Damaged Goods

by J. C. Hannigan

  “You’ll be there, right, Everly?” Kyle asked as he turned his light eyes to me hopefully. He gave me his signature smile that made the majority of the female population at school swoon. He was a good-looking guy, for sure, with his blond hair and light eyes; he had that whole ‘sexy musician’ thing going for him. It nearly disarmed me, and probably would have had the desired effect if I wasn’t so hung up on someone I couldn’t have.

  I sat down in my seat, trying to ignore the fact that I was completely aware of Grayson’s nearness. It was as if my body could feel him walk into the room and take his seat, even though I wasn’t looking at him.

  Lindsay nudged me gently, as if giving me permission to answer. “Um, sure…” I trailed off, feeling out of place. If I don’t screw up so badly on stage that I need to bury myself from embarrassment, I thought.

  “Aubrey and Alicia will come, too,” Lindsay decided.

  “Sounds good,” Marcus said, leaning back casually in his chair with a huge smile. Lindsay hadn’t noticed his face perk up at the mention of Aubrey’s name, but I had. I had been so intent on looking anywhere but to the left of the room, where Grayson was.

  Chapter Two

  “ISN’T MARCUS DREAMY?” Lindsay asked as we walked towards the cafeteria to join Aubrey and Alicia at lunch. “He’s pretty much Chris Brown’s doppelganger,” she added thoughtfully.

  “Only he’s more talented musically,” I said, thinking about Marcus’s skills on the drums the few times I’d seen them play. I personally didn’t think Marcus looked anything like Chris Brown, but it was like Lindsay to make a comparison based on a few similar characteristics.

  I had known Marcus for a while. In addition to going to the same public school, his father worked with mine—he was one of the best mechanics my dad had ever hired. I saw Marcus and his family at the employee appreciation BBQ that my dad hosted every summer. Marcus had his father’s darker skin, and his mother’s light eyes that were an incredible shade of slate gray.

  Still, despite this previous connection, Marcus and I were not close. We didn’t really talk to each other except for the occasional greeting in the hallway. This was partly because I’d never really tried to talk to him, and also because he probably thought we didn’t have anything in common.

  “What are you talking about?” Lindsay looked at me as if I had eight heads. “Chris Brown is amazing!”

  I shrugged, not wanting to get into an argument with Lindsay about our different tastes in music.

  We entered the cafeteria, spotting Aubrey and Alicia sitting at a table. Aubrey had a huge order of French fries and a Coke; Alicia had a bottle of water. I waved, joining the long line of students waiting to order from the cafeteria kitchen before I joined them.

  “Don’t you worry about Alicia?” I asked, glancing back at the table where our friends sat.

  Lindsay looked up from her phone. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, she’s lost a lot of weight,” I said.

  “Hmm…you’re right,” Lindsay said thoughtfully. “She looks great,” she added, looking back down at her phone.

  “Never mind.” I sighed. Lindsay’s superficial personality grated on my nerves. I made a mental note to talk to Aubrey about Alicia’s eating habits. I knew she would share concerns over our friend. Maybe between the two of us, we could figure out what was going on with her.

  Ten minutes later, Lindsay and I joined Alicia and Aubrey at the table. Lindsay sat down beside Aubrey, while I grabbed a spot across from the three of them. Lindsay set to work, pulling the lid off her salad and purposely ignoring the packet of dressing, making a big show of it. I happily drowned my order of French fries in salt, vinegar and ketchup.

  “I don’t know how you can eat that,” Aubrey commented, looking at Lindsay’s salad with distaste.

  “I don’t know how you can eat that,” Lindsay replied. “You’re lucky it doesn’t show. Alicia and I have to be careful with our figures. Not everyone can have a fast metabolism like you two. It’ll catch up with you, you know.”

  Aubrey shrugged, sending me a mischievous smile as she shoved another fry into her mouth. “Do you want one?” she asked Alicia gently, who was staring at the fries with an almost vacant, sad look in her eyes.

  “Oh, no, sorry,” Alicia said quickly, blushing. She took a long sip of her water while her eyes drifted to Lindsay. “I had a big breakfast.”

  Aubrey and I exchanged a worried look.

