Addicted To Him (Man Season)

by McClung, Mila

  Tegan finally replaced the book; sat crying on her bed until the tears formed a heart-shaped stain on her shirt.

  “This won’t do!” she fussed. Then she changed into a black bra and bikini briefs, and a pretty red dress with matching ballerina flats, washed her face, applied her regular make-up and headed outside to catch the bus on the corner. Callie and Digby were still in the garden, talking. Callie looked up, surprised to see Tegan on the bus. She waved; Tegan nodded then turned her head away. She felt ashamed of herself; deep down she was jealous that her mom had made an acquaintance. Maybe she wasn’t afraid for Callie to be alone – maybe she was afraid SHE would be left alone.

  “I told you I’d cover you today if you wanted to sleep in. What happened? Wasn’t he any good?”

  “I’d rather not talk about it, Kerry, if you don’t mind.”

  “Sure, I understand. I’ve been in that boat often enough myself. It’s getting really hard to find a date worth a damn in this town! I’ve been thinking of trying one of those online sites.”

  Tegan pretended to listen to his ongoing chatter. She breathed in deeply, closed her eyes, imagining herself in a rose garden somewhere warm and sunny, near an azure sea. Monte Carlo, maybe, or Bermuda; anywhere but where she was.

  Kerry left early to attend a friend’s wedding in West Hollywood, leaving her in charge of the shop. She dutifully went over the next day’s deliveries and orders. Then her mind wandered; she began thinking it was about time she shelled out some dough for a car. How she’d managed to survive six months without one in LA was a miracle but her last one had petered out on the PCH in the middle of a stormy summer night, stranding her in Malibu without a way home. She’d finally curled up in a cove near the beach to ride it out, and almost got stabbed by a homeless guy who’d claimed the place for his own. Such was life in sweet old Southern California.

  Around seven she began to stare at Fleet’s building, out of habit; waiting for him to exit and hop into the Jaguar. It was there, had been since she got to work, but she couldn’t bring herself to boldly march over there and ask to see him. If he’d crossed her off as a mistake, she wasn’t about to make things worse by embarrassing herself in front of his employees.

  Seven passed; Tegan shrugged, started to close up for the night. It was near dark. Maybe she should pack up her few things and buy a ticket to paradise – just to give herself a present. That’s something she’d never done.

  When she moved to lock the doors she thought she saw a silhouette of a man under the streetlight but when she looked again, it was gone. There was a full moon rising above the tall buildings. It cast an icy glaze over the sidewalks, illuminating specks of glass in the concrete. The result was magical; Tegan stood still for a moment, caught in the glow.

  Then she saw him; he moved like a panther in the black shadows on the street. It was Fleet, no mistaking that. She unlocked the doors, stood to face him, hoping he’d come to apologize.

  But as soon as their eyes caught each other he was upon her. His hands ripped the red dress to shreds as he scooted her back into the shop.

  “Wait, what are you doing?”

  His mouth smothered her words, his kisses rough and grasping and hotter than fire. He sucked at her lips as his hands kneaded her flesh; his heated breath sent chills through her, made her blood pound in her ears. He was desperate for her, and couldn’t seem to think beyond that need. She readily gave herself up to him, her skin hungry for his touch. As before, it was electric, like lightning falling upon them. He laid her down on the floor; strew rose petals all about her, pricking his fingers on the thorns. He spied a pair of garden scissors on a shelf, took them and knelt above her. She gasped, fearing what he was about to do. He yanked up her tattered dress, sliced the seam of her panties. Then he lunged for her, began to kiss her thighs, darting his tongue in and out until she screamed for mercy. But he would not give it. He rose up, held her face over him, letting her take him forcibly into her mouth and gnaw at him with a raging passion. They were lost in a blind, uncontrollable fit of desire, neither wanting words or thoughts to get in the way of the feelings, the raw, primitive force of emotion that was consuming them both.

  Once he was on the edge of exploding he pulled her off him and laid her back down then he slammed into her like a hammer. She howled at the moon as her orgasms sent her spiraling into the sky. He stopped for a moment just to savor the sound of her voice.

