by Kat T. Masen
“How do you like the view?” Julian asks.
“It’s beautiful. I mean, what you see in movies doesn’t do it justice.” I grab a mouthful of salad. “The weather is perfect, and the people are so relaxed and friendly. I really could see myself living here.”
“It’s beautiful. There’s something calming about this place,” he adds.
“Like the Aussie gals?” I say in my best Aussie accent.
“Your accent is terrible. Now tell me, what’s this nonsense you’re going on about my publicist?”
“She wants in your pants.”
“She wants in my pants?” he repeats.
“Oh, puh-lease! Like you can’t see that. Oh, Julian…” I mimic, “… let me touch your arm again and flash my boobs in your face.”
His laugh startles me.
I cross my arms, not seeing the funny side of this conversation.
“Aww, is someone jealous?”
I know I’m pouting, and his cheesy smirk isn’t helping me keep a straight face.
“Adriana, I don’t want Giselle—”
“Great, Giselle. She even has a supermodel name.”
He places his hand on mine. “Why can’t you see the only person I want is sitting right in front of me?”
“Because the person in front of you is completely fucked up and doesn’t feel worthy of anyone, especially you.”
“Why me? I’m no saint,” he admits.
“No, you aren’t, but you have what everyone woman wants. And I want it…” I say the words I can no longer hold back.
I wait for his reaction.
His eyes are watching me, and they look alive. In this one look, in the middle of a crowded restaurant, heat travels down to the most sensitive areas of my body and is igniting a flame that’s seriously burning out of control. With his forefinger, he traces my lips, making them quiver. As he leans in, his aftershave lingers, and I’m seriously ready to burst. His lips gently graze mine, and teasingly, he sucks my bottom lip. I trace my tongue along his without causing a huge scene. He pulls away, grinning from ear to ear, taking a sip of his wine.
“Wow,” I mutter under my breath. “Is it just me or is it hot out here?” I fan my face, trying to cover the smile.
“Hot, yes. Very hot,” he murmurs, seductively tasting his lips again. My eyes are drawn to the way his tongue slivers across his lips, wondering what else he could do with them.
“Okay, don’t, ‘cause that’s unfair. Do you really want me to pull a Meg Ryan in here?”
“Let’s see. Adriana orgasming in a restaurant? Hmm… I think I’d like that show in private.”
Oh man, what a hot thing to say.
“More water, please,” I call to the waiter.
“Still hot?” he teases.
Bowing my head, I suddenly feel shy. “Very.”
We finish our meals and spend the rest of the day walking along the Quay. We settle on a spot, standing amongst the crowd as we watch all the performances. Crowds circle the buskers as they perform amusing tricks. One man is dressed and painted from head to toe in silver. He doesn’t move an inch, kids laughing and trying to make him flinch to no avail. When someone throws coins into his hat, he will suddenly acknowledge their gesture, stirring the kids again.
As dusk sets in, the lights illuminate the city. Julian firmly holds onto my hand as we walk along the streets. It feels right, and it surprises me that it doesn’t make me anxious at all.
“So, I was thinking, how about we take it easy tonight? Room service and a movie?” I ask casually.
Okay, so I can see how easily that can be interpreted as sex, but really, I’m tired. I see the cogs turning in his head and the general saluting me, ready to battle.
“Sounds like a good plan,” he responds, without any further suggestions or sexual innuendo.
“But… but… I’m just really tired and want to hang out with you. I’m guessing it sounds like I want sex, but it’s so not like that,” I ramble on.
“Adriana.” He laughs. “Relax. I’m exhausted, too.”
Later, we sit on the bed surrounded by several dishes after being indecisive about what to order. I’m a huge eater despite my small frame. In fact, I entered several eating contests when I was a kid, even going up against my brother.
“How can you eat so much? You’re tiny,” he says, intently watching me devour the crème brûlée.
“It’s the one thing which has baffled mankind. Trust me, I wish I could put on weight.”
“First time I’ve ever heard a woman say that.”
