Russian Allure

by Oksana Boichenko

  100%

  100%

  I want to date someone for a year or more before deciding on engagement or marriage. I think living together is crucial in developing a relationship.

  10%

  20%

  I am a free spirit, I travel, I enjoy life and don’t worry much about what tomorrow brings. I don’t care for money, I can live a very simple life, and there are always people who are willing to help me.

  0%

  0%

  I definitely want to have children.

  100%

  100%

  I think traditions are important.

  100%

  100%

  I am an old school guy and a real gentleman.

  100%

  100%

  I don’t believe in spending money on spa visits, manicure, pedicure, stylist or designer shoes and clothes.*

  * 5%

  *15%

  If you take a careful look at the listed percentages, you might find that in some cases response from women is not what you would expect. Let me give you a brief explanation of these.

  Does race matter?

  Ethnically, there are almost no black men in Russia, while Arabs and oriental men are more common. This makes mixed marriages rather rare and causes women to be unsure of what to expect; this means you might have to search a bit harder to find a woman who will not consider race an issue. In a nutshell, women from Central Asia countries (i.e. Kazakhstan) are more used to other ethnical groups as opposed to women from Russia or Ukraine. For example, 50% of the population in Kazakhstan looks oriental, so white Kazakh women would easily consider dating an oriental American and seem rather open to having a husband of different ethnic roots. Also, younger women are generally more flexible in the matter of skin color and are more willing to make daring steps. Women after 25 are usually more conservative in such matters. Relationship with your future bride’s parents is also something to consider: while the older generation of Russians might not be racist, many older people are opposed to mixed marriages. If you have found a Russian woman willing to marry a man of a different race, make sure you discuss her parents’ reaction to this as well to avoid conflicts in future.

  But is it possible to find a Russian bride with model looks if you are an African American? Of course it is. Take a look at David and Alexandra. Alexandra, who certainly looks like a model, is originally from Kazakhstan. In fact, she used to work with models being a professional make-up artist, and while she prefers to make others beautiful rather than posing in front of the camera herself, she performed as a model several times as well. Oh, and David is 16 years older than Alexandra, but it doesn’t bother her a bit.

  If you look at Russian women who are already living in the United States, you will find that they are more open towards mixed marriages. While it is still a challenge to find someone who wants to marry an African-American or an Asian man, you might have a chance with women from large cities such as Los Angeles where such occurrences are more common.

  Does location matter?

  Are Russian women willing to live anywhere? Most Russian women prefer living in cities as opposed to rural areas. It has been a tendency in the US to move away from big cities to smaller towns and suburb areas; however, to most Russian women living away from the city means being stuck in the middle of nowhere and feeling isolated. This is largely due to their perception of how Russian villages and suburbs are: such areas are very remote and difficult to get to and live in.

  If you live in a suburb area and are communicating with a woman who has never been to America, you will need to clarify that she would not be living in the wilderness. Explain to your Russian lady what is available close to where you live (stores, restaurants, etc.); make her understand that having a vehicle makes it convenient to travel wherever she needs (most people in Russia do not own cars and view them as luxury instead of necessity) and describe to her what accommodations your living quarters have (internet, phone, commodities, amenities, etc.). In other words, make her understand that she will be living in a civilized place, not in a wooden house without running water as can sometimes happen in Russian villages. Better yet, send her photos or a video of your home to avoid misunderstandings.

  Still, sometimes the matter can simply lie in individual preferences: women who grew up in the city may simply not be willing to change the lifestyle they are used to. Women after 45-48 years of age are generally more willing to relocate in the countryside. The best way to truly understand your woman’s likings, as with most cases, is to ask. In fact, this book has a separate chapter on communicating with women to help you deal with such matters.

  Many Russian women who live in the USA tend to move to large cities (Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, etc.). Keep in mind that most women from Russia who are visiting America on a tourist visa come from large cities. You will notice that these women are far more advanced in their skills, careers, and financial stability. Generally they would not be willing to give up big city opportunities, although exceptions are possible.

  Most women from large cities like Moscow visit America dreaming to meet a Hollywood actor or a multi-millionaire who would fall in love and want to marry her the second he sees her and finds out that she is from Russia. Blame Hollywood for the stereotypes – most women have seen “Pretty woman”. So, in the beginning of their visit these women look for a Hollywood actor, a multi-millionaire, or, better, for a Hollywood actor who is a multi-millionaire. These hopes generally fade away fairly quickly, especially if they date some real life so-called producers or actors. Once these women have been in the US for 5-10 months, they generally realize that they want to meet a regular man to create a real family instead of chasing Hollywood ghosts. Why am I telling you this? If you prefer to meet Russian women who are already in the USA, select from women who have spent some time in the country.

