Defensive

by J. D. Rivera

  “I just needed to make sure. I know you wouldn’t call me and ask for help. Is it bad that I also wanted an excuse to talk to you?” he asked.

  “Not bad at all. You never need an excuse, though. Call me anytime.”

  “I’m leaving in about 30 minutes. You’ll be fine here tonight, right? Would you rather stay with your brother?”

  “I’ll be fine. I promise. Remember, I’m in the safe neighborhood now.”

  “Trust me I haven’t forgotten. I lined up a mover for Wednesday. I’ll be in town and I’ll oversee the move for you.”

  “Sounds great. I gotta go but thanks for calling me. I’ll miss you like crazy.”

  He groaned. “I’ll miss you, too. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  I hit ‘end’ and threw my phone back in my purse. I couldn’t believe that, when I left work for the day, I’d be going home to Jackson’s place. Our home. The thought made me smile.

  I changed into a baggy sweatshirt of Jackson’s and some yoga pants, deciding a night watching Netflix and then the Thunder game was in order. I could get lost in a movie and forget how much I missed him until it was time to see him on the screen playing. The doorbell rang just as I made it to the last step of the staircase. I figured it had to be someone I knew but my heart rate kicked up a notch anyway. I knew my mugger was behind bars and would stay that way for a while since he was out on parole when he attacked me. I still felt a little scared though. I quietly walked over to the door and peeped through the hole to find my brother on the other side of the door. Relief washed over me.

  I opened the door. “Hey, what are you two doing here?” I asked looking at Landon and Eric.

  “Have you eaten? We were in the neighborhood and figured we would see if you were hungry.” He shrugged.

  I stepped aside to let them in. “I’m not dumb, you know. You don’t live close to here. You came by to check on me, since you knew Jackson’s out of town.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” I said as we sat down on the couch. “I am hungry, though. Wanna just stay here and get something delivered? I don’t feel like changing.”

  “Sounds good to us,” he replied, taking his phone out and texting someone.

  “Who are you texting? You’re not a texter. Is it a girl?” I asked.

  He looked up. “What? No, it’s not a girl.”

  “Fine, don’t tell me. I’m going to go look for some menus,” I said as I got up.

  “It was your boyfriend. He asked if I would make sure you were okay.”

  I looked back at him. “Seriously? He asked that you check on me like I’m a child?”

  “Don’t get mad or defensive. He was terrified when he found you unconscious the other night. He’s just being a caring boyfriend.”

  I sighed. He was right. I was being defensive about not being able to take care of myself. He wasn’t saying I couldn’t; he was still thinking about the other night. “I’m not mad. It’s just weird to have someone around who cares is all.”

  “I get that, sis. You’ve been through a lot over the years but you need to let him care about you. It’s okay to let someone take care of you every once in a while. Doesn’t make you needy or pathetic. I wish I had someone around to help me out.”

  “You’re right,” I told him and then decided to change the subject. “So, have you been out lately?”

  “No. I’m kinda busy with my full-time job and full-time parent thing.”

  “No need to get snippy. Maybe you should try to go out and meet someone. I’m here to babysit. Let me help you.”

  “Listen, I didn’t come over here to talk about my love life. Let’s just order something and watch TV.”

  “Okay. Whatever you say,” I said.

  “Is the game on regular TV?” he asked.

  “Yep, I was going to watch Netflix and then watch the game when it started.”

  “Sound good, Eric?” Landon asked.

  Eric looked over at us from where he was sprawled out in the recliner. “Yeah, I love watching Uncle Jackson.”

  I had to giggle a little at that comment. “Uncle Jackson, huh? We’d have to be married for him to be your uncle.”

  He shrugged. “That’s what he told me to call him ever since I started playing video games with him.”

  I looked over at my brother. “What does he mean ‘started playing video games with him?’”

  He seemed to be considering his words carefully. “Um, well, Eric and I have been hanging out with Jackson when he’s in town.”

  Huh. I guess it didn’t matter that much since we were back together. “He really said to call him Uncle Jackson?”

  Eric looked at me again with a confused look. “Is that not okay?”

  “It’s fine. It’s perfect.” The thought made me smile. Even though I had been awful to Jackson by pushing him away, he was still hanging out with my family and considered himself an uncle to my nephew.

  “Hey, um, we’re hungry and you never called in a delivery,” Landon pointed out.

  “Oh crap, sorry.”

  “So, would you mind watching Eric on Friday?” he blurted out.

  “No, I don’t mind. We can go to the game together. Do I get to ask what you’re doing or is that talking about your personal life?” I asked.

  “I might have asked Amanda on a date while we were at the hospital.”

  A huge smile spread across my face as I hugged him. “She said yes, right?”

  “Yeah, she said yes. I just don’t want to get my hopes up.”

  “I am so excited for both of you!” I yelled as a tear escaped my eye.

  “Why are you crying?”

  I pointed to my eyes. “Happy tears!”

  “Okay, enough about me. What’s up with you and Shane since you’re back with Jackson?”

  “I called him after I got out of the hospital. I explained that he would always be my friend and we could hang out every once in a while, but Jackson was my life now. He agreed and was happy for me. He really isn’t the guy I was married to. He’s the guy I grew up with and dated.”

