Dangerous Love

by Kara Leigh Miller

  Josh grabbed the remote when he set his beer down, flipped channels until he found sports highlights.

  “You should bring Alessa to church. Amanda would be happy to see you there. You know,” Ethan said before Josh could interrupt him, “if it makes you feel better, Amanda said something similar about thinking there was something about Alessa that just made her feel like she had known her for a long time.”

  Josh didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t want to talk about church. He was literally saved by the ringing of his doorbell. Ethan arched his eyebrows and shrugged while Josh got up to answer the door. Now that he was paying more attention, he noticed the hallway and entryway could use a coat of paint. One thing at a time. He glanced through the window beside the door, but could only see that the sun had long ago set. The stars were shining through the blackness of the night, each casting their own glow, their own burst of power. He opened the door and felt the surge of cold, damp air as David greeted him with a smile and a six pack.

  “Hey. What are you doing here?” Josh stepped aside to let him in.

  David ran a hand through his hair, wet from the rain and toed off his shoes. “What? I can’t come by after a long day and have a beer with a friend?” Comfortable in Josh’s home, David set the beer down on the hall table where Josh tossed his keys each day, rid himself of his jacket, and made his way to the living room.

  “Course you can. Just interesting timing,” Josh replied from behind him.

  “Ethan. Hey! What’s up?” David said.

  “Not much. How are you?” Ethan rose and gave David’s hand a hearty shake. They knew each other well, had taken each other’s money in many friendly poker games.

  “Can’t complain. Well, I could, but who wants to listen.”

  Ethan arched an eyebrow and gestured to himself with a laugh.

  “Yes.” David laughed, grabbing some chips and Josh’s spot on the couch. “I guess you would. Things are fine. Hospital is crazy busy.”

  Josh passed David one of his own beers then took the rest to the fridge, grabbed another bag of chips on the way. It made it easier when the people in your life genuinely enjoyed the company of the other people in your life. He knew, all too well, the strain of socializing when there were white elephants hiding in every corner. David had his black-sock covered feet resting on Josh’s coffee table as he chatted with Ethan about a mission trip he and Amanda were planning for the following spring.

  “We’re excited. We’ve got an excellent youth group, and we’ve been to the same area in Mexico before so we already have the contacts,” Ethan told David. Josh took a seat in the oversized chair that matched the couch.

  “I should do something like that one day,” David pondered, taking a drink.

  “Plenty of need and plenty of opportunities. You ever think about Doctors without Borders?”

  “Maybe when I was younger. But not since I had a family. Life goes by too quickly, and I already spend enough time away from them.”

  “I’m surprised to see you here on a night you’re actually not on call,” Josh said.

  “Well, since you’re so hard to catch up with at work, I had no choice,” David ribbed.

  Josh shook his head and opened the other bag of chips, keeping it on his lap. “I haven’t had a whole day off in years. It was really nice.”

  The air thickened with the look that came into David’s eyes. Josh’s gut clenched slightly, but he told himself to relax.

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it. You certainly needed and deserved one. As it happens, you’re going to get a few more off.” David cleared his throat. He leaned forward, placed his beer on the coffee table and let his hands hang between his knees. He was still dressed for work in his dark dress pants and button up shirt. He’d lost the tie, probably as he walked out of the hospital, Josh thought.

  Josh grabbed a couple of chips rather than responding, but they felt dry like sand in his mouth. It was an effort to swallow with David watching him, measuring him.

  Ethan cleared his throat and stood. “I’m going to grab some water.”

  Josh took a long swallow of his drink and thought he could use some water as well. He put the chips on the coffee table and waited David out.

  “You’re on leave. For a couple of weeks.”

  Josh expected to feel worse. He actually expected to be suspended, so leave didn’t sound that bad. But the hospital was his anchor, or had been, so he expected to feel untethered by David’s words.

  “Chief Grayson’s orders?”

  “Yes. He was going to call you in. I said I would talk to you. It’s for the best. You obviously know that. You need some time. Some perspective.”

