Defensive

by J. D. Rivera

  “You’re a sexy little thing,” he said in a voice that made me want to vomit.

  “Please no,” I whispered. This couldn’t be happening. Please God, don’t let this be happening.

  “I’m not finished with you.” He bit out as he pulled me closer and raised the mask to uncover his mouth. My throat burned with acid as I tried to remove myself from his grasp. He was really strong and it seemed the more I fought, the tighter and stronger he got.

  He raised my sweatshirt with his free hand as I begged, “Please no. I’ll give you anything else you want. Please don’t hurt me.”

  “Just shut the fuck up,” he roared as he reached for my jeans.

  I screamed. “Help me. Please help—”

  “Shut up, bitch,” he said and I flew through the air.

  My head hit something hard and everything went blurry. I could hear grunts and scuffling but I couldn’t make anything out. I tried to move my head but I felt weak. I closed my eyes to blink but they felt so heavy that I left them closed. Images of all of my loved ones flitted through my mind. Eventually, my mind went blank, the noises got fainter, and everything blurred into darkness.

  Jackson

  I got back to my apartment early since we had played an early game. It had been a hard game but, in the end, we had won. Everyone else was pumped up from the win, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything. I had been settling for numbness. That was the easiest.

  I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before I took my usual shower. Afterwards, I dropped down on my bed, feeling emotionally numb and physically exhausted. I grabbed my cell phone to look through the pictures of Vanessa just like I did every night when I noticed a text. It was from Cynthia.

  Cynthia: Call me as soon as you get this.

  My heart rate picked up because I knew it had to be about the baby. I hoped nothing was wrong, but I couldn’t stop thinking something had to be wrong. Why else would she want me to call her? I went through my contacts, dialing her number.

  “Hello?” she answered.

  “Hey, I just got your text. What’s up?”

  “Thanks for calling me back so soon.”

  “Yeah, what’s up?” I repeated, feeling nervous.

  “So, I have some news.”

  I huffed. “Spit it out.”

  “Okay, well the other day, I ran into this guy. He noticed I was pregnant and asked if it was his. My first thought was no. Why would he think it’s his? Anyways, after talking to him a bit more, I realized it could be his.”

  “Cynthia—” I started.

  “Just let me finish. Anyways, I got his number and we decided to have a paternity test done. I got the results back today and um… you’re not the dad.”

  I stood up. I wasn’t sure whether I should be upset, angry, or relieved. “I’m not the dad,” I repeated.

  “Yeah. I’m really sorry. Please believe me when I say that I never meant to cause you any trouble.”

  “I really don’t know what to say. How did you not remember sleeping with this guy?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I feel like such a whore or something. Like I need to be on a talk show or something. I found out today and I wanted to let you know immediately.”

  “How did you not remember this?” I bit out.

  “I don’t know. I guess I was so focused on you I just forgot about the other guy.”

  I sat down on my bed. I counted, trying to get my thoughts together but I was feeling so relieved. “It’s okay. Just let me know if you need anything. Good luck with the new dad, I guess.”

  “Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I sat holding the phone after the call ended, trying to process everything. I felt like I should be sad or angry or something, but all I could feel was relief. I wasn’t sure if that made me an asshole or not.

  My thoughts instantly went to Vanessa and whether this would make a difference with our relationship. I wasn’t sure, since I had messed everything up by sleeping with that girl. I paced back and forth for a while before I decided to talk to her. I had to at least try. I called my parents to tell them they wouldn’t be grandparents after all as I took the shortest route to her apartment. They accepted the news well, with a lot of confused questions, but I think they sensed that I was relieved, which made them relieved.

