Russian Allure

by Oksana Boichenko

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  Public toilets are not easy to find, you will have to pay a small fee to use them. Some of them can be plain toilet bowls next to each other without walls or doors between them, most of them will smell badly. You will see people use bushes as the toilet.

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  In order to use public phones, you will need coins or a card, you will not be able to dial international numbers from street telephones.

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  You will find many Internet cafés (rooms with a number of computers) which you can use to check your email or contact friends and family. Most of them are open late, some 24 hours. Many public places now also offer Wi-Fi services.

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  Prices will vary from place to place (depending on the size of the city, the type of an establishment you are visiting, etc.), but here is an approximate list of prices you can encounter:

  Hotel/apartment for one person: $40 - 200 USD per day;

  Interpreter: $100-200 per day;

  Meals: $10-100 per meal;

  Taxi: most will charge based on mileage, hiring a driver for a day can cost from $15-20 per hour;

  Entertainment: cinema tickets – from $5, excursions – from $10, bowling/pool – from $20 per hour.

  Gifts for your Russian bride

  “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” .

  ― Winston Churchill

  Gift giving is quite common in Russia – most people will not even visit their friend’s home without bringing a bottle of wine, a box or candy or some flowers. It is a sign of respect and affection for your host. It is expected even more from a gentleman who is courting a lady.

  It is not a difficult thing to master. You must understand that gifts are not given to buy a woman’s affection, it is a way for you to express your interest, to do something pleasant for your woman, and to express your appreciation. You don’t have to wait for a holiday to give your woman a gift, it should come from your heart and make a statement “This is for you… just because.”

  The first thing you must remember is that gifts don’t have to be excessively expensive. They are meant to be simply tokens of appreciation and something to remember you by. Of course, if you decide to give your woman diamonds every day, she certainly won’t mind!

  You can always use holidays of your woman’s country as an excuse to give her presents, but you can also give them to congratulate her on an achievement (getting her diploma, finishing a project, etc.), to mark a major even in her life or simply to say “thank you” for her affection and time.

  Let me share with you a story that illustrates my point. One of my private clients enrolled in my elite member program right before March 8, an International Women’s Day, – a holiday widely celebrated in Russia and other former Soviet Union countries. He did some research and knew that it was one of the biggest holidays for women. Before he sent out a single email, he asked me to help him determine the best matches for him and on March 8 sent ten beautiful bouquets to ten beautiful women from “a mysterious admirer”. Needless to say, all women were flattered and pleasantly surprised. This gentleman was almost 60, yet, every single woman he contacted was interested in meeting him even though they were in their 20’s and 30’s. Every woman was stunned by his attention and immediately realized that this gentleman was someone very unique. He introduced himself in an unusual way; with just a few clicks of a mouse button he achieved results most men spend months trying to achieve. Conclusion: an easy, quick, inexpensive gift can go a long way.

  In all my years as a matchmaker, I’ve found that it is very difficult for men to grasp gift giving, so I would like to give you some ideas of appropriate gifts.

  GIFTS BASED ON HOLIDAYS

  HOLIDAY

  SUGGESTED GIFT

  January 1 – New Year

  In fact, the celebration begins on December 31. Fruit baskets, champagne, sweets, ornaments, jewelry, and anything else you can think of will be a good fit for the occasion. This is the holiday of the most extensive gift giving, aside from a person’s birthday or wedding.

  January 7 – Russian Orthodox Christmas

  Being winter time, most fruit is rather expensive. Consider giving a fruit/sweets basket. Your woman is not the only one who will appreciate such gift – her family, especially if she has children, will also enjoy it.

  January 14 – Russian Old New Year

  Champagne or wine with a box of chocolates is a great choice for the occasion.

  February 14 – Valentine’s day

  You are safe with similar gifts as are common in your country – heart-shaped… anything: cake, candles, jewelry, candy.

  March 8 – International Woman’s Day

  A bouquet of flowers is a MUST! It can be accompanied by other presents as well. In FSU countries, it is common to give flowers to every female member of the family.

  April 20 (2014) - Easter

  People usually give “paskha” to each other and exchange colored eggs. Giving a cake or sweets is a good idea.

  Lady’s B-day

  This is the biggest occasion of the year. Flowers are a must, plus, a personal present – perfume, jewelry, book, etc.

  B-day of a woman’s child

  If your woman has a child, you must know his/her B-day. Sweets, toys, fruit – all of these things are appropriate.

  Make sure that you are sincere in your giving – women will feel that it comes from the heart and will appreciate even the smallest of gifts.

  How to order presents

  If you are using a dating agency to contact a woman overseas, you can use services of an agency to deliver a selected gift. In most cases they will take a photo of your lady with her gift.

  Numerous gift delivery sites offer international services (FTD.com, Flowers.com). You will need to provide them with your woman’s address and phone number to process your order. Most such companies are reliable and will also report back with a photo of the recipient with the gift.