  He pursed his lips and nodded but didn’t say anything. Typical Landon, but I was grateful in that moment. I didn’t want to share Shane’s drug problem, which was the only way anyone would understand my forgiveness.

  After the pizza was delivered and we watched the Thunder beat the opposing team, I hugged them both goodbye and headed upstairs to shower. I knew Jackson would call as soon as he was available so I wanted to be open to take his call. As soon as I crawled under the covers, my phone rang from the nightstand. “Hello?”

  “God, I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too. Why the sad voice? You just played an amazing game and y’all won,” I said as I rolled over.

  “Where are you? Are you in bed?” he asked.

  “Yeah. You didn’t answer my question. You should sound happy.”

  He sighed. “I am happy but I really want to be in bed with you.”

  I giggled. “Soon. Tomorrow night.”

  “Tonight. We’re flying back tonight. It may be three in the morning when I get there but I’ll be there when you wake up.”

  I smiled at that. “Then don’t be sad. Think positive.”

  “You really are a teacher. Always the optimist, except with yourself.”

  “Maybe.” He had a point. I always encouraged everyone else, but felt too inferior to do anything in my own life.

  “Not maybe. Truth. But that’s okay. I’m here to show you for the rest of your life just how amazing and wonderful you are.”

  “You’re those things, too,” I said. “I don’t deserve you.”

  “Hey, no more of that. You deserve better. I can’t wait to get home and show you exactly how amazing you are. And beautiful.”

  “Quit trying to sweet talk me and get your ass back here,” I told him, trying to lighten the mood.

  He snickered. “I’m hurrying. Believe me, I’m hurrying. I love you, babe.”
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  “I love you, too.” I told him before disconnecting and placing my phone back on the nightstand.

  At some point in the night, I felt the bed dip and Jackson laid down behind me, moving me close. I wasn’t completely awake but I did feel him kiss my cheek and whisper, “I love you.” I wasn’t really sure if it came out or not but I tried through my sleepy state to whisper it back to him.

  Jackson

  I had a lot of fun playing, knowing that Vanessa and Eric were in the stands cheering for me. I tried to glance in their direction during my break but I didn’t like taking my eyes off the game for very long, even if I wasn’t playing. I knew that if I really looked for her, I’d get distracted and completely lose focus.

  “Hey, buddy did you have fun?” I asked Eric as I entered the kitchen of my house.

  “Yeah. It was so cool. I even got on the dance cam.”

  “Did you have a dance off?”

  “No, but that would’ve been totally awesome,” he said with a huge grin on his face.

  “I’m glad you had fun.” I walked over to Vanessa and gave her a light kiss. “Did you have fun?” I asked her.

  She grinned. “I did. I had the best company ever and I got to cheer on my amazing boyfriend.”

  “Good. I’m going to go shower real quick.”

  “Okay. Eric will probably be gone when you’re finished, though. Landon just texted me.”

  “Hey, buddy, if I don’t see you before you leave, I’m glad you had fun. Video games soon?” I asked.

  “Sounds good, but I’ll warn you. I’ve been practicing.”

  I laughed. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to start practicing, too.”

  I ran up the stairs and stripped out of my clothes as I turned the water on. I was feeling really happy. I looked down at Vanessa’s birth control pills lying on the counter. I hadn’t wanted a baby for a while in the future but after everything that had happened recently, now I did. Maybe we should talk about trying for another one and talking to a specialist about why she had miscarriages.

  As I stepped into the shower, I decided that maybe I was rushing everything. She still needed time to heal mentally from the last miscarriage and I needed to get through tomorrow night. I needed to take it one step at a time.

  It was Saturday night and I was a complete nervous wreck. I had told Vanessa to dress up because I wanted to take her on a date to celebrate us getting back together. It was the truth but the real reason was because I was planning on proposing.

  I decided to go back to Vast, where I had kind of asked her to be my official girlfriend. It was a great restaurant for this sort of night. It was on the forty-ninth floor of one of the downtown skyscrapers. At night, it offered amazing views of the city and the river. I had called earlier to make sure everything was set and to make sure we would be seated by ourselves. I didn’t want a crowd around for our private moment.

  “You look breathtaking,” I told her as she marched down the stairs in a black dress with red stilettos.

  “So do you, handsome.”

  I walked over to her, gently pulling her close to me. I wanted to kiss her red lips. I looked into her eyes before I lowered my head and gently brought our lips together.

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?” she asked as she pulled back.

  “You’ll see when we get there,” I said pulling her back for another kiss.

  She smiled. “If you keep this up, we’ll never get there.”

  “True, because once I start with you, I can’t seem to quit.”

  She shook her head. “You’re bad.”

  “No, I’m really not. I’m actually really good. Don’t you remember telling me last night?” I asked.

  “Stop it! I’ve really got to stop telling you things. One day your head is going to be so big, you’ll start floating.”

  I chuckled. “You love it.”

  “I do. Let’s go.” She dragged me toward the door to the garage.

