REGRET - The Price of Truth: Everhide Rockstar Romance Series Book 4

by Tania Joyce

  Placing her hands on the trunk beside her, Gemma rocked forward. “I talked to Kyle, Hunt, and Kate. I know Hayds invited you and you could’ve come anyway, but I’m sorry, you can’t come and watch the show . . . instead . . . we want you to work for us. We want you to be our photographer for the night.”

  Lexi’s chin hit the floor. Her heart resumed beating; it had temporarily stopped when Gemma had said she couldn’t go. “You want . . . what?”

  All the seriousness in Gemma’s tone had disappeared. Excitement jumped in every word. “Please, Lex? We’ve loved the shots you’ve taken of us rehearsing this week. The fans are going crazy over the posts. Kate loves your Insta and website. We want you.”

  Lexi’s heart smacked against her ribs. Holy fuck! “But this is a big event. Not just playing ’round.”

  “Yeah, we know.” Gemma’s face shone with her vibrant smile. “You’re so good. We want to help you in any way we can. Come shoot the night for us, hand out business cards to the other bands and managers, do whatever it is you need to do to get your name out there. You’re sure to pick up more photography work.”

  “Oh, wow!” Lexi’s hand splayed across her chest. Stars swirled before her eyes. Gemma wanted to hire her again? Like she’d done for her wedding? This was huge. A professional gig.

  How could she ever thank Hayden for showing her photos to Gemma? This would’ve never come about if it hadn’t been for him. “Oh my God, yes. I can’t believe you’re offering me this. I’m so yours.”

  “Awesome.” Gemma clapped her hands on her thighs. “Oh . . .” She held up one finger. “There’s one more thing. You have to share a room with Hayden.”

  “What?” Lexi’s heart scrambled up to her throat, fell to its knees and pleaded no, no, no.

  “Is that a problem?” Gemma’s perfectly plucked eyebrows arched skyward. “You’ve never worried about it before when we’ve thrown you in a room together.”

  Lexi glared at her friend. Too much pleasure sparkled in Gemma’s eyes. Nice try, Gem. Your matchmaking won’t work. She drew her shoulders back and injected defiance into her voice. “Not at all. It will be fine.”

  But shit. A night in the same room with Hayden? The moment Hayden entered her mind, her body temperature simmered. Warmth crept into her creeks and butterflies stirred in her belly. She sucked in a deep breath but found no inner calm.

  “Relax.” Gemma play-punched her arm. “I’m kidding. You’ll have to share with Carla. Is that okay?”

  “Sure. Yes. Absolutely.” Phew!

  “Cool. We’re gonna have so much fun.” Gemma leaped to her feet, dragged Lexi up and gave her a sweaty hug.

  Excitement skittered across Lexi’s skin. Taking photos for Everhide would be totally wicked and surreal. “Thank you.” She slipped out of Gemma’s embrace and wiped her trembling hands on her jeans. Her heartbeat thundered out of control. Oh, wow. She had to tell Hayden. He’d be so excited. He’d pick her up, twirl her round until her head grew dizzy, take her out to celebrate.

  Oh . . . wait.

  He wasn’t here.

  He’d gone for a drink with the guys. Every bit of news she got, whether it be exciting or bad, funny or sad, he was always the first one she wanted to tell. Not her mom, not her dad, not her girlfriends—it was always him. Always Hayden.

  Crap.

  Damn you, Gemma, for getting inside my head.

  Gemma squeezed Lexi’s arm. “I gotta go. I’ll get Bec and Kate to organize everything and send you the schedule. You wanna go on the bus with the crew or drive to D.C.?”

  Her mind was still stuck on Hayden, but she managed to answer. “I’ll drive. I’ll have to leave early to get to Mom’s for her birthday.”

  “Okay. If I don’t catch up with you beforehand, I’ll see you at the hotel tomorrow afternoon at three. Don’t be late.” She turned to go but spun back around to face Lexi. Her serious face had returned. “And think about what I said regarding Hayds. Even if it doesn’t work out, I have no doubt your friendship will survive. You’ve got a connection with him like I have with Kyle and Hunt. Nothing can destroy it—not even each other.”

