Damaged Goods

by J. C. Hannigan

  “Is that all you want?”

  I opened my eyes and lifted my head up, giving him a careful look. “No, it’s not all that I want. But everything else seems so much easier to obtain.”

  “What does that mean?” he arched a brow defensively.

  “If I’m not good enough for the label, we won’t sit around waiting. They’ll tell us. If I don’t get into a college program, I’ll know. I guess I just see it as easier to know exactly where I stand with that kind of thing, when I often don’t know where I stand with you.”

  “You should know by now,” he nearly growled, his eyes narrowing. A playful glint in his eyes transformed his smile into a dangerous combination.

  “I guess I do,” I replied softly, closing my eyes as his lips touched mine.

  Later that night, I watched from the front porch as Grayson drove away after he dropped me off, a permanent smile fixed to my face. I turned around, nearly jumping out of my skin when I saw my dad quietly sitting on the porch swing. He had a serious look on his face.

  “Where have you been? We thought you were off work at two.” Dad’s voice was rough, his brow furrowed as he studied the guilty look on my face.

  “I was hanging out with a friend,” I answered, feeling bad for not texting them. I hadn’t even looked at my phone since getting off at two. I knew it was well past eight.

  “You normally don’t pull stunts like this.” Dad frowned. “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you off with a warning, but next time your plans change, let us know. We don’t need to be sitting around, worrying about where you are. You’re old enough to be accountable, so be accountable.”

  “Okay. Sorry, Dad…it won’t happen again.” I lowered my eyes, ashamed.

  “Who is this ‘friend’ anyway?” Dad asked. His tired eyes looked almost menacing.

  “His name is Grayson. He’s…my boyfriend,” I answered, somewhat awkwardly. While Grayson hadn’t officially asked me, he made it perfectly clear in his actions. Besides, even if he wasn’t officially my boyfriend, I couldn’t very well tell my dad he was a ‘sort of friend that I occasionally hooked up with’. That wouldn’t fly.

  “You know the rules. We need to meet him. Invite him over for dinner on Tuesday,” Dad instructed. Inwardly, I winced. I knew that he was nowhere near ready to meet the family. I could only imagine how well that would go over.

  “We’re not really at that stage yet. We’re just hanging out…” I argued, prompted by Grayson’s own words of not being ready. I didn’t want to scare him off.

  “If you’re seeing him, we need to meet him. Otherwise, you’re grounded,” Dad answered.

  “You can’t ground me for that.” I almost laughed, thinking he was kidding.

  The steady look he gave me silenced me. “Yes, I can ground you for whatever I want. I’m the parent. You’re my daughter, and I want to meet the kind of people you’re hanging out with. If you’re hanging out with this boy, I want to meet him.”

  I narrowed my eyes rebelliously. I suppose he could ground me for whatever he wanted, and what he was asking for wasn’t that difficult. I understood why he wanted to meet Grayson.

  “I’ll ask him,” I said curtly.

  * * *

  On Monday morning, I overslept and had to rush to get ready for school. I raced down the stairs, coming to a sudden halt when I saw Grayson standing in the foyer, facing my father. He had a polite expression on his face, but I could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was tense.

  I blinked, caught off guard by his presence in my house.

  They both looked up, hearing me on the stairs. “I came to offer you a ride to school,” Grayson explained, seeing the inquisitive expression on my face.

  “Oh, thanks…well, I guess you two have already met?” I asked, gliding the rest of way down the stairs.

  “Yup.” Dad looked incredibly pleased with himself. I narrowed my eyes at him, unimpressed.

  “Cool.” I slid into my coat and boots. “Guess that means I won’t be grounded for hanging out with him. See you later, Dad,” I said, irritated. I grabbed Grayson’s hand and pulled him out the front door.

  “I am so sorry about that…did he pounce on you when you pulled up?” I asked, shaking my head as my house—and my dad—faded in the rear view mirror.

  “Pretty much,” he answered, chuckling slightly. He looked at me quickly before his eyes returned to focusing on the road. It wasn’t a far drive, and he wasn’t exactly doing the speed limit.