  “Time won’t change how I feel about the choice I made. I needed to bring Alessa home, David. I can’t explain it. But it wasn’t an option to let her go.”

  “You’re an excellent doctor, Josh. You can’t be as good as you are without impeccable instincts, so if you trust your gut on this, then I trust it, too. Still, it goes against hospital policy, and you’re lucky you didn’t get a suspension.”

  “Which I’m guessing is thanks to you?”

  “I may have mentioned you were under a lot of pressure or said a few things in your favor.”

  Josh nodded, leaned forward and mirrored David’s casual posture. Meeting his friend’s stare, he nodded again. “Thank you. I owe you.”

  “You don’t owe me anything. It doesn’t work like that between us and you know it. Just get yourself, Alessa, together and figure things out so you can get back to work and have your head there.”

  “She’s in trouble, David.”

  He shook his head and took a chip, put it in his mouth and chewed as though he needed to think his next words through. “Generally when a patient, a woman, comes in beaten to a pulp after being left for dead, they’re in a bit more than trouble. How’s her memory?”

  “Pieces are coming back to her. Not enough. I think she was mixed up in something bad. Not drugs or anything like that. But something.”

  “Again, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t mixed up in something. She wasn’t just knocked around, Josh. She was nearly killed. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

  Ethan came back, leaned on the open, rounded archway that led from the living room to the kitchen. Eyeing them both, seeing it was okay to come back in, he took his seat.

  “No. I don’t think I do know what I’m doing. But I can’t walk away from her, and not because that would just be wrong. It’s more. Regardless of where this goes, what happens, it feels like I’m where I’m supposed to be. I have to believe Alessa came into my life for a reason. That I was the one there when she came in.”

  David just nodded and Josh could see he was holding back his thoughts. That was fine. Josh couldn’t express all of his thoughts on the topic either.

  Ethan made himself comfortable again and smiled at Josh with a pleased look in his eyes. “From where I’m sitting, that sounds an awful lot like faith.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “How was girl’s night?” Josh asked when Alessa arrived home later that night. Home. He liked knowing his home was now hers, too.

  “Good.” Alessa turned to Ethan. “Amanda is waiting for you in the car.”

  “Well, that’s my cue, I guess.” Ethan stood and gave Josh a hug. “Don’t be a stranger.”

  “I won’t,” Josh promised. When Ethan left, Josh walked up to Alessa and pulled her into a hug. She’d been gone only a couple of hours, but he’d missed her. A lot. Too much.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” He held her out at arm’s length and stared into her big, brown eyes. There was something there he couldn’t quite pinpoint. What happened while she was with Amanda? His sister was going to get an earful if she said anything to upset Alessa.

  She shrugged. “You’re acting weird.”

  He smiled. “Weird? Is that your official diagnosis?” He raised a brow and watched as a slo
w smile spread across her face.

  “Are you picking on me?”

  Josh held up his hand, his thumb and forefinger held an inch apart. “Maybe just a little.”

  She playfully smacked him and moved out of his arms. “Your sister was right about you,” she called over her shoulder as she made her way toward the kitchen.

  All the laughter left Josh. “Right about what?” He followed her into the kitchen. His stomach clenched, and he had a feeling whatever Amanda said wasn’t going to bode well for him.

  “Oh, you know.” Alessa opened the refrigerator and stuck her head inside. “This and that. I feel like I know you so well now.”

  “Alessa.” Josh stood on the other side of the kitchen island, staring at her backside. “What exactly did Amanda tell you?” So many thoughts ran through his mind. Did Amanda tell Alessa about Laura? About Laura’s problems? Her suicide? His spiral into darkness? That wasn’t Amanda’s story to tell.

  “Well, for starters,” Alessa straightened and closed the refrigerator door, “she said you can’t go to sleep at night without your favorite childhood blanket.” She turned to face him.