  “Someone’s stalking us,” Lindsay tittered, grinning. I turned, seeing Kyle, Marcus and one of their other friends and bandmate, Cam Roberts, approaching our table. If I remembered correctly, Cam played bass.

  Kyle sat down beside me, with Marcus sitting on his left and Cam sitting beside him. Marcus kept stealing glances across the table, to where Lindsay, Aubrey and Alicia were sitting. Lindsay grinned flirtatiously while Aubrey barely spared him a second look. She was oblivious as she took a sip of her Coke and turned to whisper something in Alicia’s ear. Alicia blushed again, shaking her head and looking down.

  “Mind if I have a few fries?” Kyle asked, helping himself before I could answer.

  “Yeah, sure.” I shrugged, feeling as if I had no choice. It annoyed me a little, but I certainly wasn’t one for confrontation. Plus, girls didn’t really say no to Kyle; his easy-going smile was so magnetic. I almost felt as if I should feel honored that he wanted some of my fries, as silly as that was.

  “Did you tell them about the party on Friday?” he asked, nodding his head towards Aubrey and Alicia.

  “Party? What party?” Aubrey asked, her eyes lighting up.

  “Kyle’s having a party Friday night,” Marcus said quickly, before Kyle could answer. “You should come.” His voice was hopeful as he looked at Aubrey.

  “Well, duh I’ll come.” Aubrey grinned at him. “Sounds like a lot of fun!”

  “I live in Orono, so we can walk back to my place after the fair,” Kyle said, nudging me gently.

  “We could do a sleepover at my place,” Lindsay suggested to Aubrey, Alicia and me. She lived in Orono, in the same subdivision as Kyle and Alicia.

  “I work Saturday morning,” I told them.

  “I could drive you,” Kyle offered. “I have my license…and a car.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip carefully, trying to ignore Aubrey’s raised eyebrows and my own uneasiness. I didn’t know how I felt about his offer. Skeptical, maybe?

  “That would work,” Lindsay answered for me. I narrowed my eyes at her.

  “If not, I could always drive you,” Alicia told me, picking up on my discomfort. “I work Saturday, too.” Alicia also worked part time at McDonald’s. I let out the breath I was holding.

  “I’ll ask my parents about the sleepover,” I said, ignoring Kyle’s slight look of disappointment as I nodded my thanks to Alicia.

  After plans had been made about Friday, the guys started to talk about their next show. I kept silent, eating my fries. I happened to glance towards the doors, and saw Grayson’s dark hair as he walked into the cafeteria with Katrina and a couple of their other friends.

  His eyes zeroed in on me, and then he looked at Kyle. An odd expression passed over his features, as if he were both angry and startled to see Kyle sitting there so close to me. I became hyper-aware of how close we were. Our arms were practically touching, and Kyle kept stealing glances at me.

  I drew in a breath, my heart fluttering as Grayson met my gaze with his. I was far from an expert on reading Grayson, but I could have sworn by the set of his jaw and the intense storm in his eyes that he was jealous.

  It was disarming; I had to break the gaze. I turned my head toward Kyle. He was looking at me expectantly, as if he was waiting for an answer. “Sorry, what was that?”

  “I asked if you would come to the show,” Kyle repeated, grinning with amusement. “It’s in November at The Tankard.”

  I could still feel Grayson’s intense gaze on me, but I carefully kept my eyes on Kyle’s face and the dimple tha
t flashed whenever he smiled. You’re purging Grayson out of your life. It’s time to move on, I reminded myself, pushing aside my hesitation to answer Kyle. “Yeah, I’ll go…if I’m not working.”

  Kyle’s face lit up, and he smiled deeper. Kyle had an incredible smile: perfect lips, perfect teeth, and that damning perfect dimple. But as nice as Kyle’s smile was, it was nothing compared to Grayson’s.

  “We should do a duet one day,” Kyle suggested, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously.

  “You haven’t even heard me sing yet,” I reminded him. “I could sound like a tortured mule.”

  “If Lindsay says you’re good, then I know you’re amazing,” Kyle said sincerely. I lowered my eyes, blushing at the warmth behind his words.

  * * *

  “I think Kyle likes you,” Aubrey said during our third period Gym class. While Gym wasn’t my favorite or best subject, it was an easy credit if you showed up and tried.