  Keep in mind that Russian women who have lived in America for 3 years or more would have undergone all possible changes in views and character and will probably be nothing like women who live in Russia. Such women would most likely have faced all sorts of troubles: getting settled, studying, learning the language, working several jobs to pay for the education, etc. These experiences will make them tough – America does not make life for foreigners easy (being a foreigner, I know). Such women will not settle for a man who has achieved less in life than they have. They will normally look for a man with good income, close in age and who is serious about a relationship. Such women will be blunt and straightforward. If they live in a large city, they are unlikely to want to relocate to a small town.

  Whatever the case, if you want your Russian woman to relocate to a small town, you will have to communicate to her correctly (hint: the next chapter is all about communication!).

  Do bad habits matter?

  There isn’t a definite answer as such preferences are usually strictly individual. However, drinking is an extremely common problem in Russia and some CIS countries, so you are more likely to get a negative reaction to this habit even compared to smoking. If you mention that you drink, explain how frequent/intensive your habit is: a few social drinks once in a while, a beer every evening, etc. Do not hide this information, as it will hurt your relationship in the long run, and if you are not willing to change your habit, certainly do not suggest otherwise.

  Smoking is less likely to cause a negative reaction as many people in former USSR smoke, including women. In the recent years, the rate of smoking among women has increased drastically.

  While in some states smoking marijuana is almost legal and is not heavily pursued by the law, to Russian women, especially those living abroad, marijuana is a very serious drug. If you hide the fact that you are a marijuana smoker, and your woman discovers this when she comes to United States, your relationships will most likely end up in divorce. You have to be upfront with your woman about taking any prescription drugs as well – you might get in trouble with her if you don’t.

  Whatever your habits, m
ake sure that you include this information in your profile and/or mention it early on in your correspondence. Do not be afraid that some women might not accept your habits – there is a partner for everyone in this world, and the story below illustrates it well.

  I had a female client, who was a gorgeous model in demand – she did photo shoots for many major fashion magazines, including cover for Vogue. She was a kind and a giving girl… as long as she didn’t drink – and that she did a lot (I am sure, you’ve heard what model lifestyle is like).

  When she was drunk (which was about 70% of the time), she would cry on my shoulder asking why no one loved her. But when she was drunk, she was also very aggressive to men – being beautiful is not easy, she was often taken advantage or and learned to be defensive.

  While she is not the type of woman I normally introduce my clients to, if you want a hot woman who will be fine with your bad habits, she would definitely be a potential match. Hey, not all Russian are angels – and I’ve never said they were!

  On a serious note, you have to be honest about who you are if you want to attract the right woman into your life. Honesty goes a long way, and communication is the only key to solving any issues.

  Do I really need to pay for spa treatments, designer shoes & clothes, manicure & pedicure?

  Many men from abroad look for a beautiful Russian woman as their life partner and wife – isn’t this why you are reading this book? Beautiful Russian women won hearts of many men from overseas, but very few men understand what it takes for a woman to maintain natural beauty and stunning appearance. It doesn’t happen by itself and requires much effort and devotion on a regular basis.

  I am sure you’ve seen a makeover show at least once in your life. A woman wearing a pair of jeans, an old t-shirt, and no makeup becomes a stunning beauty when she changes into a dress, a pair of heels, and has her hair/make up done. Give her an opportunity to attend a beauty salon, groom herself regularly, and have an expert work with her hair, face, and body, and you will always see a beautiful lady. On the other hand, leave her no chance for such activities, and very soon she will become an ordinary woman of average appearance.

  Russian women are known for taking good care of their bodies and appearance. Most women you see on the streets are fit, dressed with taste, have their hair, makeup, and nails done at all times. Of course, you don’t know how much time and money they put into manicure, pedicure, hairdresser, and spa activities, but when she comes to live in your country, she will be your responsibility – you will have a chance to find out the details and the cost of such activities soon enough. Your Russian bride will fully depend on you in your country because she will not be able to earn money as she did at home (at least, in the beginning of her stay). The same might be true if you marry a Russian woman who lives in the USA, especially if she has to relocate to be with you.

  If you want your beautiful Russian wife to remain as beautiful as when you met her, you must be ready to pay for all the “girly” things that help her achieve this. Russian women stay fit because they do a lot of walking throughout the day just to get from one place to another. This will most likely change when she moves to your country which means she will need to go to the gym or at least have an option to exercise at home. Russian women dress well – skirts, dresses, suits, shoes, etc. If this is how you like to see her, don’t expect to save money by shopping for jeans, t-shirts, and tennis shoes – this will make her just like every other woman around you. And, of course, doing nails, hair, and make-up goes without saying.