  “Don’t stop! Not now! Please!”

  He began again, more determined than before. The shop became a blur; nothing existed anymore. They were one with each other, two sides of the same flesh, the emotions melded as tightly as the bodies. Fleet let out a growl so loud it hurt her ears but she twisted to make him yell some more.

  “Damn, woman!” he cried, “You never quit!”

  “I know, but you love it, right?”

  “Yeah, I do. I love you, Tegan.”

  She didn’t expect that. Didn’t think he would utter those three words. True, her heart had given itself up to him even before she’d met him but she vaguely imagined that he was only after her for the thrill of the chase, and once that was over he’d move on. It didn’t occur to her that he could actually love her.

  Fleet splattered his body over the rose petals, tried to calm the erratic rhythm of his heart. He looked pale suddenly, and sick.

  “What’s wrong?” Tegan cried as she swathed him in her soft, sweaty arms.

  “I don’t know … I feel strange. Ill … Tegan, call Digby!”

  “There’s no time! I’m getting you to the hospital!”

  She grabbed a raincoat from the back room and wrapped it about her ragged dress then she fumbled in his pockets, looking for his keys.

  “No, no hospitals! I don’t want Ned to know! Take me home!”

  She peered into the azure eyes; they were glazed with fear and pain. She could see there was no use, or time, in arguing.

  “Okay, but I’m calling Mom once we get there!”

  She helped him rise, and managed to walk him to the Jaguar. Then she hurried back to close up the shop. Kerry might be furious when he saw the mess, but knowing him he’d think it was cool that they made out on his floor.

  Tegan started the engine, hoping she could handle the temperamental car. Fleet curled up in the passenger seat, heaving and coughing. Finally, he shot a stream of almost clear vomit onto the floorboard.

  “I never wanted you to see me like this, Tegan.”

  “It was bound to happen sometime. You are a drug addict, right?”

  “How’d you know?”

  “I’m nosy. I saw the pill bottles in your medicine cabinet. Why do you take them? Is it because of your mother?”

  “Yeah, that’s part of it. But running a movie studio is so damned stressful. I couldn’t cope. My uncle, Ned, is a doctor. He started giving me prescriptions, said they wouldn’t hurt me. I guess he’s right. They don’t hurt me … as long as I keep taking them. But if I try to stop … that’s when the trouble starts!”

  “And he won’t help you get off of them?”

  “Why should he? The more I take the richer he gets.”

  “Digby told me to watch out for Ned Grant. I think I can see why.”

  “He said that? Digby’s a straight-shooter! I should’ve listened to him years ago. But it’s too late now.”

  “It’s never too late, as long as you’re breathing, Fleet! I’ll get you off those pills! I swear I will!”

  She steered the Jaguar out onto the PCH. She glanced over, caught an admiring expression on his face, almost as if he was proud of her. She patted his cheek and smiled. Inside though, she was shaking with fear. Her mind recalling the horror of watching her beloved father, Dale, succumb to drug addiction in a failed effort to beat cancer. She and Callie had tried unsuccessfully to help him get off the pills. When he died it was as much from the amount of chemicals in his system as the insidious spread of the disease. She wasn’t sure she could handle going through all that again. But she
had to try, for Fleet’s sake. She wanted him whole and healthy, and strong enough to be the father of her children. Wow – that thought floored her. She hadn’t realized she wanted kids until then.

  When they arrived at Fleet’s mansion the driveway was empty. The moon cast a spotlight on their faces. Tegan glanced at Fleet; he looked worn and helpless. She smothered an urge to cry, helped him into the garage entrance.

  “I have a private room down here below the pool. It’s a kind of panic room, I guess you might say. I go there when I need solitude. You’re the only other person besides me, and Digby, to see it.”

  They entered the claustrophobic room. It was somewhat like an old ocean liner’s bedroom, with all the furniture built in to the walls. They were paneled in mahogany, with cream-colored fabrics on the bed and chairs, and a beige carpet on the floor. Tegan didn’t like it – the air was musty and damp.