  I only lived a small distance from the restaurant but I took my time driving down different streets just to throw her off. I knew as soon as I got close, she would know exactly where we were going. I watched her out the corner of my eye, looking around, trying to figure it out. She finally narrowed her eye and turned to me. “You’re just randomly turning down streets to annoy me, aren’t you?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I am.”

  “You’re such an ass sometimes.”

  “And you love it.” I turned down the street that led to the parking garage.

  She rolled her eyes and then smiled. “Are we going to Vast?”

  “Yes, we are,” I confessed as we pulled into a parking spot.

  “I love it.”

  “Good, come on.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her close to me. “Have I told you how beautiful you look?”

  She smiled. “Yeah, I think so.”

  “Good, because you do.”

  We stopped in front of the elevators and I took the opportunity to bring her in for a kiss since we were alone. I placed my hands at the nape of her neck as she grabbed my arms and I slid my tongue inside her mouth. I explored every inch of her mouth until I heard the elevator ding and then open. I pulled away, walking us inside. As soon as we were across the threshold, I hit the button to close the doors, immediately picking up where I left off.

  She moaned and kissed me back just as forcefully until she pulled away to get some air. “We have to stop. What if someone sees us?”

  I smirked. “I don’t care. You’re my girlfriend, whom I live with. I should kiss you.”

  “Kissing and making out are completely different.” She said as we stepped off the elevator.

  We walked to the hostess, “Reservation for Berrios.”

  “Oh, yes. Just one moment.”

  A young guy appeared and led us to a secluded table near the back with a view of the city lights. It seemed like the perfect place to propose. I sat down after Vanessa and took her hand. “Do you like the view?” I asked.

  “It’s gorgeous. I don’t remember it looking this pretty the last time we were here.”

  “I wouldn’t really know about that. All I remember seeing is you and that was gorgeous. As you are tonight.”

  “Have you done something? You sure are being extra nice tonight,” she said.

  I chuckled. “No, I haven’t done anything. I’m just speaking the truth.”

  We ordered some wine and picked up our menus. I peeked over the top of mine and watched her. She wasn’t doing anything but looking at the different food options, but I couldn’t help but smile. I was so nervous and excited. I was ninety-nine percent positive she would say yes, but I couldn’t help but be nervous. What if she said no? What the hell would I do? Drop to her feet and beg? Yeah, I probably would.

  The waiter poured our wine and I proposed a toast. “To us and our happiness together.”

  “To us,” she stated as we clinked glasses and took a drink. It was actually really good.

  “Do you know what you want?” I asked her.

  “I’m thinking the sea bass.”

  “Good choice. I think I’ll have the same,” I said as we looked out the window.

  “It feels like it’s been years since the last time we were here, but it’s only been a few months.”

  “Yeah, it does seem like it was forever ago that I asked you to officially tell people we were together.” I smirked.

  “We’ve been through a lot the last few months. A lot of heartache that I caused,” she said.

  I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I caused a lot too. Let’s not think about that. We’re here together. Let’s just focus on moving forward.”

  “You’re right. I just hope you know how sorry I am.”

  “I wasn’t innocent. I made some mistakes, too,” I told her, not really wanting to think about how I had slept with another woman. Broken up or not, it made me sick. “You know I’m sorry too, right?”

  She nodded. “Moving forward,” she said as
the waiter came and took our order.

  While we waited on our food, we talked about lighter subjects. She told me how excited she was that Landon and Amanda were trying to work things out and how much fun she’d had with Eric at the game. She told me about the lady in the next section over who had gotten so excited when I made a three point shot that she stood up and accidently threw her nachos on the kid behind her. “It was so sad because he was covered in cheese from his chin down.”

  “You laughed, didn’t you?” I asked.

  “I waited until I saw the kid laugh. I would have cried if something like that had happened to me. The lady who did it felt so bad that I think she was crying.”

  “At least the kid took it well. I guess he got some free nachos,” I said.

  “Yeah, he was laughing and joking about it. He just went to the bathroom and cleaned up. A few minutes later, he was back to cheering for y’all.”

  “That’s funny,” I said.

  We devoured our meal and ordered dessert. As soon as it was delivered, I began to get really nervous. It was go time. I took a drink of water and slowly moved my seat back. She watched me with a curious expression on her face. I knelt down in front of her, pulling the platinum, five carat princess cut diamond ring out of my pocket. I grabbed her hand with my free one.

  “Vanessa,” I started as she gasped, realizing what I was doing. “You mean everything to me. I mean everything. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you the moment you rolled over on the grass. After I had lunch with you, you consumed my thoughts and all I could think about was trying to find you so I could see you again.” I cleared my throat and continued. “Once I got to know you better, I knew you were special and that I was definitely in love with you. Now that I have you, I don’t ever want to lose you again. Vanessa, will you marry me?”

  She had tears in her eyes and her breathing was really heavy. I was starting to panic but she finally whispered, “Yes.”

  “Yes?” I asked to make sure I’d heard her right.

  She nodded her head. “Yes,” she said louder.

  I placed the ring on her left finger and gave her a long kiss. I was the happiest guy on the planet. The perfect woman had just agreed to marry me. I got up and slid back into my chair.