by Heath Pfaff
That news did little to ease my mind. If anything, I was now more worried than ever before about my quiet friend. I had hoped that he had merely deserted the Knights, as grim a possibility as that might have been, at least I would have known that he was alive and well somewhere. More and more I was beginning to question if that were so. If there had been foul play, who could have been responsible? Those at Fell Rock were all trusted servants of the king, but foul play would suggest that some were not as trustworthy as they seemed. Assuming that worst case scenario, and assuming that someone had betrayed the king and the Knights, the next question would have to be, "Who would have the power to abduct or murder a Knight without leaving any trace?" I voiced my concerns to Malice.
"I've thought of that. The only conclusion I could come to, was that the one responsible must be another, powerful, Knight of our order. That is not a thought I relish. If one of our own has turned against us, does that not imply that others might as well?" Malice's voice was agitated, nervous. "I'm hoping that is not the case." I nodded my agreement, deciding it was time to change the subject. The next question I had was one that I did not want to ask. I hesitated, caught on the cusp of forcing the words out. I needed to ask the question, but I so feared the answer that I sat in silence, chewing at my newly healed lower lip.
"What is it you need to ask, Lowin? We have worked together for four months now and I can tell when something is troubling you." Malice probed, and it was only through her probing that I finally forced myself to ask the question I feared most of all, the one that had driven me to come to her in the first place.
"How much longer does Kyeia have?" I wasn't sure if Malice would have an answer, but if she did, I needed to know. The uncertainty was tearing me apart. I sat awake in my room most nights, pondering the question, and telling myself repeatedly that it didn't matter how much time was left, I should simply enjoy what I had. I would have had more success telling my heart to cease beating.
Malice seemed to shrink back into her bedding a little. She turned her eyes away from mine, looking at the wall, the floor, anywhere but at me. "I thought you might ask that, you know. The minute I saw you at my door, I suspected you might be here for that very question." Her evasion made me worry even more. Could the time be down to just a matter of weeks, I wondered? When she spoke again, she spoke hesitantly. "She has two, maybe three days, Lowin. There is a certain timing to it, though I know not how it's figured. Kyeia told me when she came to check on you today. I had hoped you wouldn't ask."
The color fled my face and for a moment I thought my heart might stop after all, or break into a thousand pieces from pure sorrow. I remembered to take a breath and found that I had not been breathing for too long and my head swam. "Th... there was sup... supposed to be at least another week." I stammered.
Malice looked at me, and her eyes were full of sympathy, "The binding process has gone far faster for you two than it has for any other Knight and Bound One in the past. We all thought there would be more time."
I couldn't do anything, couldn't say anything. I forced myself to get mechanically to my legs and stepped towards the door, any other questions I may have had were gone now. There was a flash of motion from my peripheral vision and Malice was then behind me, the bedding still falling back into place on the bed where she had left it. "Are you going to be alright, Lowin?" She asked, her hand on my shoulder. "You can stay here if you need to." The invitation, meant in the best possible way, I knew, only made my heart ache worse. I felt that taking any comfort from Malice, whether it was simply being held, or the full lust of physical passion, would be the greatest betrayal of Kyeia possible.
I shook my head. "I must go, but I'll be on the practice field in a few hours. I'll see you then." I pushed the words out through my tears, not letting my voice waver at all. The hallway and the walk back to my own room passed in a blur. Lithe said nothing to me the entire time, and whether he sensed how troubled I was, or was quiet for another reason I did not know, but I was happy for it just the same. I didn't want to try and force myself to hold a reasonable conversation. When I finally reached my bed, I lay quietly and stared up at the ceiling. A trickle of tears fell from my eyes, but there was no great release as I'd had in the past. I forced the sadness from me, knowing that Kye would be aware of it, and instead I grabbed on to my feelings for her, and made myself embrace every happy moment we'd shared together. For the rest of the night, I decided, I would concentrate only on the best aspects of our time together. She would not feel any more heartache from me. As I sat, remembering our short time together, wrapping myself in the warmth of those times, I felt a similar heat flowing back into me from some distance away. Wherever Kye was, she was remembering with me.
Over the next two days training became everything in my world. I pushed myself as hard as I reasonably could, and when I was worn to the point of exhaustion, I forced myself further. When the day ended, and Malice forced me to return to my room for the night, a troubled look about her features, I ran my way back to my room hoping beyond hope that Kye might be there. I didn't sleep through the nights, but sleep didn't seem important anymore. A few hours of sleep sufficed to get me ready to go, yet another indication of my agitated state and the near completion of the bond between Kye and me. As I sat alone, waiting for Kyeia to come to me, I concentrated, focusing on all the happiness I'd felt in my time with her and often I would feel the returned thoughts from her, wherever she might be. In a way, it was like being with her. Time still passed too quickly.
