angelina looked around him. “Would you hand me my jacket?”

  He turned with her jacket in hand. “May I help you?” He held it out for her to slide in her arms.

  She turned. “Thank you.”

  She adjusted the collar, and he couldn’t help staring at her neck, her face, and into her eyes. He found the hint of fear, as a doe might have of a nearby hunter and something else that might have been hope. But he couldn’t tell what she hoped for.

  Love for her rose like a geyser from his core to his throat. I love you. Forever and always and more every day.

  “You didn’t answer me,” she said.

  “What? Right. The alarm on my phone. It’s a reminder. For me.”

  Her brow quirked up. “Hmm.”

  “Okay for me to walk you back to the carriage house?”

  She nodded.

  “It’s raining. Windy, too, I think. I should drive us.”

  She touched his arm. Even through his shirt and jacket, the contact with her was the most intimate he’d had in months. His chest tightened.

  She’d reached for him. He couldn’t help wondering if she’d done it out of reflex or because she’d actually wanted to.

  “I like walking in the rain,” she said.

  He exhaled. “Okay.”

  Still determined not to push her as he had so many times before, he handed her an umbrella and took one for himself.

  “Got your flashlight?” he asked. “Puddles.”

  “I’ve got it.”

  They exited the house. In the moonlight, the surrounding trees swayed amidst the gusts.

  She shone the beam onto the ground. “I didn’t realize the wind was so strong.”

  They walked as the wind howled and fought their umbrellas. In the distance, thunder rumbled, then growled. Lightning streaked across the dark sky.

  “The rain seems to be worsening. Maybe we should hurry?” Angelina asked.

  “Watch your step.” The weather would shorten his precious seconds alone with her.

  The rain quickened with a whoosh. Sheets of heavy drops caught their shoes and pants. Finally, they were close enough to the carriage house to activate the exterior light. Still, the heavy rain dulled its beam.

  “This rainband might blow over in a minute,” he said. “Head for the awning over the stable doors.”

  He cupped her elbow, and they jumped the water carving its way along the edge of the concrete. They lowered their umbrellas.

  Angelina shook back her hair and raised her voice over the storm’s volume. “If this doesn’t let up, you’ll have to walk back in it.” She looked away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you by pointing out the proverbial elephant right here beside us.”

  “I promised you I wouldn’t pressure you. I know you didn’t say yes to me walking you back here, intending to invite me in. But you did say yes, so I hope you’ll take the gift, too.”

  “Nicholas. I hope you didn’t spend money we may not have.”

  “It’s not new. It’s a promise I made—I’m sorry to say I don’t remember when.” He pulled the jeweler’s felt satchel from his pocket. “Let me hold the flashlight.”

  The bracelet spilled into her hand.
>
  “I didn’t remember having this. Where did you find it?”

  “In my briefcase. No doubt I’d put it there, intending to take it back to the jeweler in Birmingham. The clasp works now. Julius knew a place that does delicate work of this type. I didn’t have to pay a lot. I just had to wait.”

  “You did this today?”

  “I did.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything, remember?” He grinned. “Believe it or not, this is fun for me. Giving you things and having you accept them. As I waited at the jeweler’s today, I thought of all the times I’d seen you wearing multiple chains or bracelets. I found myself wondering if you couldn’t pick one because you liked them all the same. And I remembered those round, hard metal ones. What are they called?”

  “Bangles.”

  “Right. And the clink they made on your wrist when you raised or lowered your arm. I always liked that sound.”

  “I didn’t think you paid that much attention.”

  “When I was near you, you usually had all of my attention.”

  “The rain’s letting up,” she said.

  Now the drops pattered gently on the ground. The rain had brought a chill. She pulled her collar up around her neck.

  “Angelina.” He felt as if a stallion were galloping in his chest. “I’d like to do something I don’t think I’ve ever done before.”

  “Don’t ruin it. Don’t ask me for anything after you promised you wouldn’t.”

  “I’d like to pray. For us.” He couldn’t blame her for being skeptical and raising an eyebrow. “And for you. I’m sure that surprises you—”

  “You’re right about that.”

  “I know you must be tired. I won’t take long. I promise.”

  “There’s that word.”

  “You don’t have to do anything except stay for another moment.”

  The debate raging behind her eyes proved he was both gaining ground and still had much ground to cover to win her trust.

  “Do we have to join hands?” she asked.

  “Only if you want to.”

  She kept hers at her sides as he bowed his head. His hands began to sweat.

  “Dear God, thank You that I was released from prison, at least for now.” He willed himself to breathe, his chest to relax. “Thank You for Julius, and Pierce, and Laurie. Thank You for being ready and willing to guide me through this uncertain journey, even though I’m to blame for the predicament me and my wife are in.

  “Most of all, Lord, thank You for Angelina.” He paused, grief and sorrow hit, then the words tumbled forth. “Thank You for whatever You gave her to cause her to stick with me this far. Thank You for her loyalty, for her artistic talent, and even for the parts of her that make her hesitant to trust me again. They’re all her, and I know if she does open her heart to me again, it will be because she’s completely committed to our marriage.”

  Suddenly his strength left as if he’d just run a gauntlet.

  “Please show me what to do to help heal every wound I caused her,” he whispered. “I was neglectful and far-sighted. I was selfish and careless. Worst of all, I didn’t make sure she knew how much I loved her. For any parts I can’t touch, I ask You to heal them. Please show us what to do about our future, and help us find Gavin Hawk, so I— we—can be cleared of suspicion. Amen.”

  “That was very unexpected.”

  “I surprised you?”

  “Yes. This time in a good way.”