  Halfway to Vanessa’s apartment, a collision had slowed traffic. I was starting to get agitated because I wanted to get to her. We had to work all of this shit out and be together. My life meant nothing without her in it. After traffic started moving again, I accelerated as fast as I could without causing a wreck of my own. I drove into her complex, noticing some people over by her steps. I couldn’t make anything out but my gut feeling told me it wasn’t good. I parked as fast as I could before jogging over to whatever was happening. My heart stopped. Two guys were over to the side. One was one pinned down and Vanessa lay near him, on the ground. She looked lifeless and there was blood seeping from her head.

  I fell to the ground next to her. “Baby?” I yelled as I touched her face. “Baby?” I tried again as I made sure she was breathing. Thank God she was.

  “I called an ambulance,” I heard someone say. I looked over to see the guy on top of the other looking at me.

  “You called an ambulance?” I asked as I looked at Vanessa again. I was scared to touch her too much because I didn’t want to hurt her.

  “Yeah. I’m sorry she got hurt.” He pushed the other guy into the ground more. “This asshole was attacking her. When I interrupted, she hit her head.”

  I wasn’t sure what to do but I realized I needed to let someone know. Her family would want to know. I dialed Amanda.

  “What’s up, Berrios?” she asked.

  “Amanda,” I choked out.

  “Jackson? What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

  I sucked in some air. “Vanessa’s… been attacked.”

  “WHAT?”

  “I um… I came to her apartment… someone attacked her.”

  “Is she okay?” she asked.

  I tried to steady my breathing but it was hard. “I don’t know. She’s unconscious. I’m waiting on the ambulance.”

  “Okay. Text me what hospital and I’ll meet you there.”

  The line went dead as I looked over Vanessa’s face and made sure she was still breathing. I felt like this had to be a dream. An awful dream. A nightmare. I heard the ambulance in the background so I sent Landon a short text.

  Me: Vanessa was attacked. On way to hospital.

  As soon as the ambulance came to a stop two, paramedics came busting out, running to Vanessa. My phone started ringing in my pocket but I couldn’t answer it. I couldn’t have the same conversation I had with Amanda again with Landon. I just sent him another short text.

  Me: Call Amanda. Can’t talk.

  “Can you tell us what happened?” the paramedics asked the guy who’d saved her. The man, still pinning the thug down, relayed the story of what had happened as they checked her out. She still wasn’t waking up. I felt myself growing more and more concerned with each passing second.

  Two cop cars pulled up along with a fire truck. The police hurried over to where the guy had Vanessa’s attacker pinned while the firemen came to help the paramedics. They loaded her onto a stretcher and my heart broke. Seeing her lying on a stretcher killed me. Why isn’t she waking up? I ran over to the other guys because I wanted to get the name of the guy who’d helped her. I would make sure that he was rewarded. As I looked at the guy in cuffs, I felt anger that I had never felt before. I wanted to murder him.

  I looked back at the ambulance, getting my emotions in check. She needed me. I quickly got the man’s name and information, then hopped in the ambulance beside Vanessa. I squeezed the hand that wasn’t hooked up to the IV and silently prayed that she would come back to me. She had to know the truth about the baby and how much I loved her. I couldn’t lose her this way.

  “Is she going to be okay?” I asked the paramedic.

&nb
sp; “All of her vitals are good but we’ll know more when she’s seen by a doctor.”

  “Please, Vanessa, if you can hear me, wake up. Please wake up,” I said, leaning into her, kissing her cheek.

  Vanessa

  A bright light forced me to open my eyes. Shit, that hurts! I turned my head toward a voice I didn’t recognize.

  “Hey, you’re awake.”

  “Baby, you’re awake?” I heard Jackson’s voice say on the other side of me. “Baby, can you hear me?”

  I turned my head towards him before I took in my surroundings. I was in a small little room with different equipment. I could feel bumping so I was a little confused. “I can hear you,” I told him as I focused on his face. It was lined with worry.

  “Oh, thank God. Baby, you’re in an ambulance, headed to the hospital.”