It was late the on the second day after I'd spoken to Malice in her room that the Knights of Ethan came for me. I recognized two of the three that showed up that night, but the other was new to me. The two I did recognize I didn't know well enough to identify by name. They all looked very similar beneath their shifting cloaks but I could point out the subtle differences that the average person wouldn't notice. One had mid-length brown hair, tied loosely back, a kind face, and seemed near my own age, though judging the actual age of Knights was impossible. I guessed her to be young though, she smiled nervously at me as the three of them crammed themselves into my tiny room. The man nearest me, the one I didn't recognize, was about my own height with short, dark hair. His features were hard, and I sensed in him an emotional fortitude that denied all joy in his life. He was the sort who'd never crack a smile and probably only laughed when he was swinging his sword. The other Knight had long blond hair that hung in wispy strands about his face. He seemed thin to the point of gauntness and there was a haunted look about his features. I sensed no ill intent from any of the three but at the same time there was an air of turmoil in the room that was so thick it made me feel as though I would choke. I had some idea of what was happening, though I wasn't supposed to, and that forbidden knowledge put me on edge.
There was a calming emotion channeling towards me from some distance away. Kye was aware of what was happening too, and she was trying to project her calm on to me. I felt my breath coming in ragged drags. I got to my feet and my knees felt weak beneath me. Still, the calming flow poured into me, and helped abate the chaos that threatened to burst free from me at any moment.
"Lowin," The fierce, stone faced one spoke for the three assembled Knights. "Tonight, you are to rise to Knighthood. Come with us." The way it was phrased, telling me I was to "rise to Knighthood," it almost seemed like something good was about to happen. If I hadn't known the truth, perhaps I would have been excited instead of terrified. If it wasn't for Kye's constant rhythm of calming thoughts and feelings, I may have tried to bolt from the room, but she steadied me enough that I was able to step forward to follow the three Knights. The female Knight and the gaunt Knight each took one of my arms. The girl's hands were those of a human woman, but the gaunt Knight had dragon-scaled claws that fastened like a vice about my right bicep.
I had never asked exactly what was to happen, or how the process of taking Kye's eyes, and life, would be carried out. I hadn't wanted to know, but now I found that I did. She
was going to die and I wanted to know that they would make it as painless as possible. I wanted to know that at least she wouldn't die terrified and screaming. I believed that they wouldn't allow such thing, for cruelty of such a nature should never be allowed, no matter what the gain. This ritual of murder and power was terrible enough, without such a heavy burden as that being leveled at the future Knight. Kyeia's calm was still radiating. I grasped on to that, holding it as tightly as I would have held her had she been there. "I love you, Kye." I repeated the words again and again in my mind, not even paying attention to where the Knights were leading me. When I finally did notice my surroundings again, we were already inside the big manor house, heading down a flight of stairs into a dark, stone walled area that I guessed to be below ground.
"You'll be alright." I heard the woman at my side whisper. "It'll all be over before you know it and in a few days you'll feel better than you ever have before." It was nice of her to try and comfort me but the words had the opposite effect and I had to force myself to find that stream of calmness being cast out by Kye. I knew that I was getting closer to her, because the feelings from her were becoming clearer. Behind the stream of calm was a wall of fear equal to, and every bit as terrible, as my own. I tried to extend my own sense of calm to her, though much like hers it was a facade simply trying to cover the emotions beneath.
It seemed only a short walk later that we reached our destination, a room far below Fell Rock Manor. If a room can be said to be evil, then this one was. There were two stone slabs set with metal and leather straps sat squarely in the center of a well-lit stone room. The walls had been tarred, making them appear slick and black. Stationed around the room were four more Knights of Ethan, one of which was standing between the two stone slabs. Kyeia was lying on the slab furthest from me, and from where I was standing I could see the ragged rise- and fall of her chest, and the pale, sweat-glistened cast to her skin. The wall of fear I felt behind the projection of her calm, must have been small compared to the fear she was really feeling. I stepped back, but the arm of the gaunt man held me tight.
"There is no going back. We all try, but..." He let the words fall away. Before I knew what was happening, the woman and the gaunt faced man lifted me from the ground and forced me onto the vacant stone slab. The others in the room began to move, coming forward to fasten the metal clasps to my wrists and ankles, a leather strap was secured around my forehead, locking my gaze on the ceiling. Before I realized I was doing it, I was struggling, fighting at the metal and leather that held me in place, but the clamps were powerful, as were those around the table who held me firmly down. The man who had been standing between the stones leaned over me, his black eyes locking on mine.
"No matter what, Lowin, do not let yourself lose consciousness during this process. If you do, you will die. We are about to bestow upon you the full title of Knighthood and it is a painful process." His tone was serious, and his features firm, but he smiled before speaking the next part. "We have all undergone it, and very few have died. Do not be afraid, my boy, be proud of what you are about to become." He spoke with pride, and a sense of duty that came from his knowledge that he would soon usher in another Knight of Ethan. For him, and for those around the room, I was at the cusp of receiving a great honor and my fear was entirely the fear of the unknown and the foreknowledge of pain. For me, the only thing in the world that mattered at that moment, was the terrified girl laying too far away for me to hold or protect, the girl whose life was about to come to an end because of me. I opened my mouth to scream out, but when my mouth opened a rough chunk of leather was pressed and held in place by one of those around me.