“Yeah, well, believe me, I’m so sick of hearing, ‘you’re so thin… blah blah blah.’ Even when I was pregnant with Andy, I barely put on the baby weight. Except my boobs. God, I’d be so pregnant again just to have boobs like that.”
Julian grins and shakes his head in amusement. “Okay, so how about no boob talk while you’re in bed with me, technically.”
“Why?” I tease. “Can’t handle it?”
I see him squirm, and I’m enjoying every second of his discomfort.
“You’re mean. I’d like to think I have some self-control.”
“You sound too cocky… excuse the pun.”
I move the tray which sits between us, and in a bold move, I climb on top, so I’m straddling him. There’s something exhilarating about taking control, succumbing to this uncharted sexual desire I feel toward him. The fire in his eyes is undeniable, and I can see him struggle to compose himself. I don’t move, but his hardness is pressed firmly against me, certain that with one grind, he’ll be undone, and I probably won’t be far behind.
And that thought alone excites me.
He places his hands on my knees and slowly slides them up my thighs, pushing my skirt up and exposing my skin. “Adriana… you’re pushing my limits.”
“Maybe I want to push them.”
“Be careful what you wish for.”
His hand moves up to the back of my neck, pulling me down as our lips lock, and our tongues entwine. There’s desperation as we struggle for air, not wanting to break the intensity fueling us. I cup his face, nestling his cheekbones in the palm of my hands. I want him, all of him, right here, right now.
I want him to be mine.
“Julian,” I murmur. “I don’t know if I can stop.”
“Then don’t.”
His short answer only drives the passion further as I start to grind against him, letting him moan in my mouth. Knowing that I’m the one causing his body to cave at this moment, I feel myself crumble all around him.
This is it. This is the big moment I’ve been dreading yet yearning for at the same time. We remain fully dressed, dry-humping like a couple of teenagers, not stopping the rhythm of our bodies. The moisture between my legs is seeping out of my panties, making me wild and unpredictable. His hands have moved around to my buttocks, sneaking underneath my garment resting against my heated skin. With a gentle squeeze, I’m ready to convulse. I nudge his palms to move further back and caress the weak spot of mine so desperately needing attention.
As my hand slides down his torso, ready to embrace his manhood, the ring of my cell startles me. Reluctantly, I pull away, unwillingly biting my lip as I watch him watch me.
Worst timing ever.
Short of breath, I lean over and see my home number appear on the screen. “Sorry, it’s my son. Do you mind if I place him on speaker?”
“Adriana, it’s fine, just answer it.” Julian stands and moves toward the balcony. Opening the door, he sits outside leaving me alone. I’m guessing the fresh air is beneficial for him.
“Mama!” I hear Andy’s voice. God, how much I miss him.
“Pooh-bear!” I want to hold him, smell his hair, and smother my face into his neck.
“Mama, Amelia got an ouchie today. She jumped off da swings, Mama.”
“You mean she fell, Andy,” I gently correct him.
“No, Mama, she wanted to be Batman and fly. She was wearing her cape.”
&nbs
p; Good Lord, Charlie must have had a heart attack. Andy continues to talk about his friends, what he ate for dinner, how Ash dug up the backyard. I could’ve talked for hours forgetting Julian was just outside.
“Andy, can Mama talk to Grammy now?”
“Grammy went to the shops. Uncle Lex is here.”
“Hey, sis, how is it Down Under?”
I see Julian shift uncomfortably outside, and I know that I can’t take Lex off speaker as he’ll ask why I did that. My brother is like an annoying detective, always thinking the worst. I have to make the call short. “All good. I miss Andy. Hope he is behaving. I’ll be back on Friday.”
“He misses you, too. So, he told you about Amelia? I swear, she doesn’t have an ounce of fear.”
I laugh. “I’m sorry, Lex. Is Charlie okay?”
“Apart from having a stroke, she’s okay. I was all the way across town when it happened, and you know LA traffic. Nothing was broken.”
“Give her a big hug and kiss for me.” I pause, trying to think of a way to quickly end the call.
