From This Day Forward

by Victoria Thompson

  “Perhaps I should give you a tour of the house,” he suggested.

  That seemed sensible. “I do need to know my way around,” she admitted.

  “All right, let’s start with the back parlor,” he said, indicating the door to their right. This was obviously the room he used most. The furniture was comfortable and worn, and bookshelves full of books lined one wall. One of those books lay open, face down, on a table by one of the chairs, and Lori had no trouble at all picturing Adam sitting there reading.

  She smiled slightly at the thought and glanced up to find he was watching her closely—too closely. His eyes were like the blue heart of a flame, and Lori actually felt the heat of that flame. Instinctively, she backed up a step.

  Her reaction startled him, and when he blinked and looked at her again, she realized she’d only imagined the expression she had seen a moment ago. His gaze was clear and cool and perfectly innocent.

  She was acting like an idiot, imagining threats that didn’t exist. He was Adam, not Eric. She didn’t have to be afraid. “This is a lovely room.”

  “It’s where the family always sat, back when we had a family,” he added with just a hint of regret. “Now it’s just me. And you, of course.”

  Lori felt a tremor of reaction at the hint of intimacy, as if someone had grazed a teasing finger down her spine, and she only just managed not to shiver. “Yes,” she agreed, wondering how long it would take her to feel as if she belonged here. If she ever truly would.

  With that disturbing thought, she led the way to the next room. She didn’t allow herself to look at him as he described its use to her, and soon she was able to pretend his nearness didn’t disturb her at all. As Adam took her up and down the long hallways, setting a leisurely pace that permitted him to walk with only the slightest trace of a limp, she began to lose track of all the rooms. There was a study and an office and a smaller dining room for everyday use and a music room and guest room after guest room. Finally they reached a room whose door Adam made no attempt to open.

  “This is Eric’s room,” he said, as they passed, and Lori felt her heart shrivel in her chest. For one awful second she imagined the door opening and...

  But Eric wasn’t here, she reminded herself sternly. Eric wasn’t anywhere near. He was off fighting a war, and he wasn’t coming back for a very long time, maybe not ever. Squelching her automatic wish for that very thing because she knew how sinful it was, she forced her feet to carry her past the closed door of the room she knew she would never enter.

  “And this,” Adam said when they came to the next closed door, “is my room, or at least it was until today.” Something in his tone made her look up, and she realized he had been watching her reaction to Eric’s room and didn’t quite know what to make of it. Well, what had he expected, that she’d want to see inside?

  Then what he’d said about his own room sank in. “This isn’t your room anymore?” she asked in confusion.

  His smile seemed a trifle skewed, as if it felt awkward on his face. “I thought you’d be more comfortable in the master bedroom. We’d be more comfortable, I mean. It’s much larger and...”

  As if he was embarrassed, he turned away quickly and threw open the door at the very end of the long hallway. Lori really was embarrassed, and felt her face burning in reaction. Dear heaven, what had she been thinking? Naturally, Adam would expect to sleep in the same room as his wife. In the same bed. With her.

  For an instant, she felt the blood rushing from her head, and she reached out quickly to brace her hand against the wall. Only by force of will did she prevent herself from fainting yet again.

  “Lori?”

  Adam’s voice seemed far away, even though she could see he was standing only a few feet from her. Lori forced herself to smile as the wave of weakness passed and the dark spots dancing before her eyes receded. Drawing as deep a breath as her corset would allow, she put one foot in front of the other and walked past him into the bedroom that they would share.

  Her first impression was the one she voiced. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered in awe.

  Indeed, the dark, richly carved cherry wood furniture was polished to a luster. The four-poster bed was draped with a lace canopy and covered with a matching counterpane. Lace curtains hung at the windows beneath heavy damask drapes, and a thick carpet covered the floor. Crystal bottles glittered in the afternoon sun from atop the dressing table. Lori suddenly felt as if she had been transported into a fairy tale.

