Demons in the Bedroom (Paranormal House Flippers Book 1)

by Lidiya Foxglove

  “Well, for what it’s worth,” Jake said, “I’m glad we’re just hanging out for once. I guess you’ve passed your initiation.”

  “So no more calling me ‘pipsqueak’ or ‘kid’?”

  “All right, all right, but I’m still going to call you Baroness. I like that one.” Jake lifted his brows at me a little suggestively, and his eyes were teasing me with visions of what it would be like to hear that nickname rolling off his tongue in the heat of passion.

  Right after that look, I rolled my first strike. The guys offered me high fives.

  I was probably getting too excited about it. I could be such a kid sometimes.

  “I think it’s time for a round of beer,” Jasper said. “My treat. Are you a Bud, Miller, Michelob, Coors, or Yuengling girl?”

  “Augh…Yuengling, I guess…it’s local…”

  “Hey, Hel, you can’t drink fancy beer while you’re bowling,” Jake said. “Get some nachos and wings too.”

  “I was going to pay for this stuff.”

  Jasper waved me off and headed for the snack bar.

  What was I going to do if this really was, like, a double date?

  I didn’t know whether to be excited and flattered or just nervous. I couldn’t kiss them both. I probably wouldn’t have even been so flustered over it except that my brother had actually entered into a bond marriage, sharing his wife with his two best friends and her familiar. My parents were so pissed and humiliated over it that he was estranged from the family. It actually took the heat off of me, but I wasn’t exactly welcome at home either, not after I went to the wedding. I was surprised to see my arrogant, lonerish brother looking so happy to be spending the rest of his life with his friends and the girl they met in college. But that was the side of him I guess I never saw at home. He was happier with his friends, and in a bond marriage.

  These guys weren’t into that. (Surely not, right?) But they had probably heard about my brother’s scandalous nuptials. (So what if they thought I was into it?)

  I think I managed not to be totally awkward as the beer loosened me up a little and the hot wings and nachos tasted like heaven after the hard work and a couple days of surviving on TV dinners and Kind bars. We swapped stories about weird stuff we’d found in houses and absurd buyers.

  “I had one who hated granite countertops because she said she didn’t like the taste of ‘granite energy’ that absorbed into her food,” I said, and we were howling at the idea.

  “We had one that kept taking a ton of measurements and asking stuff like, how soundproof are the walls? How much weight can this beam support? Does the basement flood? I don’t know if he was opening a BDSM cave or a torture dungeon.”

  “Judging by how skeezy that old warlock was, either one would be a torture dungeon,” Jake said. “And then there’s the cauldron crowd.”

  “Oh, gosh, yes. The cauldron crowd!” I nearly sprayed beer out of my nose because it was just so cathartic to know I wasn’t the only one dealing with this stuff. “Gotta make those spell in a cauldron. No stock pot for the purists. Excuse me while I just whip up an entire cauldron size hearth in a 1950s ranch house. And it’s always like a twenty-eight year old witch who homeschools.”

  “I’m like, just buy some land and put the cauldron outside on an open fire and they’re like, but I need to be in walking distance of restaurants!” Jake said.

  “I don’t want to have to keep up with a big yard,” I whined, mimicking the hip witches who didn’t want to relinquish all the cool powers of their ancestors but also really just wanted a human lifestyle.

  At some point, this fun had to end. I had work to do. They had an eight hour drive back to Massachusetts.

  We stood in the parking lot and I didn’t know quite what to say. They both looked at me like they wanted a kiss, but then they looked at one another and a little spark of competition crackled between them.

  “Look—uh—this was really fun,” I said. “I’m glad we just hung out for once. Thanks for the beers and, you know—rematch sometime? I’m not going to let that ass kicking stand.”

  This is good, right? Just keep to a ‘one of the boys’ vibe.

  “And you’re sure you’re okay in that large, poltergeist and imp infested mansion?” Jake asked, with a slight tilt of his head that reminded me he was a wolf. It was the same tilt our family guard dog used to give us whenever we told him we were leaving. It was cute on the dog. Cuter on him.