  I winced. “Again, I’m sorry. If you had texted me, I could have met you outside, saved you the stress of meeting my dad.”

  “It’s not a big deal. Really,” he assured me, amusement dancing in his eyes.

  “I can’t believe he did that,” I said mostly to myself as I scowled out the window. I was angry at my father. I knew he wanted to meet Grayson, but I had hoped to exercise a little more control over the meeting. I hadn’t counted on stumbling downstairs to find my dad cornering him. “I told him it was too soon.”

  “Wait, what do you mean? Did you not want me to meet your parents?” Grayson’s vulnerable question threw me off.

  “Well, yeah. But yesterday you said that you weren’t ready for that…” I trailed off, arching my brow at the confused look on his face.

  Realization dawned on him, and he started to chuckle. “Yesterday wasn’t a good day for me to meet your parents,” he said, pulling into the school parking lot.

  I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. He remained silent as he found a parking spot and killed the ignition, then he turned to me. The look he gave me was charged and suggestive. I couldn’t help but shiver as his hand came up to rest on the back of my head. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to be respectful of your body.”

  “Oh? Is that so?” I smiled coyly. “You wouldn’t have been able to keep your hands off me long enough to say hello to my parents?”

  “Normally, I have very good restraint, but not yesterday. I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from touching you in the ways that I needed to touch you.” Grayson’s eyes were hooded with desire as he drank me in. His hand came up to rest on the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair pleasantly.

  “Why?” I whispered, all but swooning. I completely forgot we were in the school parking lot…again. Grayson did that to me; every single time. The entire world fell away when he looked at me. There could be a hurricane or a tornado and I wouldn’t be able to see it if he was near.

  “You ask a lot of questions,” Grayson said gruffly, silencing my next batch of with his lips.

  I loved how the cold metal of his lip ring almost stung my lips. I loved how he conveyed so much unspoken depth into every kiss and touch. I loved how time ceased to exist when I was in his arms. Our breathing was heavy; the windows in the cab of the truck had started to fog with our body heat. All too soon, he was slowly pulling away. His hands came up to rest on my neck, his fingers brushing across my jawline. His eyes were open and bright with yearning.

  “If we don’t leave now, we won’t make it into the school.” He drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes.

  “True” I kissed him one more time, quickly while his eyes were still half closed. He looked surprised by my sudden movement, and he smiled at me.

  We walked up to the school, not exactly holding hands but close enough that when we moved, they would touch.

  The second bell was about to ring, so I headed straight upstairs to history, Grayson still at my side.

  The hallway was nearly empty, so he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him before we got to the classroom door. His kiss caught me by surprise. Grayson didn’t do playful, or at least…not like that. I grinned, spinning out of his embrace to dip into the classroom before the second bell could finish ringing.

  Lindsay, Kyle and Marcus were already sitting at my usual table. I sank into my seat, trying to keep the deliriously happy smile off my face.

  Lindsay watched Grayson walk in after me with an am
used look. “Well, well, well. Guess we know why you’re late.”

  I sent her a dirty look, not missing Kyle’s jealous expression. When I looked directly at him, he was back to his regular self, smiling.

  “Can you come over tonight?” he asked, leaning forward. He didn’t keep his voice low at all; Grayson could easily hear. I was certain it intentional—Kyle wanted to get a rise out of Grayson. I could tell by the set of his mouth, and the look in his eyes as they slowly roamed my face.

  “Why?” I asked suspiciously.

  “We have a lot of band things to talk about. We have to get a demo tape to Reece Miller. Tonight, we’re going to start recording,” Marcus explained, drawing my attention from Kyle to him. His eyes were sparkling with excitement. “I still can’t believe he wants us to put a demo tape on his desk!”

  “Yes, it’s all super amazing and incredible,” Lindsay said almost dryly. I frowned at her, arching my eyebrow in question at her sulking tone. She shrugged, giving me a smile to play it off.

  “So…will you come over? I can drive you after school,” Kyle offered, the corner of his lip perking up as he looked at me with large, pleading eyes.

