Russian Allure

by Oksana Boichenko

  A woman who has never been outside of her city might be uncomfortable in a new foreign setting. This might intensify if she doesn’t speak the language.

  Women from some countries (for example, Belarus) might have to have a visa.

  You have no way to see her in her usual setting.

  You will not meet her family or friends which means you will be missing out on learning about important aspects of your woman’s life.

  Dating like a pro

  Meeting your woman for the first time is a serious step. It is not something to be taken lightly, you must be prepared. Over the last few years I’ve asked some of my female clients to tell me what they would expect of a man visiting them and want to share this information with you.

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  While the entertainment industry today might be full of rugged hunks, they are good only for onscreen heroines. Real women will always prefer romance and courtesy, because no matter how emancipated or independent, every woman likes to be treated like a lady.

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  You must look good. Yes, I am talking about this again, after all, “Repetition is the mother of learning and the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.” While there is no need for a tuxedo (unless, of course, you have planned an evening of opera and fancy dining), make sure that you dress up nicely. Coming in old jeans and a t-shirt is definitely not the way to win your lady’s heart. First impressions are the most lasting ones, and you don’t want to miss a chance to put your best foot forward. Depending on where you are going, you may have several options.

  If you plan to go to a restaurant, a suit will be a great choice. However, if you are not comfortable wearing one, slacks and a shirt will also fit the occasion. For most people in Russia and CIS it is not very common to attend restaurants, so for them it is a special occasion. Also, Russian women tend to dress up more than women in Europe or US (especially when going out), so wearing more than casual clothes will also make you feel comfortable in your lady’s presence. Going to a night club gives you more flexibility – jeans combined with a shirt or t-shirt will be a comfortable choice. If your first meeting is planned during the day in a café, hotel lobby or a coffee shop, wearing relaxed style clothing is acceptable. A good rule of thumb – when in doubt, don’t go casual.

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  Your cologne matters. Women are more sensitive to smells than men. Don’t use perfumes with a strong or sweet smell – you will make your date uncomfortable. Find something with a fresh, light smell.

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  You will be expected to pay for everything on your date, so make sure you exchange enough money before your meeting – cash is the preferred payment option in most FSU countries. Try to find out an approximate price range from someone you know (an agent, an interpreter, a hotel manager). The last thing you want to do is run around looking for an ATM or, worse, have to ask your date for money. It is also a good idea to settle the bill without much fuss – pay it while your lady steps out or excuse yourself and manage the issue. This is a good way to avoid awkward moments.

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  Keep a few questions ready in case the conversation gets slow. Don’t ask things that require “yes” or “no” answers. Ask your woman something that would get her to open up and share more information about herself – i.e. Why do you like your job? What is your favorite childhood memory? What are some of your family traditions?

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  If you invite a lady to travel anywhere, within her country and outside its borders, it is your responsibility to pay her expenses.

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  Most people think that Russia and CIS countries are cold all year round. It is true only for the northern areas of Russia; most other areas will have regular four seasons. Spring and summer are the best time for a visit since you will be able to do things outdoors; many places in Russia and Ukraine will have plenty of options for swimming, camping and other similar activities. Winter is a great time if you want to experience the Russian cold or are interested in extreme sports (snowboarding, skiing). If your Russian friends or lady you are meeting share the same interests, it will be a great treat for them if you take them along, as many people living in Russia/Ukraine usually cannot afford such kind of vacation.

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  Things like toiletries, generic medicines, and food will be easily available in large cities; the further you travel in the country, the less choice you will have. In terms of clothes, make sure that you are dressed for the season. If you are traveling in winter, you will easily be able to buy most winter things in Russia (they will cost less than they would at home, too).

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  Plan your entire stay before you leave your home country as much as possible. Russian women don’t like to be bossed around, but they like a man in charge – making plans will show you as a responsible individual and will be a welcome relief to Russian women, most of whom rarely get such a treat from the local men. On a subconscious level, careful planning will portray you as a reliable person who can take care of things, so a woman will feel more confident with you by her side. Tip: if you are visiting your lady at her home country, it is quite acceptable that you might not know what is available at her town for a date. In this case use the help of a dating agency professional or of a hotel manager/employee. Finding a dating agency is easy in Russia and other CIS countries, most agencies will help you arrange a date properly by suggesting restaurant and entertainment options. This service might be free or you might have to pay a small fee for their efforts.

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  Women love compliments. Make sure you compliment your date on the way she looks: you can talk about her dress, hair, smile, eyes, etc. If you are nervous and want to know you look all right, your Russian woman will feel the same – tripled. She can be just as nervous and need to know that you like the way she looks. Regardless of what you say, make sure you speak genuinely – women are very sensitive to lies, so if your Russian lady feels that you are hesitating, she might close up in thinking you are not sincere.

