Death Sucks

by Andrew Mallen

“Bruce Highland,” the old man replied with a kind smile.

  “Hello Bruce, how are you?” Maria asked as pleasantly as if the two were meeting at a church social instead of a murder scene.

  Bruce looked at the body, at the EMTs and then back at Maria before answering, “Fine, thanks. What’s going on here Maria?”

  “She’s gone,” Maria informed Bruce sadly who showed a more restrained sorrow than his colleague.

  He nodded, his soft gray eyes held the same infallible kindness as Maria’s, “Did we get the same assignment young lady?”

  “No I’m afraid not, I’m tethered to him,” she said and pointed at Roger who was busy repacking the unsoiled contents of the crash bag as Lenny covered Lolli with a thin plastic sheet.

  “He’s a lucky man then,” he said, optimism seemed to be an occupational prerequisite.

  “Bruce, you have to listen to me very carefully because what I have to tell you is very important,” Maria spoke calmly and clearly.

  “I’m listening,” Bruce matched her tone and held her eyes with his own.

  “The Reapers are cheating. They arrive before the dead pass over. We’ve seen it and there’s probably more, they’re probably doing worse than that,” Maria revealed the secret expecting Bruce to shudder at the weight of it.

  He didn’t.

  “We?”

  “What?”

  “We, you said we. Who is with you, another collector?” Bruce pushed.

  Maria was stuck, she couldn’t lie.

  Lie girl! Lie your fucking cute little ass off! Shit, we’re so fucked!

  “I’m with a Reaper, his name is Bobby,” she tried to explain. “He’s tethered to Roger as well.”

  Bruce’s thick, unruly, old man eyebrows met above the bridge of his nose when he frowned. “Why haven’t you dispatched him?” he asked.

  Uh oh. Tell him Satan is cheating and it’s no biggie but tell him you’re hanging with a Reaper and those caterpillars he calls eyebrows start dancing.

  Maria froze.

  “Where is he?” Bruce commanded her this time, Mr. Nice Guy had left the building.

  “He’s not like the others!” Maria cried in fear and confusion. “He’s on my side, he’s trying to help us.”

  You go girl! Set him straight!

  “You’ve been corrupted! He’s tricked you!” Bruce wasn’t liking what Maria had to say. He drew his sword and pushed her behind him as if to protect her.

  Shit! This isn’t going to end well.

  “Come out and face me soul stealer!” Bruce commanded, his voice emboldened by righteousness.

  Bobby rose from his hide and stepped from the shadows to face him.

  “Listen dude, Maria’s right, I’m not a bad guy. There’s some funky shit going on and we were trying to figure it out, to make it right.”

  “Don’t dare speak to me you demon,” Bruce spoke to Bobby like he’d just killed his dog.

  “Dude, chill,” Bobby showed the angry Angel his free palm and hoped the universal sign of submission translated to the world of the dead.

  “Back to Hell with you!” Bruce roared and attacked.

  Bobby was so surprised that he stepped on his own robe as he backpedaled and flopped clumsily onto his ass as Bruce’s blade sliced the air just above his head.

  “Chill out man, calm the fuck down!” Bobby cried.

  Bruce didn’t hear a word of it. He had the thousand yard stare of a guy who was all in, victory or death. Bobby scrambled to his feet as the Angel reset for his next move. Bobby hoisted his scythe, ready to defend himself.

  If you want it, you got it mister!

  “Bobby no!” Maria shouted.

  “Talk to your boy! I don’t know what to do here! He’s not giving me much of a choice Maria!”

  Bruce struck again. Bobby easily swatted the blow aside. He could’ve finished the old guy right then and there. He had three openings, all death blows but let them pass. Bruce tried again. Bobby blocked and shoulder checked the Angel into a parked car with a satisfying crunch.

  “Bruce? Please?” Maria called out passionately. “Just let him talk! Let us explain.”

  Bruce pulled himself to his feet ignoring Maria’s pleading.

  Bobby was at the end of his rope. One misstep and his reprieve would be over, one stroke of luck and Bruce could send him back to hell.