  “The room has been closed since my father died. Sudie and the girls have been working very hard the past few days to get it ready,” Adam confided as Lori continued to stare, trying to take it all in at once and discovering something new every second. She detected the faint odors of cedar and rose sachet.

  At last her gaze settled on the bed. The enormous bed, built for a man and his wife to share. The bed she and Adam would share that night and every night for the rest of their lives. For some reason, she could hardly breathe.

  “You know,” Adam was saying, “a man usually gets a kiss at the end of the wedding ceremony, but I missed out on mine.”

  She looked up at him and was surprised all over again by how tall he was. And how broad. He would be strong, so much stronger than she, and he could take whatever he wanted and she wouldn’t be able to stop him—just like she hadn’t been able to stop Eric. She tried to draw a breath but couldn’t. Something ruthless seemed to be squeezing her.

  “Did you...?” She had to swallow and try again. “Did you want a kiss now?” She’d tried to sound playful but didn’t think she’d succeeded.

  At least he was smiling, although he looked embarrassed again. “Now would be fine.”

  Whatever was squeezing her tightened its grip, but she swallowed again, forcing down the gorge that tried to rise in her throat. This was Adam, she reminded herself frantically, and lifted her face.

  No one had ever kissed her, not really, so she wasn’t exactly sure what to do, but she closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see him looming over her and be afraid.

  For several heartbeats nothing happened, and then she felt him moving toward her, heard the rustle of his clothes, the uneven step of his injured leg. She braced herself, but still she jumped when he touched her, his hands on her upper arms, holding her so she wouldn’t run away. His mouth covered hers, and for an instant everything was fine. Everything was wonderful. His mouth was warm and soft and infinitely sweet, and the kiss was everything she could have wished and more.

  But just when it should have been over, his fingers tightened on her arms, and he pulled her to him. Suddenly, she was back there with Eric, and he was forcing her down, his hands cruel as they bruised her flesh and tore at her clothes, and she couldn’t breathe and she couldn’t move and she couldn’t get away and she was going to die!

  With a cry, she tore free, ripping herself from his grasp as the terror roared within her. For an instant longer he was still Eric, with Eric’s evil grin and Eric’s clutching hands, reaching for her. The gorge rose up in her throat again, and she clamped both hands over her mouth and ran.

  She’d seen the screen standing in the corner, and although she had no idea what was behind it, it offered the only privacy available. Fortunately, it also concealed a commode chair, and Lori vomited into it, retching painfully again and again until she’d rid her body of every vestige of her marriage feast.

  When it was finally over, she sank to her knees and wished fervently to die. How could she ever face Adam Ross again? she wondered as she drew the back of one trembling hand across her mouth. And why on earth would he ever want to even see her? She was disgusting. And thoroughly humiliated.

  Why on earth hadn’t she taken her own life when she’d had the chance, before Adam Ross even knew she existed?

  Then she remembered that he was still out there, on the other side of the screen, and that he’d heard everything. And she began to weep silently, choking back the sobs but unable to stop the tears that coursed down
her cheeks.

  She didn’t know how long she had been weeping when she heard the bedroom door close. Surely, Adam had finally left her alone in her misery. But then someone spoke.

  “Missy, you all right?”

  Oh, dear God, it was that woman Sudie. Just when she’d thought things couldn’t get any worse. She tried to stifle another sob, but Sudie must have heard it or else simply figured out where she was. Suddenly, the slave woman was there, standing over her.

  “Lord have mercy,” she muttered in disgust.

  Lori covered her mouth, but the sobs shook her shoulders, betraying her.

  Sudie’s hand came down, and Lori instinctively flinched, half-expecting a blow. But Sudie only felt her forehead.

  “Don’t seem to have no fever,” she concluded.

  Lori shook her head, wishing she could reassure the woman and send her on her way, but she was afraid to uncover her mouth for fear that she would sob out loud and further humiliate herself.

  “Let’s get you up from there ’fore you ruin that dress,” Sudie said with a resigned sigh, and before Lori could protest, Sudie had her on her feet.

