The Nanny's Christmas Wish

by Ami Weaver

In spite of himself, Josh choked out a laugh. “Mom. Jeez. How does that make me an idiot? She’s a young woman. Single.” Gorgeous. Sweet. Sexy. Not helping. “She can date if she wants.” Hell if the thought didn’t make his gut even more sour. A completely useless reaction since he had no claim on her or her time.

  A pause. “Josh—”

  “Mom, don’t start,” he interrupted. “Please. I’m not dating. No reason she can’t.” If he said it enough would he finally believe it?

  “Oh, Josh.” Tenderness and frustration mixed in her voice. “How can you not see what’s right under your nose? How can you just let her walk out of your life like that?”

  “Easy,” Josh lied. “She’s the nanny. Not my girlfriend.”

  “And that’s a damn shame,” Ellen muttered. She sighed. “I know, I know, I need to butt out. It’s your life. But it’s so hard to see you’ve got a shot at happiness. I like Maggie, Josh. She’s such a great girl. But you’re letting her slip right by you.”

  Josh gritted his teeth. “I’m not letting anything go, Mom. There’d have to be something to let go and there’s not. So I’ll ask her about Thanksgiving when she gets back, okay?”

  A long pause. Then she said, “Okay. I’ll wait on the turkey. But let me know soon.”

  Josh promised he would and hung up before she started in on another polite lecture on how he should move on. Damn it, in theory he knew that. If things were different, if Lucy hadn’t died, if they’d simply divorced, maybe then he could see himself pursuing Maggie. Maybe. As it was, life hadn’t gone that way for him. Certainly it hadn’t for Lucy.

  He’d do well to remember that.

  Headlights washed over the wall as a car turned into the driveway. He glanced at his watch. Maggie. He refused to examine why he felt a flood of relief. She hadn’t been gone long, just over an hour.

  It’d been a long damn hour.

  * * *

  Back at home—and it was home to Maggie now—she put the car in Park. Cody’s window was dark. He’d probably just gone to bed. She got out of the car, surprised at how hesitant she felt about seeing Josh. If he meant nothing to you it wouldn’t matter. The truth of that slipped under her heart and settled in. She tried to ignore it as she walked to the door.

  She let herself in and saw him in the living room. Her breath caught. Even in pajama pants and a faded Michigan State sweatshirt he was flat-out sexy.

  He stood up and came over to lean on the doorway. “How was your evening?”

  “Fine.” She slipped off her boots and put them in the closet before turning to face him fully. She needed to set this straight, for her own sake. “It wasn’t a date, Josh. I’m not looking for anything.” But if I were, you’d be it. The thought set her reeling and she pushed it away. “I don’t want you to think I’d put something like dating before Cody. My responsibility lies with him.”

  He didn’t move. “That’s good to hear. But Maggie, I don’t expect you to give up your life for us.”

  She laughed a little. What life? “I don’t look at it that way.” It wasn’t a sacrifice. She loved Cody and this job.

  He looked at her steadily. “That’s good to know.” He paused. “Do you have a minute?”

  “Sure.” She followed him in the living room and perched across from him on a chair, nerves on alert.

  “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

  The question threw her. “Oh.” She paused, then smoothed her hands on her jeans. This was a conversation she’d like to avoid. “I’m not sure yet. I might join my friend Kerry, I guess.”

  “Not your family?”

  The simple question would have brought her to her knees if she’d been standing. “Um, no. My mother and I are estranged. My father is…gone.”

  He looked stricken, like he’d stepped in it. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

  She shrugged, the gesture casual though she felt anything but. “It is what it is.” She couldn’t keep the note of sorrow from her tone.

  “Will you join us?” His voice was soft.

  Her head snapped up. She hadn’t expected that. “You?”

  “And Cody and my mom. Or did—did Jake invite you?” The last was spoken stiffly.

  She sputtered a laugh. “I just met him and I’m not interested in him in that way. So no. He didn’t. But I don’t want to intrude on your holiday. Thanksgiving is about family.” The irony of her words wasn’t lost on her. “Really, that’s very kind—”

  “Please, Maggie.” The intensity of his gaze unsettled her. “Cody would love to have you.”