  I began to ask why but I was cut off by the person on my right asking me different questions. As soon as I was done with the questions, the ambulance came to a stop and I was hurried out and into the hospital. I was scared and confused. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on why I would be in a hospital. My head hurt like hell and my body ached. I scrambled to figure it out. Flashes of being in my apartment parking lot came to mind. Followed by being asked for my purse and being knocked to the ground. After that, I had nothing.

  Doctors and nurses came in, hooking me up to different machines and asking a million questions, but all I wanted was to be left alone and have Jackson by my side again. Where is he? “Jackson. I need Jackson,” I told a nurse.

  “The man you came in with? He’s in the waiting room. He’ll be in after we get you all set.”

  “I need him now,” I told her, raising my voice a little.

  “I know, dear, but we have to do our job first.”

  I was left all alone. I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I tried to blink them away but I couldn’t. The tears kept building and building until I was silently crying. I felt so scared, even though I knew I was safely inside my hospital room.

  “Baby. Oh thank God you’re okay,” Jackson said running to my side. He bent down and kissed my forehead. “Don’t cry. Everything’s okay. You’re okay.”

  “Jackson,” was all I could get out as the sobs took over. He put his arms around me the best he could with all the wires in the way. I buried my face into his neck and cried.

  After I calmed down, I felt him pull away and kiss my forehead. “It’s okay, Vanessa. The doctors said you’re going to be okay, but they want to keep you overnight.”

  “What happened?” I asked as he sat down in a chair, scooting up close to me.

  “Do you remember anything?”

  “I kinda remember being mugged in my apartment parking lot.”

  “Yeah. I didn’t really see anything. I got there after everything had happened, but I guess some asshole tried to mug you and…”

  “Did he…” I couldn’t get the word out and started crying again.

  He pulled me in close again before kissing my cheek. “It’s okay, baby. No, he didn’t rape you. The guy who lives two doors over saw it and stopped him.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “Then what happened? Why did I wake up in an ambulance with you?”

  He gave me another gentle kiss on the cheek. “I decided I’d had enough of our break and was going to make you talk to me and fix this. And I needed to tell you about the baby. I drove over to your apartment. When I pulled up, I saw some people over by your steps. I parked as fast as I could because something just didn’t feel right. I jogged over and found you on the ground and your neighbor on top of some thug. I went over to you and noticed your head was bleeding and you were unconscious.” He took a deep breath. “My entire world stopped. I felt like someone had taken a knife to my heart. Baby, I love you so much.”

  “I kinda remember another person,” I told him, noticing he had tears in his eyes. “Hey, I’m okay now.”

  He breathed a heavy breath. “I don’t really know what happened since I wasn’t there, but according to your neighbor, he saw the guy attacking you and…” Anger flashed on his face but he continued. “He was trying to get your pants down. He said he just reacted and launched on him. When he fell on him, that knocked you down and you hit your head on the curb.”

  “So you showed up and called the ambulance?” I asked.

  He kissed my forehead. “No. I guess they fought a little and the neighbor got him pinned down and called 911 before I got there.”

  “I’m so glad you were there.”

  “Me, too, but I wish I had gotten there sooner and none of this would’ve happened.”

  I could tell he was angry with himself because he hadn’t gotten there sooner. He had no way of knowing what was happening, but I knew him well enough to know that he was mad at himself for not coming over earlier.

  “Stop,” I told him and he gave me a startled look. “Stop blaming yourself. You had no way of knowing this would happen. If you are going to play that game with yourself, then I can play that game, too. I could’ve gotten home earlier or stayed at Amanda’s place.”

  “Don’t. I get your point.” He stroked my hand. “I love you so much, Vanessa. I just… I can’t ever go through that again. I can’t be without you.”

  “I love you, too. I can’t promise nothing like this will happen again, but I’ll try to be safe.” I reached up and touched his cheek. “I’m so sorry for shutting you out.”

  “Just don’t do it again. I know this might not be the right time, but I have to tell you something.” He gave me a light kiss on the lips. Even though it was a gentle kiss, I had missed it.