"Bite down, this is going to hurt." A woman's voice whispered, different from the one who'd followed me down the stairs. I didn't recognize her, and a moment later I didn't care that she existed. A muffled scream, Kye's muffled scream, sounded from next to me and I desperately tried to turn my head to see what was happening. I didn't need to though, because I could feel it. Kyeia's wall of calm fell as a terrible pain tore into her left eye socket, and suddenly I was overcome by fear and pain that wasn't my own. So trapped in her feelings was I, that I almost didn't notice the last thing I would ever see with my own eyes. The knife came in fast. It was just a glint in the light, and then all light exploded away from my right eye and, half a second later, my left. I was surrounded by darkness, and the echo of Kye's screams, muffled, I guessed, by a chunk of leather like my own, reverberating from the stone walls all around me. I didn't scream, couldn't make myself do it at all. There was so much pain and darkness, and all I could do was struggled to stay conscious. "I love you, Kye. I love you." I thought it over and over again, tried to say it though I couldn't through the block in my mouth. I ignored the pain, and whatever it was they were doing to my empty eye sockets. None of it mattered. I don't recall exactly how long it all went on, but I finally heard a voice, and realized that it was all I could hear.
"It's done, you can pass out now." It was a male voice, I thought possibly the gaunt man. It didn't matter though. The room was so quiet. I couldn't hear Kye screaming anymore, it had stopped a little while before, and I couldn't feel her anymore. There was no fear, no calm, no horror, no love only a great emptiness where all that had been before. I was alone. I let my mind fall into the darkness, hoping beyond reason, that I wouldn't come back from it, and, failing that, that I might not suffer to dream, because I knew only too well how haunted my dreams would be.
I was devoured by a darkness so deep I thought I might never wake to the light again. Pain pounded at my bones in waves, rushing from the sockets that now held the eyes of the woman I had destroyed, and out into my heart and limbs like streaks of burning fire running through my body in place of the blood that normally pulsed there. I was being changed from the inside out. My bones were restructuring, lengthening in places where they were too short, thickening in places where they were too thin, and smoothing in places where they were too rough. Every muscle groaned and churned as their density increased, the fibers of my very being honed to perfection like the edge of master smith's finest sword.
All around me voices floated in and out of my perception, various people coming to see my progress from man to monstrosity, each offering their own commentary on the process as though it were some great play performed on a stage for their amusement, and I was the key player performing my greatest role.
"He didn't scream out at all during the ritual." One voice would whisper.
"His heart must be stone. I heard he didn't once beg for her life, or his own." Another answered.
"They say he'll be strong." Yet another said, and the voices went on through the darkness, each passing judgment on me for what I was and what I might be. It continued for a span of time that may have been a day or may have been a year - I couldn't tell, lost within my own world of grief and pain. I know only that, for a short time, there was a fearsome storm of noise and chaos and that was followed by a quiet time, and then a warm hand holding mine. It didn't last, but that time was the closest I had to peace while the damage to my body healed and the changes to my being continued. The quiet time passed and the voices came back again to congratulate me or make speculations about my potential.
At some point, the voice of Ethaniel himself came to me through the darkness. "You've come far from the boy I saw four months ago, Lowin. You will go much, much further. Welcome to the Knights." He said no more, but I felt a strong, fatherly grip on my shoulder. He was gone after that. The feel of his grip lingered on my shoulder, though, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that touch. I was supposed to be proud, happy to have risen to a new level in my training. I was now considered a Knight of Ethan, still in training, but a Knight full. Yet, from the dark place of grief and pain, I felt nothing but a growing contempt for the Knights. They spoke of honor and duty, but I couldn't fathom how an order of honor and duty could be built upon a pedestal of deceit and brutal murder and what did that say of my king, a man who I had always thought was a
pinnacle of justice? Where were justice, honor, and duty in a world that killed a young woman for no purpose other than to create a better weapon?
There was silence again, for a time, all but the sound of a single person moving about my room. I heard the clank of a metal tray being placed on the table next to me, and realized that it must be Merrywin, come to bring me a meal. I tried to open my eyes, and realized my eyes were open, but that I couldn't see anything. I panicked, reaching up to feel my face, and encountered a cloth bandage wrapped around my head. Of course, I realized belatedly, I was still in the process of healing.
"Don't be playing with that just yet, Lowin." Merrywin's voice said, and it, unlike the other voices, held a tone of sympathy and warmth. "It'll be another day or two before you are able to see anything and until then you need to keep the bandage on."
I let my hand fall away. It had hurt to move it anyway. My entire body hurt constantly, a result of the changes occurring within me. I wondered if they would come and tell me exactly what was transpiring, since I wasn't supposed to know anything about what was happening. I thought of Kye, but I couldn't bring her face to my mind without hearing her terrified scream again and again. "I am a monster." I said aloud, and it was the culmination of all my thoughts that led me to that conclusion. For all that the Knights of Ethan had deceived me, and forced me into much of what had happened over the last four months, I could not deny that I was also responsible. Kyeia was dead because of me.