  No way dude. I got way too much invested in this shit to let some super senior take me out.

  “Listen old timer, you got two choices here. One, you back the fuck up and listen to what the young lady has to say. Two, you keep pushing me and I’ll be forced to cut your fucking head off.”

  Bobby looked to Maria, she was a mess. She stood with her hands clasped tight and her eyes pouring tears. She was caught between a really big rock and a really hard place. Bobby pitied her but he needed her to give him the green light before Bruce did some damage. Bruce swung. Bobby blocked, side stepped then kicked the feisty old Angel’s legs out from under him as he stumbled passed.

  “Running out of options here girl!” Bobby called out.

  Maria’s eyes met his. Bobby saw nothing but fear in them but couldn’t decipher if it was for him or off him. She nodded then slowly turned her back.

  No fucking way! Green light! Wow!

  Bruce was charging as Bobby turned to face him after receiving the reluctant go ahead to stop playing nice. Bobby moved quickly. Maria could change her mind at any second and he was done playing slap and tickle. Bruce swung downward form above his. Bobby let the golden blade pass, pinned it to the concrete with one filthy foot then threw his blade out over the Angel’s shoulder letting the handle slide through his grip until the handle nearly escaped him. He squeezed it tight, spun and pulled it toward him with a burst of power and stepped off of Bruce’s blade. Bruce popped up and into the path of the scythe. The inner arc of the blade’s deadly curve severed the Angel’s head quickly and cleanly. It popped up into the air but never came down. Bruce’s body and his head exploded silently into pure light and disappeared before it could.

  “Shit yeah! I am one bad ass mofo!” Bobby shouted as the thrill of victory washed over him.

  “Don’t,” Maria cried weakly.

  You’re such a dick.

  “Sorry. Sure, no problem.”

  “It’s ok, you had to….to defend yourself. He…he…he wouldn’t…” she stammered, she was clearly undone by the ordeal.

  “He was doing his job, doing what he thought was right. He didn’t see me, he just saw the robe ya’know? You can’t blame the guy or yourself.”

  He walked toward Maria, she seemed so small and so fragile as she stood shivering in the crosswalk.

  “Its prejudice,” Maria sobbed. “Angels aren’t supposed to judge, just to forgive. We do though, we judge Reapers and we kill them without even knowing who they are or…or how they ended up that way. We don’t see the soul or the person, we only see an enemy to kill.”

  Bobby heard the anguish in her voice, the pain and the self-loathing and it hurt him. “Don’t let it get to you. We’re going to fix it right, that’s what we’re doing here, right? Me and you and Rocking Roger over there, we’re going to save the world.”

  “I don’t know,” she wept.

  “That’s okay, I do.”

  Bobby put his arm around her and felt her goodness flood every dark nook and black cranny of his soul.

  Maria didn’t even flinch.

  *

  “So there’s exactly one thousand Angels?”

  “And one thousand Reapers,” Maria added.

  “To cover the entire planet?”

  “Per world, yes.”

  “And God and Satan, they came up with that?”

  “Yes, it’s part of the pact.”

  Something wasn’t jiving in Bobby’s mind, “So why do they still recruit, make new ones?”

  “Because Angels fall, Reapers too right?” Maria replied, as patient as a good teacher.

  “Right, duh.” It was a s
tupid question but it led to a better one, one that had been prickling his brain since Jones dodged the question, “Where do they go, the fallen?”

  “We return to Heaven. We can continue to serve if we choose to but if not we are free to go.”

  “Go where?”

  “Wherever we want to.”

  “Oh, that’s awesome.” Bobby thought about what he would’ve done if given the choice, it definitely wouldn’t involve swords and Reapers. “Is that why you guys are low on numbers?”

  “We are not low, there’s a long list of Angels waiting to serve. There is not a moment in time when a sword is unclaimed.”

  “What?” Bobby wasn’t keeping up.

  “One sword for each Angel,” Maria explained.

  “Like a recycling kind of thing?”

  “Well…yes, sort of I guess but maybe it’s because the swords are enchanted.”

  “As are you my dear,” Bobby cracked in a bad British accent.

