by Kat T. Masen
“I complete him?”
She nods. I stare out into the pond, watching Julian sit beside Andy as they throw bread at the ducks. I excuse myself from Penny and make my way down to spend some time with them. My footsteps are faint, and I stop not too far behind and listen to their conversation.
“That big duck’s name is Fatty, and that’s his daddy over there.”
Julian chuckles, allowing Andy to continue talking.
“Do you know my daddy works in heaven?”
“I do know that. Heaven is a very special place. I have a friend who works there, too.”
“Do you think your friend has seen my daddy?”
“Maybe. It’s a very big place.”
Andy turns his head to face Julian. “Have you seen my daddy?”
“A very long time ago. He looks just like you, kid.” Julian ruffles Andy’s hair.
“Daddy gone makes Mama cry. I don’t like Mama crying.”
A lump forms in my throat. Andy had seen me cry several times. I never realized how my emotions impact him thinking that because he’s young, he won’t understand.
“It’s okay for your mama to cry. She just needs extra special hugs.”
“I like giving hugs. Uncle Lex always hugs Mama when she cries.”
I make a small sound causing both of them to turn around. Julian smiles reassuringly as I sit on the other side of Andy. Andy begins to talk about the ducks telling us the story about the family. Jesus, my kid can talk for hours. Julian doesn’t mind, though, asking questions Andy loves to answer.
“Mama, can I ask Hazel for some chocolate chip cookies?”
I nod, and without a goodbye, he runs back up the hill. I watch him until he is safely in Hazel’s arms again.
“He likes to talk,” Julian says.
“Much like me?”
“Like mother, like son.”
The ducklings are swimming behind their mother, and I watch in merriment as they nibble on the leftover bread floating on the water. “It’s beautiful here.”
“You’re beautiful here,” he says.
I rest my head on his shoulder. Underneath our legs, he entwines his fingers into mine.
“You’re really great with Andy.”
“You’ve done a great job raising him, Adriana.”
“It’s hard. I won’t be in the running for Mother of the Year. I’m just doing the best I can.”
“It’s not supposed to be easy. You know if you ever need help, you just need to ask,” he offers.
“I need you.”
I feel him squeeze my hands. “We can’t keep hiding this if that’s what you want.”
It’s complicated, and his question warrants an answer. “I know that. It’s just… you don’t understand Lex like I do. He is my brother.”
It’s instant and takes me back as he pulls his hand away leaving me cold.
“I’m not giving you an ultimatum. I’m not that kind of guy. But you need to think about what it is you want because we can’t hide this forever. What if Andy picks up on it, huh?” The arctic tone in his voice stuns me only because there’s so much truth behind it. Andy tells Lex everything.
“I know. Stop pressuring me, okay?” I stand up and wipe my hands on my skirt. “There’s no way in hell this will go down well with Lex. I need time to prepare myself. And I have to think about Andy. He adores Lex. I don’t want my decisions to negatively impact him.”
He follows my actions, standing up in a huff. His face contorts into rage. “How about your brother sees you’re happy and for once stops acting like a selfish prick and allows you to live your life?”
I’m floored by his comment. He doesn’t understand Lex like I do. After all, Lex is my flesh and blood.
“This is getting us nowhere,” I sulk.
“You’re right, it isn’t.”
He doesn’t reach for me, and together we stand apart allowing this argument to cool off. Eventually, he drags me back to him and embraces me. I start crying, frustrated with this ongoing wall between us.
I never want Julian to let go of me, and he doesn’t, even when Andy runs toward us.
“Mama, is Jay hugging you because you crying?”
I let out a small laugh at Andy unable to pronounce Julian’s name. “His name is Julian, Andy.”
“No, Mama, he said his name is Jay.”
I look toward Julian, and it clicks why he said that. He doesn’t want Andy to use the name Julian in front of anyone. Even though he’s ready for us to come out, is he just as terrified as I am?
I lift Andy so he is between us. “Don’t cry, Mama. Jay can make you happy.”