“Is everything okay? You sound a bit off.”
“Just tired. You know, the time zones.”
“How was the shop front you looked at? I’ve got a contact in Sydney if you need more assistance.”
“Actually, I’m heading there tomorrow, but thanks anyway. Listen, I’ve gotta go. Gonna try to fit in as much as I can while I’m here.”
“Oh, hang on, Adriana… Charlotte wants to say hello.”
This is awkward, but Julian doesn’t seem bothered as he continues to sit outside, now watching me. It bothers me that he isn’t bothered.
“Hey, Thunder from Down Under! How is it?”
“Hey, Char, yeah, all good. Such a beautiful country.”
“And the men?” I hear Lex mumble in the background. “Ignore him. So, is the country swarming with Hugh Jackmans?”
“Uh yeah… some very good-looking men around.”
“Oh… oh! Are you with one right now, and that’s why you have your awkward tone on?” she squeals.
I look uncomfortably at Julian, who appears amused with the turn of conversation.
“I gotta go. Kiss my son for me, okay?”
She whispers into the speaker, “You better tell me what’s going on when Lex is gone. You’re hiding something.”
I say my goodbyes and hang up letting out a huge sigh of relief. “I’m sorry, that took longer than expected.”
“You shouldn’t apologize for wanting to speak to your son.”
“Yeah, I know, but you know with Lex and Charlie…”
“Look, it’s been a long day for both of us. I’m going to call it a night.”
He stands, but before leaving, he bends down and plants a kiss on my lips. I want him to stay, but I don’t want our night to end on a bad note like last night. He makes it quick, and is out of the room in a flash, leaving me alone again.
I move toward the nightstand and pick up his book. Continuing to read, I lose myself in his words, clutching onto his hopes and dreams, his fears and nightmares as if they are my own. With every page I turn, I find myself more astounded by his talent. He’s going to be an international bestseller, no doubt about it.
Somewhere in the middle of the night, I take in his final words, shutting the book as I let it all sink in. What the hell am I doing? I feel intimated by his intelligence and the life he’s lived so far. I haven’t done half the things he’s done, traveling across the world, helping those suffering. What have I done? I create fashion and live in a material world. He gives his shoes to poor villagers and walks a mile just to fetch a bucket of water for the sick.
It all feels so insignificant, I feel insignificant. My goals and my dreams pale into nothingness compared to his.
I lay in bed wide awake, unable to shut off my brain. I grab my cell to text him. It seems to be the only way to relay my thoughts without word-vomiting.
Me: I finished reading. I am speechless, yes me. I can’t believe how talented you are.
Minutes go by with no response. When the screen lights up the room, I rush to read the text.
Julian: Thank you. And the inscription?
I think about his question. I want to pour my heart out to him and tell him how terrified I am of losing him, how my heart is confused and how much I want to admit I feel the same way, but the guilt consumes me whole and leaves me voiceless. Instead, my insecurities get the better of me.
Adriana: Why did your mood change after that phone call?
I wait and wait, with no response. I fall asleep to wake with the sun rising and the beep of my cell.
Julian: It’s your last day here, Adriana. Let’s just enjoy the day.
I’m hurt by his comment. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. I hate the fact I automatically jump to conclusions.
The same broken record playing over and over inside my head.
I’m not worthy.
And maybe because he is still in love with Charlie.
Here’s the thing about time zones—they suck more than a two-dollar whore.
I’m wide awake at this godforsaken hour, dressed and fed with nowhere to go. The sound of the street sweepers and garbage trucks can be faintly heard in the distance, and the sun is barely peeking beyond the horizon. As soon as the light floods my room, I make my way out to inspect the shop front, my sole purpose for coming all the way to Sydney, or so I told everyone.
Kenny, the realtor, is very accommodating and takes me through several properties. Each has their own unique quality, but I’m not convinced I’ve found the perfect spot. That is until he shows me a space in a popular area called Paddington. According to Kenny, Oxford Street is notorious for upmarket boutiques and is a popular shopping district for locals and tourists. The shop itself is gorgeous. So gorgeous, I can imagine my couture gowns showcased in the window.