  You can always mail the gift yourself. It is the perfect option because in this case you are not limited in your gift selection. However, do not mail electronic items as they most likely will not clear customs, or your lady will have to pay tax on the package.

  A great idea is to send her something from Victoria’s Secret. Most women have heard of this shop, but its products are not available overseas. Anything goes: suites, jammies, perfume, make up, and even lingerie. However, word of caution regarding the last item: do not send such items unless you are very intimate with your woman or you know for certain that she will not be offended or uncomfortable when receiving such gift. You can generally make a fairly accurate deduction by looking at a woman’s photos or videos – if they are very sexy and of erotic nature, it means a woman feels comfortable with her sexuality and will not freak out when she gets a set of beautiful lingerie.

  Do NOT send women gift cards of any sorts – they will not be able to use them as most overseas shops are not available in Russia. It is also not a good idea to send iTunes gift cards because Russians usually get their music free.

  Men often ask if it is appropriate to give presents to a woman’s parents before having met the lady in person. Yes, it is, but only if you know for certain that she has spoken to her parents about you. If that is the case, a bouquet of flowers to her mother for her birthday, for a holiday, or just to make her acquaintance before meeting in person will be a pleasant surprise for your woman as well as her parents (and a bonus step to make a good impression on her family).

  If you want to be certain about the gift you give to your woman, you can always test the waters to find out what she likes. You can ask her about general gift-giving traditions in her family and among her friends. You can also speak about “a friend” who is looking to give a gift to his Russian woman and ask for your lady’s advice – it is unlikely that she will figure out that you are trying to surprise her with a gift.

  More rules

  Below you will find some rules about gif
t giving that are based on cultural traditions and common sense.

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  Never order an even number of flowers – in Russia even number of flowers is used to commemorate dead or to take to a funeral. Many international gift delivery companies will offer an arrangement of twelve roses – ask them to either add or remove one flower, or have the delivery person explain that it is an American tradition so that your lady doesn’t freak out about getting a “dead person” bouquet.

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  Do not begin your acquaintance with food. I know a man who brought pasta, ketchup, and spam as a gift for him woman on their first date. The woman was quite angry and offended. After a few minutes she tried laughing at the situation wondering if she was too skinny for the man or if he wanted her to cook a meal for him. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t go beyond the first meeting.

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  Do not give your lady clothes, unless you are shopping with her, know her size for certain, and know that she would definitely want a particular item. There are a few exceptions (I’ve mentioned some of them and will share a few more in a minute).

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  Candy, especially in cute boxes, is always a safe bet. Women love sweets, and pretty packaging will make it seem more special.

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  I suggest you think about bringing something for her child, if she has one. Cute tennis shoes, a t-shirt or a baseball hat from a well-known brand (i.e. Adidas, Nike) will be a hit. If you win your woman’s child’s heart, you will have more chances of winning her heart as well. If she has a small child, a toy or candy for children will also work well.

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  Men often bring t-shirts or baseball hats as gifts for women. While these are great practical souvenirs, be sure that you know the size of an item your woman would need: you don’t want to give an XXL t-shirt to a lady of size 2 – this will make her feel like she is getting a one-fit-all kind of gift.

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  If you don’t know your woman well, but are set on giving her a gift, go for the safe option – flowers, fruit or candy. Wine or champagne is okay, but only if you are certain she consumes alcohol.

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  If you know your lady fairly well, feel free to go for a more personal gift such as perfume. Most Russian women will enjoy branded perfume - Blv by Bvlgari, Chanel Chance or ACQUA DI GIOIA by Giorgio Armani. Most Victoria’s Secret fragrances are accepted well. Most young women will enjoy a smell that is smooth, fresh, and not too sweet. MEXX woman or Jil Sander’s “PURE” line are a great choice. It is a good idea to stay clear of sweet smells as it is not common for women to enjoy them. It is ideal if you know what perfume your lady uses or would like to have – in this case you will really be giving her a perfect gift.

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  Bringing small souvenirs from your home country is a great idea – something cultural as a small token of your affection will make a woman of your choice feel special and your gift unique. However, stay clear of items that say “Made in China”.

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  If the woman you are coming to visit is trying to learn English, it might be a good idea to find something to help her do it (some books in simple language, software to help her study, etc.)

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  Do bring flowers to your first date.

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  Another perfect-and-always-suitable gift is a visit to a beauty salon. All women like to look good, but not all of them can find time or money to have someone else do their hair, nails, etc. Even if it’s not the case, giving your girl an opportunity to get pampered will be a memorable event for her.

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  Whatever it is you bring, make sure it is light and unbreakable to avoid problems with luggage limits and handling.

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  Bring a few extra trinkets just in case you make some unexpected acquaintances and want to leave a souvenir for them.

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  When it comes to gifts, sky is the limit. Most women like a wide range of things (jewelry, accessories, collectibles, perfume), so you shouldn’t have any difficulty figuring out what she would want.

