Damaged Goods

by J. C. Hannigan

  As if in a trance, I lifted my right hand, gently touching Grayson’s angular cheek bone. It broke the spell of his eyes on me, and he pulled back quickly, as if my touch hurt him.

  I opened the door of his truck without another word, fleeing. I couldn’t be around him for another moment longer. My heart was aching, and I could barely swallow through the lump in my throat.

  I found Aubrey and Lindsay standing by the cafeteria doors. Alicia wasn’t there. Concerned, I raised a questioning eyebrow at Aubrey, and she shrugged, directing a fleeting glance at Lindsay—a silent cue that we’d have to talk about it later…when Lindsay wasn’t around.

  “Kyle was looking for you!” Aubrey said instead. Her excitement waned when she took in the expression on my face. “What did he do now?” she asked, frowning. She knew that the expression of heartache I wore on my face was undoubtedly caused by Grayson.

  “Nothing,” I lied, forcing a tight lipped smile. It was my own fault. I knew where he stood with me, and I kept trying to break through to him when the bottom line was that he simply wasn’t interested. “What did Kyle want?” I added, hoping to change the subject. I twirled my long hair around my finger, intent on drawing my focus away from Grayson…permanently.

  “Guess you’ll find out.” Aubrey grinned, grasping my forearm and leading me into the cafeteria. Lindsay followed behind us, rolling her eyes as if she was bored with the whole ordeal. She probably was. If it didn’t have anything to do with her, Lindsay lost interest really quickly.

  Kyle, Marcus and Cam were sitting on top of one of the cafeteria tables. They were joined by Zoe March and Kaylee Stevens.

  “I’ll talk to him later,” I hissed at Aubrey, trying to pull away from her grasp. I certainly didn’t want to try and compete for Kyle’s attention with Zoe March. Zoe was intimidating. She was very beautiful with chestnut brown hair and brown eyes, clear skin and a killer smile. She was also a model, and loved to talk about her various commercials and shoots in Toronto.

  She was one of those girls that seemed nice at first, but beneath her sweet words was a maliciousness that made me uncomfortable.

  Zoe was flirting with Kyle, laughing a little too loudly at something he had said. I could tell just by looking at her that she was interested in him, even if it wasn’t common knowledge around the school.

  Kyle was grinning that infectious, charming smile of his that made half the student population melt, and it made me deflate a little. Maybe Kyle wasn’t interested in me; there was no doubt that he was a massive flirt, and it was obvious that I had no idea how to read people. Every time I thought I had someone figured out, they did something to make me question everything again. Like Grayson.

  Before I could successfully free my arm of Aubrey’s grasp, Kyle caught sight of me. His smile grew and he stood up. “Just the girl I’ve been looking for!”

  Kyle’s face was aglow as he approached me, leaving Zoe behind without a second glance. Zoe’s face hardened at that, and she crossed her arms as her eyes narrowed at me. Lindsay approached her, engaging both her and Kaylee’s attention. I could still feel Zoe’s eyes on the back of my neck.

  “How come you didn’t text me back this morning?” Kyle asked, tilting his head as he studied my face.

  “I forgot my phone at home,” I answered honestly. In my rush to get downstairs and see what boy was on my doorstep, I’d left my phone plugged into my charger on my night stand.

  “No worries.” Kyle shrugged, grinning at me. He finally noticed our audience and it seemed to fuel the fire lit within him. He gently took my arm and led me over to the vending machines. “What are you doing this Friday?” he asked.

  At that moment, I caught sight of Katrina’s dark blue hair, and beside her, Grayson’s tall unwavering stature. I quickly drew my eyes away from Grayson’s face, focusing on Kyle’s. “Um, nothing,” I muttered.

  “Zoe’s throwing a Halloween party,” Kyle explained. “You should come. Aubrey, Lindsay and Alicia, too. It’ll be fun.”

  “A Halloween party…at Zoe’s?” I frowned, raising an eyebrow at him. I glanced back at Zoe. She didn’t look at all happy that the invitation had been extended to me.

  “Yeah, I really think you should go,” Kyle hinted, allowing his eyes to slowly sweep the length of my body before they came up to rest on my lips. My pulse jumped at the look of desire in his eyes. Half the student population—all of the girls—would kill to have Kyle look at them like that.