  “I think you’d be better off in your own bed upstairs, Fleet. This place is liable to give you pneumonia!”

  “No, I want to stay here!’ He was belligerent, stubborn. “If you don’t want to stay, I won’t force you.”

  “I’m staying. When was the last time you took any pills?”

  “Yesterday, before I entered the pub. I swore I’d kick them before I introduced myself to you but I couldn’t wait any longer! It’s been hell trying to keep away from you.”

  “Is that why you stayed away? Because of your addiction?”

  “Yeah, I …”

  He fell to the floor, quaking all over in a frightening wave of tremors. Tegan dragged him to the bed; eased him up onto it. Then she began to remove his shoes and jacket. Even in the throes of misery he was tempting. She had to scold herself for thinking of sex at a moment like that.

  “I want you, Tegan. Love me. Love me now!”

  “You’re not up to it, darling. Calm down, please, and rest for awhile. You shouldn’t have tried to stop taking the pills all at once. Weaning your system off of them very slowly is the way to do it. My dad tried it your way, and he …”

  “Your dad? I thought he died of cancer?”

  “Yes, he did. But he was a drug addict, too. And going cold turkey killed him as surely as the cancer.”

  “I’m sorry. I had no idea. Will you lie with me? We don’t have to make love. I just want you near me.”

  “Shouldn’t I call Digby, or my mom? She’ll know better what to do. She is a pharmacist, you know.”

  “Wait awhile, okay? I want to rest now.”

  She nodded, took off the raincoat and slipped under the cold sheets.

  “I wish you hadn’t ruined my dress.”

  “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I turn into some kind of mindless being whenever I see you. It’s like a power surge I can’t stop.”

  “It’s the same thing with me; has been since the first time I saw your picture in the paper. I remember rubbing myself afterwards, to make the surge go away. I pretended you were kissing me down there.”

  He managed a faint laugh. “Was it good?”

  “Better than I’d ever had it before. Of course I was embarrassed when I was done.”

  “Why? There’s no shame in pleasing yourself when the need arises.”

  “I know, but the strength of it was so powerful it freaked me out. I didn’t dare try to daydream about you unless I was alone where I could finish what my dreams had started.”

  “You might not believe it but I did the very same thing the first time I saw you. And it was better than any lovemaking I’d had in real life. I guess we were made for each other.”

  He leaned over to kiss her; his breath was stale but still inciting. His body temperature was feverish; he was sweating. His limbs were still shaking. Seeing him that way was hard, but she knew she had to be strong, to help him beat the addiction.

  She pulled her lips away, reluctantly.

  “Fleet, let me sneak up and get your pills. You need to get back on them then start the weaning process.”

  “No, no, I want off of them now!” His voice was strange, haunting. She scooted close to him; fit her arms about him, breathing in the scent of his skin. His own breathing seemed forced, uneven.

  “I’m afraid, Fleet. We can’t do this alone. Please let me call my mom.”

  “Later. I want to wake up with you in the morning, like I should have done today. But I panicked, and ran out on you. I was worried you couldn’t love me if you knew I was hooked on drugs. You can, right? It doesn’t change how we are together.”

  “No, it could never change that. But I’m still scared you won’t make it through the night. Mom could give you something that would help.”

  “I don’t want to trade one addiction for another.”

  “It won’t be for long, just until you get off the others.”

  “But it didn’t work for your dad.”

  “It might’ve. We didn’t know about his addiction until it was too late. He hid it from us. Fleet, please try, for both our sakes.”

  “All right. Call her. But don’t let anyone else know she’s coming here.”

  “Not even Digby?”

  “No. For all I know, Ned might’ve bugged his phone. I wouldn’t put it past him.”

  She reached into her purse, found her phone and hit the buttons. Callie answered in a lilting voice that surprised Tegan.

  “Mom, are you okay?”