  “Come on, I’ll get you into bed directly,” she continued and would have drawn Lori out from her hiding place, but Lori dug in her heels.

  At Sudie’s surprised look, she uncovered her mouth at last and managed to whisper, “I don’t want him to see me!”

  “Massa Adam?” Sudie echoed in surprise. “He gone. You don’t expect no man to stand around while you bein’ sick all over the place, do you?”

  No, of course not. She should have known. He would have gone for Sudie, who always took care of everything.

  Why couldn’t she just die?

  After Lori had washed out her mouth, Sudie made her sit in the dresser chair, then she went to the door and called for someone named Molly. A dark-skinned girl came running and in a matter of minutes the mess had been removed, a window opened and rosewater sprinkled around to cover the smell.

  “We’ll get you outta that dress now,” Sudie said when they were alone again.

  Lori’s hand went protectively to her throat, but Sudie didn’t notice. She was already moving toward the tall chest of drawers. She opened one and pulled out something white which Lori recognized as the nightdress she had recently purchased for herself with Adam’s money. How had it gotten in that drawer?

  Then Lori recalled that she had brought with her this morning a small bundle that contained all her belongings. She’d left it in the carriage, but apparently, someone had carried it inside and even unpacked it. Disturbed by this and not even sure why, Lori didn’t realize why Sudie had drawn her to her feet again until she started to undress her.

  “I can do that myself!” Lori protested weakly.

  “I expect you can,” Sudie agreed tartly. “Been doin’ it yourself all your life, but things is different now. You Masst Adam’s wife, and you’ll have a maid to do for you. None of the girls is trained yet, ’cause we ain’t had a lady to do for here in a long time, but I’ll pick one of ’em and teach her what she needs to know. Meantime, you’ll have to put up with me.”

  Even though plainly Sudie was as uncomfortable with this arrangement as she was, Lori realized she had no other choice, since she was still too weak to deal with all the hooks and ties and fasteners of the elaborate outfit. So she stood like a doll while Sudie undressed her, lowering her eyes in shame when she was stripped naked in the instant before Sudie held up the nightdress so she could slip it over her lead.

  Only when she was covered again, did she dare meet Sudie’s gaze, and when she did, she found the slave woman faring at her with what could only be pure hatred. As if she could tell just by looking at Lori’s nakedness just how thoroughly she had been defiled.

  “Sit down and I’ll brush out your hair,” Sudie said.

  Lori opened her mouth to protest and realized that to do so would only earn her more of Sudie’s contempt. So she sat and allowed the other woman to unpin her hair and brush it out. While Sudie wasn’t exactly gentle, she took care not to cause her any pain. But even still, Lori couldn’t help the tears that leaked out of her eyes. She only wished they could wash away some of her anguish.

  When Sudie had finished with Lori’s hair, she laid the silver-backed brush down on the dresser and stepped back. ‘I’ll get you some hot water so you can wash up. And I’ll bring your supper on a tray,” she said, and then she was gone, closing the door silently behind her.

  For the rest of the evening, Lori felt like a cosseted prisoner. A girl brought her water and later her supper, some leftovers from the wedding dinner that she couldn’t bring herself to touch. Probably, she should have tried to rest, but the thought of lying down in that bed was simply too terrifying, especially when she was sure Adam would be coming in eventually to join her. She wanted to be standing on her feet when she saw him next. And she would have to explain somehow. She would have to tell him that it was Eric she was afraid of and not him. And somehow she would have to make him understand.

  But when she finally heard his knock on the door, she still hadn’t figured out how she could do so.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Adam drained his glass and set it down on the table beside him. After summoning Sudie to tend to Lori, he had swiftly retreated to his study where he’d been sitting for hours now drinking whiskey and pretending to read when all the time he’d been remembering that horrible moment when Lori had wrenched away from him and fled.

  He made her sick.

  What a fool he was. How could he ever have imagined that any woman, even a woman as desperate as Lori McClintock, would ever be able to endure his touch? Of course, he hadn’t expected quite as violent a reaction as he’d gotten today. First, she’d fainted at the prospect of kissing him, and then when he actually did...