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  Bring flowers. It is common knowledge that bringing flowers for your date, pulling out her chair, opening a door or pouring wine are things gentlemen do – even though most men forget about it. Make sure that once the evening is over you walk your lady home or ensure a safe taxi ride for her (it is good manners to pay for the taxi ride as you arrange it for her). And don’t worry that it will make you look old-fashioned – doing such things is nothing more than being considerate, and it is exactly what you want your woman to think about you.

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  Make sure you really listen to what your woman is saying. Nothing creates a worse impression than a distracted listener. If you are not paying attention to what your Russian woman says, you can be sure there will not be a second meeting – put yourself in her shoes, would you be impressed by someone who is not attentive to things you say? To avoid awkward silences and to make sure you are interested in what she says, ask her good questions to which you want to know the answers.

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  “Flaunt it, if you got it” is definitely not a good strategy to employ on your dates. While Russian women want to know that their man is established and financially secure, they will not appreciate you trying to impress her on purpose. It is best to avoid glorifying yourself, your success or status; otherwise a woman might feel like you are trying to buy her. However, tip a waiter well – women always pay attention to your generosity to others, especially people of service; be friendly with waiters, but take it down a notch when speaking to waitresses.

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  Follow up is good not only for job interviews, and a text message is not the way to do it. It is best to send her flowers with a note saying what a nice time you had and that you would like to see her again. If such option is not possible, it is okay to call her – your woman will appreciate the effort.

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  Think of her before you think about yourself. Being a gentleman is mainly about being considerate and thoughtful of
others. If you are planning a meeting with your Russian lady, make sure that the plans will not be disruptive to your woman’s schedule – take into consideration her work time, her living arrangements, and family situation. Consider her eating preferences: if you are planning a restaurant visit, make sure that you know in advance the type of food she likes – it would be really awkward if she were a vegetarian and you took her to a steak house.

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  Think outside the box. Movies and a restaurant are not the only options for a date. Take into account your lady’s interests: if she likes art, plan a visit to an exhibition, if she is athletic – plan a hike or something of the sort. Whatever your ideas, make sure that there is enough “quiet” time so the two of you could talk and have time to get to know each other.

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  Renting a car in Russia/Ukraine is possible, but is not the best option; most roads are not very good and traffic rules can be very confusing, accepting bribes is still common among the traffic police, so you will be better off to leave driving to the natives.

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  You must have a visa to enter Russia and will have to register with Russian authorities upon arriving to the city of your stay. The visas are not too difficult to obtain, especially if you use a reliable travel agency. If you are staying in a hotel, they can handle the registration procedure for you.

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  Language is certainly an issue to consider. If you do not speak Russian, make sure that you have a reliable interpreter with you. You can easily find an interpreter to assist you in larger cities. It might be more problematic to find a skilled interpreter in smaller cities, and you certainly will not be able to find menus or signs in English.

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  If you move around on your own, it is a good idea to write down addresses of places you are going to, or have an electronic translator to be able to find your way and ask about the basics. Make sure that you have with you at all times the address of the place where you are staying to be able to get a taxi should you get lost.

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  Some people raise concerns that Russians are racist, but you will find just as much of this attitude in Russia as anywhere else. Remember that older generation of people was raised to consider everyone equal, and Russia maintained friendly relations with many other nations (India, China, etc.). It is true that some people might exhibit negative attitude towards Americans because of political views, but in no way will it put foreigners in danger, nor will anybody insult you if they find out you are from the United States.

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  It is highly unlikely that you will find as friendly cashiers and waiters as at home.

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  You will not be able to dial international numbers from street telephones.

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  Be prepared that your cell phone might not work in remote areas.

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  Finding a taxi will not be a problem. Even if you do not find a specially marked vehicle, you can easily hire any car – most drivers will be glad to give you a ride for a few extra rubles, but be certain to discuss the fee before you get in the car.

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  Russia has made some significant advances in technology, so you will not be cut off from the civilization – you can use internet in Internet cafés, post offices or hotels for fairly small fees, many public places now also offer Wi-Fi services.

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  Public transportation is widely available and cheap, but make sure that you know well which route to take and which direction you should go.

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  You can find that it is rather expensive to wash your clothes at the hotel, and some places can simply not have this service available. The easiest thing to do is to have a small pack of washing powder and wash your clothes yourself; you can hang them up to dry overnight in the bathroom, it will not be considered awkward or strange. Another alternative can be asking a cleaning lady to do so: if she or someone she knows will take care of your clothes for you, you can be certain that it will be cheaper and done well, besides, most hotel staff do not earn much and they will be happy to make some extra cash.

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  Food should not be of any concern. Most places, even smaller cities, will offer a wide range of food items – from national dishes to pizza. The only problem can be lack of English menus, so you might learn (write down) a few basic food items to make sure you can order. Soups are very popular (especially famous Russian borsch) as well as dumplings with meat (pelmeni) or potatoes.

