“Your love inspires me to be a better woman and I am so happy that I get to be that better woman by your side. You have such a forgiving heart and I’m forever thankful to God for that. I vow to love you even when I don’t feel like it, to honor you, respect you, and treat you like the king that you are. For so long, I thought this day would never come, but God has been faithful to me, even when I have been unfaithful. He has been true to His Word by giving me the desires of my heart. And my desire has been you . . . always has. Thank you for loving me even when I didn’t want it. From this point forward, I promise to love you, cherish you and give you as many babies as you want,” she said as the crowd burst into laughter and whistles. “Within reason of course. So today, I promise to be a wife pleasing to both God and you. I love you, Caleb.”
Now it was Raegan’s turn to wipe the dampness away from Caleb’s eyes. The ceremony continued with the exchanging of the rings and the consumption of holy communion together for the first time as husband and wife. The pastor prayed for them, blessed their union and made the official announcement to the guests.
“For the first time in eternity, I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Caleb McKinney.”
Both husband and wife walked down the aisle to pose for pictures and greet their guests before moving under the tent to enjoy the reception activities. Raegan was truly happy for the first time in a while. Her rainbow after the storm. She was now married to the man who had stolen her heart so long ago; and although she regretted losing her baby, she was also happy she wasn’t carrying a child conceived out of wedlock with another man.
Caleb experienced happiness mixed with guilt. He hadn’t planned on withholding the information regarding Nicholas’ existence from Raegan for this long. He couldn’t believe he married her before ever telling her the truth. He had to come up with a plan quickly before she thought him a liar for everything he’d just promised her in his vows.
The DJ introduced Raegan and Caleb once more when they entered the tent and went straight into their first dance to John Legend’s All of Me. Caleb sang throughout the entire song as he danced and kissed his bride repeatedly.
The guests smiled and adored the couple as they enjoyed their first hour together as husband and wife. After their first dance, Raegan danced with her father and Caleb with his mother. Without wasting any time, she tossed the bouquet to her single friends and Michelle caught the bouquet. Caleb teasingly removed the garter from Raegan’s thigh and tossed it to his single friends while Michael Jackson’s The Way You Make Me Feel played. Most of his single friends didn’t want to be in that number for fear their dates would be looking to get married next.
After toasts by the maid of honor and best man, more dinner and dancing, the guests were starting to leave as it was getting late and the temperature was starting to drop. Caleb and Raegan bid their guests good-bye and Caleb scooped Raegan off her feet and carried her to the limousine.
When they arrived home, Caleb carried her into the house and upstairs to their bedroom. It was their time. The moment had finally arrived when they could give themselves to each other without the concern of breaking celibacy vows, pregnancy outside of marriage or anything else that would cause them to have reservations.
“Mrs. McKinney, you look beautiful tonight,” he said, untying her gown and planting warm gentle kisses along her neck and shoulders. It felt so good to be able to kiss his wife and fully give himself to her—mind, body and soul.
“I love you,” she whispered in between her elevated breaths. “Always have and always will.” Caleb paused for a moment, considering her admission as he thought about Nicholas, but now surely wasn’t the time for that conversation.
“No matter what?” he asked as he lifted her by the hips, walked over, and placed her on their new bed. This would be the first time that either of them slept on it. It was delivered a few days ago but he wanted the first time he lay on it to be with her.
“No matter what,” she assured him, resting her head on the pillow and pulling him toward her for another kiss. And he did just that, expressing his love to her by covering her body with kisses, warming every part of her, something he planned to do for the rest of his life.
CHAPTER 27
“I have to go to Atlanta for work again, babe. I tried to get out of it, but the board wants me to be present to give my update this quarter,” Caleb said, kissing her on the back of her neck.
Raegan rolled over to face him, her smile fading at the thought of him leaving again when they’d only been married for six weeks.
“When do you go? How long will you be gone? Do they not know that you recently got married?” She sighed and kissed his lips. “Do you want me to come with you? I don’t mind taking a few days off work. My boss has been pretty understanding of the fact that I’m newly married. I don’t know how long it will last, though.”
“No,” he said abruptly. He was planning to see Nicholas while he was there. In fact, the trip was actually about him. He would be getting the results of the paternity test; he had put it off far too long already. That would help him choose how to move forward. If the results were a match, he promised himself that he would tell her when he returned.
“Excuse me then,” she said, rolling out of his embrace.
“Wait, where are you going? Even though the honeymoon is over, there is no reason why we can’t use this Saturday morning as an opportunity to do honeymoon type stuff,” he said, brushing her lips with a kiss as he pulled her back into his arms. He hadn’t meant for his response to come off rude or as if he didn’t want her to come along; she just couldn’t come this time. That would be a fight waiting to happen. Their first fight as newlyweds.
Raegan couldn’t resist being in his arms once more. She chose not to argue with him about going to Atlanta. She had plenty of work to catch up on and could probably spend some time writing thank-you notes.
“So when do you have to leave?”