  She barked out a little laugh. “Playing the kid card, huh?”

  Now humor glinted in those whiskey eyes. “Did it work?”

  “I don’t know, Josh. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” She could tell him why, should tell him why, but couldn’t get the words to form.

  “Please.”

  The word was quiet and simple and oh, she was such a sucker for his voice. Her throat closed up. “I’ll let you know tomorrow,” she managed to respond after a moment and stood up. It was time to go to upstairs before she got pulled any further in.

  “Fair enough.”

  She bade him good-night and escaped, afraid if she looked back, she’d see him watching her.

  * * *

  In the safety of her room, Maggie flipped the switch on her fireplace, then pulled out her phone.

  Before she could accept Josh’s invitation, she needed to see what her mom was planning. While they hadn’t spoken in weeks and Linda had been very clear in her stance on Maggie’s quest to learn about Lucy, she couldn’t risk Linda’s being alone on Thanksgiving. No doubt she’d get shot down but she had to try.

  Since the conversation with her mother would be ugly, she dawdled. First a shower. Then the call. She dropped the phone on her bed and padded into the bathroom to start the shower. Josh’s invitation to Thanksgiving caught her off guard. Ellen’s doing or not, it was a family day. Those lines that held her sanity were getting thinner by the day. This whole situation had the ring of false intimacy. Meals together. Shared experiences about Cody. They even occasionally went places as a unit. None of it was real, even though they seemed to work well together—when the attraction was under control, of course.

  Lately that seemed harder and harder. If only there’d been true sparks with Jake.

  She stripped off her clothes and dropped them in the hamper. She pulled out the band that held her hair in its usual ponytail and ran her fingers through its heavy mass. A wry smile touched her lips. Stick-straight, no matter what she did to it. She’d learned to accept it, but through adolescence it had been the bane of her existence.

  She could see herself, naked, in the misty mirror. Long and thin, a bit of a waist. A few curves, but nothing that could be considered lush. Medium-sized breasts, full and heavy, still firm. The dark wash of her hair fell over her shoulders and the ends brushed her nipples.

  With a sigh, she turned from the mirror and stepped in the shower. Tony had always said she was too tall, too thin. No curves. Not womanly enough. Now that she thought about it, what had she ever seen in him? Why had she put up with it for so long?

  No easy answer there.

  Of course, he’d never looked at her like Josh sometimes did. Like something to be desired, to be wanted. Like she was beautiful. Despite the hot water, goose bumps rose on her skin just thinking about it.

  She pressed her hands to her eyes. Okay, okay, this was wrong on so many levels, to be in her dead half sister’s house, fantasizing about her dead half sister’s husband. There were no two ways about it. She reached for her scrubby and soap and rubbed her skin as if she could peel the thoughts of Josh right off her, down the drain.

  You can’t have him, Maggie. Even if you weren’t the nanny, you can’t have him. The little voice wasn’t taunting, just matter-of-fact. She tilted her face to the spray, let it wash the unexpected tears away. Figured. One decent man, and she couldn’t have him. Worse, she couldn’t even find the w
ords to tell him why she couldn’t have him. The risk of losing Cody was too great.

  She stayed in the shower until she felt she had herself back under control, then stepped out and yanked a towel off the rack. Drying quickly, she pulled on a T-shirt and flannel pj bottoms—plaid, not the goofy prints Josh seemed to prefer—toweled her hair and padded out into the bedroom where the fire crackled. Oh, how she loved this space. Homey, warm and, frankly, if this was her house, it would be her bedroom anyway. It was a sanctuary.

  She flipped open her cell, took a deep breath and hit her mom’s speed-dial number. When it rang and rang she held her breath. It’d be best to get this conversation over with. But if she had to leave a message—

  “Maggie.” Her mother’s cool voice filled her ear. Maggie’s insides lurched at the unfriendliness in her mother’s tone.

  “Hi, Mom.” Shaking slightly, she sank in a chair. “How are you?”

  A pause. “How do you think I am? My husband betrayed me. My daughter, too. How should I be, Maggie?”