  Since it was the first day of school, the Gym teacher, Mr. Pole allowed us a free period after he warned us we would need to start bringing gym clothes and shoes. This free period allowed Aubrey, Alicia and me time to chat as we sat outside in a semi-circle under the shade of a tree near our school’s dusty track field.

  We used to hang out with them at lunch when Lindsay and Kyle were dating, but only for the duration of their fleeting relationship. After they broke up, we barely spoke to them. It was odd sitting with them again at lunch, and the seating arrangement had not been missed by many. Lindsay’s arch nemesis, Zoe March, had not been pleased to see Kyle anywhere near our table. She was still casting dark, sneering looks at us from across the track as she stood with her mindless sidekick, Kaylee.

  Ignoring Zoe, I returned my gaze to Aubrey.

  “Well, I think Marcus likes you,” I retorted, remembering the looks Marcus had given her when he thought she wasn’t paying attention. I might have been completely clueless when it came to knowing whether or not a guy was interested in me, but I was fairly good at picking up the signs when it came to my friends, probably because I had seen them get hit on so many times before.

  I pulled out a blade of grass, holding it between my thumbs and rubbing it until the pads of my thumbs were stained green.

  “Really?” Aubrey said thoughtfully. “Oh…but Lindsay likes him.”

  “Lindsay likes every semi-cute guy.” I shrugged. Alicia frowned, her quiet mood more sullen than usual. She was also pulling blades of grass out of the ground, but unlike me, she was not participating in our conversation.

  “That’s true,” Aubrey said, drawing my attention away from Alicia and back to her. Aubrey also didn’t have very much experience dating. She had been asked out countless times, but she had turned them all down because her parents were strict about her dating before her sixteenth year. She also told me that she found it absolutely ridiculous when a guy took a girl out on a date with his mom as the driver. Aubrey hadn’t really seen the point to dating until that awkward stage of life was over.

  “Well, how do you feel about Kyle?” Aubrey asked after a few moments. I shrugged, pulling all of my hair over my right shoulder to absently braid it. I often played with my hair when I was bored or nervous. In this instance, I was bored…and a little uncomfortable with the topic choice.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I don’t like the idea of Lindsay’s sloppy seconds.”

  “Pfff. Almost every guy within a twenty-mile radius is Lindsay’s sloppy seconds,” Aubrey joked, winking.

  “I know, but still. That would be like kissing Lindsay.” I wrinkled my nose, laughing. Alicia froze, her frown intensifying. My laugh faded, confused by my friend’s odd behavior.

  “Oh, don’t be ridiculous.” Aubrey rolled her eyes dramatically. “You’re over thinking it. You can’t over think it. If you thought that way, you’d never kiss anybody. Not even Grayson Dixon…” Aubrey threw in the last part after she noticed my expression change. She knew I was thinking about wanting to kiss Grayson.

  My plan to get over my feelings for Grayson was not off to a good start. It was harder to push him from my mind now that he was here, attending the same school as me once again. He was almost everywhere I turned.

  “You guys really shouldn’t talk about Lindsay like this,” Alicia said, breaking her self-imposed silence. Her expression was stony.

  “It’s nothing we wouldn’t—and haven’t—said to her while she’s here,” Aubrey reminded her gently. “Lindsay knows.”

  “Still…” grumbled Alicia, tugging out another blade of grass. She returned to staring at the ground. I sighed, feeling guilty for upsetting Alicia—although I didn’t know why she was taking it so personally.

  “What’s your actual opinion of Kyle?” Aubrey asked, trying to bring the conversation back to lighter grounds. Alicia looked up, interested in my answer.

  Sensing a safer topic, I decided to be honest with my feelings. “He’s cute—really cute. And he’s talented. He’s into music,” I replied, thinking about how he’d said we should do a duet. I didn’t know if he was serious or not, but still, that would be pretty huge…if he meant it.

  “I heard him say he wanted to sing with you. That would be cool.” Aubrey said, mirroring my thoughts. “Is he going to come to the talent show on Friday?”

  “I hope not.” I frowned.

  “You’re still singing in the talent show, right?” Alicia raised her eyebrows, frowning again, this time at the hesitation that was evident in my voice.

  “What if I suck?” I avoided looking at my friends, pulling yet another blade of grass out and ripping it up with my fingers.

