Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Wonderful World of Odd

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  CATCHING A BREATH

  More than any single incident, the Great London Smog of 1952 changed the way people in the United Kingdom thought about pollution. Instead of seeing it as an inevitable consequence of industrial progress, they came to view it as something that could and should be controlled. Clean-air legislation was passed in 1954, 1956, and again in 1968. The new laws regulated chimney heights, forced businesses and homeowners to switch over to smokeless fuels, and made other reforms as well. Gradually, the skies over London began to improve. The smog of 1952 wasn’t the last one the city ever saw; a similar incident in 1962 killed 750 people. But nothing on the scale of the 1952 disaster ever happened again.

  “Incomprehensible jargon is the hallmark of a profession.” —Kingman Brewster

  MANNEQUIN MADNESS

  Some tantalizing tales of unusual uses of people who aren’t really people.

  THE ALMA-NNEQUIN

  In 1918, after a years-long tumultuous affair, Austrian artist Oscar Kokoschka was dumped by the musician, sculptor, and infamous Viennese socialite Alma Mahler. Kokoschka, already known as a wild-tempered man, was devastated. In order to deal with the loss, he commissioned Munich dollmaker Hermine Moos to craft him a life-sized doll that looked exactly like Mahler. Over the next year he sent Moos hundreds of letters with sketches of Mahler—intimate sketches—so Moos would get the dimensions of the wood and wool doll exactly right. “Please pay special attention to the dimension of the head and neck, to the rib-cage, the rump and the limbs,” Kokoschka wrote. And, “Can the mouth be opened? And are there teeth and a tongue inside? I hope so.” Shortly after he finally received the doll in spring, 1919, Kokoschka could be seen driving through the streets of Vienna with his Alma-nnequin riding in the passenger seat. At parties it would be seated beside him; it would be with him in his studio in Dresden. They even shared a box at the opera. But Kokoschka’s Mahler mannequin didn’t last. The end came, so the story goes, at the close of a champagne-soaked party in Dresden. At dawn, a drunken Kokoschka took the doll out into his garden and beheaded it.

  DALI-QUIN

  In March, 1939, New York department store Bonwit Teller commissioned Salvador Dali to create a window display. Not surprisingly, soon after having offered the commission, the store regretted it. Dali created a two-window display he titled “Day and Night.” On the “day” side was a female mannequin with bright red hair dressed in green feathers. Behind her was a clawfoot bathtub lined with Persian lambskin, and filled with water and floating narcissi. Three mannequin arms reached out of the bath water, each holding a mirror. On the “night” side, a male mannequin was depicted lying on a bed of hot, glowing coals under the mounted and stuffed fore-body of a bizarre beast, which Dali described as “the decapitated head and the savage hooves of a great somnambulist buffalo extenuated by a thousand years of sleep.” As soon as the window was unveiled people started complaining that the display was “too extreme.” Bonwit Teller’s staff took it upon themselves to alter the scene…without asking the artist. Bad idea. That afternoon Dali walked by the window and flew into a rage. He went into the store, screamed at the managers, then jumped into the display area. He picked up an end of the bathtub, spilling all the water out—and threw it through the plate-glass window and out into the street. He was arrested and thrown in jail, but released that evening by a judge who gave him a suspended sentence, saying, “These are some of the privileges that an artist with temperament seems to enjoy.” (And Dali’s one-man show, which just happened to be opening that night, was a hit.)

  10,000-year-old brine shrimp will come back to life when rehydrated.

  COSMONAUT-EQUIN

  On March 9, 1961, Ivan Ivanovich became the first person to fly into space. Well, the first person-like thing to fly into space. Ivan Ivanovich (the Russian equivalent of “John Smith”) was a life-sized test-flight mannequin, and he and his companion, a (live) dog named Chernushka (“Blackie”), were rocketed into space weeks before Yuri Gagarin was to take his historic flight. Ivanovich’s mission: to test the Vostok spacecraft and the SK-1 pressure suit. After making a single orbit of the planet in 89 minutes, Ivanovich (and the dog) returned safely to Earth. He was so lifelike, with eyes, eyelashes, eyebrows, lips and all, that the word “Maket,” or “Dummy” was written on his forehead so nobody would think he was a dead cosmonaut.