I kiss his little hands and say it aloud. “Jay does make me happy. Very happy.”
Andy squirms out of my embrace. “Okay, Mama. Jay, Hazel says we can take Blaze and Ash for a walk. Please?”
“Sure, buddy. You tell Hazel I said that’s okay.”
His face lights up with a smile, and before he runs off, he wraps his tiny arms around Julian’s legs and hugs him tight. “You’re a good daddy. Blaze loves you.”
Julian beams, and then hugs Andy tightly in return. “Thank you, little man.”
Andy has run off again to find Hazel. We slowly make our way back to the house and find Penny inside the kitchen frantically searching for hot sauce.
“Gee, Pens, you craving or something?”
“The only thing coming out of me is that leftover Taco Bell from last night.”
I screw up my face. Penny is quick to raise her arms in frustration announcing that she’s heading to the store. Picking up her keys from the table, she leans into my ear and says, “You can thank me later,” before disappearing outside.
Julian pulls me toward the couch and makes me sit. He places his hand around my shoulder to close the gap between us, and follows with a deep and loving kiss. I find my hands moving toward his chest, latching onto his shirt. His tongue sweeps over mine as I moan into his mouth. His kisses range from slow to frantic, both of us desperate for more, but know we can’t.
“You’re killing me,” he grunts.
“Uh, hello, you’re killing me.” I grab his hand and quickly shove it under my skirt sliding it into my panties. I’m fucking soaked. His eyes flare, and I see his body tense in delight.
“I need you tonight.”
“I can’t. I have that event I need to go to,” I apologize.
He battles with my answer, his glance fierce and dominating. Julian is patient, yet at times he demands so much of me, and that patient side of him is overcome by jealousy and greed.
“I’m trying to be patient here. I need to be inside you every day, you understand. This has gone on long enough.” The darkness in his eyes and tone of his voice alert me of his intentions. Holy fuck, every day, though? The reality of our life comes to a crashing realization when Andy’s voice is on the verandah.
“Mama! Hazel is making popcorn and we gonna watch wah… wah hun… something bout spotty dogs, and there’s lots of them and an evil lady who tries to steal them. Can I stay here tonight, Mama? Penny is staying, too!”
I walk into the kitchen where I hear Hazel humming along. “Are you sure he can stay? I mean, I know you said yes, but I feel guilty for burdening you. My mom is happy to take him.”
“Sweetie, I’ve got his jammies in his drawer.”
Andy has stayed over a few times already. He claimed the room that he said was his and now he has a drawer too. “I wouldn’t normally go, but this event is a big deal.”
“Now, you listen to me. You’re a great mother. You’ve got family and friends who all adore Andy and just want to keep him forever much like myself.” She winks. “I was thinking about taking him to the zoo tomorrow plus Miles’ grandson wants to come.”
“Henry will be here? Well, no twisting my arm.”
I go back into the living room and sit down beside Andy. He’s making Julian show him on his phone what a Dalmatian is, and just like his mama raised him, along comes a thousand que
stions that follow.
I ask Andy again if he is sure he wants to sleep over, but he is distracted when Henry comes barreling through the door, and I become insignificant. I kiss him goodbye and am met with my face being pushed aside as he tells me he is busy and has to show Henry something. Hazel reassures me it will be fine, and Andy hasn’t even noticed I’m still there, completely taken by a new set of toy cars Henry has brought over. I wave goodbye to Miles and Hazel, but not before I’m stopped by Penny.
“You go enjoy yourself with your man. Get that groove on, Stella!”
I laugh, giving her a tight hug.
The second we’re out the door, Julian pulls me into his arms again, this time making me squeal.
“Hotel. Now,” he demands.
“I can’t. I’ve got to be at Charlie’s in two hours to get ready.”
“No isn’t in my vocabulary when it comes to you spread out naked in front of me.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. “Can I ask a question?”
“Is it about how many times I’m going to fuck you tonight?” He is deadly serious.