  “I work until eight. Can we do it another day?”

  “When don’t you work?” Marcus’s smile fell slightly, disappointed by the delay. I knew he understood— he was just excited about it.

  “Tuesday and Friday.” I shrugged. I had picked up a few more shifts. There was less than a month until the Winter Semi-Formal, and it was already on my mind. I was stressing about finding the perfect dress, knowing that it would eat up a little of my savings. “But Tuesday I have plans.” Or at least…I think I do, I added wordlessly as my gaze slowly slid over to Grayson. We hadn’t really talked about hanging out. Grayson wasn’t looking at me, but he nodded slightly and a whisper of a smile touched his lips. His way of assuring me that we had plans.

  “We really need to practice a lot. Our first show at the pub is coming up fast. Plus we really need to get that demo tape to Reece,” Marcus lectured. “We’ve got to set up a social media account and get some photos done, too.”

  I opened my mouth, about to tell him to slow his roll. Before I could, Mr. Richardson cleared his throat loudly. “If you would kindly finish your conversations after class, I’d like to get started. We’ve got lots of exciting ground to cover about local history today!”

  * * *

  Local history turned out to be an entire lesson dedicated to Camp 30, a POW camp from World War II in Bowmanville.

  The interesting lesson was enough to keep Kyle from making comments and me from stressing about band obligations and Grayson, but the moment the bell rang my worries returned—especially when I watched as Grayson shot out of the classroom as if he was on fire. He didn’t wait for me or look in my direction at all.

  I tried not to let it bother me, but it was difficult to focus on my next class. All I could think about was Grayson’s face when Kyle mentioned we’d be spending a lot of time together. I chewed on my lip nervously, reflecting on how light and happy I had felt when Grayson’s mood was playful. The moment his mood shifted, mine did as well. I came to the startling realization of just how deeply his actions affected me.

  Grayson Dixon could very well break my heart, but he had warned me of that since the moment I met him.

  Let it go, I told myself firmly, blinking back the onset of more worries. My insecurities and dependency would surely frighten Grayson away. I knew that his biggest fear was hurting me, of making me feel as broken as his mother had been.

  Instead, I forced myself to participate in the conversation at lunch, knowing that Grayson would find me when he was ready to talk.

  I was sitting at our usual table with Aubrey, Lindsay, Alicia, and Marcus. Marcus had officially asked Aubrey out, and they were in the early stages of a new relationship. It was cute to see; I couldn’t picture a better guy for my best friend.

  Kyle and Cam joined us, Kyle sliding into the vacant bench seat beside me. He took a bite of the panzerotti he was holding and winked at me.

  I shook my head, a small smile on my lips as he bumped his shoulder against mine.

  “I’m sorry I pissed your boyfriend off,” he said sincerely, when everyone else was wrapped up in their own conversations.

  “Just stop trying to get a rise out of him, Kyle. I mean it,” I warned, my eyes serious.

  “I will,” Kyle promised. A look of longing quickly passed over his features. “But when you realize how much better you can do, you know where to find me.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. I was sure he meant it as a compliment, but it pissed me off more than anything. Grayson was worth it.

  I wisely chose not to reply, instead turning my attention to Marcus. “How are you going to record us?” I asked.

  “I have some recording equipment,” Marcus answered, pausing to take a quick sip of his pop. “It’s nothing major, but it should do the trick. I wanted to be a DJ before Kyle and I started up the band,” he explained.

  I nodded, chewing on my lip. “Okay, well. Tuesday. I’ll be over at eight. I’ve got some stuff to do beforehand.”

  “Awesome.” Marcus nodded, grinning. He threw an arm around Aubrey and pulled her closer. “Plus, we’ve got our first show this week. Will you guys be there?” he asked, looking from Aubrey to Lindsay and Alicia.

  “Sorry, I have plans,” Lindsay said, her voice void of apology as she studied her perfect nails. Alicia shot her a guarded look, which Lindsay ignored.

  “What about you, Alicia?” I asked.

  “I work,” Alicia answered stiffly, purposely turning her head away from Lindsay.