  “No Bobby, enchanted like magic.”

  “Magic, please don’t go all Harry Potter on me.”

  She smiled, the movies had become her favorites, “The one thousand swords are all there are. No more can be forged, it’s part of the pact.”

  Bobby’s mind blared in alarm. His eyes went wide and his mouth even wider. He sprung from where he sat on the gurney in the back of the idling ambulance and smashed his head into the cabinet above it.

  “Are you alright?” Maria asked.

  “One thousand scythes too?”

  “Yes,” Maria frowned her curious frown.

  “Oh shit! Oh shit! That’s it!” Bobby rubbed his hands together feverishly. “They’re making scythes! Every new Reaper makes their own…well contributes to making their own in a weird way. That bad boy right there.” He nodded to where his weapon lay at his feet. “I watched it being made.”

  Maria’s face reflected the enormity of Bobby’s revelation. “You’re sure?”

  “Oh yeah, you can’t forget that kind of thing. See this?” He raised his chin to show her the ugly black scar the old woman left behind when she cut his throat. “They bled us and quenched the blades in our blood. They said it bonded us, that it gave us the power to command it.”

  “How many?”

  “How many what?”

  “Blades or sickles or scythes or whatever you call them?”

  “Five at a clip at least. That’s how many made it through in my group but I don’t know how many they churn out in a day or a week or a year. If it’s been going on for a while then there could be thousands.”

  “This is bad,” Maria whispered.

  Understatement of the century.

  “No shit.”

  “Language,” she hissed.

  “Really?”

  “It doesn’t help.”

  Bobby shook his head dismissively then went on, “So how long do you figure you guys have been getting scooped?”

  Maria shook her head.

  “How long have the Reapers been getting to the dead before you?” he clarified, she still wasn’t up to speed on his generation x lingo.

  Maria thought quietly as Bobby resettled on the gurney facing her from not two feet away from where she sat on the diamond plated bench. “The first time I arrived to find a soul had already been taken was about three of the living’s years before Roger,” she said after a few minutes.

  “All that time and nobody considered the fact that something wasn’t kosher?” Bobby almost shouted.

  “God trusts,” Maria defended her boss.

  “Well maybe he should revisit that policy. Trusting a guy who tried to kill him and steal his universe is a dumb ass move. Fool me once right?”

  “God forgave him. They are brothers,” Maria smiled, she wanted Bobby to understand the beauty of it.

  “Family will do you ugly girl, quicker than a stranger,” Bobby snapped. “Blood may be thicker than water but it changes color, it tastes nasty and you can’t swim in it. Case closed.”

  “That’s stupid,” Maria replied clearly saddened by Bobby’s outlook.

  “Maybe in Maybury or wherever but in the real world it’s family that messes up people’s lives, nine times out of ten it’s family.”

  Maria looked across the narrow space between them with longing. Not for lust or for love but for healing and for peace. She wished she could fix whatever was broken in the Reaper. His attitude toward life and toward people was so polluted and so sour. She was certain that something had happened to make him see life through such ugly glasses.

  Bobby saw how she looked at him and he didn’t like it. Pity, he didn’t need it and he didn’t want it. “Listen, we’re way off track here. Whatever the reason, your boss is being played like a fiddle. We know how and we’re pretty sure we know why, now the question is what can we do about it?”

  “That is the question,” she agreed.

  *

  “Multiple victims. Gunshots. Active shooter possible. Soundview Houses, Seward and Rosedale, all units respond. NYPD on scene,” the radio squawked.

  “We’re on Lenny!” Roger roused his sleeping partner.

  “What? Where?” Lenny woke quickly.

  “Gunshots. Soundview something,” Roger didn’t know much about the Bronx except the few blocks that surrounded Yankee Stadium.

  “Shit. Soundview Houses, the projects.” Lenny belted up the hit the lights and the siren, “Not a nice place. Go! Go!”

  “Drive? Me? Really?” Roger was shocked, he had been on the job less than a month.

  “You think you were going to ride bitch forever?” Lenny teased as he grabbed the microphone from its cradle. “Go bro! Haul ass to the Bruckner and head east.”