“Uh, no… but how many?”
“Get your ass in the car now. It’s gonna get a hell of a workout tonight, lady.”
I laugh then pause. Wait, my ass will get a workout as in anal? Oh, fuck! I fall into a panic at the thought. It’s one thing to have a finger in there but a whole penis? Okay, seriously, I can handle this, it can’t be that bad. Maybe even enjoyable. Oh, who am I kidding, I need major advice, and my bestie is totally off-limits. I can call Eric, but knowing him, he will get way too excited about it all.
Julian senses my trepidation as I squirm uncomfortably in the front seat. Quick to distract me, he places my hand firmly on his bulge. It is rock hard.
“Breathe, Adriana. You’ll enjoy it.”
The balcony door is wide open—a view of the ocean lies before me. The water looks crisp as the waves crash hard into the shore. The room is located on the tenth floor, well above the street noise and chaos beneath us on the boardwalk. It is your typical executive suite, modern and functional, not a single thing out of place.
The warm breeze engulfs me as I stand in front of the door, hands resting on the armchair facing outside. Julian’s presence lingers behind me, grazing my backside at a slow pace. I wait for him to close the drapes, and when it doesn’t happen, I suggest he do so.
“No,” he responds firmly.
“No, you won’t close the drapes?” I ask.
His hands curl around my hips, directing them into him as he pushes his groin against me.
“You won’t let the world know about us, then let me have this, Adriana.”
I’m still confused about what he’s asking for. We’re standing in the doorway to the balcony, and stupidly I am assuming that we’ll fuck inside the room with the drapes shut.
“Let me make it nice and clear for you to avoid any confusion,” he continues, moving closer to my ear. “I want to fuck you, right here, in broad daylight. I want everyone to see you belong to me.”
It takes a moment to sink in, and the second my body registers his commands, that familiar rush down below builds, torturing me with pleasure.
“People can see us.” The nerves are driving me to whisper.
“That’s the plan.”
My eyes divert to the sidewalk, and while we’re quite high up, I can still make out the array of people walking down the street. My sensibility is pushed aside as his hands wander to the front of my jeans, careful to zip them down. In one swift move, they are around my ankles and pushed aside.
Although he is behind me, I’m quick to notice his shorts lay on top of my jeans, wearing only his boxers. Still only in my tank and panties, the touch of his fingers brush against my front, causing me to buckle into him. He catches me, applying pressure as a moan escapes my mouth loudly. Like every other time he has touched me, my body has taken control, blood pumping hard in my veins allowing the adrenaline of pleasure to consume me whole.
However, this time he ups the ante.
His hands make their way back up to my face, roughly sliding his index finger into my mouth, forcing me to suck. I do so, building up my saliva as my lips wrap around his finger sucking it with ease.
With his left hand, his palm glides across my backside, and in a quick fistful, he grabs my panties forcing them down to my ankles. I shuffle to free them, excited and impatient for his next move.
“Tell me I’m the first to be inside here.” The low rumble escapes his throat as he applies pressure at the entrance.
I nod, but he is unsatisfied, his demands repeated. “Tell me out loud.”
The pleasure and pain all roll into one, encouraging me to respond boldly, “Yes, Julian, you’re the first to fuck me in the ass.”
He stiffens, but it’s short-lived. His grip tightens, almost hurting my small frame. I don’t know what to expect and wish I had some time to prepare by studying porn or something. He takes control not allowing me any more time to think. Taking a deep breath, he continues to circle the entrance, smothering it with the moisture between my legs. The tip of his arousal toys my entrance excitedly, my body tensing in nerves, and as soon as he senses my tension, he rubs the small of my back and whispers for me to relax.