  Update: Ivan the Space Mannequin was sold at Sotheby’s auction house in 1993. He was purchased by Texas billionaire (and onetime presidential candidate) H. Ross Perot for $189,500.

  * * *

  Odd Movie Trivia: In 2006, a remake of Fight Club was released in India. Made in that country, it features all the hardcore violence of the original…and it’s a musical.

  The scientific name for the tomato: Lycopersicon lycopersicum, which means “wolf peach.”

  THE UFOLOGISTS

  How odd would this book be without a look at some scientists who believe that aliens walk among us? Not very. So here’s our report on some of the people (if they really are people) surrounding the UFO phenomenon.

  SCIENCE…OR SCIENCE FICTION?

  Dr. Robert Trundle, a 60-year-old philosophy professor at Northern Kentucky University, is a believer in UFOs, and he’s currently facing a backlash from the scientific community for his book, Is E.T. Here? No Politically but Yes Scientifically and Theologically. Trundle states his case: “I believe contact was made 50 years ago—and I believe beings from other planets are here now.” Why? “Mainly, to study us.” Trundle is so convinced that he doesn’t care about the criticism he’s received from the “cowardice and vanity of American professors.”

  The title of his book refers to claims that the government is covering up the evidence. “They are afraid of culture shock and public panic. For them to acknowledge the existence of extraterrestrials here would be to admit they can’t protect us from them.” Yet from a scientific point of view, Trundle claims the information he’s gathered speaks for itself. “Thousands of well-regarded witness accounts cannot simply be dismissed. I’m talking about pilots who have come forward even though it’s meant they’ve had to undergo psychiatric exams as a direct result.” But so far, Trundle’s work has been ignored by his peers in the scientific community.

  GOODBYE ROSWELL, HELLO HONG KONG

  One place where Trundle’s views are taken more seriously is Communist-run China, which is experiencing a “UFO Renaissance.” From the 1950s to the 1990s, the United States was the world’s unofficial UFO hotspot, but in the last few decades, the aliens seem to have switched their interest to China. Today, one out of every five sightings occurs in China. A recent survey found that more than 50% of Chinese people believe that extraterrestrials now live on Earth. It has even become a fad—there are hundreds of “UFO clubs” set up across China. The most prominent of these is the China UFO Research Association, founded in the 1980s.

  80% of millionaires drive second-hand cars.

  The association’s president, Sun Shili, 66, a retired foreign ministry official, believes that the aliens have taken a greater interest in the Chinese because they have made the most technological advances in the last 20 years and could one day overtake the United States as the world’s major superpower. “Rapid development,” he says, “attracts investigations by flying saucers, and here in China we’re becoming more developed.” Sun also has a “gut feeling” that there are aliens disguised as humans living in China.

  Unlike the U.S. government, which has distanced itself from ufology, the conservative Chinese government actually finances the Association and—through the state-run media—makes its records of sightings available to the public. As Sun Shili says, “In the U.S., scholars investigating this are under pressure and have been derided. But in China, the academic discussion is quite free, so in this area American academics are quite jealous of us.”

  A GUARDED APPROACH

  Meanwhile, in England, the relationship with UFOs falls somewhere in between China’s exuberance and America’s cynicism. One
of England’s most prominent ufologists is Jenny Randles. Since the 1980s, she’s published more than 50 books on the subject, which have collectively sold 1.25 million copies worldwide. “I had my first UFO sighting in my home village of Stacksteads as a small child,” she says. But while many people claim to see UFOs, Randles sets out to prove their existence. Her method: weed out all of the pseudoscience and wishful thinkers, and focus solely on the most credible reports.

