Sticks and Stones

by Ilsa Evans

  The silence stretched uncomfortably, broken only by the occasional sound of someone drinking, and the nonstop noise that billowed around them from the other tables. Maddie sipped her coffee and stared at the fern closest to her, as if it was the most interesting thing she had ever seen. She thought of all the questions she wanted to ask, like where to from here? Why didn’t you take out recovery orders? Why didn’t you want me punished? Who is she?

  From the corner of her eye she saw the woman glance over at Jake and there was something in her gaze, some tacit communication, which immediately told Maddie they had been together for some time. And she had a sudden, piercing image of them both naked, in bed, atop corrugated, sweat-slicked sheets. Auburn hair spread across the pillow. Jake on top thrusting his way within, harder, deeper, with that look of intense concentration he always bore towards the end.

  Maddie blinked and then flushed even as her gut twisted like knotted rope. She rubbed her arm and stared into her coffee knowing that she had to make an effort to look up again, say something, smile. Act normally. And then, quite suddenly, Ashley’s hand came over and found its way within one of her own, stilling all movement. A small gesture that meant so amazingly much. Maddie gazed into her lap, at the two entwined hands, and thought that she had never, ever, loved her daughter so much as she did right then. It consumed her.

  ‘Finished?’ asked Jake suddenly, roughly.

  Maddie glanced across but he was pointing towards Ashley’s milkshake. The girl shook her head even as she began scraping down the inside of the glass. Maddie glanced down at her own hand, now curled in her lap like a comma. The first boarding call sounded, echoing metallically within the cafe. People began rising, noisily collecting bags and errant children.

  Maddie cleared her throat so that she could infuse her voice with brightness. ‘Well, you two. Off to the Gold Coast! You’re going to have loads of fun.’

  ‘I’m going to do every ride,’ said Ashley excitedly. ‘There’s even rides at Movieworld, you know. Like one that goes right inside a mountain and then down a waterfall. So that you get soaking wet.’

  ‘Excellent,’ said Maddie with a grin. She glanced down at the writing sprawled across Ashley’s chest. ‘I like your T-shirt.’

  ‘And my jeans?’ Ashley twisted so that she could stick out one leg.

  ‘Very nice. It’s all very nice.’ Maddie made her voice upbeat, approving. She wanted these few moments to last forever, but at the same time every nerve clamoured for the final boarding call. Just to get it all over with.

  ‘Guys?’ said Jake suddenly. ‘Could you say goodbye to your mother and then leave us for a few minutes? We need to discuss a couple of things. Nothing to worry about.’ He smiled to emphasise the words and then turned to the woman. ‘Nat? I’ll only be a minute.’

  ‘Sure.’ She rose slowly and then, almost as an afterthought, nodded her head in Maddie’s direction. ‘Good to meet you.’

  ‘Likewise.’

  By now both children had also risen and Ashley was throwing her arms around her mother, compressing Tigger between them. ‘Bye, Mum!’

  ‘Bye, sweetheart. Have fun.’

  ‘We will. C’mon Sam.’

  Sam leant forward and gave her a crisp, teenage-boy hug. ‘Bye, Mum. See you soon.’

  Maddie just smiled, because for a moment she couldn’t speak, and then watched as they both made their way hurriedly across the concourse. The woman followed at a slower pace and for the first time Maddie registered that she was both taller and slimmer than she herself. And more expensively dressed. She dragged her eyes back to the children, who were now waiting by the counter at gate seven, near a snaking queue which had already begun to form.

  ‘Missing them yet?’

  Maddie jerked her head back and stared at him. She wanted desperately to ask who she was, and how serious was it. If only because of the impact on the kids. But she also knew that any such questions would get misconstrued, so she swallowed her curiosity, feeling it settle painfully in the bowl of her stomach. Instead she just nodded.

  ‘Good.’

  ‘We need to talk about this, you know. They’ll have to come home eventually.’

  ‘Is that a challenge?’

  ‘They’ve got school, and everything, all up there.’

  Jake opened his mouth to answer and then closed it again. A shadow flitted across his face and he smiled briefly. ‘They’ll be back in a week or so. You can spare that much, can’t you?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Maddie quickly, relief mingling with guilt. Was she so unwilling to share?