  “You won’t suck; you know that,” Aubrey said gently. “You’re an incredible singer. This is just a dinky town thing, and hardly anybody will be there.”

  I rolled my eyes. “So, what’s the point again?”

  “An easy two-hundred bucks is the point again, and you pushing outside your own boundaries,” Aubrey said. She looked up at me with her intelligent, worldly eyes. “Everly, how do you ever hope to live your dream of being a singer if you don’t actually sing?”

  “Being a singer isn’t going to happen for me. There are a hundred billion people who think they can sing. You’ve seen auditions to American Idol,” I argued, almost pouting.

  “Fair talent shows are hardly American Idol. Ever,” Aubrey retorted, shaking her head with a small smile. “It’s just something you can say that you did and you rocked—because you will rock it.”

  “What if Gra—people from school show up?” It wasn’t just about Grayson…I think. In fact, I wanted him to see me sing, to hear how I was going to move on.

  “You’re going to regret it if you don’t do it,” Alicia pointed out as the first bell rang, signaling the end of our free Gym period. I stood up, dusting the grass off of my pants. “There are so many things I regret not doing,” she added.

  “It’s never too late, you know,” Aubrey told her kindly. “We’re only seventeen. We still have plenty of time.”

  “Don’t forget your Gym clothes for next week!” Mr. Pole bellowed, interrupting Alicia’s reply. She simply nodded, taking off quickly without waiting for us.

  “What’s up with her?” I asked Aubrey, frowning at our friend’s retreating back.

  “No idea,” Aubrey sighed, her brow creased with worry. “We need to talk to her though; I’m worried about all the weight she’s lost. I never see her eat.”

  “I already mentioned it to Lindsay and she doesn’t seem bothered…”

  “Lindsay isn’t the brightest.” Aubrey sighed again, shaking her head. “One of us should talk to her. I have Art with her next period; I’ll try and see what’s going on.”

  Last period seemed to drag on forever. I had Math with Lindsay and Kyle. Kyle sat in the empty desk beside me, sending me that swoon-worthy smile. I smiled back, trying to force myself to give him a chance. After all, I wanted to get over Grayson, didn’t I? How could I get over him if I didn’t give other guys a chanc
e? Especially other cute guys that were interested in me.

  Even still, I couldn’t stop thinking about Grayson. I found myself scanning the faces of each student that walked in, looking for his. He didn’t end up having Math with us and I was both relieved and disappointed.

  At the end of the day, I had to make a mandatory stop at my locker. Kyle offered to walk with Lindsay and me, saying he needed to grab things from his locker as well.

  I had a love/hate relationship with my locker. Seeing Grayson always gave me butterflies, but it also made me feel really crummy since he didn’t feel the same way and seeing him so much made it difficult to forget about him.

  Teenage hormones are the worst, I thought, trying to swallow down the disappointment I felt when I rounded the corner and didn’t see Grayson at his locker. It seemed like whether I saw him or not, I dealt with that feeling of heartache.

  Lindsay and Kyle stopped at their respectable lockers while I twirled in the combination to my lock. I shoved my bag in my locker, not wanting to carry it home when I had no reason to—since it was the first day of school, I didn’t really have any homework—and grabbed the little notebook that was never far from my reach.

  The notebook was where I wrote out my song lyrics and I kept it close by in case inspiration hit. I touched the smooth cardboard cover, thinking about the talent show.

  Although I didn’t often talk about it, my dream was to become a singer; to change lives with my music, to feel a rush when I stood on stage as the music poured from my heart and soul. Aubrey was right: I couldn’t quit this talent show. If I did, I would kick myself for the rest of my life and never know how it felt to reach out and touch at least one of my dreams in a small way.

  Just as I was putting my lock back on, Grayson startled me by wordlessly appearing. He stood against his locker, but didn’t make a move to open it. He didn’t even have his bag with him.

  “So…are you purposely avoiding me?” Grayson asked, his features and his body language proclaiming calm indifference. But underneath his stoic mask, his eyes swirled with the intense emotions he was trying to hide. I could see the hurt, and it confused me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kyle and Lindsay staring at us, waiting for me to join them. Grayson saw too, and he clenched his jaw in aggravation.