“Next week. I’ll only be gone a couple of days. Leaving Monday morning and back Wednesday morning. Just enough time for you to miss me and have some of that tender lovin’ waiting for me when I come home,” he answered between planting kisses over her body.
“Oh yeah,” she squealed, reveling in his love once more.
∞
Caleb arrived in Atlanta and made his return trip to the hospital to pick up his test results his priority. He had no plans on going to work that day, because the meeting he mentioned to his wife wasn’t until the next day. He needed time to process whatever the results were and didn’t want to have it weighing heavily on his mind while trying to do his job, especially since his life was potentially about to change forever.
After picking up his results, Caleb went back to his car with the intent of opening the letter when he arrived at his hotel. He sat behind the steering wheel wondering what the results were. He’d been waiting for a couple of months now, and having this thing hanging over his head and in between him and his wife was driving him crazy. The waiting had become unbearable, so he ripped one end of the envelope and pulled the letter out and slowly opened it, not knowing how to prepare himself for this moment.
As he read the results, tears began to fill his eyes. He knew it! Why would Natalie do this to him? He had only partly thought about how he would handle things based on the results. He just knew that he had to tell Raegan either way, but first he needed to see Natalie. She would have to drop everything she was doing to address this today.
Caleb called Natalie and summoned her to the bistro down the street from the hotel to discuss Nicholas’ paternity. After making arrangements to meet her in a couple of hours, he tossed the letter on top of his briefcase that sat in the passenger seat. After all of this time, he couldn’t believe that he had a son and that Natalie had kept his son away from him.
There was no issue as to whether or not he would be in Nicholas’ life; that was a given. His concern was how to break the news to his wife. He figured she’d be upset but she’d eventually get o
ver it; he just didn’t know exactly how she would take the news. She’d recently been deceived and betrayed, and the last thing he wanted was for her to feel like he was also doing that to her. He needed to talk to her.
Caleb called Raegan on the way to his hotel to let her know that he made it safely and was preparing for work. He took pleasure in hearing the sweetness of her voice because things would certainly change after he made it home and shared the news with her.
“I miss you beautiful. You know I’ll always love you, right?”
“I’m pretty certain of it. I miss you too. I wish I could have come with you. It is way too early in our marriage for us to be spending nights apart. I’ve grown so used to you sleeping next to me already; how am I going to sleep tonight?” she purred, her voice melting his heart.
Caleb hoped she remembered those words after she found out about Nicholas. He knew her all too well and he was positive she would want to bolt. But we’re married now, he thought.
“Don’t worry Cami . . . if I have anything to do with it, our nights apart will be few and far between after this trip. I knew you had things to catch up on and didn’t want you to waste your personal time to come out here for this. Save it for a real vacation. Or at least a staycation when we can both be free of work.”
“Hmmm . . . staycation? I like the sound of that. Maybe we’ll have to do that sooner than later.”
“That can certainly be arranged. Anything for you, beautiful.”
“I’m going to hold you to that, too. I love you, husband, but I have a meeting soon. Let me make sure I have everything ready for that and I’ll talk with you later, okay?” She blew kisses into the phone.
“Okay, I’ll call you around lunch time,” he said. They shared more sentiments of loving and missing each other before ending the call.
Before he knew it, it was time for him to meet Natalie at the bistro. Caleb sat outside on the patio while waiting for her to arrive. He texted his wife a couple of times and placed the phone in his pocket when Natalie arrived.
Since Raegan’s number was the last number called and texted, his phone dialed her while in his pocket. Raegan said hello a few times and was about to hang up because she assumed that he must have called her by mistake. But hearing the voice of another woman and Caleb mention the words “my son” gave her pause.
CHAPTER 28
“Why did you wait nearly two years to tell me about my son?” Caleb asked Natalie after the quick exchange of pleasantries. It was after his relationship with her that he made a choice to become celibate. It wasn’t that he slept with many women, but he was on a path to become the man that he believed God wanted him to be. And he knew he couldn’t do that if he didn’t surrender everything to God—including his fleshly desires.
He and Natalie split because they were on two totally different paths. Natalie attended church services weekly but had no desire to change her lifestyle beyond that, and since he wanted to settle down soon, he couldn’t continue in a relationship with someone who didn’t share the same values as he did. But now they shared a child.
“I wasn’t planning to keep him from you; I actually didn’t know whether or not he was yours, but the older he gets, the more he starts to look like you. And I know you didn’t approve of my lifestyle so—”
“Excuse me? That is no reason to keep this kind of information from me. I should have known about him the moment you found out you were pregnant, Natalie!” Caleb banged his hand on the table in frustration.
“We were always so careful, so I was sure that he wasn’t yours. Give me a little credit here. I came to you when I realized it. I didn’t completely leave you out in the cold.”
Caleb let out a quick sigh and shook his head.
“I suppose you want a thank you?” There was no mistaking the disgust in his voice that matched the scowl on his face.