  ‘Good of you.’ Jake fell silent, staring at her. She couldn’t read his expression but he did look older, more tired, the grooves on either side of his mouth were now more like deeply embedded brackets. Then he smiled, quite suddenly, and they really were brackets, curving outwards and holding vital information within.

  ‘What’s so amusing?’ asked Maddie, emboldened by the smile.

  Jake shrugged. ‘I suppose just the idea that we’re sitting here, drinking coffee.’

  Now it was Maddie’s turn to smile. She wondered if the woman was watching. ‘I know.’

  ‘When only a week ago I had no idea where my kids were. And hadn’t seen them for six years.’

  Maddie’s smile slipped.

  ‘Six years,’ repeated Jake musingly, as if it was an abstract concept. Then he looked down at Maddie’s hand, lying beside her coffee cup and reached out slowly, wrapping his own around hers. He stayed that way for a moment, as if thinking.

  Maddie swallowed. ‘Look, I want –’

  ‘Ah, but it’s not about what you want, is it?’ said Jake mildly, looking up. ‘Not any more.’

  Maddie stared at him, wanting desperately to pull her hand away but worried that this was a gesture of goodwill and she might make things worse. The second boarding call came over the loudspeakers and she glanced towards gate seven. The line had started to move forward, albeit slowly. The woman stood with her back towards the cafe, and only Sam and Ashley were looking in their direction. Maddie smiled over reassuringly.

  ‘Funny, is it?’ Jake’s voice suddenly thickened, and Maddie shot her gaze back, shaking her head emphatically.

  ‘I was just –’

  ‘Whatever,’ he said dismissively, sounding very much like his daughter. ‘Let’s get back on track, shall we? As already stated, this isn’t about you.’

  ‘I know that.’ Maddie felt a surge of annoyance that invigorated her. ‘But it’s not about you either. It’s about what’s best for those two kids. And it always has been.’

  ‘Are you going to lecture me now on what’s best for the kids?’ He shook his head incredulously. ‘You? Who kidnapped them?’

  Her annoyance remained, but now trepidation arose to keep it company. Automatically, she searched his face for clues as she started, gently, to pull her hand away.

  ‘Six years.’ He clamped his hand down. ‘And yet you dare try to lecture me on what’s best.’

  Maddie kept her eyes on him as she deliberately relaxed her hand, waited for a few seconds, and then tried to jerk it out. But the pressure increased immediately and she remained trapped.

  ‘You who ruined my family, you who took my kids, you who fucked up everything.’

  Pain began to blossom as the vice tightened. It took all her effort not to flinch.

  ‘Do you see the common denominator here?’ Jake leant forward and almost smiled as he spat out the next word. ‘You.’

  Maddie recoiled even as resentment boiled. She used her free hand to tug at the other though that itself hurt, sliding skin against flesh, but the mushrooming pain also fed her anger. ‘And do you see how everything you say begins with the word “my”? My family. My kids. Nothing is shared, it’s all my, my, my.’

  Jake blinked, and then stared at her. Incredibly, the pressure increased even more. ‘You fucking hypocrite.’

  Maddie could no longer feel her fingers, but the knuckles were on fire. Grinding together
with a sound that was like chalk on a blackboard, but could only be heard inside her body. She caught a glimpse of herself in the window beyond Jake and it was like another person was peering over his shoulder, grimacing at her with horror. Disgust. I’m going to do my kids a favour, he said in a thick voice, giving her a smile that stretched his mouth but went nowhere near his eyes. And he reached out, quickly, grabbing her by the shoulders and then thrusting her backwards. So that she ended up flat against the wall, staring at him, terrified. She flinched, then reached out and took hold of his hand with increased urgency, vainly trying to peel it off finger by finger.

  ‘You’ll have to do better than that.’

  ‘Let go,’ said Maddie, now digging her short nails into his skin.