  Lexi tugged on the cuffs of her sweater, folded her arms. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry; this conversation was too confronting. “Don’t you have to be somewhere?”

  Gemma fluttered her eyelashes and tapped her finger against her cheek. “Yep. Love you. Bye.” She flicked her hair, gave her a saucy Betty Boop wink, and scooted out of the room.

  Left standing by the equipment trunks, Lexi hugged herself tighter. Memories of Hayden bombarded her mind. The day they’d met drinking at a bar near the university and the disbelief that had riddled his face when she beat him downing shots. The day they’d moved in together and never argued over who got what room, or where items belonged. How he came with her to help take her manic mom out to lunch and get her out of the house. His laugh. His good heart. His gorgeous stormy-gray eyes. His hugs. Then there were all the girls he’d been with, his self-doubt, the darkness that consumed him when dealing with his mom, his random gigs, his irregular income, how music ruled his life, and . . . it annoyed the crap out of her when his razors were blunt when she needed to shave her legs.

  Her heart rattled in its cage. How could she place her feelings for Hayden onto a set of scales and see which way they tipped? It would be easier to sort a cup of sugar grains by size and shape than sift through seven years of memories.

  Clouds of confusion circled through her head. There was no clear answer.

  She didn’t want to think about Hayden.

  She needed to focus on her photography for tomorrow night, make sure she had everything ready. Leave nothing to chance.

  She’d deal with him after the show.

  The thrill of working for her friends took over. Her blood bubbled with effervescence. She wanted to race down hallways and scream from the top of a skyscraper and dance to loud music. But she had to prepare. She grabbed her bags, said her goodbyes to Everhide’s entourage and headed outside to catch an Uber. Hugging her camera against her belly, she shivered in the cold breeze. Glancing toward the Manhattan skyline, she breathed in the city that inspired her. She wanted to go somewhere where she could let the high of working for Everhide take over her mind. For a few hours, she’d put Hayden out of her thoughts and let creativity fill her head. She wanted to relax and get lost in the world of art. Yes, after dashing via home to drop off her gear, she’d head to the Museum of Modern Art. Her favorite place on earth to visit.

  Alone. By herself. Bliss.

  MOMA, here I come.

  Chapter 14

  With her hands stuffed into her coat pockets, Lexi wandered aimlessly through the exhibition halls at MOMA. The silence was far from calming. This was supposed to be her sanctuary, her source of creativity, but thanks to Gemma, Hayden intruded every thought. So much for focusing on her photography for tomorrow night. Wall after wall, room after room of paintings and pictures; sculptures, life, history and culture; markets, movement and Manhattan’s magic captured in so many beautiful forms all evoked so many emotions . . . about Hayden. All the color, the detail and the intrinsic strokes around her . . . reminded her of Hayden.

  Damn it.

  She tried to take her time to read each plaque about the artist, ponder the story behind the art and absorb each image—the lighting, the filters, the angles. But it was pointless. Chaos reigned inside her head. It made a Pollock painting look like nothing but a bunch of straight lines.

  Shit.

  Somehow she had to straighten out her maddening feelings for Hayden, tap into her truth so the path forward was clear. She couldn’t go on like this. Was the answer within these walls?

  After an hour wondering the floors and avoiding other museum visitors, she took a seat on the cushioned bench by the windows that overlooked the sculpture garden below. She leaned back against the glass and stared at the black and white photo hanging on the wall opposite of a lone, beautiful woman in a flowing couture gown,
running down a vast dirt road toward distant mountains. Her long, dark hair and skirt billowed behind her. Heavy broken chains hung from her wrists. The shot depicted strength, courage, beauty, freedom, burden . . . loneliness. That was Lexi’s future if she didn’t do something about it. She had great friends, a good life. But without Hayden, it held no appeal.

  What was she going to do?

  She turned to look down into the garden where a few brave souls tolerated the late afternoon cold, steaming drinks cupped in their hands. The trees were bare, the fountain empty. Resting her head against the window, her breath misted the glass. She dragged her fingertips through the condensation, leaving streaks on the pane. She needed to unpack her feelings for Hayden in a logical, sensible way. Closing her eyes, he flickered through her mind like a video playing at one thousand frames per second. They’d been through everything together. They knew each other’s baggage and deepest secrets. He was always there for her as she was for him. Taking a chance to see if they were more than friends terrified her. She couldn’t lose him. She clutched at her chest and the rims of her eyes stung.