  But it was no more than he deserved, he thought grimly. He’d tried to cheat his fate and take one more thing from his brother. To grasp onto at least a portion of the perfect happiness he’d once hoped to know. To possess a woman’s body if he could never win her heart. But Eric had the last revenge. Too bad he wasn’t here to see it.

  He looked up to find Sudie standing in the doorway watching him. How long had she been there?

  “It’s mighty late,” she pointed out.

  “Yes, I know, and my bride is waiting,” he said, managing a smile for Sudie’s benefit, although his insides felt as if h had swallowed broken glass. “How is she?”

  “I told you before, she fine,” Sudie reported, not bothering hide her disgust. “Prob’ly, she just made a pig out of herself at dinner. I don’t expect her kind ever seen so much food all at once.”

  Adam felt an unfamiliar rush of anger toward her. “That’s enough, Sudie,” he told her sharply. “I won’t have you speaking ill of her. She is my wife, after all.”

  Sudie stiffened under the rebuke, but she didn’t drop her gaze, as most of his slaves would have done. If he never forgot her special position in this household, she was even more aware of it. “Yes, she your wife,” Sudie agreed. “And she ain’t too sick to do her duty by you, if that’s what you was wonderin’.”

  “Sudie,” he said in warning, but she still refused to flinch.

  “That is what you was wonderin’, ain’t it?”

  Not exactly, although he wasn’t about to admit to Sudie that he already knew his bride was not going to be able to do her duty tonight or any other night. Not so long as she was married to a disgusting cripple.

  Resignedly, he pushed himself to his feet and marveled lat he was still so steady after all the liquor he had consumed. Just his luck that it worked so well on physical pain but didn’t even touch the other kind.

  “You can go now, Sudie,” he said wearily, dismissing her to the cabin she shared with Oscar. “We won’t be needing anything else tonight.”

  She frowned and didn’t move except to step back as he approached to allow him into the hallway. He wondered what she was thinking and decided that he didn’
t want to know. Without a backward glance, he headed in the direction of the master bedroom.

  The hall was dark, but he knew the route by heart, having lived in this house for most of his twenty-eight years. He could see the strip of light beneath the bedroom door and new he’d find his bride still awake. Drawing a deep breath and setting his face into the mask of blankness he usually wore to disguise the pain in his leg, he lifted his hand and knocked.

  A moment passed, and then another, and just when he began to wonder, he heard her say, “Come in.”

  She was standing in the center of the room, clad only in a nightdress. Her hair was loose, flowing around her shoulders in ebony waves, and her breasts were loose beneath the thin gown, soft and full and luscious, and for a few seconds he couldn’t seem to get his breath. She was, he was certain, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. And the most tempting.

  Needs he hadn’t even known he possessed swirled within him like a hot, dark tide, and he’d actually taken a step toward her before he realized it.

  Her frightened gasp stopped him, and he watched in anguish as she wrapped her arms protectively around herself as if she wished to shrink completely from his sight. He drew a ragged breath and forced himself to speak while he still could.

  “This is an unusual situation,” he began, reciting by rote the speech he had spent the whole evening preparing and praying the whiskey he had drunk wouldn’t affect his memory of it. “For both of us. We... we hardly know each other and therefore...” Oh, God, had he really said therefore? “... we don’t feel for each other the feelings that... that a newly married couple normally feel.”

  What a damned liar he was. If he felt those feelings any more, he’d burst into flames. All he could think about was how soft her skin would be if he touched her, if he ran his hands over her throat and her shoulders and her naked breasts and buried his face in her warm, satiny flesh and inhaled her secret scent...

  “So...” He had to clear his throat to continue. “So you needn’t worry that I will... that I...” Although he had sworn not to, he couldn’t help glancing at the big bed with its thick feather ticking upon which he had imagined spending this night sampling all the delights Lori McClintock’s sweet, young body could provide.