He doesn’t enter quite yet, focusing on my swollen clit, rubbing it fast and steady. Every inch of my skin is covered in goosebumps, holding back the impending orgasm. I give him a signal, a slight push back to suggest I’m ready. With his hand firmly on my hip, he guides himself slowly into me. The pain ricochets, and a small cry escapes my mouth. Terrified, I’m on the verge of telling him to stop, worried that there’s no chance in hell his gigantic dick will fit in my ass. It’s impossible, right? It will tear me apart! And then worst yet, what if I needed to… Oh my God, shut up! Shut up!
“It’ll hurt at first, but I promise you it’ll feel good.” He pushes a little further, my body continuing to tense. I take deep breaths, failing to relax. I grip his wrist, a sign to stop.
“You trust me?”
“Yes,” I whimper.
“Then let me have all of you, Adriana.”
He begs of me what I already want to give, and with that, I take control, easing myself back into him ignoring the deep, throbbing pain and allowing his whole cock to sit inside my ass. The moment I’ve taken him all in, a moan escapes followed by slow movements. He talks me through this experience, every thrust, every sensation, and I lose myself to his words, using them to enhance the torturous pleasure that he promises I’ll experience. The pressure of his cock entering me whole consumes me, the ache of my clit begging to be touched.
He reads my body like it’s his own, guiding his hands to my front, and with just one brush, I brace myself for the finishing line.
I want all of him, and I’m not afraid to tell him. “I want you inside me, everywhere on me.”
His ragged breaths and rough handling demand I tell him where.
“I want you inside my mouth.”
He moans.
“I want you inside my pussy.”
He grunts.
“I want you inside my ass.”
He growls forcing himself deeper, hammering his body against mine. We’re equally as desperate for each other, ignorant of the loud echoes heard by the people below. He pleads with me to come with him, and I know I’m close, the ache in my belly rising at a fast pace, ready to let go when the sting of his palm smacking my ass speeds up the momentum, and I cry out loud, shocked at how much I enjoy the pain.
I beg him for more. Grabbing my ass into his hands, he squeezes tight and releases, slapping me hard again.
I yelp again at the sting, begging again.
This time, the slap of his hand echoes against my skin, and with only one eye open, I’m certain that people below have heard and stopped to find out where the commotion is coming from. Never have I felt sated and free at the same time, letting go of all my worries and losing myself completely to him.
Leaning forward, he bites into my shoulder and tells me he can’t take it anymore.
It’s all I need to hear, riding the orgasm as my walls contract, and he tells me he can feel it against his cock, and follows right behind me. His final thrust is hard and fierce, and I release a lengthy moan, collapsing into his arms as we both come down from the intense high of it all.
“Fuck,” I huff, breathing unevenly.
He places his hands firmly on my hips, warning me he is pulling out. I wince at the twinge and threaten to collapse in exhaustion as he pulls himself all out.
A tissue box lies on the bedside table. He grabs a few and cleans us up. I don’t ask any questions, yet he knows I’m mortified and embarrassed. Being such a gentleman, he reassures me it’s nothing bad and guides us to the bed, both of us falling into a crumpled heap. That was intense, and just like he promised, it aroused me in more ways than I can ever imagine.
I snuggle into his side, burying my face into his skin. I run my tongue along his nipple, tasting his sweat.
“One minute, Adriana. I must be good.”
I swat his arm. Cocky bastard knows he is. “Well, since you soon followed, I must be real good.”
He stretches my arms above my head and lies on top of me. Positioning his face directly above mine, his piercing stare melts away my concerns, my worries, and guilt.
“I mean what I said. I need to be inside you every day, Adriana,” he tells me.
“I know.”
He is talking to me not only with his words but with his eyes. They are showing me what I need to see, a part of him that he’s been hiding. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
“Like what?” I ask.
“Complete.”
There’s that single word again, one word that holds so much meaning. “But why is it any different to Charlie?”
Oh, there I go again. Fuck you, brain!
His expression is bleak, and he falters. “I don’t know. It just is, okay?”
“That’s not an answer.”
“I’m feeling very vulnerable here. I just fucked you, I’m lying here naked, and you want to talk about my ex-girlfriend?”
“Fiancée,” I remind him.