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  Quality of water will not be a problem as long as you use bottled water for drinking. Tap water can be of poor quality in some areas, so it is best not to drink it, but it safe to use for brushing teeth. When buying bottled water, pay attention to the type of water you are getting: when Russians refer to mineral water, they usually mean carbonated, slightly salty water, so if you want plain water, be sure to ask for non-salty, non-carbonated water.

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  Make sure that you bring electrical converters (electricity in Russia is 220 volt), the plugs in Russia are 2-pin thin of European standard.

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  If you are invited to visit someone, it is polite to bring a small gift with you (a box of candy, a bottle of wine, flowers).

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  You should try everything that your hosts offer you (even if it is just a small bite or a sip) – Russian people are very hospitable and when expecting company they will usually do their best to arrange a lot of food; if you refuse to eat they can get offended. If you make an attempt to skip something of what is being offered, you will soon find yourself exhausted of arguing, as your host will come up with a number of reasons why you should have it.

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  In case you are not sure how to handle certain situations, follow the lead of the natives. Whatever the situation, show respect for the Russian traditions and you will be able to enjoy numerous Russian traditions and country’s immeasurable hospitality.

  How to lose any Russian woman in 30 seconds

  I have to share these two examples with you because I don’t want you to repeat the same horrible mistakes the gentlemen in these stories made (all names have been changed, in case you are wondering).

  Example # 1.

  If John ever reads this book, he will immediately know that I am talking about him. John has been corresponding with Natasha, one of my female clients, for a while. They have not committed to each other, but have made plants to meet. They both attended a romantic tour I organized in the Dominican Republic. His lady arrived a day earlier and was excited about meeting the man she thought might become her future husband.

  When the two met, they got along great. They spent an entire day together, hugging, kissing, smiling, and having a great time. In the evening the entire group of my guests gathered at the night club. After a few drinks everyone was having an even better time, laughing, dancing, and enjoying each other’s company. At some point, John, having one hand on Natasha’s knee and another around her shoulder, asked her in front of the other 15 people at the table if other women were available for dates. Needless to say, Natasha was stunned, speechless. What is worse, John didn’t even understand what he did because the next moment he turned to me (I almost dropped my drink when I heard his question) and asked me if I could set up some dates for him for tomorrow because the woman whose knee he is rubbing doesn’t seem to want to answer…

  I think you can figure out what happened to him during the remainder of the trip – no woman wanted to talk to him, including his never-happened girlfriend. It’s been five years since that instance, and he is still searching for the right girl. I guess, some people are just too curious and never quit “wondering”.

  Example # 2.

  This happened during my Sacramento get-together. Larry (who, by the way, will also know that I am talking about him should he read this book) was one of the first to arrive to my dating party. He is a tall gentleman, a bit overweight, in his late 60’s, well-groomed, well-established, and rather pleasa
nt overall, despite his flashy golden watch and golden cufflinks. Knowing his situation, I wondered why he was still single. I didn’t have to wait long to find out.

  I greeted him at the time when he was speaking to two women in their fifties. I overheard him say that he is very serious in his search and is interested in finding a partner close to his age. I was so proud of him and thought he would be able to get engaged right away. Imagine my shock when, after I introduced myself, he turned to me brushing aside the two women he was just having a conversation with (he pushed one of them aside without apologizing) and exclaimed: “Wow, you are hot! This is the type of girl I want to marry. Are you available, Oksana?” (I was in my early 30’s). I didn’t know what to do with myself from the shame of the situation. Larry’s complete disrespect for women, lying through his teeth, and being a complete jerk produced expected results – he didn’t meet anyone that evening. In fact, every woman who has spoken to him that evening never wanted to speak to him again. I have spoken to him numerous times about respecting women and about being honest, but he is still searching and has not changed a bit. What is worse, he really thinks that he will find a decent woman.

  As you see, these gentlemen are real “winners” in losing a woman in 30 seconds or less – but I am sure, you would not make such mistakes. However, this is not the only way things can go wrong when you are planning a meeting with your beautiful Russian bride. And since we are talking about logical, strategic planning of your trip to make it successful, let me share with you a few more situations where men make mistakes.

  Buying airline tickets without proper research can be a waste. Several men I know bought tickets without checking the visa regime at their final destination; as a result, they were simply not allowed to board the connecting flight to reach their woman’s country. They had to return to the USA – what a waste of time and money.

  Some men do too much research – they go on the Internet, find horror stories about the country they plan to visit (which generally happen to people who are not prepared for the trip) and give up the idea of visiting before they even start. The result: women with eyes full of tears in my overseas offices whose hopes to meet their potential partner were destroyed in the last minute.