  People have a very false perception of what ufology is all about. They see cover-ups, conspiracies, spaceships, and alien bodies round every corner. The truth is usually far more mundane, but no less fascinating in my opinion. Nine out of ten UFO sightings are explained in simple terms. Many others relate to new phenomena that science has yet to understand. A few might involve contact with another intelligence that has been here on earth for centuries. I do not believe or disbelieve. I listen to the evidence, wonder what it means and then try to figure it out. If that answer is a mundane one then I consider this result to be a success, not a disappointment. But I do believe that there are some surprises waiting to be uncovered, possibly even ones that will revolutionize the planet.

  We call them UFOs; in China they are referred to as feidi.

  THEN WHAT?

  No matter how many credible witnesses come out of the woodwork, the UFO phenomenon will stay nothing more than a modern myth until hard evidence is gathered and shown to the world. What happens after that all depends on the nature of the evidence—and whether or not there is a threat detected. But one thing is sure, says Robert Trundle, “it would be the most astonishing human event since the resurrection of Christ.”

  * * *

  …NEWS FLASH!

  • Lost City: “Something always gets lost in translation, but usually not an entire city. ‘Jerusalem. There is no such city!’ said the English-language version of a sightseeing brochure the city had published originally in Hebrew. The correct translation: ‘Jerusalem. There is no city like it!’ Tens of thousands of flyers had been distributed before city hall realized its mistake.” (Reuters)

  • Modern Living Through Chemistry: “In a desperate bid to increase numbers of an endangered tiger species, Chinese zookeepers have called on the services of Viagra. The anti-impotence drug is being used to encourage a pair of rare South China tigers in a Beijing zoo to mate. Chinese animal-breeding specialists have also tried a number of other ‘alternative’ methods to boost numbers of animals close to extinction. For instance, they showed pandas ‘pornographic’ films of other pandas having sex to try to provoke some mating instincts among the endangered, sex-shy mammals.” (CNN)

  • Ghost Riders: “A police-led initiative of spraying water on state highways in New Zealand to release the trapped spirits of those killed in motor crashes has been declared a success. A special police convoy carrying Maori elders sprayed 10,000 liters of Waikato River water on SH1 and SH2 in a bid to free the spirits of crash victims.” (Stuff)

  How do they know? Zoologists say zebras can’t see the color orange.

  THE DOG GIRL

  When you were a kid, did you ever fantasize about being raised by wolves? It’s not an unusual dream. Just be careful what you wish for.

  LEFT TO THE DOGS

  Her name is Oxana Malaya. She was born in Novaya Blagoveschenka, Ukraine, in 1983. Her parents were alcoholics who had so many children that they couldn’t (or just didn’t) keep track of them all. So instead of raising Oxana themselves, they let her spend all of her time between the ages of three and eight—eating, sleeping, and playing—with dogs in a kennel behind the house. There she learned to bark instead of talk, run on all fours, and fight the rest of the dogs for scraps of raw meat.

  When Oxana was discovered by neighbors in 1991, the eight-year-old was more dog than girl. She sniffed her food before eating it—without the aid of her hands or utensils, the same way she lapped up water. If she had an itch behind her ear, she would scratch it with her foot. She was also found to have heightened senses of smell, sight, and hearing. Classified as a “feral child”—one of only about 100 known children in the world to have been raised in the absence of people—Oxana had no social skills to speak of. So she was placed in the Baraboy Clinic for disabled children in southern Ukraine, which mainly treats mentally challenged kids. Yet even though she, too, was challenged, Oxana quickly learned to talk, socialize with others, and eat with a fork. Now, at 23 years old, Oxana is trying to lead as normal a life as possible. But will she ever recover from her canine past?