  God, why wasn’t this easy?

  The long, cushioned seat puffed up with a rush of air as some douchebag sat beside her, too close to her back. What happened to personal space? She grimaced and turned to tell the person to move. But her heart collided with her larynx and her mouth gaped like a fair clown when she saw Hayden. Her brain scrambled to find words. “What . . . what are you doing here?”

  Dimples formed near his mouth as he pursed his lips, subtly hinting at a grin. He nudged his leg against hers. “When you texted you’d be here, I had to come. This is our place, remember?”

  Oh yeah . . . that.

  “You all right?” He pulled off his beanie and stuffed it in his coat pocket. “You look upset. Need to talk?”

  “No, I’m okay. Just wanted some timeout.” She rubbed the threatening tears from her eyes. When did she start lying to him? “How are you holding up?”

  Hayden picked at his thumbnail; his leg jiggled like crazy. “I’m freaking out about playing tomorrow night. I’m terrified I’ll fuck up. I’m supposed to hold the entire set together. I don’t want to let Everhide down. Gem will eat me alive.”

  “Possibly,” she joked; her heart still hadn’t calmed down. He was here. For her. For them.

  “She terrifies me sometimes.”

  “Yeah?” She giggled. “They didn’t make it to the big time by being sweet and submissive.”

  “I know.” He drummed his fingers against his thigh. “I’m gonna run through the set again a couple times at home just so I’ve got it clear in my head.”

  “Hayds.” She placed her hand over his to still his jitters. “I saw you play. You were great. You’re as good as Slade.”

  He puffed out a doubt-filled breath. “Now I know you’re lying. But thanks.”

  “What are friends for? Enjoy it. Don’t worry about coming with me to Mom’s tomorrow morning. Stay and enjoy being with our friends and their band while you can.”

  “Maybe . . . okay.” He entwined his fingers with hers. She stared at his hand. His touch always felt so good. Something so simple, so natural—something they’d always done.

  His eyes shimmered underneath the downlights. “Kyle told me they loved your photos. It’s so cool they’re hiring you tomorrow night.”

  She held out her free shaky hand, palm facing down. “I’m still trembling.”

  “Our friends are freaking awesome. For them to give us this opportunity is mind-blowing. I’ll never be able to thank them enough.”

  “Me either.”

  “You’re talented, Lex. I wish you could find a job in photography.”

  “I wish you and your band wrote another hit.”

  “Me too.” He grimaced, his voice swaying low. She wanted the same success for him as Everhide had. It should have happened by now. He clutched her hand tighter. “Things will be good in Boston.”

  “It’d be better if you stayed.” Shit. That slipped out. But it was the truth.

  He didn’t say anything—he just rested his head against hers. She snuggled against his arm, soaked in his warmth and stared at the dirt road picture again. It crushed her heart knowing the next chapter in their lives would pull them apart.

  Hayden pointed at the photograph. “I like that. Captures strength and freedom. Beauty and burden. Courage. Sometimes new roads must be faced alone. It might be hard and scary, but whatever you do will make you stronger.”

  She closed her eyes. They were so in tune. “I thought the same thing.” Her voice came out barely above a whisper.

  “It’s like us, isn’t it? We’re about to take different paths, but we’ll always be together.” Sadness hovered in his soft voice. They sat in silence for a minute, staring at the photo. “You take better pictures than that.”

  “I wish.” The image was under-exposed, but she liked the depth the darkness added. “One day I’d love to have my photos exhibited here.”

  Her best chance of finding a new job was at another magazine in the hospitality industry. But maybe freelancing was an option considering she currently had zero job satisfaction. With Hayden leaving, her weekends would be free. She could shoot weddings and functions. Adding tomorrow night’s event into her portfolio would do wonders for her name. Hopefully she’d pick up some more professional gigs after talking to other artists and their managers at the show.

  But was she kidding herself? She needed full-time work, not random, unreliable income. If she worked weekends, she’d never get to Boston to see Hayden. She couldn’t handle that.