  ‘Look around.’ Jake gestured with his free hand to the mostly empty tables around them. He kept his voice low. ‘They all just think we’re a couple, holding hands. Funny, isn’t it? I bet none of them have any idea how good you are at ripping a man’s heart out through his balls. I bet none of them even suspect what a fully fledged bitch you are.’

  Maddie didn’t bother answering, concentrating instead on leaving deep crescent-shaped indentations in the back of his hand. And then suddenly her hand was free, and the pain was even sharper as the blood flooded her veins to swell just below the skin. Throbbing so intensely that even the beat ached. She cradled her hand against her chest and stared at him, eyes shining with pain and fury. And a crushing, heart-stopping disappointment that he hadn’t changed at all, not one bit.

  He stood up rapidly, scraping his chair across the floor with enough noise to make several people nearby glance at them with annoyance. But he didn’t take his eyes off her. ‘Enjoy your week. Bitch.’

  She watched him stride away across the concourse, while past him she could see Sam and Ashley and their uneasy apprehension as he approached. Even that woman was staring towards him now. Expressions hanging in abeyance, waiting for their cue. And then suddenly smiles wreathed all of their faces, which meant that he must have brought his own face under enough control to smile first. To reassure the children, who should have known better. And she didn’t know whether that thought made her glad, or even angrier.

  NINE

  There were two postcards in the letterbox when Maddie arrived home from work on Wednesday, one from each child. She smiled at the thought that they couldn’t share, even this, and then wondered who had thought of it first. Or perhaps it hadn’t been either of them. See that cafe, guys? Here’s some money to go buy your mother a postcard each. She frowned as the thought formed, annoyed at her eagerness to believe the best. Then flexed her hand as she walked up towards the house slowly, postponing the pleasure of the cards for as long as possible, for good luck.

  It had been a slow few days, with each simply leading up to the evening’s phone call: laconic and offhand or overflowing and animated, depending on whether it was Sam or Ashley. She told herself she was glad, thrilled, things were turning out so well. That both children were having a fantastic time and were getting on so well with their father and perhaps he really was a changed man – with everyone except her.

  This was a message that also seemed to be getting through to Hannah, helped by the fact that Maddie hadn’t shared the finer details of the confrontation at the airport. Choosing instead to focus on the presence of another woman, clearly indicating that he had moved on, and his confirmation that the kids would be returning soon. Both of which had impelled her sister to put aside her research into contested custody in favour of studying up on parenting orders by mutual agreement. A methodology which appealed to Hannah enormously, not just because it was less aggressive and adversarial, but because it all seemed so much more civilised. More refined.

  But, for Maddie, the aching tenderness of her hand served as a reminder that things would not be quite so easy. She certainly believed that they would come to an agreement simply because, eventually, Jake would have little choice. But within the parameters of that agreement she knew he would make life uncomfortable whenever possible. Verbal abuse and casual violence. Reconfiguring shared care into an ongoing competition with tactics and strategies and manipulation. Late pick-ups and drop-offs, last-minute cancellations. Because these were all the things he had done before, six years ago, and back then he had at least loved her. Needed her.

  And now there was another woman. With her image intruding on Maddie’s life like a photograph she had forgotten to put away, or couldn’t find a place for. She would say her name, Natalie, sounding out the syllables as if she was in love with her also. Re-examining her features, and the sound of her voice, and the moment when she had looked across at Jake and they had tacitly spoken with that easy interaction that came from intimacy. Foreplay for the grunting, thrusting, never-ending fornication that took place in Maddie’s mind. Ten, twenty, one hundred times a day.

  She was continually amazed by her own surprise. Why had it never occurred to her that he may have repartnered? And why on earth did it bother her so much? She told herself it was a good thing, that it would mean he was less obsessed, less fixated on her and their marriage. That even though he might still hate her, would probably always hate her, the situation was helped enormously by the fact that there was no longer a Jake and Mattie. Now it was Jake and Natalie. Jake and Nat. And this other woman, this Natalie, younger, fitter, slimmer, would have wandered through their house, and slept in their bed, and have been woken with breakfast in bed on the weekends. Tea and toast and perfectly poached eggs. His specialty. And the irony was that Maddie knew she wouldn’t have traded places with her for a million dollars, for a billion dollars, or for all the poached eggs in the world. But that didn’t stop it hurting.

