Would he deny it if I confronted him? I had trusted him and believed him. He had hurt me so badly. Worse than anyone ever had. I begged my body to get up and just leave, but it wouldn't. I just sat there picturing what was happening on the other side of the wall.
Had he just used me to get the part. Had he gone through my things when I was sick at his apartment, or had he even known from the get go. That seemed most likely.
Of course, he hadn't been interested in me. Not when he could have women like her. I would even choose her over me. She was probably a lot more fun to be around. I was so boring and I typed all day. They probably did fun and interesting things together. We just had sex and visited his parents. I was the clear choice to take to his parents. Blondie, bleach blond by the way, wouldn't have done well on the farm and that short skirt she was wearing would have caused a ruckus at his church.
He was so two faced. He felt that he was in a position to judge and punish me for not going to bed on time. And then he turned around and had an affair.
At seven in the morning I managed to make my feet get up and leave. A hotel page was bringing them breakfast in bed. I stood as the page knocked. I walked down the hall as naturally as I could. I heard Ryan behind me as I pushed the button for the elevator.
“Great we're starving,” he had said. I left him in that moment. Every last peace of hope shattered.
I fought a losing war again tears on the plane ride home. I was so glad to finally be home. I unplugged my phone and turned off my cell. I had two messages from him. I went to bed and cried and cried until I was sick. I finally fell asleep the next night.
I woke up and felt wet. I got up and went to the bathroom. I was full of blood. I wasn't sure what to do. I decided to call the hospital. I told them that I was pregnant and bleeding. They said to lie down and wait for the ambulance.
I cried, knowing what had happened. I was all alone again. No man in my life, and no baby. I had wanted the baby more than I had known.
The men from the ambulance rang the doorbell and I got up to buzz them in. I opened the door to my apartment and then I looked down at the blood running down my legs. Everything went black after that.
I came to a moment later. I could clearly remember the paramedics taking me away. My neighbor stood in her door. She had her hand over her mouth in shock. I was all alone and so scared.
They fussed over me at the hospital but it was clear that it was already too late. I cried without worrying who would see me. I had never felt so alone in all of my life.
They brought me into a room where I was all alone. My sobbing would have disturbed someone else. They told me that I could go home tomorrow. They wanted to call Ryan, but I already knew that he wouldn't pick me up, so I told them that he was filming on location and no one could get hold of him until they were finished. Of course, they believed me right away. The whole world thought that we were the happiest couple.
I laid in my bed and just cried. My heart could never heal from something like this. I ran my finger along the plastic name tag around my wrist. My baby would never get one of these.
Part 2 - Ryan
Chapter 15 Broken Heart
“Pick up, Katherine.” I called her again and again, but she never answered her phone, and now a voice came on telling me that she had been disconnected. Had she lost her phone or was it stolen? I called her over her home number and sent e-mails. I was clear that I was worried.
I tried to call her again. I let the phone ring around twenty times. She didn't answer. I called her neighbor, but she wasn't home either. Had the house burned down or something?
I had to work but I had a bad feeling in my stomach. I needed to talk to Katherine and hear that she was okay. I was worried sick. I hoped that I wouldn't have to be sick during filming but this bad feeling just wouldn't go away.
This went on for a week. Either something bad had happened or she had changed her mind about me. Could I survive something like that? What if she had met someone better? Someone who also wrote books and thought up wonderful things. Someone who she could brainstorm with. I was already picturing her smiling and debating something or another while he rubbed her feet, and she drank a glass of wine, or maybe even coffee. Had I been too strict?
This was driving me nuts. I got on a plane and flew home. I didn't have much time but enough to get this straightened out. I went through different scenarios in my head on the plane and decided how I would react to them. My thoughts drifted off to killing whatever guy I found her with. I wouldn't really do that but the thought was somehow comforting me.
Cameras were flashing as I got off the plane. A reporter jumped in front of me and asked if I was visiting Katherine.
Thankfully, I was an actor, so I pretended that everything was okay. “I just really missed her. I thought I would stop by and surprise her. She is working on a new book and I am hoping that I can convince her to spend a moment with me.”
They finally let me go past. Katherine had driven me to the airport when I left so my car was parked at home. I took a taxi home to get it. I didn't want anyone to know where she lived. There were a lot of crazies out there, and I wasn't at home with her where I could protect her. I wasn't about to lead one right to her, when I would be leaving in the morning.
The closer I got to her apartment the more I relax. There would be some simple explanation for everything. Worse comes to worse I would give her a quick spanking for making me worry. A letter could have reached me in that time, I would tell her.
She wouldn't get away with making me worry like that. I had been physically sick with worry. I parked outside of her building and rang her bell.
“Hello?”
“Katherine, it's me.”