  He stared at her, dumbfounded. And then he realized what happened. Alessa was teasing him. Oh. She was going to pay for this. He bit back a smile. Putting his hands flat on the counter, he nodded. “Did she? What else did she tell you?”

  “Mmm-hmm.” She nodded. “Oh, and there was this other thing, too. Hold up your hand.”

  He eyed her suspiciously. “Why?”

  “Just do it.” She laughed and came around the island to stand next to him.

  Telling her no was almost impossible. Smiling, he turned his body toward her and held out his hand. Alessa held his gaze, and then ran her fingernail across his palm. Josh jerked his hand away and rubbed it on his jeans.

  Alessa laughed. “So it is true. Your hand really is ticklish. That’s so funny.”

  “Funny?” He was going to kill his sister. But first . . . “I bet she didn’t tell you that I’m pretty good at this, did she?” Josh grabbed Alessa around the waist, flung her over his shoulder, and carried her into the living room.

  “Josh! Put me down,” she squealed and beat her fists on his back, laughing the whole time.

  “You asked for it.” He gently tossed her onto the couch. Then he kneeled over her, tickling her neck. She squirmed and pushed his hands away, but he was relentless. Alessa laughed so hard her face turned red, and she gasped for breath.

  “Josh. Please. Stop.”

  Finally, he did. He removed his hands from her body, his face still poised over hers. She was so beautiful with her wild, messy hair and her flushed face. It would be so easy to start kissing her right now. His heart lodged in his throat. Josh shook the thoughts from his mind and stood abruptly. He shouldn’t be having thoughts like that.

  “Hey, I’m not mad. We’re just messing around.” Alessa sat up on her elbows, looking at him with hurt in her eyes. “Don’t be mad.”

  Josh sat on the edge of the couch. “I’m not mad.” He smiled. “It’s late. You should rest. I’ll see you in the morning.” Then he went to his room without another word.

  * * * *

  The following morning, Josh stood in the living room looking out the picture window, mug of coffee in his hands. He felt Alessa’s presence behind him before he heard her. It was unsettling the way he was so in tune with her, her movements, her thoughts, her actions. There were times when he felt like she was the other half of him, the half he didn’t know he’d been missing, but would die without should she ever leave.

  He turned and smiled at her over his shoulder. “Morning.”

  “I thought you’d be gone to the hospital already.”

  Josh turned back to the window, his smile fading. He drew a deep breath and blew it out slowly. He couldn’t hide it from her. “I’m on leave,” he said, not bothering to look at her.

  “You took a leave? But, I thought . . . the other day you said you’d only taken a day off.”

  He sighed and turned away from the window. “I didn’t take the leave by choice, Alessa.”

  She stood, silent, staring at him as if she were trying to decipher his hidden meaning. When her eyes widened, he knew realization had set in. “Your leave . . . it’s a disciplinary action?”

  “Yes.” He walked into the kitchen and poured the rest of his coffee into the sink. It no longer tasted good to him. The apple he’d tried to eat earlier hadn’t tasted good, either. Nothing had this morning. His gaze darted to Alessa’s lips. He bet they would, though.

  Alessa was now standing in the kitchen entryway, arms crossed, anger burning in her normally soft eyes. “Because of me?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “No. I did this to myself.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he cringed. The last thing he wanted to do was make it sound like this was somehow Alessa’s fault. It wasn’t. But one look at her face and he knew it was too late. She was already blaming herself.

  “How? What did you do?” She didn’t move, didn’t flinch. It was then he realized he was in some trouble. He’d never seen her like this before.

  “I don’t know. David dropped by last night to let me know Chief Grayson thought I could use some time off to get my head straight. I haven’t had a chance to speak to the Chief myself yet.” He didn’t tell her he had no intentions of trying to speak to Chief Grayson. Josh knew why he was put on leave. It was best to just lay low for a while.

  “You don’t know? How can they do this? It’s not fair. You’re a good doctor, Josh. People at that hospital need you.”