  LEADER OF THE PACK

  In 2006 a British child psychologist named Lyn Fry went to Odessa to study the dog girl. “I expected someone much less human,” Fry said, and then continued:

  I’d heard stories that she could fly off the handle, that she was very uncooperative, that she was socially inept, but she did everything I asked of her. Her language is odd. She speaks flatly as though it’s an order. There is no cadence or rhythm or music to her speech, no inflection or tone. But she has a sense of humor. She likes to be the center of attention, to make people laugh. Showing off is quite a surprising skill when you consider her background. When she walks, you notice her strange stomping gait and swinging shoulders, the intermittent squint and misshapen teeth. Like a dog with a bone, her first instinct is to hide anything she is given. She is only 1.52 meters tall (5 feet) but when she fools about with her friends, pushing and shoving, there is a palpable air of menace and brute strength. The oddest thing is how little attention she pays to her own pet mongrel. She was much more orientated to people.

  Frank Sinatra and the Lone Ranger were denounced by Congress for turning American youths into juvenile delinquents.

  Further tests showed that Oxana has the mental capacity of a six-year-old; she can count but not add, and may never learn to read.

  Although Oxana still lives at the Baraboy Clinic she is as much an employee as she is a patient, working on the farm where she shepherds cows. And being a strong and pretty young woman, Oxana had a boyfriend for a while, but her canine instincts proved to be too much for him. He broke it off after Oxana performed a very chilling dog demonstration at a party.

  THE DOG GIRL SPEAKS

  Dr. Fry took a personal interest in the case and set out to help Oxana, who told Fry through an interpreter: “My parents completely forgot about me. Mom had too many kids. We didn’t have enough beds, so I crawled to the dog and started living with her. Now when I am upset, I go off by myself into the woods and I bark.” Theorizing that Oxana might be able to move on with her life if she came to terms with her troubled past, Fry arranged a reunion with the girl’s father, which was covered by BBC television.

  When her father arrived at the farm, he just stood there and looked at his grown daughter without saying anything. Finally, Oxana said, “Hello.”

  “I have come,” replied her father.

  “I thank you that you have come,” Oxana replied. “I wanted you to see me milk the cows.”

  The meeting turned out to be healing for both of them, another step on Oxana’s long journey to fit in. Yet there is one trait that she will always display—a trait shared by human and canine alike: “I am longing for affection and kindness. I like and respect my parents very much, no matter what kind of people they were.”

  ODD TO THE LAST DROP

  Life can be strange, but so can death. Here are some people who looked at death in decidedly odd ways. The end.

  BACK TO THE FUTURE

  Newspaper readers in Fox Point, Wisconsin, were probably a bit confused by the obituary photo of a man who passed away in 2006. It was a photo of the back of his head. Jim Schinneller, a retired University of Wisconsin art professor, died on September 9 at the age of 81. Always known as an eccentric and a practical joker, his family thought Schinneller would have appreciated one final joke. His partner, Gloria Bosben, told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that she felt the photo was appropriate because it showed him “heading off into the eternal sunset.”

  WILL THEY OR W
ON’T THEY?

  In 1986 Greek eccentric Yiannis Katsanis died and left his fortune of two billion drachmas ($5.28 million) to fund a hospital for his home town of Aftos. But in order for the town to get the money, one last request had to be fulfilled: Town officials had to read several letters written by Katsanis. Aloud. In the town square, once every five years. What was in the letters? Graphic details of the illicit sexual activities of several of Katsanis’s relatives. The relatives fought the public-reading request for 15 years before a court finally found in their favor…and the town finally got its hospital.

  FINAL ERRAND

  One morning in 2001, Sylvia Robinson of Maplewood, New Jersey, reported that her 80-year-old husband, Harold Saber, was missing. At about the same time, employees at a local funeral home called police to say that they’d found an elderly man in their parking lot, slumped over the wheel of his car, dead. Saber, who had been ill for some time, had told his wife that when his time came he would drive himself to the funeral home. “He said many times he would do that,” she told Reuters. “He never wanted to bother anybody.” Police said Saber had apparently suffered a heart attack before driving to the home and dying. “It was a heroic act of love,” his wife said.