  “Yep. I’m going to call some guys tomorrow about the brick pointing and the bathrooms.”

  “You are putting in a second bathroom, then? Good. I was going to tell you my thoughts on that,” Jasper said.

  “Oh, obviously.”

  Jake made the smallest grimace. I think I was witnessing him fighting off an animal instinct to just grab me, and the human awareness that this would make for an awkward time with his brother, and not impress me either. “Okay, well—no need to pay us, as long as we get another date after the next auction.”

  “May the best woman win.” I smiled.

  Jake slapped Jasper’s back and opened the driver’s door of their truck.

  “Fuck it,” Jasper said, and he suddenly grabbed me and gave me a swift but surprisingly soft and warm kiss on the lips. His hand was at my waist and it felt so good to be close to someone, to feel desired. “I wanted you first,” he added. “And I’ll still want you long after Jake has turned his eyes to some chick at a Red Sox game.”

  Jake threw up a hand and as soon as Jasper pulled back from me, he gave Jasper’s hair a very aggressive ruffle. “All right, I’ll give you credit, that was a power move. But he’s wrong, Hel, okay?”

  “Okay,” I said, touching my lips, still tasting Jasper, and while we obviously both tasted like beer, there was something that I guessed was just him. I shook it off, for now. “I’ll see you guys around.”

  Halfway home, I pulled over on the side of the very empty country road and fished my vibrator out of all the crap piled in the back seat. Enough thinking about guys. I’ve gotta get my head back in the game. The quicker I can turn over this house, the better.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Helena

  I had a couple days of relative normalcy. The incubus would pop into my dreams now and then, but I kept the garden gate locked. All I needed was a nice date and a little me time alone, I thought, convinced that my sexual energy had cooled down enough that he was no longer as drawn to me.

  I knew a contractor based about two hours from here and asked if he knew anyone who could deal with old bricks, and he hooked me up immediately. He knew a plumber too, so I could get the wheels turning on the new bathroom. Then I found some roofers to give all that a once over, crossing my fingers that this big old house didn’t need a new roof. That would be devastating to my budget, but Bevan felt it was in decent shape. If you were lucky, slate roofs really could last forever.

  Every night, I kept coming back to that protection spell in the bedroom. Even after I should be sleeping, I was fussing with the tangled spell, trying different patterns and spell words to chip away at it.

  These protection spells were usually made to be broken within a couple hours. The idea was that, if some other wizard or magical folk robbed your house, they wouldn’t want to stop to break a tangled spell. It was like if you could somehow tangle every electrical cord in your entire house into a big pile and they could only steal your TV if they got the whole bundle pulled apart.

  This one was especially stubborn, so I was getting excited. There had to be something really good under those floorboards.

  “Or something really bad,” Bevan pointed out. “You should be careful… He was a dark warlock.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. It’s worth the risk.”

  At this point, I felt very cozy with Lockwood House and I had some idea of the character of old Mr. Capello. His beautiful garden, his love of pulpy novels, the absolute abundance of different expired pasta shapes imported from Italy that I found in his pantry… I was sure t
hat he’d been banished from Etherium because he fell in love with a succubus. And I wasn’t scared of a romantic reason like that.

  I was thinking about this as I finally cracked the spell. I pried up the floorboard eagerly and found a cloth-wrapped object. I could feel the magic radiating off of it. Sinistral magic, wild like a thunderstorm was raging inside of the stone. I was a little afraid to touch it but I peered down close to where it rested against the floorboards.

  “Dévolier!” I waved my wand and the cloth fell away to unveil the object.

  I was rewarded with a tablet made of glossy dark stone, shaped like a triangle, etched with some unfamiliar writings. I was pretty sure I’d seen something like this on the cover of one of the spy novels I just threw in the Dumpster. It had a definite Indiana Jones don’t-mess-with-it vibe.