Within the hour, I have a copy of the contract in my hand ready for Charlie to read over.
It’s almost midday by the time I finish, and much to my disappointment, Julian hasn’t called. Okay, seriously, why didn’t I just call him? Within seconds, I ring his cell praying he will answer.
“Hey,” he greets mildly.
“Hey, I thought we were going out today?”
The sound of wind interrupts the call. I can tell he’s outside somewhere.
“Meet me at the beach.” He gives me the details and specific instructions of where to meet, a popular beach called Bondi located about fifteen minutes from where I am. I’m quick to let him know I’m not dressed for swimming, and he suggests I hit up the surf shops opposite the street.
I find several shops and settle on purchasing a hot red bikini. With the correct attire, I’m ready to cool off as the sweltering heat starts to make me feel lightheaded. The Australian sun is a lot stronger than back home, the harsh rays almost burning my pale skin.
Julian is exactly where he said he’d be beside a yellow Kombi-van housing surfboards. As soon as he lays eyes on me, he is distracted, and the scruffy young-looking blond guy is quick to turn my way. After an introduction, Julian insists we take surf lessons, and when I say we, I mean me. Julian is already skilled in that area, whereas I totally suck and keep falling off the board. Thank God, we are practicing on sand, though it makes me look even more pathetic if that’s possible.
Walking into the ocean, I feel the goosebumps all over my skin as the water makes contact. I’m amazed at how blue the water looks up close, and it’s so clean. It’s picturesque and calm until, of course, a wave comes crashing.
After almost gulping a mouthful of seawater, I catch Julian looking at me with a broad grin. His hair is slicked back, dripping wet, and totally sexy as hell. He hasn’t shaved with day-old stubble giving him this rugged look that makes me want to shove his face between my legs.
Calm the fuck down.
“Yeah, I totally suck. Go on, laugh it up,” I complain.
He encourages me to paddle my board again for a wave coming our w
ay. The freedom of the ride is surreal until I crash and fall into the water again. Julian swims over and pulls me toward him.
“You okay?” His eyes narrow, followed by a quick scan of my body to make sure all limbs are intact.
“Better than okay,” I murmur, looking directly into his eyes.
I see him struggle with being only inches away, and I close the gap, wrapping my arms around his neck as we float freely in the water.
“This bikini isn’t helping,” he strains.
I wrap my legs around his waist, and ding-dong, there it is.
“Well, how about I crown you as official Bikini Watcher? You let me know of any potential nip slips?”
“I’ll gladly accept that role.”
I make the first move, finding his lips with mine. At first, I sense resistance, but within seconds, his face and body relax in unison, and he is returning the passion. His fingers are gripping onto me with force as I tease him by applying pressure to his groin. With no one close by, his fingers move into my bikini bottoms as he caresses my ass with an enthused grasp. My lips tear away to make eye contact with him, the thirst reflecting back as I squirm into him and allow his fingers to move further down south. An impending wave is upon us, and the force of the current causes his hand to slip, gently grazing my swollen clit.
Oh my fucking God.
My head tilts back in pleasure as I grip onto his shoulders, digging my nails into his arm. I can fuck him right here, right now. Since when did I become an over-charged sexual lunatic?
And with that thought, in a split millisecond, my mind somehow wanders back to Elijah. The guilt consumes me again. Fuck! My body tenses, and my mojo is swimming away faster than the tide.
The instructor swims our way, and I welcome the interruption.
“You guys ready to head back?”
We follow him back to shore, drying off and heading separate ways to the change rooms.
Julian has a meeting in the late afternoon, so we agree to get together for dinner. I spend the afternoon shopping for last-minute items for Andy and everybody else back home. In the hotel, I struggle to get all the items in the suitcase, fairly certain I’ve doubled my luggage allowance. It feels surreal that tomorrow I’m leaving, trying my best not to count down the hours. I miss my baby, but being here, away from everyone and finally being able to breathe a little, has been therapeutic.