“Oh, – ”
She was quiet for a while. She knew she was in trouble. I sighed as I waited. She was going to draw it out again. I could be patient. “May I come up, Katherine?” She was new to this and I didn't want to scare her overly much but she would be going over my knee yet tonight.
“Just for a little bit.”
I had to smile about that. She was so cute. “Thank you.” She hit the buzzer and I pushed the door open and went up to her. She was standing in the door with her arms folded over her chest. I got that feeling in my stomach again. Something was wrong.
“It's over. I never want to see you again.” She turned to go back into her apartment. A place I already thought of as home. She came back out with a box. “If I forgot anything it wasn't on purpose. You could e-mail me, you like to do that. I'll send you whatever it is per mail.” She set the box down on the floor.
“Whoa here. Hold on. What is all of this about?”
She was closing the door.
I jumped over the box and got my fingers in the door before she could close it. “You may have said your piece, but I sure haven't said mine.” I pushed the door open and she went flying. She wasn't saying anything. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me.
She had fallen on her backside, but she had gotten up in the meantime. “Please, just leave.” She was backing away from me.
“This doesn't work this way. You can't just say it's over, and expect me to say 'okay' and just leave.”
She still wasn't saying anything. Didn't she care about me at all? I loved her so much.
“Aren't you going to say anything?” I was getting so mad at her.
She shook her head.
Something snapped in me and I grabbed onto her. She looked like she expected it. Her eyes were squinted shut and she had her face turned away from me as much as she could.
That was when it hit me. Katherine had just used me for her book. She didn't need me anymore. She didn't want me and she never had.
I pulled her over to the sofa and sat down, as she fought to get away from me. I had her over my knees right quick. She was fighting, but she just wasn't a match for my strength. I started in smacking hard. She still fought to get away from me but she had it coming in the worst way.
“How dare you. You little beast. You used me from the beginning for that lame book, that no one is going to read because it is just depressing. What did you think? That you would get a Pulitzer for it? You little fool. You just can't treat people like that.” I smacked at her with all of my strength and I hoped that she was in a lot of pain. I pushed her off of my knees when I couldn't stand the touch of her anymore. She hadn't made a peep while I was spanking her, but I could see now that she was crying. Good, I thought as I stepped over her to leave. I slammed the door on the way out. I picked up my box and left as mad as I had ever been in life.
I put my box in my car and drove to my apartment. I hoped no one could see me because I just couldn't stop myself from crying either. It hadn't made sense from the beginning that someone like her would want me. Madness turned to sadness.
She had probably found someone better than me. I should have expected something like this. But I didn't, I hadn't seen it coming. I was such an idiot. And to top it off I hadn't taken the news well. I'd be lucky if she didn't call the cops on me.
I parked in front of my apartment and carried my box in. There were mostly pots and pans in there, as well as a toothbrush and this and that from the bathroom. I had made myself at home at her place. I had loved it there, and I had loved making love to her. I was going to miss her so much. I had planned on spending my life with her, and just with her.
I needed to make new plans. But I couldn't even think about moving on at the moment. I needed a chance to lick my wounds.
Chapter 16 Pretending Not To Love You
I had slept at my own place then drove myself to the airport. I was glad that the reporters couldn't bug me past security. I had ignored them before that. I boarded and read a newspaper that I had bought at a newsstand at the airport. Well, I pretended to, but in my mind I just replaying everything that had past between us. I kept on picturing her as the honest, sweet and wonderful person that she had always been.
She needed me. Why was she pushing me away again? Was this a game or a test? Had I failed it if it had been one?
The thing is that I needed her too. From the moment I laid eyes on her I had been hooked. I wanted her to be a permanent part of my life. How was I going to survive without her?
Reporters were waiting for me at the hotel. They asked about Katherine. The moment had come to admit that we were over. The cameras were once again flashing. “She's just fine. I just came from her.” I ducked away and went up to my room to be alone. I laid down on the bed and again thought about what I had lost.
I threw myself in my work. Katherine hadn't told anyone that we had split up. I wasn't saying anything either but I got asked about her at every turn.
The premiere of the movie was coming up soon. That meant a lot of interviews and people were expecting us to walked down the red carpet together. My parents were going to be there. I had told them the truth. My mom tried to call her daily, but she never answered her phone.
I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't called her either. She could see who was calling her on her display. She didn't answer when she didn't want to. I had seen her do that with her mom, too. A ringing phone didn't bother her. It had bothered me so much that I had answered and talked to her mother a couple of times. She had usually complained about Katherine. I guess mothers did know best.
No, that hadn't been right. I hadn't liked her mother, no matter what. She hadn't cared about Katherine. She had been shallow. I would be meeting them at the premiere. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
I still thought that it was weird that she hadn't told anyone that we weren't together anymore. What was I to make of that? Did it mean that there was hope or was it just because she lived so secluded? Katherine would figure that she knew and that was enough.