  The bitterness in the words hit Maggie in the heart. So this was how it would be. She’d expected it, but still. “Mom. I didn’t—”

  “You did.” Her mother’s voice was deceptively quiet. “Oh, yes, you did. I thought I could count on you. But you chose him.” She spat the last word.

  Maggie stared at the fire, grief twisting in her heart. It wasn’t that way, had never been. Finding Lucy had been something she was driven to do. A piece of her that she hadn’t even known she’d been missing—but once she’d realized, she’d needed to fill the void. Clearly, her mother didn’t see it that way. “I don’t know what to say, Mom.”

  “Do they know who you are, Maggie?” Linda’s words were hard. “Did you tell them?”

  She drew in a deep breath. “No. Not yet. I will.”

  “And what will happen then? They’ll get rid of you. You’ll have nothing. Nothing. Like me. You don’t know what I’ve been through.” The bitterness wound like poison through her words.

  Maggie’s eyes watered. Okay then. “I’m sorry, Mom. I really am. I—”

  Linda cut her off. “I don’t want your apology. When you’ve come to your senses and let this go, call me. Not a minute before.”

  Click. The dead air rang in her ear.

  Maggie stared at the fire through the tears burning her eyes. The firelight made little shadows and patterns on the walls.

  Shadows and light. Like the little pockets of life where people hid their secrets, hoping they wouldn’t come out to see the light of day.

  Of course, some of those secrets were a bit bigger than others.

  Like the one her father had kept for thirty-something years, from those who loved him the most. And the one she now held, the fruit of that original secret. She didn’t know why her father had kept it for so long, only that he’d honored the request of the mother.

  But not why he’d honored it. Was that what ate at her mother now, that maybe he’d loved another woman enough to keep her secret for over three decades?

  Resolved, she yanked open her door and went back downstairs. She hadn’t even asked her mother the question but had clearly gotten the answer.

  Josh was still in the living room. When she walked in, he half turned, surprise on his face.

  “I’ll come.” Did her voice just tremble?

  He blinked at her. “Okay.”

  “Thanksgiving,” she clarified. “Thank you for the invite.” She turned to go upstairs before she made a fool of herself when the tears came.

  He stood up quickly, came around the chair and caught her hand. “You’re welcome. Maggie. Um. You look— Are you all right?”

  His concern caused tears to burn in her throat. “Of course.” Other than being rejected by her mother. Again. When would she learn? Would she ever learn?

  “You’re going to cry,” he said softly and there was an undertone of horror that would have made her laugh under different circumstances.

  She shook her head and the traitorous tears clung to her lashes. “No. I’m. Not.” Spoken through gritted teeth. She’d hold it together until she got back to her room.

  * * *

  Josh couldn’t help it. Those big blue eyes shimmering with tears simply did him in. He touched her face, the warm satin of her skin. Smelled the fresh, fruity scent of shampoo from her still-damp hair. Heard her sharp intake of breath as her hand came up to rest on his chest, but she didn’t pull away. His gaze locked on her blue one, and he saw his own desire reflected in hers. The wanting twined around them, silky, sweet and hot.

  Dangerous.

  His gaze dipped to her mouth and it nearly killed him when her tongue slid across her lower lip. He moved closer, the heat of her body mingling with his. If she tipped her head a little to the right and he moved a little to the left he could finally taste her. Steal the kiss he craved, so much so she’d been haunting his dreams, his waking hours. God, how he wanted to kiss her, to wrap himself in her. He hadn’t been this close to a woman in—

  Years.

  Hell. Lucy.

  Something must have shown on his face because she stepped back quickly, so much so she stumbled and nearly ended up on her backside on the couch.

  “Um. Yeah. This is so not a good idea,” she said, the words coming out in a rush. “I’m your employee, and your—” She stopped. Something flashed over her face, so fast he almost didn’t catch it but it looked a lot like guilt.

  Not half of what he felt right now, no doubt.

  “My what?”