  A light knock on the door and a throat clearing interrupted us. “Thank goodness you’re okay,” my mom cried, running to my side.

  “I’m okay,” I told her as she hugged me.

  “I knew that was a bad neighborhood as soon as I saw it,” my dad added.

  “Yeah. I feel the same way,” Jackson told him.

  “Things like this happen in good neighborhoods, too. It’s just one of those things,” I said.

  “Hey.” Landon said as he poked his head around the door and walked in.

  “I’ll step out and let you have some time with your family,” Jackson said. “Is my buddy in the waiting room?” he asked my brother, who nodded. Jackson leaned over and gave me a kiss before leaving the room.

  “You two work everything out?” Landon asked.

  “It was nothing,” I told my parents, who looked confused, before I turned back to my brother and shot him a dirty look.

  “Sorry,” he mouthed.

  “What happened?” my mom asked.

  “I left Amanda’s from our movie night and came home. I was about to go up the steps to my apartment and someone came up behind me, spinning me around. He told me to give him my purse and I did. He then started grabbing at me and that’s pretty much all I remember.” I decided they didn’t need to know the rest. I knew I’d start crying just thinking about what could have happened.

  “But Jackson said you were unconscious.” My dad stated.

  “Yeah. I guess my neighbor saw it and jumped on the guy, which made me fall and hit my head on the curb. I woke up in the ambulance. I wasn’t out that long.”

  “Was Jackson there when it happened?” my mom asked. I guess she wanted every little detail. I knew she meant well and was just being a mom, but I felt so tired and her questions were making it worse.

  “No. I guess he showed up after the guy had the mugger pinned down and had called 911.”

  “We’re just so glad you’re okay.”

  “So are you going to move out of that area anytime soon?” Landon asked.

  “Why? These types of things can happen anytime, anywhere. Besides I can’t afford anything else.”

  He barked out a laugh. “I’m pretty sure the guy you have wrapped around your finger could help you out.”

  “I already use Jackson’s car. I’m not going to let him help me out with rent, too.”

  �
��Whatever you say, sis. I’m going to step out and let Amanda come back.”

  He left the room and I closed my eyes for a minute. I opened my eyes when I heard a sob come from my mom. “Mom, please don’t cry. I’m fine.”

  She marched over to me and grabbed my hand. “I know and I’m so thankful. I just can’t help but think about what could’ve happened.”

  “Don’t do that. Nothing bad happened. I’m really okay.”

  The door opened. Amanda wasn’t crying but I could tell by the color of her face that she had been. She gave me a small smile and a hug.

  “Don’t ever scare me like that again,” she told me.

  “I’ll try not to. But I promise, I’m fine. Just a little sore and I have a huge headache.”

  “I won’t stay. I know you need rest but I couldn’t leave without hugging you first.”

  I smiled. “Thanks. I love you.”

  She smiled back. “I love you, too, but that guy out there…” She pointed to the waiting room. “He loves you so much. He was a complete mess on the phone.”

  “I know and I’m going to show him that I feel the same way. No more being stupid,” I told her.

  “Good. I’m going to go now. I’ll call or come by tomorrow.”

  She left after giving me another hug. I felt so tired. I’m sure some of it was the pain medicine that the hospital had given me. I didn’t want to be rude but I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. I heard some noises but I couldn’t get my eyes to stay open. I just kept them shut and tried to focus on the voices.

  “She asleep?” Jackson asked.

  “Thanks for letting Landon know,” I heard my dad say.

  “No problem. I figured you’d kill me if I didn’t let y’all know.”

  “We really need to find her another place. That area is just not safe,” Mom told them.

  “I know. I hope this doesn’t bother you, but I’m going to beg her to move in with me. I also hope that you don’t mind that I plan on asking her to marry me.” My heart picked up. I couldn’t believe it. Even after everything that had happened, hearing him say he wanted to marry me made me feel so happy.