  “What on earth is this thing? I’ve never seen this sort of writing before.”

  “Don’t touch it!” Bevan shrieked. And he wasn’t much of a shrieker.

  “I’m not, I’m not. Do you know what it is?”

  “No! But…my gosh, can’t you just leave things alone?”

  “And sell the house with a weird artifact in it?”

  The stone started to glow softly.

  “Uhhh…what should I do with it? Do you think I should call Eudora?” She was my usual magical antiques appraiser. The glow grew stronger and then with a sudden noise like a bang, it cast a beam upward like a spotlight as it jumped out of my hands. I fell backward and scrambled to get up again like a panicking turtle for a second. Then I quickly threw the cloth back around it and felt the stone’s heat under the fabric.

  “I don’t like this at all!” Bevan cried.

  “Okay, okay, jeez, don’t worry. It’s covered up again.” I tried to sound casual through my breathless surprise. Bevan was kind of neurotic. Familiars often were a counterweight to their witches’ personality. Since I was the sort of kid who might accidentally tumbled off a roof while trying to grab an abandoned bird’s nest, Bevan was the sort of familiar who was extra careful.

  “I don’t think you should call Eudora, no. I think…er…that thing is very bad news.”

  “But if you have no clue what it is, then I can’t just get rid of it. I already unbound it. If I threw it in a lake or buried it somewhere…it would just be out there. But I also can’t just rebind it in the house I’m trying to sell.”

  “Yes, this is a problem,” Bevan said.

  “I’m going to call Harris. Maybe he’ll know. He spent the most time with the family artifacts.” My phone seemed to work here as long as I stood outside, so I put the weird tablet back under the board and called my brother, barely thinking about how it was nearly eleven at night and he had small children.

  “Helena?” he said sleepily.

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I—I just found something in this house I’m working on. It’s putting off a lot of magical energy and Bevan is freaking out over it.”

  “I’m not freaking out,” Bevan murmured. But of course he was.

  Harris immediately sounded more awake. I knew he’d be into it. “Describe it to me.”

  I did my best.

  “Do you think the beam of light penetrated the roof?” Harris asked. “It might have summoned something. You should probably vacate the premises for now.”

  “I don’t think it went past the roof, no,” I said, which was…well, I had no idea but there was no way I could leave. I had the brick guys coming out tomorrow and this house was my current baby. “So you have no idea what it is either?”

  “No. I’ll try to do some research. But I really don’t like the idea of you hanging out alone with Sinistral objects. I’m glad you’re doing what you love, but…what kind of house is this? Where are you?”

  “Central-ish Pennsylvania… It’s an awesome house.”

  “Is it part of a wizard colony? Or are there some people around who could help you fight off a demon?”

  “Whatever, Harris,” I said. “I know what I’m doing. I haven’t died yet.”

  “So you’re alone.” He had this tone like, am I going to have to get in the car and save my big sister’s ass?

  “You’re the one who died fighting a demon once,” I said. “So spare me the self-righteous sigh.”

  “I’m just frustrated because you insist on doing everything by yourself and I’m starting to think you’re even more proud than I was.”

  “‘Was’? Your pride is not past-tense, dude. But…I get it. It is freaking me out a little, this thing, but I don’t expect you to drive from North Carolina and I don’t want you to get hurt either. I’m not sure who else to call.”

  “I’ll talk to my colleagues. Someone can come help you,” he said.

  “I don’t know if I even need help. I actually don’t think it’s bad magic. The vibe I got is more like this intense, ancient energy.”

  “Intense, ancient, and Sinistral are not a combination that comforts me.”

  Suddenly the incubus materialized in front of me, wearing a robe and silk pajamas and widening his eyes at me. He motioned for me to hung up the phone.

  “Check with your colleagues,” I said. “I’m going to hang up so you can do some research. Bye!” I ended the call because the incubus looked so perturbed.

  “Did I disturb your beauty rest?” I said.