“Whatever Caleb. How do you want to handle this?” Natalie’s anxiety was evident with her fidgeting in her seat. “There is no need for us to run around in circles discussing why I didn’t tell you. All that matters now is that you know. What are you going to do about it? Keep flying out here every month to take him to the park?” Natalie snapped back, clearly irritable. She’d been overwhelmed and suffering from a lack of sleep for the last year, ever since Nicholas’ birth. Even though Nicholas was sleeping most of the night, her feelings of depression had yet to cease.
Raegan sat in her office with her door closed, phone on mute, listening to Caleb and Natalie’s conversation, at least what she could make out of it. Caleb has a child. Her heart sank. Here she was recently married and her husband had a child that she knew nothing about. She wondered how long he had known about the child. Apparently long enough to make frequent trips to Atlanta to see him and not tell me about it.
He knew about his son before the wedding and he kept it from her. She wanted to scream but she couldn’t do that at work so she sobbed, drowning out the office sounds of copiers and ringing telephones outside of her door. Familiar feelings washed over her. Betrayal. Thoughts of why she left him in college and Rico’s deceit flooded her mind. What was she supposed to do with this information? Wait on him to come clean?
She didn’t want to listen anymore, but it seemed as if this would be the only way she would get the truth, so she dabbed her eyes, blew her nose and put the phone back to her ear.
“No, we have to make better arrangements than that. Obviously this is going to be difficult since I’ve moved to Texas, but we’ll have to work something out. We can discuss it more over the next few weeks. In the meantime, I need to discuss this with my wife.”
“I noticed the symbol of love wrapped around your finger,” she said, pointing to his wedding band. “So what does discussing it with your wife mean? Does she not know about Nicholas at all?”
Caleb squinted in frustration. He knew that Natalie was being messy, although she was right about his end of the situation.
“We just have to work out our schedules in order for Nicholas to spend time with us and get to know us. We’ll both be a part of his life; I hope you understand that,” he said. I hope Cami understands that too, he thought to himself.
“I have no problem with that, but I’d like to meet her first. No offense to you, but I can’t have my baby around just anybody. Bring her to Atlanta the next time you’re here and we can all sit down and see what works best,” suggested Natalie.
She actually made sense. Natalie was known to be irrational, but he actually thought that was a good idea and would definitely propose it to his wife during their discussion.
“Well, congratulations, you’re a father now,” Natalie said as she stood to leave. “Let me know when you plan to come back to town with the Mrs.”
Caleb nodded and remained seated. He planned to sit there for a while to think. “I want to see Nicholas today. What time can you meet me?”
“Give me a couple of hours to run errands and I’ll give you a call when I’m picking him up from daycare.”
“Thanks, Natalie,” Caleb said dryly. He prayed Raegan would understand when he explained things to her. She knew what it was like to have a child outside of their relationship; surely she’d be able to empathize and help him work out visitation arrangements so that they could get to know Nicholas better.
When Raegan realized the meeting was over, she hung up the phone. A son? She didn’t know if she would tell Caleb she knew about it or wait for him to break the news to her. From the way he was talking, she figured he planned to tell her when he returned. It was definitely not a discussion to be held over the phone, but she didn’t want to wait until he came back.
Her thoughts were soon interrupted by his call. She just let the phone ring. She couldn’t answer it. She didn’t press ignore because he would be able to hear it if she did, so she silenced the ringer. She had so many things to consider. She wasn’t ready to be a mother to someone else’s child, especially when she wanted to birth her own. But he was prepared to stay with you and rais
e another man’s baby, her conscience reminded her. That was true, but she wasn’t ready for this. She was hurting not only because he kept it from her, but also because he had with someone else what she wanted with him.
CHAPTER 29
Joshua’s concern over their financial issues was becoming a thing of the past as his thoughts were now filled with the idea of starting a family—a topic that he brought up every day in hopes that he could convince Tammy that they should get started sooner than later. Tammy wanted to start a family, too, but thoughts of her career being put on hold and Joshua’s heart condition being hereditary gave her pause. She’d given him hope that she was ready but had secretly started taking birth control pills. It seemed that was her only choice until she could come to terms with everything and keep him happy at the thought that they were trying to conceive.
She wasn’t planning on taking the birth control for too long, only long enough to make sure that he fully recovered, her career wouldn’t be in jeopardy and she gathered more information about the effects his condition could have on their children.
Joshua and Tammy’s renewal ceremony was perfect and stress free, which they both attributed to them working out their differences regarding finances. They were both on cloud nine as they celebrated their reunion with their guests at the Bell Tower on 34th. “You know I love you, right?” he whispered to her in between greeting guests and posing for photos, as they stood in the center of the shiny marble-tiled floor under chandelier lighting. Tammy wore a floor length, one shoulder, satin gown that sported a split up to her knee on both sides, and her shoulder length curls were dazzled with a diamond-laced tiara that sparkled in the chandelier lighting. She looked the part of a famous NBA player’s wife.
“Yes. And I love you,” she said, lifting her head so that he could kiss her.
“Oooh, don’t you two look cute!” Michelle exclaimed, interrupting the happy couple. She was glad to see her friend finally getting her shot of happiness. She stood next to them and handed her phone to another guest to snap a photo of her with the couple.
Through Thick & Thin Page 12