  She unlocked the back door and let Guess out, propping the door open with her foot until the dog came running back, jumping up excitedly to receive his formal greeting. Then she put her bag on the table and fed him some leftover casserole before switching the kettle on and finally, when there was nothing else, sitting down at the table with the two postcards. She examined the pictures: the sea and surf and sunshine. Then she read Sam’s first, followed by Ashley’s.

  Maddie read them through again a second time, marvelling at the contrasting styles, with monosyllabic sparseness versus flowery script and love hearts. Flicking Ashley’s card over, Maddie stared again at the elegant resort, with palm trees and a sparkling sapphire swimming pool the same colour as the sky. No wonder they were enjoying themselves. She told herself she was glad, that they deserved to have a marvellous holiday, even if it wasn’t her who gave it.

  Guess scrabbled to his feet from under the table and stood poised for a moment, head cocked. He took off just as a sharp knock came from the little-used front door. Maddie looked up, frowning. She took a moment to align the postcards neatly and then headed down the passage towards the door. Through the frosted glass insert she could see the outline of a man, lifting his hand to knock again. Guess crouched, sniffing at the doorjamb, tail wagging excitedly.

  ‘Just a minute,’ called Maddie as she tugged the door open and pushed Guess behind her with one foot. The man stood with one hand still raised. He was good-looking in a conservative way, with short hair and clean features, but dressed a little too casually to be an evangelist. Maddie smiled politely. ‘Hello? Can I help you?’

  He lowered his hand, grinning. ‘Sorry. Um, hello.’ He held a manila envelope and read from a sheet clipped to the front. ‘Matilda Anne Hampton?’

  Maddie froze, staring. After a few moments, she nodded slowly. She could feel Guess trying to wriggle his way around her foot, so she slid it sideways, just a little, barring him from the doorway. Matilda Anne Hampton. She let the words slink through again, to make sure that they had been the ones she heard, and then suddenly became aware that the man had continued speaking. ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Are you the person named as the respondent in this application?’ He was holding the envelope out, like a religious offering, with the clipped sheet facing her. There was
a small photograph attached to the top right-hand side and, amazingly, it was of her. But much younger. Looking down slightly to one side and laughing at someone or something just beyond the frame.

  Maddie’s eyes lingered on the photo for a moment and then flicked to the paper and the sections printed in bold. Affidavit of Service. Applicant: Jacob Francis Hampton. Respondent: Matilda Anne Hampton. Then she shook her head.

  ‘You’re not?’ The young man frowned, glancing down at the photograph and then back again.

  ‘What’s this about?’ asked Maddie, her voice coming out hoarse.

  ‘I’m just the process server. You’ll have to read the papers yourself. But I’d really appreciate it if you signed this.’ He dug a pen out of his shirt pocket and held it out. ‘Makes it easier, you know. For me.’

  ‘What happens if I don’t sign it?’

  He shrugged. ‘Won’t matter much in the long run. I just have to swear I identified you from the photo instead. You still get the papers.’

  Maddie slowly took the pen. The girl in the photograph was staring straight at her hand, still vastly amused, as it hovered over the signature block and then moved rapidly across the page. Maddie handed back the pen and watched as the young man unclipped the sheet of paper from the envelope. She realised suddenly that she’d signed M. Hampton without even thinking. He pushed the envelope forward, so that it was only centimetres from her chest, and Maddie had no choice but to take it. Then he gave her one last grin, an oddly sympathetic one, and turned, taking the front steps two at a time. The single, signed sheet of paper flapped in the breeze as he crossed the lawn. Maddie stood still, holding the envelope out as if hoping someone else, in turn, would take it from her. Like a game of pass the parcel, except that she was alone. And the winner is . . .

  Guess finally managed to squeeze his way through Maddie’s legs and ran out onto the front porch, barking wildly at the departing figure of the process server. It was this sudden noise that broke Maddie out of her reverie and she blinked, then leant forward and used the envelope to slap Guess lightly across the head. ‘Guess! Don’t be ridiculous. C’mon. Inside.’