  “I prayed for you like that a couple of times today.”

  “Once you set your mind and focused, you always did jump in with both feet.” She stowed the bracelet in her pocket and took back her flashlight. “That’s all I can handle right now. Good night, Nicholas.”

  “Rain fell the day we married.” Impatience to reach for her churned inside.

  “I know.”

  “I miss you.” Wait, he told himself. Wait. Not easy, but necessary.

  “I know you do.”

  He watched her leave and recognized the pain of what he’d done to her time and again.

  “Angelina, watch your step. Those stairs will be slippery.”

  Although the rain had now stopped, rather than immediately going back to the empty house, he stood alone under the awning, breathing in the freshly-washed air.

  “Abide in my love, Angelina.” He spoke to the night, knowing she wasn’t yet ready to hear the words.

  “Abide with me.”

  ***

  Angelina locked the door behind her. She placed the dripping umbrella on the kitchenette countertop and walked to the bank of windows over the horse stalls. With the break in the storm, the lane back to the house lay fully illuminated in moonlight.

  She didn’t see him. Not getting what he obviously wanted from her—a full conversation, more time, a touch—had he hurried away? Was he already around the corner and out of sight?

  Yet she felt him near. Because of the rain? Because her heart was thawing? Her love for him softening as the brittle ground had beneath the pounding rain?

  Because the once naïve girl’s heart inside her still clung to fairy-tales and stories?

  As a child she’d often pictured herself as Juliet, Rapunzel, or Sleeping Beauty, watching and waiting for her prince. What she hadn’t realized then, was those characters might have known their beloved on sight but could not have really known their men without living with them. Even if great love were involved, discovering who a person really was took time.

  Otherwise, all you had was Juliet’s musings. Rapunzel’s rescue. And Sleeping Beauty’s dreams.

  The man who’d just prayed with her—she’d not known him before. She’d never lived with that man. Never been married to that man.

  Was he real? What a twist that Nicholas’ failure to be like her fantasies—unflawed and prince-like—had all but ruined their marriage, yet she had difficulty believing his newfound honesty and humility to be true. Even as she was drawn to him.

  And it hit her: She’d taken a chance on him based on who she thought him to be. If she ended her marriage based on the same type of poor assumptions, she might make the biggest mistake of her life.

  She needed to discover the truth about him.

  He walked out from under the awning. Looked back over his shoulder and their eyes met.

  He raised his chin, a clear signal to raise the window. She obliged.

  “I once promised to cook breakfast for you on a regular basis, didn’t I?” he called.

  “Yes.”

  “May I make you an omelet in the morning?”

  “If you’ll stay and eat with me. I’ve eaten too many breakfasts alone.”

  He grinned, then turned and made his way down the path. If she were close enough, she knew exactly what his dimple would look like in the moonlight.

  Nicholas. Her husband. The only person she’d let herself love. The only person she’d let close enough to love her. He seemed to be willing to do anything to be close to her again. The power to turn away was hers and hers alone.

  If she chose the latter, wouldn’t she be responsible for her own loneliness?

  She didn’t want to think about the implications. Didn’t want to think about anything else today. But if she were being honest, she needed to go there.

  On impulse, she scrolled through her cell contacts list and selected Kay’s number. She hit dial, wished she’d merely sent a text, then was too embarrassed to hang up. Maybe Kay wouldn’t answer.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s Angelina. Long time, no see, right?”

  “How are you? We just got back from a trip and heard from Pierce all you and Nick are going through. Can we do anything to help you?”

  Her walls crumbled. She felt them fall and watched them turn to dust.

  “Can I ask you something?” Her voice cracked. “How many times have I called you since we met?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe two or three.”

  “What
about email? I didn’t write you and hardly ever responded to yours. Right?”

  “I suppose. Did you try to reach me, and I didn’t know it?”

  “No. Not at all. For ten sweet days in my life, you and Daniel were a loving constant.”

  “We’ve always cared about you and Nick.”

  “I know that.” Yet she’d cast aside the friendship they’d offered. When her marriage and life hadn’t looked the way she’d wanted them to, she’d rejected every available resource.

  “Kay, if I come to The Barn Church Sunday morning, may I sit with you?”

  “Of course. I’d be thrilled. Do you need to talk before then?”

  “I’ll let you know. Don’t worry. Maybe, pray for me.”

  “I sure will. And you know, you can pray, too. God’s right there waiting for you to speak to Him.”

  “Thanks.” She hung up and sank to the floor to sit. She laid aside her phone and covered her face with her hands.

  What if on one of his many trips, something had happened to Nicholas? If through accident or catastrophe he hadn’t come home, she’d have had no one to blame but herself for her loneliness. She’d have had no one to blame for anything.

  Including God.

  The truth hurt. Deep.

  “Dear God,” she whispered. “I don’t want to be lonely anymore.”

  A part of her stood to the side and cheered at the revelation, while another part wept. All these years. She’d missed out on friendships and support and encouragement and community, whether or not Nick was around, even after they’d moved back here to Rowe City.

  “In my life. In my heart and spirit and every part that can be close to You. I want to be close to You.”

  She remembered walking to the altar at The Barn Church so long ago and feeling as if she were running into God’s arms.

  “I’m running to You, again,” she cried. “Catch me. I want to feel your love for me and know it, see it in the kindness of others, like Laurie and Kay. I want to reach out and have real friends. I want,” she gulped, “I want a life with Nicholas. Will You help us rebuild? Amen.”

  Her cell phone chimed, a text from Kay: You are loved.

  She knew the message held only three words, but from deep inside a force added: By God. By friends. By Nicholas.