  My heart flipped, but not from anything Kyle was doing. It flipped because I could feel Grayson’s eyes on my face.

  “Maybe…” I managed a small smile.

  * * *

  After lunch, I made a quick stop in the bathroom to pee. I wasn’t one of those girls that needed an entourage, so I’d told Aubrey and Alicia that I would meet them in Gym class.

  Just as I was finishing up, the bathroom door opened and two sets of feet appeared. I could see Zoe and Kaylee through the crack of the stall door as they came to a stop in front of the bathroom mirrors.

  “I don’t know why he would invite her. That’s so low. It’s your party,” Kaylee was saying.

  “I know.” Zoe sighed deeply in response. “I don’t get it, either. Maybe he pities her. Hell, I didn’t even know she existed until this year!”

  “I know, I thought she was a mute!” Kaylee added. They laughed, and I felt hot tears of embarrassment rise to my eyes. I fought them back, determined to not let them fall as I continued to listen to their conversation.

  “Maybe he’s planning on dressing up as something terrifying and she’s a prop.” Zoe laughed, delighted with the idea. “He’s probably not interested in her, and if he is he’ll get bored quickly— he always does. Besides, she has zero personality,” Zoe scoffed, their laughter following them as they left the bathroom.

  I stayed where I was for several more minutes, mulling over the cruel conversation I had just overheard and continuing to fight back the tears that threatened to spill.

  I had never had my peers say cruel things about me before—at least not to my knowledge. I guess it had to do with flying under the radar for so long. People knew who I was: Julia’s sister, that girl that hung out with Aubrey, Lindsay and Alicia, but I didn’t stand out enough to impact anyone. At least not until now. Now I was on the radar.

  I didn’t know how I felt about that, and I couldn’t help but wonder myself what Kyle saw in me. He could have his pick of any girl at school…including Zoe. He was out of my league. I was shy and inexperienced, and Kyle was neither of those things.

  Not that it mattered, because I was inexplicably in love with someone else.

  I washed my shaking hands, wondering how I was ever going to get through Gym class now. Both Zoe and Kaylee were in that class, although we often didn’t cross paths. Still, I had absolutely no desire to see either of them, even from across the room.

  I left the bathroom and ran straight into Grayson’s chest. His hands steadied me without a moment’s hesitation. “Are you okay?” he asked, taking in my eyes, swollen with unshed tears. Seeing Grayson was about to put me over the edge. I pulled away from his grasp, fleeing out the nearest doors.

  The doors I had chosen as my escape led to the student parking lot. I drew in a deep, sharp breath of chilly air, aware that I’d forgotten my jacket in my locker. I wasn’t planning on skipping Gym class, but I needed some time to compose myself. I drew in a ragged breath, shivering against the cool October air.

  I heard the door open, and turned around to see Grayson. He hesitated for a moment then approached me slowly and cautiously, as if I were a wild animal that would startle at quick movements.

  “What’s going on, Everly?” he asked when he finally came to a stop in front of me. I looked up at him, watching the wind move his dark hair about his forehead. Those blue eyes focused on me intently, willing me to open up to him.

  I don’t know why he was bothering. My anger and embarrassment surged, my emotions running high from our encounter tha
t morning and from overhearing what Zoe and Kaylee had to say about me.

  “Why?” I demanded, my eyes narrowing with anger and pain.

  “Why what?”

  “Why do you keep coming back to me, drawing me in again just to cast me aside the moment I reach out?”

  My question surprised Grayson. His jaw dropped, but his eyes stayed fixed on mine. “I don’t know,” he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper.

  “I don’t know what you want from me.” The tears I fought so desperately to hold back spilled freely down my cheeks. Grayson’s presence wasn’t comforting me. It was setting me off, reminding me that what I so desperately wanted and needed was completely out of reach, even if it was standing right in front of me.

  I wasn’t good enough—not for Grayson, and not for Kyle. I wouldn’t be good enough to win the battle, either. Agreeing to do it had been stupid.

  Grayson brought his hands up, gently wiping away the tears away from my cheeks. His expression was soft and understanding, yet held a yearning need. But he still didn’t speak. What was there to say? He didn’t feel the same way about me.