  He watched the way the corners of her mouth turned down into a small pout, and the way her body tensed as if she were about to stomp her feet and have a tantrum. Josh smiled.

  “This isn’t funny,” she said.

  Then he laughed. She scowled. It was a breath-stealing scowl that made his heart race and his palms itch with the need to touch her, to hold her close to his chest so she could feel the affect she had on him, on his heart.

  “Well, at least we have time to go to the bank today and check out your safety deposit box.”

  “I don’t understand how you can be so calm about this.”

  Josh walked over to her, put his hands on her shoulders, and kissed her forehead. “Please stop worrying, Alessa. It’s not the first time I’ve been put on leave.” He swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat and hoped she didn’t ask any questions. Getting into a discussion about Laura was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

  “I’m not going anywhere until you figure this out. This is your career. Your life. Some stupid box at the bank can wait.”

  Why couldn’t she just let this go? He stepped past her and headed toward the hallway, intent on taking a shower and getting dressed.

  “Don’t you dare walk away from me, Josh.” Her tone was firm, demanding.

  He stopped cold, and then slowly turned around. Alessa stood at the opposite end of the hallway, hands on her hips. They stared at each other for a few moments.

  “There’s something you’re not telling me. I can see it in your face,” she said.

  “Fine,” he bit out and dragged a hand through his hair. “I think the hospital knows I brought you home.”

  Her hard stare faltered, and he swore he saw her lips tremble. “I knew it. This is my fault.”

  “No.” He took several steps toward her. “I knew what I was doing when I asked you to stay here. Just like I knew what I was doing when I paid . . .”

  “When you paid what? Oh my God. You? You’re the one you paid my hospital bill?”

  “Yes. And I don’t regret it, Alessa. I’d do it again and again if I had to.”

  “Why?” she whispered. “Why would you risk everything for me? I’m not worth it.”

  His blood ran cold and for a brief second, the world stopped moving. “What did you just say?” His voice was low, controlled.

  “I’m not worth this. Your career. Your home. Your fa
mily.” Her words hitched as if she were trying to hold back a sob. She shook her head. “How could you do this?”

  “How could I do this?” He pointed at his chest. “Really, Alessa? How could you ask me that? Isn’t it pretty obvious?”

  “No, it’s not,” she shouted. “Look at me, Josh.” She gestured toward her face, and then held her arms out. “Someone did this to me. Someone beat me and left me for dead. That doesn’t happen to people who are good, people who are worth something.”

  He clenched his teeth, and his nostrils flared with each breath he took. “Do not ever let me hear you talk about yourself like that again.” His hands were in fists by his sides. What had gotten into her? Why was she saying such horrible things?

  “Why? It’s the truth.” She dropped her arms, a sad, defeated look on her face. “And I’m nothing more than a charity case to you, am I? Well news flash, Dr. Parker, I don’t need your pity.”

  “Charity case?” He took a step toward her. Anger rose hot and heavy within him. “Pity?” Another step. His heart thundered in his chest and ears, deafening him to everything around him. “Do not trivialize what’s happening here.”

  Alessa kept her head up, her gaze fixated on his. The scent of her vanilla soap assaulted his senses, momentarily distracting him. They were face to face now, their bodies almost touching.

  “And what exactly is happening? Huh? Because the way I see it, I’m just a patient who needed help. You took pity on me. You’re a doctor, Josh, and you always will be. You take care of people who can’t take care of themselves. It’s what you do, who you are. When I’m gone, it’ll be someone else.”

  That was it. She’d pushed too far. “There will never be anyone else, Alessandra,” he said a second before he spun her around. Then, without thinking, he pressed his lips to hers. Every single emotion he felt for her was poured into this single kiss. Love. Respect. Admiration. Fear of losing her. Desire. Lots and lots of desire.

  Alessa became pliant against him, her fingers tangling in his hair, holding him to her. And then, just as quickly, she gasped, shoving him away. A whimper of fear escaped her lips.