  Roger whooped like a cowboy, dropped the shifter into drive and surged out of the strip mall parking lot where they’d been waiting out a rare lull in the action.

  *

  “He really enjoys this,” Maria pointed out as she clung to the bench while the ambulance weaved through the light predawn traffic.

  “Definitely,” Bobby braced himself, he hated riding in the back, even though he was dead it still made his stomach churn.

  “So what happens when Reapers fall?” Maria picked up where they’d left off.

  “Oh yeah, well…I don’t know. The guy I told you about, Jones, he said he didn’t know but I assume they get sent to the Flames or worse,” Bobby said, he never had any reason to think otherwise until then.

  “But they could still serve,” Maria thought out loud. “They can’t die, death is behind them…us.”

  “So technically, every Reaper, the original thousand plus all the new recruits could still be bouncing around up here doing their thing.”

  Scary thought.

  “Yes and we had better figure out how to get that news to God,” Maria stated the obvious although doing so was anything but.

  Bobby nodded as his mind worked the puzzle.

  “The answer has to be with the Angels,” Maria spoke up as the ambulance screeched to a halt behind two others.

  “Not too much promise there considering Bruce was such a dick.”

  “Bobby!” Maria gasped.

  “It’s not bad if it’s true,” Bobby replied sheepishly. “Don’t you know any others? Don’t you have any friends up there?”

  “A few but at this rate we might be here for a hundred years and not find one,” Maria replied.

  “A century? Rocking Roger is no hundred plus man, not the way he’s going. All we can do is try and hope we find a reasonable one among all the pompous, self-righteous, holier-than-thou mother….”

  “Bobby!” Maria roared.

  “Mothers and fathers, I was going to say mothers and fathers,” he lied.

  Maria squinted accusingly.

  “Right. Sorry.”

  He was.

  *

  “Seven victims, two D.O.A.,” a frightened cop, gun in hand, shouted as Lenny and Roger approached the body strewn, bullet casing littered courtyard.

&n
bsp; “Two dead! Eyes open!” Bobby commanded Maria.

  It didn’t take long.

  “There!”

  Bobby followed her finger to where a Reaper roughly tossed a terrified teenager through a portal that stood waiting to swallow him.

  “Shit, too late for that kid but watch out for Angels,” Bobby said as he pulled her out of the stark orange glare of the streetlights and into the shadow of an oversized SUV at the curb. “Remember, no ‘we’ and no ‘us’, no matter what.”

  “I can’t lie.”

  “Don’t. Just keep it short and simple.”

  “What if they ask? What if…”

  “Just tell them what they need to know. Ignore questions you can’t answer,” Bobby didn’t have much hope, she was a hard core goodie two shoes.

  “I don’t like it,” she whispered.

  “You’re going to like it a lot less if Satan, or whatever the fuck his name is, kills your boss and takes over. Angels won’t exactly be on his VIP list.”

  “He can’t! He wouldn’t,” Maria cringed at the thought of it, the reality of what waited for her if they failed.

  “He’s not doing this for a gold star girl. Dude wants the crown but to be the man you gotta beat the man,” Bobby explained, he needed her to realize they were playing for keeps at the high roller table while still trying to learn the game.

  Silent, golden lightning lit the projects. An Angel strolled calmly around the EMT’s that refused to admit they were working on a corpse. “There, go!” Bobby pushed her out from their hide.

  Maria was scared but buried it as best she could as she walked toward her fellow Angel. Bobby watched tensely with his scythe gripped tightly as she strode up to the tall, middle aged, dreadlock sporting Angel. After a long minute or two of muted conversation she turned and walked away. The Angel shook his head behind her.

  Not a good sign.

  “Well?” Bobby asked before she rounded the fender.

  “He said he’d relay the message,” she informed him but with none of the delight the news demanded.

  “And?” Bobby asked but dreaded her answer.

  “I think he meant he was going to tell them about me. He looked at me as if I were crazy! I felt crazy! He’s going to tell my Lord that I’m here, that I’m tethered, that I’ve been corrupted and that I’ve gone mad!” Maria blurted as tears began to flow.