  I closed my eyes, almost leaning into his touch. “I just wanted you to try,” I whispered.

  Grayson drew in a sharp breath after hearing my words. I stepped back, away from the warmth of his hands. I craved his touch almost instantly, but I didn’t look at him.

  I turned around and walked back into the school, leaving Grayson standing in the same spot. I wanted to go back and tell him to leave me alone, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure if I wanted that. Was it better to have Grayson there, in his infrequent, confusing manner than to not get to see him or talk to him at all?

  I didn’t know the answer to that question.

  * * *

  After overhearing Zoe and Kaylee in the bathroom, I really didn’t want to go to Zoe’s Halloween Party. Even after I told them what I had heard in the bathroom, Lindsay and Aubrey insisted I should go anyway.

  “They’re just bitches,” Aubrey said. “They probably knew you were in the bathroom, and that’s why they said those things.”

  “I guarantee they knew,” Lindsay confirmed, nodding.

  “How do you know?”

  “I used to be friends with them, remember? I know how to play their games.” Lindsay dragged us into a party store, heading straight for the costume section.

  “You just need a super-hot costume. That will make you feel better about everything.” Lindsay pursed her lips, nodding as if she had successfully solved a complex math equation.

  They dragged me along to several more costume stores, and Lindsay forced me to buy a pretty white angel costume.

  “It’ll look great with your hair,” she’d told me, smiling in a way I didn’t trust. She held the costume up for me to try on. Aubrey and Alicia jumped in to agree with her. Three against one was hardly fair, so sighing, I retreated into the changing room.

  Lindsay was right, the costume did look incredible on me. I bought it, even though I wasn’t sure if I was going to actually wear it.

  Friday came too quickly for my liking, and before I knew it, I was sitting on Lindsay’s bed dressed in my angel costume, waiting for her to finish applying her makeup. Aubrey was dressed as a saloon Madame, while Alicia was a fallen fairy. Lindsay, of course, out-shined us all in her Monarch fairy costume. She had made sure of it.

  “I really don’t want to go, guys.” I sighed, playing with the thin material of my white dress. Aubrey had finished applying the sheer glittery makeup to my face, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable. My dad would have freaked if he saw my Halloween costume, which was exactly why I’d hidden it at Lindsay’s, away from the prying eyes of my parents and Julia.

  “Don’t let her win, Everly,” Aubrey told me gently, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

  “Yeah, please don’t let her win. Besides, Zoe only said those things because she’s a jealous twat,” Lindsay said, again. She never got tired of insulting Zoe.

  Zoe lived in Kendall, and we had all gone to Lindsay’s house after school to get ready. We knew we wouldn’t be pestered by well-meaning family at Lindsay’s house. She had free reign; her parents didn’t seem to mind if she had a bunch of friends over or went to parties. In fact, I rarely ever saw them around.

  Had we gone to my house or Aubrey’s, the questions about what we were doing and where we were going would be overwhelming. Aubrey and I had strict parents that didn’t miss a thing under their watchful eyes.

  Finally, Lindsay was ready to go. The four of us headed outside and piled into Alicia’s car. Aubrey and I squished into the tiny backseat, our bottles of vodka and rum hidden under a random collection of discarded sweaters.

  Zoe lived in the country, her house blanketed by thick trees. My hands started to shake with nervousness as Alicia drove up the long driveway. Several cars were already parked haphazardly about, and I couldn’t help but worry as Alicia parked behind a Jeep that getting out would be next to impossible. Zoe had decorated for the party. There were fake spider webs, purple lighting and a smoke machine that blew gray smoke along the walkway. I had to admit, it was impressive.

  Music, laughter, and voices spilled out from the open windows as Aubrey, Alicia, Lindsay and I approached the front door, each of us clenching our respective bottles and shivering slightly against the cold.

  Lindsay walked in without knocking, catching sight of Zoe and Kaylee by the stairwell. Both girls looked incredible in short dresses that clung to their figures. Kaylee was wearing what I presumed could only be a “sexy kitten” costume, with a black dress, black ears, and whiskers drawn on her cheeks in black eyeliner. Zoe’s dress was a bright, dark red. It set off her dark hair and creamy skin perfectly. She was, naturally, a devil.