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  If your meeting was successful, and you have decided to pursue your relationship, you should consider leaving something special for your Russian sweetheart before you leave the country. It can be a photo of you two, something special she will remember you by or simply something sweet you know she would like. A digital photo frame with loaded photos of you together is a great idea – she can keep the frame on her night stand where it will remind her of you every night.

  When my fiancée was travelling back home after his first trip to Kazakhstan, I gave him a wrapped box and told him not to open it until he reached home. He promised he wouldn’t, and when he opened the box, he found a small teddy bear sprayed with my perfume and a romantic note about the wonderful time we had. I knew it would take a long time to process all necessary documents, and I wanted him to feel my presence even if it is just my perfume. He later told me that the teddy bear remained on his night stand all the time, except times when he missed me the most – then it would stay on his pillow. He said that this teddy bear helped him to go through months of unbearable wait. This teddy bear was still sitting on his night stand, bearing the smell of my perfume, when I came to the USA several months later. Presents you give to your lady will do the same – they will remind her of you and make it easier to wait until you meet again.

  How to impress the family of your Russian woman

  When you find the perfect Russian woman, it is natural to want to do everything possible to keep your relationship positive and harmonious. As the two of you progress in your communication, it is important to remember that for most Russian ladies their family is a priority; and while you are not getting married to your lady’s family, getting along with them is one of the keys to a happy life with your Russian bride in future.

  Russian women are known for their family values; it is one of the main reasons many men decide to look for partners among them. Russian ladies are very loyal to their families; family comes first. Russian women make the most dedicated mothers and wives. Russian culture includes a lot of family time during holidays and everyday life, and your sweetheart will certainly place a lot of importance on her partner having a good relationship with her family.

  To achieve this, you must show respect. Being kind, courteous, and following cultural customs are great ways to show your interest in becoming a part of the family. Be observant and pay attention to small family traditions (i.e. serving elders first at the table, etc.), then follow them. It will show your lady and her family that you are respectful and acknowledge their feelings.

  It is also important to be thoughtful. Most Russian people are very hospitable and will treat you like a VIP, so you should be prepared to show your appreciation for such treatment. If you are invited to your Russian lady’s family’s home, remember not to come empty handed. You do not have to bring anything fancy, but having a small gift for the hosts will be a nice gesture. For example, you can bring flowers for the hostess and wine for the host, a dessert for everyone or something similar. Your effort will not go unnoticed; it will show your sweetheart’s family that you thought about them in advance and prepared for the visit well.

  Remember that actions speak louder than words. Your Russian lady’s family will want to see your care and intentions for her, so whatever you tell your future in-laws, support it with actions. If you make a promise – keep it; do not promise things you cannot deliver. Seeing you be consistent in doing things you promise will help your Russian bride’s family trust you and make them feel like their daughter will be in reliable hands.

  Be honest with your bride’s family. Be open about your intentions, describe how you see your future together, whether you plan to get married soon or would rather take things slow, and try to answer any other questions they may ask you. Since dating a man from abroad often means their daughter leaving for his country, many parents might be concerned about frequency of communication
and being able to keep in touch. Try to address any concerns they might have or even look for a compromise together. Your lady’s parents and family will appreciate you being upfront and honest about the future possibilities; it will help them adjust their expectations and will result in less tension for everyone.

  Once you and your Russian lady have made plans to join your lives in future, take any opportunity you can to communicate with her family. This can be especially useful when you visit your sweetheart’s country. Make a point of spending time with her family and getting to know each other. Tell them about your life, ask about theirs – such communication will help your lady’s parents be more accepting of you and can also help you learn more about your sweetheart: knowing her family history can explain a lot of who she is.

  Whatever steps you take to getting to know you Russian woman’s family, make sure that you are genuine. Having your bride’s family accept you and know who you are will be a great way to ensure a happy future for you and your sweetheart. Keeping a warm and friendly relationship with your in-laws is important because they always have a huge impact on your girl’s decisions (as I’ve said numerous times, Russian women are very close to their families). The secret to keeping an excellent relationship with your in-laws is to make their daughter happy. It is that simple. Every parent will be the happiest person in the world if their child is happy. Make your in-laws realize that they are not losing their daughter, but that they are gaining a true and loving son (you!).

  Observing the dynamics of her family. (modern Russian women)

  Russian women have always been the stronger ones in the family, even though men have a bigger ego and usually earn money. Most Russian men are chauvinistic and honestly believe that men are superior to women. This has always been stressed in the Russian society, but in reality, women are usually the ones holding families together as well as the society. Men might be earning the money in the family, but women normally decide how to spend it on family needs. Women are usually the ones who handle most organizational issues – budget, taking care of the apartment (sure, men may be driving the nails into the walls, but women are the ones who tell them where to do it!), taking care of children, and managing family matters.