  She shook her head. “Listen. In my marriage I got involved with my boss. I married my boss, I mean. When it ended—very badly—I realized what a stupid mistake I’d made. Not that we’ll get married.” She waved her hands, then clamped them over her eyes, her face turning a pink he found disturbingly adorable. “I don’t mean that. I mean I can’t risk my job. Plus, there’s Cody—” Her voice trailed off as she wrapped her arms around her middle and looked at him beseechingly.

  He stepped back. Her point was clear. It shook him to his core, how badly he wanted her. He cleared his throat. “You’re right, of course. Though your job is safe, Maggie. Always.” He shoved his hands in his pockets so he didn’t reach for her again, mistake or not, and brought the conversation back to safer topics, as if he hadn’t almost kissed her. “So. Okay. Thanksgiving. I’ll let my mom know.”

  Sorrow crossed her face. “You are so lucky to have a mom like Ellen.” The wistfulness in her tone hit him.

  Matchmaking aside, of course. “I know.” He left it at that. Her wrecked expression made sense now. She’d probably gone to call her estranged mother, made a stab at spending the holiday together.

  And he’d nearly kissed her. What kind of guy was he?

  She didn’t meet his gaze as she turned to leave. “Well. Okay then. Good night, Josh.”

  He watched her escape, helpless. He’d very nearly crossed a line tonight, one he’d drawn himself and fiercely guarded. Not just crossed it, but left it in the dust. Every day he slipped a little farther into territory he was in no way ready for and the woman he wanted to share it with made it clear she wasn’t, either, and would probably never be.

  He rubbed his hand over his face, frustration a hard knot in his stomach. Why the hell couldn’t he get this back under control?

  Chapter Seven

  Marta looked at him over her glasses the next morning, her dark eyes shrewd. “So. Who was the woman in the window last night?”

  Josh blinked. He’d barely had any sleep, between hot dreams starring the nanny and his mind replaying how close he’d come to kissing her. Now Marta wanted to tell him riddles? “What woman? What window?”

  Marta reached over and whacked him lightly on the arm with the chart she’d been writing in. “Your woman. Your window.”

  “My—” Josh started, then stopped. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like this. “What are you talking about?”

  Marta glanced at her watch. “I got a call last night abou
t eight-thirty from Betty Martin, who happened to be driving home from bingo night at the American Legion and passing your house when she chanced to look over and see you and a dark-haired woman in a passionate embrace in front of the window.” Marta lifted an eyebrow, her expression almost gleeful.

  I wish. The unbidden thought nearly derailed his train of thought. “We all know Mrs. Martin needs her glasses updated. I’m not even sure why she’s still driving,” Josh hedged, hoping to divert the conversation, but Marta shook her head. He sighed, gave in. “She’s mistaken. Maggie and I were talking in the living room. Mrs. Martin must have seen us standing there.” Clearly, she’d taken some pretty big leaps from what should have been a glimpse. Next time he’d make sure the drapes were closed. Just in case. There will be no next time.

  Marta studied him for a moment, long enough that Josh wanted to squirm. The she sighed. “That’s too bad. We all know you need a woman in your life.”

  Not again. “Marta. I’m not—” he began but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

  “I know you’re not. Not one like Julie Henney. I like Maggie. There’s nothing between you?”

  Josh shook his head. “Of course not. She’s Cody’s nanny, for God’s sake.” Oh, listen to him now. He’d very nearly kissed her last night, and no doubt would if given the chance again, despite everything. What a hypocrite he was.

  Marta harrumphed. “Like that matters.”

  “You’d be surprised.” It mattered to Maggie. He’d respect that. No matter how enticing her mouth was. Too bad he couldn’t ask Marta what the hell he was doing to give himself away. At this point, denying he found Maggie attractive was pointless.

  Her cell phone rang then, saving him from answering. He shrugged and, as she walked away, she sent him a look he knew meant she wasn’t finished.

  Marta could wish all she wanted. He knew she wanted him happy, the way she and Trav were. He understood that and appreciated it. But in the end, it was up to him and Maggie. She’d been clear on her boundaries. God knew he had his own, even if he’d been getting his priorities screwed up lately. There were far too many things stacked against them.