  It seems almost cynical to talk about money when discussing beauty, but it is a part of life. And just because you will have to spend this money, it doesn’t mean you will have to spend thousands of dollars every month. Besides, Russian women are good with money, so discuss these issues with your bride well in advance. Find out what she needs, what she expects, share your expectations with her, let her know what her budget will be, help her find the best way to manage this money, and so on. Russian men are very aware of beauty expenses for their women; they invest into their women’s beauty without women having to bring up the matter. If you learn to do the same when dating a Russian woman, you will reap many rewards – your bride’s beautiful appearance, good mood, and gratitude for your generosity.

  If you think that paying for spa treatments, beauty salons, and fitness centers is foolish, then don’t expect your Russian wife’s appearance to remain the same as when you met her once she has lived in your country for a while. I know many Russian girls who moved abroad and changed their style to jeans and t-shirts, forgot about makeup and heels, and became just like other foreign women – it hasn’t made them any worse as a person or a wife, but it made them plain average. If you are ok with that, you can ignore everything you have just read.

  CHAPTER 3: ALL ABOUT YOU

  What Russian women want

  You might be ready to handle challenges of international dating and be perfectly organized to begin your search, but are you sure you are the kind of man who can appeal to Russian women? Take a look at the list below to find out if you have the qualities Russian women appreciate and look for in a partner.

  1) A reliable man.

  Russian women have a lot of responsibility in their lives, so to them finding a man who can take some of that responsibility off their shoulders is like finding a treasure. A reliable man is the one who is always near, psychologically speaking. He never expects the woman to take charge in solving problems or organizing the big things in life. He plans the first date to a tee, knowing where to go and what to do. His “yes” is “yes”, his “no” is “no”; if he makes a promise, he keeps it. If a woman asks him to do something, she doesn’t have to ask him again.

  2) An attentive man.

  Such a man knows what call of duty is. He readily cares for his wife and her family, grasping this duty calmly as something matter-of-course. He does so not because he has affection for these people, but because of his good attitude to his beloved woman.

  3) A generous man.

  Russian women see generosity as more than an unlimited credit account. To them, generosity of the heart is as important as generosity of the wallet. A generous man in their understanding is someone who protects weak and defenseless, offers help eagerly and doesn’t expect to be rewarded in return.

  4) A protector.

  Russian women look for a man who will never expose his wife and his family to risk, even with regard to minor issues. Such a man will never let his woman walk back home through the dark streets and will wait for her at the bus-stop if she is returning home late in the evening. A protector will never provoke conflict and will generally look for reconciliation and compromise.

  5) A faithful man.

  A woman can forgive many flaws of a man if she is certain of his faithfulness. A faithful man doesn’t need anyone except for his woman; he makes it clear to his partner and gives her no reason to question his integrity and faithfulness.

  6) A man who loves children.

  Women with children are not the best “marriage material” in Russia. Often Russian men don’t want to take care of their own children, much less someone else’s. If you are dating a Russian woman with children, it is important that you convince her of your genuine interest and desire to care for her children after you are married – in this case, your woman’s gratitude and affection will be without boundaries. Even if you are dating a woman who doesn’t have children, she will most likely want to have kids. Your willingness to have children in future will certainly make you even more appealing to most women as very few of them will not want children.

  7) A man who doesn’t think it’s a shame to be divorced.

  Many divorced women in Russia take care of their children; according to the latest sociological studies such women have little chance of marrying again. A part of it is the mentality of Russian men – they look for younger women without any “luggage”. Divorced women are also quite limited in their choice: mortality rate of mid
dle age males is very high.

  8) A man who is not afraid of responsibility and is willing to help out.

  Most women in Russia have a peculiar lifestyle: they are generally overloaded with family responsibilities (housekeeping, taking care of parents, raising children) and have to work as well. Even though Russian men are often portrayed as rough and tough, you will find that men in Russia are not very helpful in terms of practical matters; women generally take charge, solve everyday problems and manage essentials for the family.

  9) A man who doesn’t drink or drinks responsibly.

  While not every Russian man is a drunk, consumption of alcohol is very high. This means that men prefer to spend money on alcohol instead of family needs, they can often be irresponsible and abusive. To put it briefly: Russian women are sick and tired to deal with the problem.

  10) A man with a degree.

  Most Russian women are educated. Since they often have to make a living, you will find many of them working in various fields, including law, education, and medicine which means they have to have a university degree. Most women don’t care about the level of education their husband has, but they do care about being able to have an intelligent discussion.

  11) A man with an entrepreneurial mind (a business man, a man capable of making sound decisions fast, a man who takes action).

  Every year more and more Russian women become independent entrepreneurs, take lead positions in management, and start their businesses. When such a woman moves to a foreign country, she will want to have by her side a man who will help her establish herself as a business person. Note: Russian women prefer to become involved in business instead of building a corporate career; despite her interests, she will never choose her career over her man.