  She drew in a deep breath and turned toward him. She studied his beautiful face. She’d taken more than a million photos of him but this was like seeing him for the first time. Perfect olive skin, manly but boyish charm, eyes that swept you into the depths of their steely-gray ocean.

  Warmth stirred low in her belly; the butterflies in her stomach fluttered faster. She couldn’t deny it any longer. Her body temperature did jump every time she looked at him—she was into him in an I-want-you-to-be-more-than-a-friend kind of way. But with so much history between them, when she knew everything about him, how could she cross the line to see if something more was possible without the risk of getting hurt? It was like her fingers hovered over the button on her camera, wanting to press down, but too afraid to take the shot.

  Hayden lowered his chin and fidgeted with her hand, swiveling her dress ring around her finger. Trouble furrowed his brow.

  “Hayd? What’s wrong?”

  He cleared his throat. “Kilt called. His dad wants us to move to Boston earlier. In mid-January. That means moving in three weeks, not five.”

  Her heart leaked out of her body and trickled across the floor. Her whole body drooped like the melting clocks in the Salvador Dali painting. “No. Not earlier. You can’t.”

  He squeezed her hand. “I have to, Lex.”

  She threw her arms around his shoulders and nuzzled her nose into his coat collar. Tears burned her eyes. “No. I’m not ready for you to go.”

  “Me either. But it’ll be okay.”

  Shit. “This eats into our time together.” Her whole body ached as if missing him already, and he hadn’t even left yet.

  She’d wasted too much time trying to avoid him, lost hours mulling over kisses and feelings that had knocked at the walls around her heart, and she’d dwelled too much over her crappy boss and job for the past two weeks. Her dial switched to panic mode. They had so many things to do together before he left. To hell with stewing over whether there was something between them. With only three weeks left, there wasn’t enough time to contemplate the ins and outs of love. Spending every possible moment with him was all that mattered.

  Sadness filled Hayden’s smile. “There’s no point in delaying the inevitable. Might make leaving easier.”

  “I doubt it.”

  She stuffed her crazed emotions away deep down inside; she wasn’t going to squander another se
cond. Leaping to her feet, she hauled him up. “We have to get on with our bucket list. We start now. There’s one thing I’ve always wanted to do with you.” She grabbed his beanie from his coat pocket and jammed it onto his head, tied his scarf and buttoned his coat. After putting on her gear, she grabbed his hand. “Let’s go.”

  They rushed down the stairs. At a run, she led him along Fifth Avenue, weaving around workers, tourists and shoppers laden with Christmas bags and gifts. At the Rockefeller Center she slowed to a walk, panting in the cool evening air.

  Underneath the trees lit with twinkle lights and Christmas decorations, overlooking the ice rink, she drew to a halt. “Wait here.” She giggled at Hayden and pointed at the ground for him to stay.

  “What are we doing?” He puffed; his cheeks flushed from running.

  “You’ll see.” She waved over her shoulder at him and disappeared into the crowd.

  Five minutes later, she returned and held up her hands. The blades of the skates clinked together.

  Hayden laughed a big belly laugh. “You’re kidding, right? Ice skating?”

  “Yes.” Excitement zipped through her veins. “I’ve walked past here a gazillion times and seen it in movies. I’ve always wanted to do this. So lace up.”

  He grabbed the boots from her and chuckled as they headed down the stairs to the rink. “I better not fucking break a leg . . . or an arm. Gem and the guys will kill me if I can’t play tomorrow night.”

  “Nah. We can both skate like champs. If you’re worried about your balance, hold my hand. I won’t let you fall.”

  “I’ll hold you to that.” He nudged his arm against hers as they tied up their laces.

  Butterflies fluttered like snowflakes in her belly as they took to the ice. After a couple of laps to find their feet, they hit cruise mode. Hayden’s gloved hand slipped into hers. Warmth from his touch seeped through to her skin. Gliding around the rink, avoiding collisions with kids and beginner skaters, Lexi couldn’t drag her gaze away from him. The cool breeze caught the ends of his hair that peeked out from his beanie. His eyes twinkled like the Christmas lights, his contagious smile hypnotizing.