  I shot a look at Lindsay, wondering if she’d known what Zoe was going to be for Halloween—if she’d meant to make me buy the angel costume. Judging by the delighted look on her face, she had.

  “Zoe! Kaylee!” Lindsay tittered, air kissing their cheeks and smiling at them. “It’s already a mad-house! Tonight is going to be fantastic! Love the decorations!”

  “Oh yes, it’s going to be a good one,” Zoe said, giving me a smug look and eyeing me as if she found me lacking. Her eyes swept back to Lindsay, as if she found nothing interesting about me at all. I crossed my arms, self-conscious. What did I care if Zoe didn’t find me interesting? I didn’t even like her.

  I followed my friends into Zoe’s vast living room, where a lot of the party-goers were already swaying to the music, red cups in their hands.

  It was in this very room that I drunkenly danced with Grayson all those months ago. Only tonight, the room was full of zombies, a dead bride, a Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, and several variations of “sexy” animals.

  I wondered if Grayson was going to show up, or if he was already there. I wondered what he would dress up as.

  Pushing Grayson from my mind, I searched for Kyle. He was standing by the fireplace, animatedly talking to Marcus and Cam. Kyle was dressed as Prince Charming, a fitting costume for him. Marcus was dressed as Michael Jackson from the Thriller video, and Cam was supposed to be a redneck.

  Aubrey linked her arms with mine and Alicia’s, dragging us over to the guys.

  “Sexy costume!” Kyle grinned, drawing me into his arms for a hug. He smelled of expensive, unfamiliar cologne and booze. He pulled me close, and my head rested against his hard chest momentarily before I gently pulled away. Kyle was already well on his way to being very drunk.

  “Thanks,” I said, glancing at Aubrey. She was talking to Marcus, her eyes aglow with happiness. Alicia and Cam were debating about something as well. I could scarcely hear them over the loud music, but both Alicia and Aubrey looked comfortable and happy.

  It appeared that I was the only one who really didn’t want to be there. I was almost hoping Alicia would be my comrade in arms and want to ditch out on the party, but she actually looked like she was having fun. She wa
s focusing all of her attention on Cam.

  “Let’s get you a drink. You’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” Kyle said into my ear. He took my hand and led me through the swaying crowd and into Zoe’s kitchen. There was a massive keg and several bottles of alcohol. I was still holding the mickey of vodka that Lindsay’s older cousin bought for me, and Kyle grinned and took it from me.

  He grabbed a clean red cup and poured some vodka in, then grabbed a bottle of Sprite. He handed me the finished drink with flourish, and I smiled my thanks. I suppose it was impressive that he hadn’t spilled anything, given his state.

  I took a deep sip, trying to calm my nerves. The way Kyle was looking at me didn’t help.

  “Let’s go,” I told him, trying to break away from his gaze. We walked into the living room, more crowded than it had been when we headed to the kitchen.

  I caught sight of Lindsay with Zoe and Kaylee. It stung a little that she was hanging out with two girls who obviously didn’t like me, but Kyle didn’t give me time to reflect on it as he spun me out to the middle of the dance floor.

  I shook my head, motioning to the full cup in my hand. I wasn’t drunk enough yet to even think about attempting to dance. Grinning, he nodded with understanding and started to pull me into another room.

  This room was the dining room, and a massive plastic sheet was stretched over the dining room table. All the chairs were cleared away, and a huge game of flip cup with twelve people on each team was about to start.

  “Make it thirteen on each team,” Kyle suggested to the tall, large, zombie football player at the head of the table. He definitely didn’t look like a high school student. He nodded, grinning at us as he motioned us to join the end of the table.

  I had never played flip cup before, but I sort of understood the basics. I studied the twelve people before me as they each took their turns. I nervously stared at my full glass, knowing my turn was quickly approaching.

  When it was my turn, I tipped my head back and chugged my drink as I’d seen the others before me do. My throat was burning from the sting of vodka and my hands were sweaty and clumsy, nervous from everyone else watching me. I was facing off Kyle, who was clearly more of an expert in the field.