  “Yes, baby! Oh, I’m so glad you brought Digby into my life! We’ve been together all day! Did you know he loves jazz and blues as much as I do? And he’s crazy for Billie Holiday! We’ve been listening to her records all afternoon!”

  “That’s wonderful, Mom. Is he still there?”

  “Yes.”

  She whispered to Fleet: “Digby’s with Mom. Should I let her tell him?”

  “Yeah, there’s no way Ned could bug your phone.”

  Tegan nodded. “Mom, I need both of you to come out to Fleet’s mansion as soon as possible! He’s sick, very sick!”

  “Take him to the hospital.”

  “He won’t go. Mom, he’s addicted to prescription drugs, just like dad …”

  The phone was stone quiet for a few minutes.

  “Mom, did you hear me?”

  “Yes, I heard you. Has he overdosed?”

  “No, he’s quit, cold! And he’s in an awful mess. The withdrawal is slow murder!”

  “He needs to see his doctor, Tegan. I can’t do anything.”

  “Just get here, Mom, please? Digby will explain why Fleet should not be seeing his doctor. We need you. I don’t know if I can handle this alone.”

  “We’ll be there as soon as we can! I’ll have to stop by the pharmacy and get something. Keep him warm and calm. And relax, Tegan. You’re stronger than me. I know you can handle anything that comes your way!”

  “Right! Mom, please hurry!”

  “We will!”

  She hung up, looked at Fleet. The room about them was closing in like a tomb.

  “We’re going upstairs!” she decided.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Fleet was throwing off the cover one minute and grasping for it blindly the next.

  “Are they coming?”

  “Yeah, they’ll be here soon. Mom’s bringing something to help you get through this.”

  “Love me, Tegan, I can’t stand being this close without kissing you!”

  She shook her head, though the need was building inside her.

  “It can’t hurt me, you know, if that’s what’s stopping you. It might even save me.”

  She looked into his eyes; they were weak and lined. His face slowly shifted into a smile. Tegan couldn’t resist. She moved to surround him in welcoming arms and open thighs, taking him into her and rocking him subtly. The passion washed over them, gentler this time. She kissed him, stroking his firm torso and hips with a comforting, arousing massage. He groaned, began to tremble; his sweat pouring down on her like rain. The effort seemed too much for him. Tegan urged him back down and rose up to set herself on top of
him. She moved her pelvis like a wheel, the rhythm creating an exquisite tension between them. She bent low to bite at his nipples. He couldn’t take it, drove his hips up to seize control, sending them both off into a rapturous spiral of blinding, all-consuming electricity. Once the sparks subsided, Tegan fell off of him and let the sweet tears flood her eyes. Fleet leaned close, kissed them away.

  “Did you make it to Mars this time?” he asked just before he passed out on her shoulder.

  “Yes, I did,” she whispered back, sweeping the wet hair from his brow.

  They remained in bed, quiet and content, for a good twenty minutes. Then Tegan remembered her mother and Digby would be there soon. She slid out from under his chin, hurried to the bathroom to wash. She dressed again and used a warm rag to cleanse Fleet’s body.

  “That feels good!” he sighed. “Are you ready for more space travel?”

  “Not tonight, darling. You’re grounded.”

  She walked over to the big oval window in his bedroom. Another band of bats took the opportunity to fly across the panes, startling the stuffing out of her.

  “Damn, I hate that! You know, I think I’d rather we moved in together in my mom’s attic than live here! Or do you have any other houses?”

  “I’ve got ten, but I rarely use them. Ned uses them, though.”

  “I’ll bet he does. Seems to me your dear uncle has quite a nice life, thanks to you.”

  “Yeah, but I felt like I owed him something. He was a kid when my mom got married. She was his only relative and she loved him like a mother, but after I came along he was kind of shuffled aside. She sent him to medical school but after she poisoned my dad he was shunned and couldn’t find a position. Once he became my guardian that all changed. He bought a fancy office in Beverly Hills, began treating depressed housewives, and made a fortune.”

  “And he hooked you on the drugs.”

  “Yeah. Come over here. I want to hold you.”