The problem was that I just couldn't say something like that aloud without choking up. I wasn't even close to being over her. She had been the one. The one I wanted forever.
My manager informed me that the cast and author were going to give an interview. They wanted the two of us to sit in the middle. He told me to be prepared to talk about our private life as well.
I wondered what Katherine was going to say about that. Everyone loved the behind the scene love story. This would be bad publicity for the movie.
Did Katherine care about something like that? She didn't need the money that the movie would be bringing in. I had wanted that money so I could make a home for us. I imagined her sitting at the kitchen table typing away while I cooked something nice for her and the kids. I had seen two or three running around. Katherine would have closed her laptop and grabbed a couple of kids and made them wash their little tiny hands before they came to the table.
I was so depressed.
The premiere was two days away. Crowds of people were camped out in front of the hotel. They screamed out my name as I got out of my brand new car and waved at them. A bell boy took my bags and a valet drove off with my car. I hoped that that would go well. I wasn't used to things like this. I signed a few autographs on my way in.
“Where's Katherine?” they called out to me. She wasn't here yet. Or would she pull a no show.
“We are coming from different directions.” I went in and checked in. They put me in a room next to my parents. They were already here. I went right up to say hi to them.
My mom hugged he and told me how well I was holding up. I didn't agree with that but it was nice to hear. I was a nervous wreck, worrying about seeing her in a moment. Would I have a chance to make up with her beforehand. I would have liked to know what went wrong. If it was something I did, or didn't do.
My dad was giving me a look like, he thought, that I had done something I wasn't telling them about. “I really haven't got a clue and she wouldn't say. She just said it was over, here's your stuff.”
“That just doesn't sound like her.” Great my mom was on her side, too.
“Did you do something you shouldn't have, and you think that she couldn't know about it?”
“No.” Why wouldn't they just lay off of me? I was sure that I didn't do anything. I fell into a chair and let our last conversations go through my mind. Everything had been perfect. “I can only think that she has someone else. Nothing else could explain this all.”
We heard screams outside and looked out of the window. The crowds were calling out to Katherine. She was really here. I pictured her scared of the crowds. She wasn't used to this crap and she wouldn't like it. She needed me and she wouldn't let me go to her.
Then my mind changed to a different thought. What if she had her new flame with her? Could I blow him out of the water? I would try.
The screaming was still going on. These were the people, who loved her books and wanted to see the person behind it all. She was the brain of this whole production.
I cleared my throat and moved away from the window, once the screaming stopped. I didn't get a chance to see her but she was obviously here. Should I go hang out in the lobby? Reporters were probably waiting for just that. They would want a photo of us kissing each other hello. I imagined her walking past me like she didn't see me.
I sulked by my parents until it was time to go to the interview. Katherine would be there so I made sure that I looked good. I wanted to impress her.
They sent me into make up. I saw Katherine off in the corner. Her manager was scolding her there. “You aren't writing anything, you show up here looking like shit and now you tell me that you split with him. This is like suicide for your career.”
“I don't care,” she answered.
“That is exactly how you look. We need to get someone in here to fix you up. I don't believe this and my day was going so well.” She stepped past Katherine and looked right at me.
“Would you be willing to pretend that everything is okay between you too?”
I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or Katherine but I nodded.
“I'm not sure after everything that happened.” Katherine turned to look at her manager. Then she saw me. S
he looked awful. Like when she was sick. I was fighting the urge to walk over to her and lay my hand on her forehead.
“What happened? You wouldn't even tell me.” I shrugged and hoped I looked hopeless, so she would take pity on me and tell me what I wasn't getting.
“Nothing happened.” Her head had been hung before, but now she straightened right up. “We can pretend. I just need a little help with my make up.” She was even getting a bit of coloring back.
“Is this fixable? You two could just kiss and make up,” her manager suggested. As always with that woman, her eyes were full of dollar signs when she looked at Katherine.
Katherine shook her head. She sat down in front of one of the mirrors and looked off to the side. She was fuming.
Her manager called in the make-up lady and started listing off the things that Katherine needed done. Mostly around the eyes. She wasn't doing well. Had her new guy dumped her? I leaned against the table next to hers and looked at her. She was avoiding my eye. But still I could see that she looked tired and like she had been crying.
The lady doing her make up was plastering foundation on her.
“I'm just getting over a bad cold, that's all.” She was pretending to be so brave. Was this about us or not? Had she gotten a taste of her own medicine, and realized how bitter it was? Would I still take her back if she came crawling to me?
Yes, I probably would. No question about it. It was even killing me right now to be so close to her and not hug and hold her like I felt she needed.
Was she upset with herself because she had made a mistake? Did she want me back? I was prepared to sit down and talk about everything. I was prepared to forgive and forget.
Hot Cooking Spanker Wanted Page 13