  “I’ll be there,” Aubrey said, smiling at Marcus. He grinned, his white teeth flashing against his dark skin.

  I glanced towards the doorway, the flash of blue hair capturing my attention. I watched as Katrina and Grayson walked into the cafeteria and paused by the vending machines. Jealously exploded in the pit of my stomach as I watched her hand touch his forearm. It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

  Grayson’s eyes were scanning the cafeteria. His expression changed from indifferent to warmth as his gaze fell upon my face. The warmth fled from his eyes the moment he realized Kyle was sitting beside me.

  I stared at him as I tried to figure out what to do. Part of me wanted to get up and approach him, but the other part was frozen in place by Katrina’s presence.

  “Doesn’t that bother you?” Kyle asked, glancing at the two of them with suspicion lining his boy-next-door looks.

  “What?” I frowned.

  “How they’re always together,” Kyle answered, his light eyes fixed on me. I tried to swallow back the wave of insecurity and sense of dread I felt at Kyle’s words.

  “No,” I lied, standing up. Kyle had made my decision for me; I left our table and walked purposely toward Grayson. He watched my every move with those blue eyes that made me breathless.

  “Oh, hello, Everly,” Katrina greeted. Grayson sent her a look that immediately wiped the sneer off her black painted lips. “See you…later…Grayson,” she said, sending him a meaningful look that made the dread and insecurity swell within me. Suddenly, I found it difficult to breathe for a different reason. It was as if the air was jagged and pointed, slicing against my lungs each time I inhaled.

  I waited until she had left the cafeteria again to turn my gaze to Grayson. “What was that about?” I asked, trying to keep the same dread and insecurity that made it difficult to breathe from my voice.

  “Nothing,” Grayson said, his eyes on mine. “What was that about?” he added, gesturing toward the table I had just left with a nod of his head.

  “Nothing,” I responded, my eyes narrowing.

  “I guess we’re good then.” Grayson smirked cruelly. He turned around, about to head out of the cafeteria. My hand shot out, grabbing his wrist and stopping him.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, tilting my head.

  “Going home,” Grayson answered. “
I’m done.”

  “Done with what?” I asked as the panic began to set in.

  “Done with being in school.” Grayson looked at me. His expression was calm, but his eyes swirled with emotion: jealousy, confusion and desire. I exhaled and looked away from him, my jaw set.

  I was aware of my friends’ eyes on us. I was aware that we were not alone—the cafeteria was crowded with students. I tugged on Grayson’s arm, hoping to lead us both to privacy.

  The bus hallways were empty, and they would remain so until the final bell rang. I led him there, finally releasing his wrist as I whirled around on him with angry eyes.

  “What’s your deal, Grayson? No bullshit,” I demanded, my eyes all but flashing.

  He didn’t say anything. With each passing moment, I grew even angrier with him. It seemed like the angrier I became, the heat and desire in his eyes only grew.

  “No bullshit?” he challenged, stepping closer. I took an involuntary step away, my back pressing against the faded yellow bricks of the wall. I pressed my palms against the cold roughness, trying to center myself and slow my breathing. Grayson’s intense eyes flickered over my face, lingering on my lips. He slowly licked his, still looking at my lips as if he was in a trance. “I don’t like how that feels.”

  “How what feels?” I asked, dazed. He pressed his pelvis against mine, placing both of his palms against the wall on either side of my head, possessing me. He tilted his face down, his lips dangerously close to mine.

  “How it feels to see you sitting beside him.” His breath was warm across my lips.

  “Now you know how I feel when I see her hanging off you,” I whispered, my eyes narrowing as I met his gaze.

  The corner of Grayson’s lip curved upward in half a delectable smile, as if he was amused by our situation. I tried to resist my own lips from perking up involuntary. I suppose that our situation was amusing.

  The playful glint in Grayson’s eyes vanished, replaced with a look of serious intensity. “You’re all I want.” He said it so quietly that I felt his words rather than heard them. His lips brushed against mine—gently at first. He kept his palms flat against the wall, but pressed his pelvis against me while he increased the tempo of the kiss.