  “I was waiting to disturb yours.” His sinfully beautiful mouth gave me a wink of a smile. “But…more importantly, you angel…you found the thing.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Helena

  “The thing? Great. So you can tell me what the thing is.”

  “I can tell you my name. I am Byron Adras’ei, a Lord of the Incubi.”

  “Can I call you Lord Byron?”

  “Not if you do it sarcastically.” He leaned a little closer to me, his grin white enough to be on a dental commercial, and said, “I know all about your world, and your literature, and everything else. That Lord Byron was sort of an ass. This Lord Byron dreamed of redeeming the good name of my people.”

  “Of incubi? The good name of sex demons? I mean—I do know a few nice incubi, for sure, but…it does seem like an uphill battle.”

  “It was. Very uphill.” He gave me a quick glance up and down with his smoldering golden eyes. I wasn’t even sure what he was looking at. Maybe he’d just gone too long without seeing boobs. “Many Sinistrals, although we may have some traits that your people have deemed immoral, are very honorable beings.”

  He seemed a little sorrowful that he had died without doing anything for his people, and I didn’t know much beyond that, but I wanted to think he was a good person if he was going to haunt my dreams for the next month or two. “I know. I believe you. I really do. I know that the magical worlds aren’t as simple as they teach us when we’re kids. But…what is the thing? Can you tell me that?”

  “I’m afraid not. A powerful spell prevents me from telling you anything of worth, and no one hates that like I do. I can only say that it is terribly important. Lives were lost to obtain it, and I advise you not to tell anyone that you have it. I’m hoping you’re trustworthy, because…I don’t have a choice, at this point.”

  “Oh…it sounds really…dangerous.” I was half intrigued, half no-thank-you. “I do feel like I should mention that while I am a proficient witch, third in my entire graduating class, which had a lot of talent, I was also…third in my class. And this sounds like a first in class witch sort of object. I’m also an Ethereal witch. And this is a Sinistral thing.”

  “Yes.” He crouched, across the floorboard from me, and trailed one rather elegant hand across the boards, like a caress. Even though his hands had small claws. “This is a Sinistral thing.”

  “But…not everything…is a Sinistral thing?” I was trying to puzzle out what seemed to be a riddle now.

  He raised one eyebrow. “Just hold onto it, Helena. Keep it safe.” Now he placed a hand over mine, the hand becoming solid so it could touch mine for just a brief second, as he
looked at me with a sexy seriousness that left me too speechless to protest, and made me wish I could feel more of that touch. I knew it was because he was an incubus, and no woman could resist, which meant it was sort of meaningless.

  But damn.

  Keep it secret. Keep it safe, I whispered in my head as I tossed and turned on my air mattress, worrying over the Thing.

  I kept shoving away a slight worry that I might be in over my head, as I was but a humble house flipper, not the reluctant guardian of some maybe-evil, maybe-not magic object that I needed to protect.

  Harris had called me back and told me he had no idea what it was. He suggested I try to take a rubbing of the writing. I didn’t really want to try and touch it, but I said I would, and assured him I was fine, and asked how the kids were doing even though I didn’t really care about kid stories. Harris’ wife Charlotte was pregnant with their second kid now, but it seemed to me the first one was still a huge handful. Harris kept telling me how smart and funny Cassandra was, but I just saw a lot of screaming and mess when I visited. It was so weird that my cynical, loner brother was suddenly a family man. I guess when you had four dads, you could handle it.

  This was why I liked being alone and single. And I was proud of it. There was no reason I should be feeling so lonely tonight.

  But there was no denying that having Jake and Jasper around for a brief time had shifted something in me and left me wishing I had a partner. The work would go a lot faster, and I’d have someone to share my triumphs with. Or to share my anxiety over this magical thing. One thing I would say about Harris, he always had his crew in high school, and now they were a family. All the best friends I used to have had been lost to the ages, but by becoming bond-brothers, Harris and his best friends would have each other’s backs for life, through thick and thin.

  It didn’t help that Kiersten sent me a text: